Black Phoenix
by Loxodonta-Magica
Summary: Absolutely AU! The final battle has been won, but at a great price to Harry. He is grieviously injured. How will he cope with the disabilities now that his duty has been done? MentorSSHP,and ultimately very mild slash. Rated M to be safe.
1. Chapter 1

**Black Phoenix**

Chapter 1

_AU fic of the final battle and beyond. Takes into account up through HBP except the canon ending. Dumbledore is still alive and Snape has still been a spy for the Light._

The final battle had been fought. It had ended as everyone had hoped, with the light victorious. Harry Potter had faced down Voldemort, who had drawn a wand made of yew and the feather of a black phoenix, one he had forced the captive Olivander to create especially to oppose Harry's.

The black phoenix feather had at first appeared to overcome the fiery phoenix feather core of Harry's wand; the streams of magic meeting and the resultant concussion knocking Harry back off his feet. But Harry kept his wand steady, fighting his way back to standing. The flash of light from the meeting streams had drawn the attention of all the nearby combatants. Voldemort's followers felt a moment of exhilaration when Harry fell. The supposed victory was brief, for when Harry stood up, he let out a cry of desperate fury. The power in the streams wavered and the golden stream from Harry's wand pushed against the green of Voldemort's, gaining ground, forcing its way towards its target.

Voldemort snarled, gripping his new wand in both hands, trying to put all his energy into the Avada Kedavra that he had thrown at the eighteen-year old.

No one breathed as the two stood locked in a war of wills. First one stream seemed to dominate, and then the other.

Now Harry held his wand in both hands. His dark hair flew around his face as if he were caught in the midst of a raging storm. With a surge of electrifying energy, Harry's power shoved Voldemort's magic down the stream until it exploded through the black feathered core, through Voldemort's arm and into his body.

For a few seconds, the madman's body seemed to light up from within as beams of light shot out of every orifice, his fingertips, and then from where his black heart would have been. The explosion of his body covered anyone nearby in gore. The energy from the explosion rebounded back down the stream of magic and flung Harry backwards ten yards. He lay unconscious as the world around him came to the stunned realization that Voldemort had been destroyed.

Severus Snape had managed to fight his way to the center of the battle, expertly making it appear as if he were fighting off The Order and the Auror Corp even as he struck down Death Eaters when they turned their backs to him.

When the wand streams met, he ceased fighting along with everyone else, his heart in his throat as the magical surge pulsed between Harry and Voldemort. He had not known about the black phoenix feather core until just before the Death Eaters fell on Hogsmeade, drawing the entire Auror Corp and the Order of the Phoenix when they began a systematic destruction of the wizarding town.

He had raced from his Apparition point to the headmaster's office. Dumbledore was already summoning help via the floo, because the falling wards in Hogsmeade had set off proximity alarms in the castle.

Harry had run up into the office, followed by the DA. The Potions Master had seen the pain in the boy's face and known that Harry felt Voldemort's presence in his scar. For a moment, their eyes met and the emotion in the green eyes seared him. Years of habit had the shields in his own eyes up before Harry could do more than briefly wonder at what he thought he had seen in them.

"The Dark Lord has a new wand," Severus said, his voice grim. "The core is black phoenix feather."

From his perch, Fawkes let out a shrill caw of dismay. Dumbledore stepped over to the bird and soothed him with a stroke of his chest feathers. Fawkes's eyes were fixed on Harry, and he too stepped up to the fiery bird, to stand beside the perch. A single glistening tear fell from Fawkes to land on the hand that Harry extended to him. Harry felt it soak into his skin, a tingly warmth spreading from there to the rest of his body.

Dumbledore turned from the perch to his window and all the attention in the room was drawn there. Billows of smoke were beginning to climb into the sky from the direction of Hogsmeade.

Dumbledore laid a hand on Harry's shoulder. "Please be very careful, Harry."

Somehow, Harry had always imagined that the parting advice from the Headmaster would be more … substantial, on this of all occasions. There was a momentary feeling of hurt and disappointment that he shoved aside almost as soon as it made itself known in him.

He turned to lead the way out when another hand fell on his shoulder. Turning his head, he looked in surprise at Snape. The black eyes were expressionless, but his long fingers gripped Harry's shoulder firmly. "You are not alone, Potter."

Those five words strengthened Harry as the five spoken by Dumbledore had not. He could not help but give Snape a brilliantly grateful smile, before turning again to lead those crowding the office off to war.

SSSSSSSS

Severus ran towards the fallen destroyer of Voldemort, throwing several curses at Death Eaters who sought to make sure that Potter died, too. Standing over Harry's body, he looked like a black avenging angel, his robes snapping about him as he kept any other attackers at bay.

A wounded Ron and Hermione finally fought their way to sit on the ground beside Harry, keeping watch enough for Snape to finally kneel down and check him for injuries. He used several small vials of potion, holding Harry up with one arm as he carefully poured them into his mouth. He grimaced at the blood tracks running from Harry's eyes and ears.

A seizure began to jerk Harry's body and Severus tightened his hold, to prevent the boy from further injury.

After an eternity of waiting for Aurors and Order members to make their way to ground zero, he was relieved to see Dumbledore appear with Pomfrey at his side.

The remaining Death Eaters were being stunned, bound and Apparated away as Pomfrey waved a scanning wand over Harry. Snape gave her a curt report of what he had witnessed as causing the injuries and what he had already done. When she conjured a floating stretcher to transport him back to the castle, Snape stood and lifted Harry in his arms. Pomfrey was left to levitate an insistent Ron and Hermione onto the stretcher and follow Snape's ground-eating strides.

SSSSSSSS

Severus remembered the urge to reassure Potter after the feeble words that Albus had intoned. When Harry had smiled at that small gesture, he suddenly knew that he had been so wrong about the boy all these years; the degree of bright gratitude for such a small assurance told him how much such assurances had been missing. In that moment, he knew that he would defend the Boy-Who-Lived with his own life if it proved necessary.

Before, he had believed that Harry Potter was indeed the one who would defeat the Dark Lord. But he also believed him to be arrogant and as full of himself as his father had been.

How much more had he been wrong about? He had seen glimpses of the boy's home life—how much more had he actually shielded away, locking even more shameful memories from Snape's view? There had always been more underneath what Severus had seen during Occlumency lessons. He had derided and ridiculed Harry into rages not because he was doing as badly as he claimed, but because there had been more under the surface that he wanted to see, and it was denied him.

What he could not deny was that Harry had been stronger and more adept at Occlumency than he had ever told him. To his way of reasoning, the stronger Potter's shields against the Dark Lord's Legilimency, the better. Depending on how this all turned out, he had not relished the thought of the madman being able to pluck out scenes of Severus's active betrayal from Potter's mind.

When Severus had witnessed the end of the Dark Lord, he felt the Dark Mark on his arm blaze for an agonizing instant. There were a few moments of stunned silence before other Death Eaters turned from their opponents and targeted the fallen Potter. Severus had sprinted to the young man, and stood straddling his prone body, firing curse after curse at anyone approaching who wore the garb of a Death Eater. Weasley and Granger had dragged themselves, both bearing grievous injuries, to Harry side, trying to protect both him and Snape.

Now, he laid the too still form of the Boy-Who-Destroyed-the Dark Lord on the glaringly white sheets of an infirmary bed. Other mediwitches and wizards had been called in from St. Mungo's and a coordinated triage was occurring. Injuries were being healed immediately if possible, stabilized if not, and the victims sent on to waiting hands at St. Mungo's. Some did not need the high level of care at St. Mungo's, but would have to wait for their serious but not life-threatening injuries to be seen to in due time.

Severus summoned a wet cloth and gently began to wipe away the blood that had run down Harry's cheeks. Small trickles of bloody tears still oozed from beneath his lashes. He cleaned away more blood that had run from his ears and into the dark hair.

When Madam Pomfrey arrived, she settled Ron and Hermione in nearby beds and then bustled over to Harry's.

Severus remained seated on the bed. "I was reluctant to use magic until the extent of his injuries could be determined."

"Good thinking, Severus. His own magic is quite depleted. Unnecessary magic may cause more damage than good." She continued with her diagnostic spells. At last, she straightened with a heavy sigh. "At the moment, it does not look good; perhaps after he rests …"

Severus looked up at her sharply. "At the moment, _what_ exactly can you tell?"

She looked at him, and then at Dumbledore and McGonagall who had followed them all in. She looked at Harry's two best friends, who were leaning towards them from their beds.

"My scans show that the bones in both of his inner ears have been shattered."

Severus looked down at Harry. "The magical surge from Harry's own wand rebounded after it destroyed the Dark Lord. He was thrown yards backwards. I suppose the concussive effect of that could have done that kind of damage."

Pomfrey nodded. "I'll have to wait to see when his own magic returns to normal before I can use magic and attempt anything to correct it."

"So, he will be deaf until then," Severus stated.

Pomfrey nodded again. "He will be completely deaf, now, and maybe forever, if it's not possible to heal those bones."

Severus continued to gently swab at the blood on Harry's face. That in itself, was a bizarre sight: Snape being gentle, and with Harry Potter, no less. He gave another light wipe of a bloody tear.

"His eyes? What of them?" Severus's voice was soft, but he was determined that they all hear the truth. Somehow, he sensed that it would not be easy.

Pomfrey's face crumpled a bit before she drew herself up. Seeing that, the rest of them knew that what the usually stoic witch had to say would not be good. "His retinas are totally detached. He will be blind as well."

Gasps from everyone in the room caused Severus to look at them all in turn before asking, "Permanently?"

"Unless there is a specialist, a spell, a potion, or a procedure that I don't know about … yes. It will be permanent." Tears trickled down her face as the words left her mouth. "I will ask for all available resources from St Mungo's to consult on his injuries. They may know of things elsewhere …" Her voice trailed off and she turned away from them. She was obviously trying to keep her voice steady as she continued. "I believe that we should keep him in a healing sleep for a time, so that perhaps he will regain his magical strength before he has to face this."

Snape narrowed his own eyes and returned to his ministrations. It would be impossible to immediately communicate with Potter if he woke up. Without the senses of hearing and vision, his perception of what was around him would be a void. Would he panic, or would he face it with typical Gryffindor bravery?

"What of his other injuries?"

"He has a few fractures, cuts, abrasions, blood loss. All those are easy to mend. As I said, his magic is quite depleted, so the mending will be slower than usual until that rights itself. Without intervention, he will probably remain unconscious for a couple of days. After that, I can administer a sleeping draught. We need to decide if that is what's best."

Severus vanished the wet washcloth and stood up. "I will be in my lab and my personal library. There may be contacts amongst the Potion Masters of the world who know of experimental theories." He glanced at them all before heading for the fireplace. "My floo will be accessible if you need me." With that, he swept away, leaving behind a room full of people who didn't know which emotion was stronger, the grief over Harry's injuries, or the disbelief over Snape's attitude towards the whole thing.

HPHPHPHP

Dreams of Voldemort, Death Eaters, and Morsmordre hanging heavily in the sky spun relentlessly through his mind. The cries of the wounded, the screams of the tortured, along with the bright flashes of light from spells and curses splashed across the eyes and ears in his mind. The battlefield before him was blood-soaked and smoke rose from the grass in acrid clouds. He could smell scorched earth and the burned flesh of combatants. He could even smell the fear from those fighting on both sides. He could tell this was just a nightmare from the way his scar did not hurt.

Another scene played itself out; two streams of light meeting in cataclysmic force, his power being drained as he used every ounce of it to make his stream overcome Voldemort's … his force finally surging towards Voldemort's with explosive results. He remembered feeling rapturous as the man disintegrated, and then he saw the backlash of the stream as it returned to him. He was suddenly flying backwards. He was on the ground and he tried to get up, but could not make his body obey him. He could not see, so he must have been unable to open his eyes. But he felt someone come near, and sensed their legs next to his body as he lay there. He could feel shockwaves though the earth as spells were cast and reflected … odd that he couldn't hear them, though …

Now, he felt as if he were awake, but there was a curious absence of anything within hearing. He automatically catalogued his injuries, remembering that he had been in a battle. He was sore all over. His head ached, but not in his scar where it would have if Voldemort had won.

He lay there struggling to make sense of the way things seemed. He could feel the sheets under his fingers, he could even smell them. Even though he had never put a name to it before, he knew that he was in the infirmary just by the smells alone, with all the medicinal potions, and the aroma of starched sheets.

It was weird, though … he could feel the sheets under his face and fingers, feel a cool breeze fan across him as if someone had walked rapidly by. But he didn't hear their steps, or the usual noises he associated with waking up in hospital.

Opening his eyes, he saw that it was dark. Maybe that's why it was so quiet, then. Usually, he awoke to overwhelming brightness and had to squint against it, making his aching head lurch all the more. This time, there was no brightness. In fact, there was not even a glimmer of dim torchlight. Madame Pomfrey always kept at least a candle burning for him at night, and most often a torch on a far wall, so that he could see his surroundings when he awoke.

This complete darkness was disconcerting and he laid there, waiting for his eyes to adjust to the darkness, waiting to hear the faintest sound that would tell him that Madame Pomfrey had fallen asleep watching over him and had simply forgotten to light the candle first.

The longer he laid there, sure that his eyes were open, but unable to see anything, the faster he felt his heart beginning to beat. He wanted to raise his hand, to put it in front of his face, to wiggle his fingers and try to discern their shadows in the darkness, but he was suddenly afraid that he wouldn't see them at all. He strained his ears for clues. It was when he turned his face on the pillowcase that he realized that he didn't hear that, either. A sound that he had always taken for granted, the rubbing of skin against the cool starched cotton, and he couldn't hear it.

He took a deep breath to try and calm his nerves. He was still dreaming, that was it. He stilled again with the realization that he had not heard the noise that air makes when one lets it out between pursed lips.

He jerked in surprise when he felt a gentle hand on his own. He knew his eyes were open, weren't they? He put his own hands up to his face and felt for bandages blocking his view. There were none, and he still could not see his hands, even though he confirmed with his fingers that his eyes were indeed open.

The hand on his gently pulled his hands away from his eyes and he pushed them away impatiently. Why didn't they say something? He opened his own mouth and he thought that he was asking that question, but he couldn't hear it.

The feeling of panic began to bubble up again and he knew that deep breathing was not going to stop this. If this was a nightmare, it was unlike any he had ever had. If it was reality, it was a nightmare come to life and he had been consigned to a living hell devoid of sight and sound.

He could not stop himself from taking the deep gulping breaths, and they only got deeper and more alarmed when he could only feel them, but not hear them. Hands were on his shoulders now, shaking him lightly, patting him. He felt the press of cold glass against his lips and he flung out his hands again, shoving it away. Struggling to sit up, he fought against restraining hands that were trying to prevent him. With a final deep breath, he expelled it in what he knew was a scream. Even though his throat burned raw with the force of it, he still could not hear it.

HPHPHPHP


	2. Chapter 2

**Black Phoenix**

Chapter 2

Madam Pomfrey had cleared out all the other patients who could be released. Ron and Hermione, along with a few others, remained on the ward, taking doses of Skelegro and blood replenishers for their injuries. Madam Pomfrey had cordoned off Harry's bed with some screens so that he wasn't visible to the casual visitor. They all knew that a first-hand picture of him lying in his bed would rate a front page of whichever publication made the highest offer.

She honestly had expected that Harry would sleep on his own for a while longer. Surely the trauma to his body and the magical depletion would have assured him a long unmedicated sleep? She should have known better.

Hermione and Ron had been quietly talking, already making plans to scour the library for any information on Harry's conditions. Hermione was determined to go to the Muggle libraries, as well, on her quest to find treatment options for her friend.

From behind the screens surrounding Harry's bed, a wail arose that froze their blood. It took several seconds for them to stop staring at each other before Ron was up off his own bed and limping around the screens as quickly as he could go. In his haste, he knocked them askew, revealing to everyone the ghastly pale boy, backed up against his headboard, one hand gripping it tightly and the other clawing at his eyes.

Ron reached his friend and grabbed the clawing hand, trying to stop Harry from tearing more furrows into his cheeks. His own hands were trembling badly, with pain and with the panic of seeing Harry in this state.

Madam Pomfrey came at a run and grabbed a vial of potion from Harry's bedside table. With Ron trying to hold Harry's hands, she tried to press the vial to Harry's mouth. He jerked his hands from Ron's grasp and shoved it away, the vial shattering on the floor when Pomfrey lost her hold on it.

Harry was alternately rubbing at his eyes and then at his ears, the panicked breathing coming harshly from his chest. Every time Pomfrey or Ron touched him he would bat their hands away, a feral growl coming from between bared teeth.

The floo roared to life and Severus stepped out. He took in the scene at a glance and hurried over. "You said he would sleep –"

"Obviously, I was wrong! Could you just –" she asked, as she tried again to get Harry to take another vial she had summoned. Ron's efforts were pretty much ineffectual; he was tired and hurting from his own injuries, and he was reluctant to add to Harry's own discomfort, as it seemed their holding him did.

Severus had no such compunctions. He reached for Harry and firmly pulled both hands away from his face and held them at his side. Harry may have been exhausted, but terror gave him strength. In an instant, he had thrown himself back and away from Severus, using the hold Severus had on him for extra leverage. He hit the floor on the other side of the bed, landing on his back.

For a few moments he laid there, the wind knocked out of him. Then he was up and scrambling backwards, moving rapidly until he came up against the wall, feeling his way along until he was in the corner. Once there he sank down to the floor, shaking violently.

Pomfrey started towards him but Severus held out a hand to stop her. He slowly walked to where Harry was crouched. Unfastening his robe, he tossed it to a nearby bed so that his movements would be unhampered. He sat down in front of Harry, crossing his legs until their knees nearly touched.

The other people in the room gradually settled back onto beds or relaxed their tense postures when Harry appeared to be calming.

Ron and Hermione gasped when they saw Severus withdraw his wand and point it at Harry.

"You can't stun him, sir!" Hermione said desperately. "Please! He's been hurt enough!"

"Get away from him, if you're just going to hex him!" Ron exclaimed.

"Quiet, both of you!" Severus hissed. "I have an idea, and now is as good a time to try it as any."

Harry seemed to feel the breath of Severus speaking, because he tentatively put out a hand and turned his face towards the Potions Master. When Severus had a clear view of the terrified green eyes, he whispered, "Legilimens!"

Harry's outstretched hand closed into a fist and his face contorted for a moment. But he gradually relaxed, his arm dropping so that his hand landed on Severus's knee. His fingers dug into the material of Severus's trousers, gripping the leg below hard enough to bruise. Severus kept his wand at Harry's temple, and the whole of the Infirmary held its breath.

HPHPHPHPHP

He could not reign in his terror, no matter how hard he tried to pull it back inside. It had come undone inside him, washing over him like a tidal wave. He was blind. He was deaf. The void was huge and he had the sensation of falling but never hitting bottom. The continual pull of his stomach dropping reminded him of the one time he had ever ridden a roller coaster. Dudley had wanted to see if Harry could stand it before he got onto the ride himself. Harry had made himself grin when he had gotten off, unwilling to give Dudley the satisfaction of seeing him dry heaving. It was one time when he had been glad that he had not been allowed to eat the same junk food that Dudley had consumed, as his insides roiled and churned in the aftermath of the dizzying ride. Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon had yelled at Harry when Dudley was hanging over a trash bin after he exited the coaster. The fact that Harry hadn't forced Dudley to get on was apparently beside the point. Harry had been sent to a bench at the park gates, not allowed to ride anything else. His uncle had taken a vicious hold of his earlobe as they walked out of the park later on. A week of double chores and less food than ever followed.

Now, Harry felt as if he were in perpetual free fall. The wall at his back and side helped steady him, as it gave a perception of boundaries. He knew that he had been clawing at his face, unable to believe that it would not somehow wake him up from this nightmare. He kept clapping at his ears, too, hoping that he would hear the sound, and not just feel the slaps against his head. Hands tried to stop him, and their touch startled him. Who was it? Death Eaters come to finish the job? He felt cold glass pressed to his lips, and smelled Sleeping Draught. He didn't want to sleep, he wanted to wake up from this horror. He slapped everything that touched him away, and when hands gripped him, he used them to propel himself backwards and away.

He was falling then, and the sudden blow of falling onto the stone floor stunned him for a moment. Then he was backing away, until he had found himself in this comforting corner. The ground was solid beneath him, and the walls helped him feel as if he were protected, at least from the rear. Hadn't Snape always tried to tell him not to leave himself unguarded, where he could not see the possible enemy sneaking up? He had hexed Harry during sparring practice more times than he cared to remember. It had seemed that the bat had taken perverse delight in the opportunity to do so without retribution.

He finally felt able to slow his breathing down, and then he sensed the whisper of air across his face. He turned towards it instinctively, and began to reach for the source.

A momentary flash of light made him gasp, the intensity like a knife through the darkness. Then it was gone. He felt memories of the recent events spiraling around him and he suddenly knew what this was; it was familiar, even in its harshness. It was Snape, invading his mind like he had done countless times before while training. Maybe Snape was trying to reach him through the darkness and silence?

Harry let his hand drop and it fell on a leg; Snape's? He needed the feel of having someone near, now that he had calmed. Even Snape. Maybe especially Snape, since they had a psychic bond from all the work that they had done in preparing Harry to confront Voldemort. He had a sudden fear that whoever this was, they would leave him adrift in the void again, and he gripped the leg under his fingers fiercely.

From under the memories, he heard Snape's voice. "Potter? Can you hear me?"

Harry reached for that voice, afraid it was only a dream, and not the man he thought was sitting in front of him. "Professor?"

The voice came again, more urgently. "There is not much time. Your magic is quite depleted. I cannot risk further damage to you by staying long. You are safe in the Infirmary at Hogwarts. Yes or no answers to questions can be accomplished by the squeezes from my hand, once for yes, twice for no. We may be able to understand your verbal questions, even if you cannot hear yourself speak. You are not alone. Madam Pomfrey needs for you to take the potions she has for you; they will help you get your strength back …" His voice faded and Harry reached out with his mind, trying to catch up to it as it sped away. The memories began to fade too, until the void was complete again.

Severus had been there so briefly, and Harry hadn't had time to ask anything. He increased his grip on Snape's leg, for he was sure now that it was his teacher who sat before him. The thought of the man leaving him was more than he could bear, and he almost laughed at the irony of it. Last week, he would have given anything if Snape would just leave him in peace for one day and forego the relentless training and sparring. Now, he didn't think he could force himself to let go of the man. He felt the flush of embarrassment color his cheeks, and tried to loosen the grip of his fingers.

A hand touched his and then covered it, squeezing lightly. Harry made himself loosen his grip as he felt the form in front of him standing up. The hand on his drew him up, too.

Harry swayed, vertigo tilting his sense of balance. Hands steadied him and then slowly led him away from the corner.

At first, Harry was reluctant to move. It was very difficult to leave the solid wall for open space. The hand on his was insistent and he shuffled forward hesitantly. After what seemed a million steps and across vast emptiness, another hand lightly touched his shoulder. His hand was gently pulled forwards and down until he touched the edge of a bed. He sat down and the hands left him.

A burst of terror rushed through him at the loss of contact and he reached out wildly. He felt the bed dip beside him and the hands were back, grasping his forearm and squeezing. He was urged to scoot back on the bed and his lap was covered with the blanket. He didn't realize until then that he was shaking. The blanket warmed and he knew someone had cast a charm on it. He made himself let go of the hands that held his arms and let his own hands drop onto the blanket. With a big sigh, he buried his hands in the comforting fleece of the blanket.

After a moment, a hand withdrew one of his and gave it a squeeze. Could he try to ask a question? He opened his mouth and realized that his mouth was dry and his throat scratchy. A glass was pressed into his hand and he put the other hand up to help steady it. The unseen hand guided his efforts at getting it to his mouth. Before he drank, he sniffed carefully. The bed shook slightly, as if the person sitting there had laughed at that, causing Harry to scowl. He sipped the water, grateful for the coolness and the relief of thirst.

The glass was taken away and the hand on his squeezed again, seeming to urge him to try again. He opened his mouth, he could feel that he had. It was totally disconcerting to know that sounds had to be coming from your mouth, yet not be able to hear them at all. He hoped that whatever was coming out was understandable.

SSSSSSSS

When Severus returned to the Infirmary by floo, it was merely to expedite his delivery of the few healing potions he still had in his own stores. He had set up a room full of cauldrons in the dungeon and was preparing to undertake a massive brewing to replenish what had been used in the last days.

He certainly had not expected to hear the inhuman wailing that filled the room. He stood for a moment, taking it all in. Patients were sitting, or in some cases, standing, and looking toward Potter's bed, their faces in expressions of horror.

Pomfrey and Weasley were at Harry's bed, battling the hysterical boy as he shrieked. He had clawed his own face and Ron was attempting to keep him from doing it again. Pomfrey tried to put a flask of potion to his lips and Potter had reacted with sudden flailing motions, sending the flask to the floor. He could see that their efforts were being wasted. Even in the depths of magical depletion and physical exhaustion, Potter was winning. They were obviously afraid to use too much force against him.

Severus strode forward. "I thought you said he would sleep."

A harried Pomfrey summoned another flask of potion and was attempting to give it to Potter again. "Obviously, I was wrong! Could you just –" The flask went crashing to the floor to join the mess already there.

Severus reached over her to grasp Potter by the upper arms. They would never get him under control if they persisted in trying to do it without force. For a brief moment, Severus was able to hold Harry still. Then, the boy used the solid grip of Severus as leverage and violently propelled himself backwards and away from them all. Severus could not catch him as he flew off the bed to land hard on his back on the floor. It should have taken Potter longer to recover himself after all he had been through, but once again he surprised them by scrambling backwards until he was up against the Infirmary wall. Hands splayed back against the stone, he quickly edged over until he had himself in the corner. There, he stopped, and looked as if he were trying to get some control over himself. He was shaking so hard they could hear his teeth clacking together.

Pomfrey started over to him and Severus put up a hand to stop her as he walked over to the boy himself. He unfastened his outer robes as he went, removing them and flinging them to a bed. He wanted no encumbrances if he was to have further difficulty subduing Potter.

He strode up to the huddled boy and noted that Harry turned his face toward the movement. Did he perhaps feel the displacement of air? In Severus's brief time spent reading so far, he had learned that the visually impaired develop keener senses of touch and feel. Was Harry already showing this tendency? He sat down cross legged in front of the shaking boy.

Harry reached out a tentative hand. Snape withdrew his wand, suddenly sure that he had to try whatever means necessary to make even brief contact with Harry. Protests erupted around him. The idiot Gryffindors jumped to typical conclusions about Severus's apparent inclination to hex Harry. He hissed a rapid explanation, never taking his eyes off the brilliant green ones staring sightlessly in his direction. He did not know if this would work at all …

"Legilimens!"

Harry's hand closed convulsively in the air before dropping onto Severus's leg. Fingers curled into the cloth and into the flesh beneath, hard enough to make Severus wince. He felt his mind enter Harry's and the flood of memories washed over them both as he moved his own mind forwards.

Harry recognized him, calling, "Professor?"

Severus did not want to cause further injury to Potter. There may have been tremendous discomfort at being undergoing Legilimency so soon after the trauma he had endured. But Potter reached out with his own mind; not all his magic could be gone if he managed this strength of psychic connection. Never the less, Severus hurried.

"There is not much time. Your magic is quite depleted." He saw no sense in telling the boy that his magic was, at the moment, undetectable. "I cannot risk further damage to you by staying long. You are safe in the Infirmary at Hogwarts. Yes or no answers to questions can be accomplished by the squeezes from my hand, once for yes, twice for no. We may be able to understand your verbal questions, even if you cannot hear yourself speak. You are not alone. Madam Pomfrey needs for you to take the potions she has for you, they will help you get your strength back …"

He felt the connection weaken and let it go. It would have to be enough for now. Later, when he was stronger, Severus would use this avenue again, since it had obviously worked.

Harry was visibly trying to get himself further under control. His fingers tightened on Severus's leg before loosening again. Severus noted the flush spreading across Harry's features and wondered if he was embarrassed over his clutching at his teacher. He covered Harry's hands with his own and gave them what he hoped was a reassuring squeeze. Standing, he drew Harry to his feet, steadying him when he swayed.

He slowly led Harry back to the bed and gave him a gentle nudge to sit down. When he pulled his hands away, Harry reached for them, a look of panic crossing his face. Severus sat down on the bed and laid his hands on Harry's forearms, urging him to move back on the bed. Severus pulled the blanket up, placing Harry's hands on it.

He cast a warming charm when Harry began to shiver again. After a few minutes, he reached and took Harry's hands in his own again, giving them a squeeze of encouragement.

Harry acted as if he understood and opened his mouth to speak, then grimaced. Severus immediately realized that his throat must be dry, if not sore, from all the screaming he had been doing. He snapped his fingers and a glass of water appeared. He pressed it into Harry's hands and helped guide it to his lips. The boy drank thirstily before lowering the glass again. Severus squeezed his hands again and Harry began to ask his questions. His voice was soft and it was hard to hear him. Some of the words were not clearly enunciated, but he was still understandable.

"Is Voldemort dead?" Severus gave Harry's hand a single hard squeeze and Harry smiled with relief. Then his face clouded as he thought of what else he could ask, how he could ask in ways that could be answered with simple yes and no hand squeezes.

"Did any of our people die?" Severus hesitated and then squeezed once gently. "Ron? Hermione?" Harry looked about to panic again and Severus quickly gave two squeezes as Hermione struggled out of bed, Ron helping her to cross the floor to Harry's bed.

She sat down on the bed beside Harry and gently touched his arm. He reached out his other hand and put it over hers. After a moment, Harry tentatively ran his hand up her arm, to her shoulder and then her face. She leaned into his touch and he felt her curly hair over the back of his hand. Threading his fingers in the softness of it, he smiled again in relief. He knew that hair!

"Ron?" Ron patted Harry on the back and Harry reached back to take his hand, clasping it tightly for a moment.

Ron and Hermione's touch left him, but he knew they would still be there. Madame Pomfrey always had a hard time keeping them away when he was in hospital.

Harry tried to think of who else he could ask about …

"Remus?" One squeeze answered him and Harry frowned, trying to clarify. "I'm asking if he's dead, not if he's okay … is he dead?" Another squeeze answered him and he closed his eyes, suddenly not wanting to know who else was gone.

He said so, before whoever was in the room tried to convey any more. "That's enough … I don't want to hear anymore right now …" Then he began to laugh hysterically. "But I can't hear at all can I? Is it permanent?"

Snape's hand squeezed his once and Harry felt as if the man actually tried to make it comforting, if such a thing was possible.

"What about my eyes? I guess that's permanent too?" One squeeze. Harry yanked his hand out of Snape's and tried to reign in his anger. His words burst out before he could remember that there was no way for anyone to respond to what he said in a way he could understand.

"What happened? Did Voldemort use some weird curse or something? Did a bunch of Death Eaters gang up on me?"

When no answering hand squeezes came, he realized that he had withdrawn from them and that he had asked what could not be answered. Taking a deep breath, he started over.

"I sort of remember dueling Voldemort, being connected again by the magic streams … I remember pushing hard, and being afraid when it looked like his magic was coming down the stream closer to me … I pushed back really hard … and then I can't remember what happened next." Tentatively, he held out his hand and was relieved when it was taken by someone again. The touch was grounding for him and it helped still the fear that kept returning with bursts of nausea.

"The black phoenix feather that Professor Snape told us about … was that what did this to me?"

Severus's eyes widened. That was a very real possibility that he had not yet had time to consider. He squeezed Harry's hand hesitantly, hoping to convey the question that he had about that aspect. Harry nodded, "I guess it might be hard to be sure, huh?"

Severus squeezed once.

Harry suddenly clenched his eyes shut, and brought his other hand up to his head with a moan. Severus knew it couldn't be Voldemort making his head hurt, so it must be exhaustion. Harry was still very ill and weak.

Madame Pomfrey handed him another vial and in turn he pressed it into Harry's hand. Harry raised it to his nose and gave it a sniff. "Dreamless Sleep? I don't want to sleep anymore. Just give me a headache potion."

Severus made a motion to nudge Harry to drink the potion. With a sigh, Harry reluctantly obeyed. It did not take long for it to begin to effect him. Severus drew the blanket up over his shoulders after disengaging his hand from Harry's.

Harry closed his eyes and whispered, "Don't leave me …" and then he was out.


	3. Chapter 3

**Black Phoenix**

Chapter 3

In spite of the Dreamless Sleep and the fact that Voldemort was dead, Harry still had horrendous nightmares. He woke up screaming again and Madame Pomfrey did her best to calm him, holding him against her ample bosom, rubbing soothing circles on his shaking back. He settled for a bit and then became agitated again.

"I need him—I'm sorry—I know he hates me, but please—"

She knew he meant Severus and she wasted no time tossing floo powder into the fireplace and calling the Potion Masters name. When he appeared, he stood tall and silent at the foot of Harry's bed, observing the boy with narrowed eyes.

"The Dreamless Sleep is not lasting."

"No," Pomfrey replied, "and he is calling for you."

Snape looked momentarily taken aback, his face showing what appeared to be displeasure. In reality, he felt disbelief that Potter had chosen him as some kind of anchor. He supposed that it made some kind of sense, since he had been the one to reach out through a mental link and give him a rudimentary way of communication. But he did wonder why Potter had not reached out to Granger or Weasley.

He made his way to the bedside and sat down on it. Harry immediately reached out. "Professor?" and Snape took the hand, squeezing it once in affirmation.

"I'm sorry to disturb you. I know you hate me and you probably have other places you'd rather be…but I keep hearing your voice saying I'm not alone. I guess I just need to know that is still true…"

Severus squeezed the thin hand in his again, not knowing how to refute Potters belief that he hated him. In truth, he knew that he had not really hated the brat for a long time, but it was hard to let go of habits that spanned the last seven years. Their dueling and harsh training had brought them a bond, if not of friendship, at least of mutual respect and trust. To others, they still appeared to loath each other.

Harry let out a shaky sigh as they sat there, seeming better in control, now that Severus was present. He could see the effort it was costing the boy to relax and he realized that Harry thought that he was imposing on his teacher when he whispered, "Just stay until I fall asleep, okay? Then I'll be able to make it alright…"

Severus moved to sit back against the headboard, keeping Harry's hand in his. Hesitantly, Harry adjusted his own position, as if afraid that Severus would push him away. Far from it, though, Severus gently pulled Harry closer until he lay against his side. Harry stifled a sob of relief, finally feeling on solid ground, as he had not felt at all since he had awakened blind and deaf.

Severus looked up to see the disbelieving expressions of those in the Infirmary and he sneered at them silently. A wave of his free hand had the screens moving into place around the bed, affording them privacy. He knew that Harry was unaware of the sight they presented, and he knew that Weasley, especially, was having a difficult time not interfering, if his expression of reddened anger was any indication.

For himself, the habits of years and the comfortable role of disdainful and dark Potions Master would be almost impossible to give up. But for Harry… for Harry, he just might be able to make the adjustment.

Harry let go of Severus's hand, instead laying it on the man's chest and holding on to his robes. The stiffness gradually left him as he dropped back to sleep. "Thank you, sir," he whispered.

"You are welcome, Mr.Potter," Severus said in return, knowing that while Harry didn't hear the words, he felt the vibrations of his voice against his face, and he would know that he had responded to him. For some reason, that was important.

Outside the screens, Severus could hear the whispered conversation between Hermione and Ron.

"But it's _Snape_! And he's _holding_ him!" from the redhead.

"Sh-sh-sh, Ron! Harry trusts him, and more importantly, he needs someone who can talk to him sometimes."

"Why can't it be one of us?"

"Did you suddenly learn Legilimency or telepathy when I wasn't looking? Because right now, that will be the only way to directly communicate anything other than yes or no."

Severus couldn't hold back a derisive snort. "I _can_ hear you, you realize. Miss Granger is correct, although I would prefer it if you did not speculate behind my back. If you have ideas, please share them. I am still attempting to determine the best course of action."

After a moment, there were mumbled apologies from the other two thirds of the Gryffindor trio and they settled down to sleep.

This time, Harry slept deeply and long. Severus stayed, sometimes shifting to find a more comfortable position, but he did not leave. He could not sleep for thinking of exactly what ideas they would have to come up with. Harry needed to be able to communicate and he needed to feel as if he were not imposing on those around him. Severus knew from experience how stubborn the Gryffindor pride could be. It might not be such an easy task, even if they found ways around the disabilities.

His neck was so stiff he could barely move at all when Harry awoke again, this time with his stomach growling. He sat up and Pomfrey brought a tray in. Severus settled it across Harry's lap and Harry asked,

"How am I supposed to eat what I can't see? I feel like a bloody infant." Even though he could not hear himself, he knew that he was whining the question.

With that, Severus stuck a spoon in his right hand and then guided his left around the edge of the plate. He positioned Harry's thumb so that it he could feel that the scrambled eggs were at the twelve o'clock place, like on the face of a clock. Snape showed him that toast was at nine, while bacon was at three. He squeezed Harry's hand before letting go, silently encouraging him to try.

Harry grumbled about the high likelihood of needing a cleaning charm afterwards, but that he didn't even know where his wand was, let alone be able to see to put it to use.

That thought brought him back to depressed anger again and he put the spoon down with a clatter. "What good am I to anyone now?" he dropped his head into his hands. "I killed the bastard, like I was supposed to, didn't I? What am I supposed to do? I can't be an auror…or _anything_ for that matter. Why didn't you all just let me die?"

There was a sharp jerk on his hand when he said that, and Snape put the spoon firmly back into his hand, closing Harry's fingers tightly around it. Then he let go and Harry felt the draught of air that told him Snape had probably walked away.

For a long time he simply sat, the spoon in his hand, the plate on a tray in his lap. The food did smell good, and he was more than a little bit hungry. He wished that he knew whether anyone else was around. This would likely be messy as he tried to find his mouth with the spoon. Out loud, not knowing if there was anyone to hear him, he said,

"Well, this will probably be gross, so I hope no one else is eating right now."

Snape watched from the doorway as Harry painstakingly felt his way through eating breakfast. It would have been faster and easier for someone to do the feeding, putting the loaded spoon in a waiting mouth. It certainly would have been neater. But this was a basic skill that the boy had to be able to do on his own. Mentally, Snape reminded himself to explain the clock face system of showing Harry what was where on a plate when it was placed in front of him. He had found that bit of help when he had quickly scanned through his own library, and it seemed as if it was not too different from what the Muggles used in this case. Needing to pursue it further, he started to leave, as he saw that Harry was doing alright with eating.

He saw that Hermione and Ron were watching him as he watched Harry and he ordered, "Do not help him with eating. He must feel as if he can do that on his own. I am going to do some more research." With that, he disappeared in his customary swirl of black robes.

Harry felt like he did a passable job of eating when his fingers encountered very few globs of eggs on his pajama front after finishing. He found the napkin on the tray after feeling around, and used it to wipe his mouth.

"Uhm—I don't feel a cup on the tray, and I'm kinda thirsty…I don't think an accio is such a good idea, since I couldn't see it coming…besides, I don't know where my wand is—"

He felt the bed dip again and then a hand closed on his right hand. A cup was put into it and helped him begin raising it to his mouth. A few awkward misses later, Harry was drinking deeply of the pumpkin juice he had been given.

"Thanks, whoever is there now." He waited to see if they would try to tell him who was there. In a moment, the hand took the cup away and then grasped his hand. Harry could tell it was not Snape right away. The hand was slightly larger, and warmer than the Potions Master's cool fingered hand. Hesitantly, the hand raised Harry's until it touched the other person's hair.

Harry ran his fingers over the head in front of him and smiled, "Ron!" Ron's hair was wavy and fell to just short of his shoulders these days. Harry dropped his hand to those shoulders and grazed his fingers over them. He knew that Ron had gotten taller and broader this last year, but feeling the strength of him brought it home how much bigger he was than Harry.

"Thanks Ron." He was about to let go when another hand touched his shoulder, letting him know that someone else was near. Then a finger touched his nose and drew him closer to the person sitting on the bed. Harry frowned. "What is it?"

The fingers touched his nose again, and Harry's face screwed up in concentration for another moment before brightening. "You want me to _smell_ Ron? Learn what he smells like?"

There was a single squeeze of his shoulder and Harry moved forward by slow degrees until he was nearer Ron. Inhaling, he smelled the after shave potion that Ron favored, spicy and sharp.

He felt Ron get up and then another person sat down beside him. Again, the finger touched his nose. Harry reached out and came into contact with a slighter built body. Moving his hands slowly, he felt what he knew was Hermione's hair, and he unhesitantly leaned in to bury his face in it. Smiling, he said, "Don't get jealous, Ron, but do you even **know** how good 'Mione smells?"

Hermione hugged him, and Harry could feel her trembling. "Were you hurt, 'Mione?"

She sat back from him and took his hand. A single squeeze confirmed what Harry had thought. "Are you alright?" Another squeeze had him sighing in relief.

Snape walked in on this scene and almost barked an reprimand before Hermione hurriedly explained,

"He was finished eating before we came over, sir. He wanted a drink and we just helped with that. Right now, I was having him learn us by our smell. He _will_ have to hone his other senses, won't he?"

Snape sighed at the thought that Granger had beat him to exactly what he had been about to implement. His brief stint in the library had indeed told him that those who lost one sense often developed their other senses to a higher level. Harry had lost two senses. His need for the increased sense of smell and touch would be even more important. He gave her a grudging nod as she stood up from the bed with Weasley's help.

Harry felt the bed move as she got up and someone else sat down. Leaning in, Harry sniffed. Snape, he realized. Herbal, almost woodsy. He was surprised to find himself thinking that he really liked that smell…a lot.

That had him feeling his face heat up and he hoped that no one noticed it as an embarrassed blush. Snape wanted to get an idea of where Harry's magic stood. Not wanting to wait for Pomfrey, he used his bare hands to try and feel the strength of Harry's magic.

His hands took hold of Harry's forearms and then lightly brushed down them, the contact so soft it was barely there. Harry shivered as goosebumps rose on his flesh. What was Snape doing?

Harry felt the unmistakable tingle of Snape's magic. It was a gentle wash over the skin of his arms, and then he felt it slowly glide over him from head to toe.

"Did you just scan me? Is that what that was?"

One pat of his shoulder, and Harry supposed that it meant yes, just as one squeeze of his hand did. "What did you find out?" When no answer was forthcoming, Harry shook his head. "Sorry, yes or no questions only. I forgot. So, am I any better?"

The hand gave him a solid pat then and Harry perked up. "Is my sight or hearing coming back?"

Two pats answered that hopeful question and Harry slumped dejectedly. "Can I ask if anyone is trying to find a way to reverse it?" Snape gave him another solid positive pat.

"I just thought maybe it had been a nightmare, with you telling me it was permanent. I can't get my head wrapped around not ever being able to see or hear again. When can you come into my mind again? Is my magic stronger now? Can we talk now like that?"

Snape's hands brushed down Harry's arms again to grasp his hands. Two firm squeezes told him that they would not be talking right now. Harry sighed. He really did not want to admit any further weaknesses to anyone, let alone Snape, but he was unable to keep himself from speaking.

"I hope you can do it soon. The quiet in here is smothering me. If I didn't know it was possible, maybe I wouldn't crave it so much, but… I know you won't want to be bothered. It wasn't exactly fun, our being in each other's minds with all the sparring we did."

After a moment he brightened, "Hey, maybe you could teach Hermione and Ron a little bit, you know, enough so they can talk to me a little!"

He waited to feel the pats or squeezes that would tell him yes or no and then he realized that that once again, he had not asked a yes or no question, but rather one that could require an explanation.

"This is hard to get used to, asking just one question at a time, and making sure it just needs a yes or no answer." He shook his head, "I don't think I want to know if they can't ever talk to me… I think I want to keep that hope awhile longer, okay? So, for now, you all just think about it. I'll start thinking how to word my questions."

He settled back against the headboard, missing the body that had cushioned him before, but not wanting to say as much. Instead, he started to ramble.

"I can't see if anyone is even listening to me, so you won't hurt my feelings if you're not. But I just need to talk as I think. I don't even know if I'm speaking where you can hear me, since I can't hear myself…

I always thought that when I killed Voldemort I would die doing it. Sorry Ron, Professor Snape, but it shouldn't be too hard for you to hear his name anymore. Anyway, you've helped me understand at least that he's gone, so I'm glad of that. I suppose there are some Death Eaters still out there, hoping to finish me off? And I also suppose that people want to know how it happened? I just have to trust that all the news is being taken care of, but I hope you don't let anyone see me like this. It would be creepy to think there are all these people staring at me and I don't know they are there.

I 'm worried about how I'll do magic now. I haven't asked if that will come back, notice. I don't think I want to know yet if I'll be a squib as well as blind and deaf. I know I can feel magic, 'cause I just felt it when Snape scanned me...

but I don't want to go back to Aunt Petunia, okay? They won't want the added burden, believe me. I think there is enough gold in my vault to pay for me to stay in some kind of home… is there such a thing as a wizarding nursing home? Funny how I never thought about what happens to those wizards who get too old and aren't able to do magic anymore. Does St. Mungo's have a place or do you have to be like the Longbottoms and Professor Lockheart? Being blind and deaf doesn't make me mad, does it? Or maybe I do sound insane as I prattle like this…"

Harry talked until he was hoarse again, about his fears of where he would have to go now, whether or not he had enough gold to support himself for the rest of his life, and just what kind of life that would be. Interspersed throughout were random thoughts about how he didn't want his friends to feel obligated to stay by him, but how he wanted them to finish up these last few months of their seventh year, take their NEWTs, and start their adult life.

Ron and Hermione both sat on her bed, listening to Harry talk and trying not to cry when he said things that broke their hearts, when it seemed Harry assumed that he would be simply put away some place out of every ones way.

Snape had a book open on his lap that he pretended to be studying. Every once in awhile, he snapped his head up to look at the dark haired boy, when he commented about being a squib, when he thought that he would be better off dead than like this, an imposition to those around him.

He thought that he must be twelve kinds of idiot for ever thinking and believing that Harry Potter was conceited or glory-seeking. He wanted to sit on the bed and pull the dratted boy up along his side again, and he barely restrained that desire here in front of Harry's best friends. The war was over, and he no longer had to hide behind the mask of being a Gryffindor loathing Slytherin. Years of it had taken their toll, though, and he found it too hard to let it go just yet.

Dumbledore and McGonagall came in and out throughout the day and gave reports of how other injured witches and wizards were faring. It looked like Draco Malfoy would survive, but be blind in one eye. Besides Remus, a small number of other Order members had perished in the final skirmishes between them and Death Eaters. Ron's brothers had all been injured in various ways, the worst of who was Percy and Charlie. They were still in coma's, and the elder Weasleys were keeping vigil at their bedsides, knowing that Ron was safe enough here with Hermione at Hogwarts.

All the other students who had taken part in the fighting were out of St. Mungo's and back with their parents for the time being.

Severus had been glad to find out at last that there were more of the Slytherins who had resisted their parents pressure to take the Mark than he had guessed. Those whose parents were either dead or in Azkaban were coming back to their dormitory in the dungeons and he had been leaving the Infirmary whenever one or more of them arrived, to welcome them back and make sure they knew he was there for them. There had been much relief when they in turn finally knew that their Head of House was not a true Voldemort supporter.

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Madame Pomfrey had released Ron and Hermione from her care. Hermione still needed the assistance of a cane, and a supply of pain relief potion, but she had gone straight away to the library to begin researching wizards and blindness. She set Ron to work researching deafness, determined that no stone would be left unturned.

Severus finally found himself in the Infirmary alone with a sleeping Harry Potter. He had his own stack of books at his side. Satisfied that Granger and Weasley were doing a passable job of researching the disabilities, he had begun his own research project regarding the black phoenix and its use in magical artifacts.

So far, he had found that while phoenix tears could cure just about everything, Fawkes tears would not cure this. If the much rarer black phoenix had been used as part of the spell that caused the injury, only its own tears might be the cure for them. Fawkes had let a droplet of tears fall on Harry before the final battle, and Snape believed that this was what had prevented Harry from being killed outright, along with the Dark Lord, as the stream of magic tossed him backwards like a rag doll.

In his bed, Harry began to thrash as another nightmare caught him in its web, and he looked up at him. Severus watched him for a few minutes, until he began to whimper something about the dark cupboard, and pleading with his uncle to let him out to go to the toilet. A few moments later, he was burying his face in the pillow and crying, "I'm sorry! I'll clean it up, auntie, I'm sorry I couldn't wait!"

Severus decided that he owed the Dursleys a visit very soon, on behalf of the boy. It had never been clear why Harry had not seemed excited about going home for the summer, and why he spent short holidays at Hogwarts. Now Severus was getting a picture of a very different kind of life that Potter had lived with Lily's sister, one that he had not thought at all possible.

Harry sat up suddenly and his eyes were wide as he panted. Then his nose wrinkled up about the time Severus caught the odor of Harry's accident. Harry muttered as he slumped back, "This is just great…not only can't I see to feed myself, now they'll put me in bloody nappies!"

Severus waved his wand with a cleaning charm, eliminating the problem and Harry looked around sightlessly. "Who's there? Sorry about that, but thanks."

Severus sat down on the side of the bed and Harry put out his hand to touch the hand Severus extended. Severus waited until Harry had felt up along his arm and then up his shoulder to his face. When Harry reached his nose, he drew back his hand.

"Professor! I'm sorry! I didn't know it was you!"

Severus caught the hand as it flinched away from him and brought it back to his face, letting Harry know that it was alright to feel of his features. Harry hesitantly explored the mans face, and then his hair. Under his breath, he muttered, "It's not greasy, is it? It's soft and fine…" He reddened in embarrassment and Severus caught his fingers with his. He brought them to his mouth and let Harry feel that he was smiling, however slight.

"You… you're smiling? You're not mad at me, then? 'Cause I can hear you in my mind, growling at me to stop being such a dunderhead." Severus squeezed the hand twice to say he was not.

Harry asked, "Is anyone else here?" Another two squeezes told Harry they were alone. "I don't know if I told you already, everything is kind of mixed up in my head, but thank you, sir."

Severus waited to see if Harry would elaborate. He continued, "Right before we went out to fight, Professor Dumbledore said…well, I just wished he would have said more to me, that he had been more encouraging, I guess. But you… you told me I wasn't alone… and that meant more to me than anything. I knew you would be there, and somehow I knew you meant it, even though we haven't gotten along, even if you hated my dad."

Severus put his hand up to Harry's cheek, his thumb lightly caressing over it. Harry leaned into it slightly. "I have to tell you, this is really weird, being here with you like this. It's almost as if you can actually stand me."

In answer, Severus patted Harry's shoulder once with his other hand. He watched the play of emotions over Harry's features, looking at Lily's eyes in James Potter's face.

He remembered so clearly the day he went to the Potter home in Godrick's Hollow. He and James had managed to set aside differences, to begin to work together to fight against Voldemort. James had answered the door and shown Severus into the sitting room where Lily held their new infant son.

Severus had sat watching as she fed the tiny thing, silently marveling at this miniature human being. James and Severus had discussed some strategies, the need for the Potters to go into hiding. Lily had shaken her head, "Look at this beautiful baby! Not even Voldemort could harm such an innocent!"

James had tried to sooth her, but Lily would not hear it. She stood up abruptly and handed baby Harry to Severus, along with the bottle and a nappy she had under the baby's chin as he ate. When she stormed out of the room, James followed her, leaving Severus alone with the infant.

Severus had sat stiffly for awhile, alarmed at being responsible for the baby in his arms. He could hear the raised voices from the other room as Lily and James argued. She did not want to leave their home, to hide away from family and friends.

Severus adjusted his hold on the baby carefully, laying him against his shoulder. Harry nuzzled his tiny face in the crook of his neck, a tiny hand grasping a strand of Severus's hair. Severus closed his eyes at the feel of the warm breath puffing from the little mouth. He put one hand up to cradle the head and it fit in his palm with room to spare. The baby boys hair was black and as soft and fine as silk, and smelled sweetly of those products used in the gentle care of such fragile beings.

Looking at Harry now, Severus remembered the tiny baby, the feel of the dependent soul in his hands. Now, here they were again, Harry dependent, helpless. Severus felt overwhelmingly protective, and he wondered if the battle had addled his mind. This was the brat who had given him countless hours of grief through the last six and a half years.

Wait, he had dished out just as much grief to the boy, if he admitted the truth. He had seen James Potter in the face and found it easy to remember the rage he had felt when the couple had died at Voldemort's hand. James should have insisted that they hide; he should have forced Lily to go away with the baby where they would be safe. Instead, he had given in to her pleading that they wait awhile longer, that they were safe with their location being held by their chosen secret keeper. Their death had been needless in his eyes.

When Harry had at last started school at Hogwarts, Severus had distanced himself from him, seeing the boy James, remembering the pranks he had been party to against him, remembering James' failure to keep his family safe, and hating Harry for being a living reminder.

This Harry was not James. He was not Lily. He was just Harry, a boy who had had to face harsh adversity, often alone. He had survived by luck and the fortune of having typically foolhardy and brave friends, as well as having an inordinate amount of determination.

Severus hoped that Harry had some spare determination left from all his struggles. He would be needing it to overcome this latest ordeal. He had listened as Harry talked about not knowing what he would do next…what could he do next? He did not know what that answer was, but he knew that he felt a determination that rivaled Hermione Granger's to find it.

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_**A/N**__: Well, I am here to tell you that I am overwhelmed by the reviews already received, as well as all the people putting this story on alerts! Wow! I only hope that I can live up to your expectations! _

_Time for some business…HUGE thanks go to logicalquirk, as she takes this task of beta reader on again for me! This time around has been a bit different, as I have the new Word XP program and it has proven to be a real learning process to find the way to save documents so that they are in the older format. New formats apparently cannot be opened by older programs. Logicalquirk did have this chapter and she did beta it, but once it came back to me in her older format, her markings did not show up. So I beta'd it myself, adding to the story as I went. Therefore, I take all responsibility for any typos, misspellings, grammar errors, and other stupid mistakes. The two of us will figure out the technical stuff eventually, I am sure!_

_Disclaimer: I do this for fun and writing practice…all Harry Potter characters and original ideas belong to JK Rowling. I only claim this story line as mine, poor and redundant as it is!_

_And lastly, I do not anticipate this to be as long a story as my previous ones. That said, I am well aware that sometimes the muses get other ideas as stories develop, so don't hold me to that!_

_Once again, thank you all for making my days brighter and my efforts worth it when I open my mail and see all your wonderful reviews!_


	4. Chapter 4

**Black Phoenix**

Chapter 4

Harry sang. He knew he wasn't good at it, but since he couldn't hear himself he didn't really care. He sang songs from his early Muggle school days. He moved on to songs that he had heard on Muggle radio during the summers. He favored a few rock groups, and he sat there on his bed beating out tunes with his hands and singing notes he couldn't hear.

He didn't know how long he had been doing this when someone sat down on the bed and put a hand on his shoulder. He stopped and looked towards the dipping of the bed. "Is it that bad? I can move on to reciting potions ingredients or something. Even if I won't be able to take my NEWT's, I guess I should try to remember stuff so these last seven years won't have been a total waste."

The hand squeezed his shoulder twice and Harry wondered if they were saying 'no, the singing wasn't that bad', or 'no, please don't try to recite potion ingredients', or, 'no, the last seven years has not been a waste'. Leaning forward a little bit, he smelled Hermione's shampoo and perfume. She wouldn't be the one to stop him from singing unless she thought there was something better to do.

Harry felt his hand taken up and a quill put into it. "What's this? You want me to write something down?"

One squeeze. Okay, so what was it he was supposed to write? "Shall I try to guess, then, and you let me know if I hit on it?" Another single squeeze.

"Does it have anything to do with the war?" Two squeezes.

"Does it have to do with school work?" There was an enthusiastic single squeeze in answer to that.

"An essay then? For a particular class?" One squeeze.

"Okay, I'll start at the top. Charms?" Single squeeze. "How about an essay over the last few lessons?" Two squeezes. "Over everything?" One squeeze.

Harry gave a heavy sigh. "Is this to do with the NEWTs? Are you trying to see if I know what I need to know for them?" Another single squeeze. "This is going to take awhile. And I hope you have some sort of charm that will help this be legible when I'm done." There was a last single squeeze and Harry felt the parchment being settled in front of him. "But really, 'Mione, I don't understand why you're bothering. It's not like I can do anything with a good score on NEWT's anyway."

He was glad of the distraction, even if he felt like it was a colossal waste of time. What good did his knowledge of Charms do him now? He couldn't actually perform any. How could he when he couldn't see what he was doing?

He had been writing for some time, barely noticing that the parchment automatically drifted up and away when he reached the bottom, a new sheet available underneath. He had started with his first recollections of Charms and had intently written out his understanding of theory, word inflections and hand movements.

He did not know that he had switched to writing down his other thoughts, and then back to Charms. Hermione had charmed the quill to change colors of ink whenever Harry changed his writing subject. She thought that by doing so it would save time later.

Severus walked back into the Infirmary, and stopped in surprise when he saw Harry sitting and writing at a feverish pace, shoulders tensed as he bent over the parchment with the quill in a hard grip. He picked up the stack that lay neatly to the side and scanned it quickly.

As he read, Ron and Hermione came in and he looked up at them. "Whose idea was this?"

Hermione smiled, but then stopped when she noted that Severus was not pleased. "Mine, but what's wrong? It helps him to keep a constructive focus, doesn't it? Don't we want him to realize how much magic is till a part of him?"

"He obviously knows the material forwards and backwards, but he is relating it to the necessity of being an able-bodied wizard in order to perform successful Charms incantations. It is not doing anything but reinforcing his inability to do magic at this time." Severus flung the parchment at her. "As is evidenced by the interspersing of his last will and testament among the pages he has written."

"What?!" Ron squawked, stooping to pick up some of the parchment and looking at it hurriedly. His jaw tightened as he read some of what Harry had written, the passages Severus referred to being written in red ink.

'…_I hereby bequeath my broom to Ron Weasley, as he would use it well and deserves as much as I can give him for his support and friendship all these years._

'_To Hermione Granger I bequeath my Invisibility cloak. She needs to loosen up and sneak around a bit more, and maybe if she has it she will do so. Anyway, if she goes into a career as an Unspeakable like she's mentioned, she would probably put it to good use._

'_To Severus Snape I bequeath The Marauders Map…'_

"No!" Ron shouted. "You'll get that map over my dead body!" He glared at Severus as if he had written the offending words himself.

Hermione stepped between the two men, limping with her cane. "Stop it! Ron, Harry can do whatever he wants with his own things and besides, we'll find a way to make him see that his writing a will is silly."

Severus clenched a hand around the wand in his pocket as Ron shook off Hermione's attempt at calming him down. The red head pushed past her to stand right in Snape's face. "You just stay the hell away from him. We can take care of him of—"

"STOP!" Harry's shout startled them all and they turned towards him as one. He was standing beside the bed now, his sightless eyes trained in their direction, his arms outstretched. "What's happening? I feel like there's electricity in the air, I smell—anger…"

Hermione touched the hand Harry held in her direction and he took it for a moment. Pulling himself along it until he was up next to her, they saw him inhale sharply. "It's not you, 'Mione. It's whoever else is here. They're fighting, aren't they? I don't know how I know, but they are at each other's throat…Merlin, it's Ron and Snape…"

Hermione had taken the hand and squeezed gently to affirm his thoughts. Harry shook his head. "Stop," he said again. "Can't you be civil to each other now? The war is over. Let it be over here, too."

He suddenly slumped against Hermione, almost dragging her down as he sank to the floor. Severus reached them before Ron, taking Harry's weight even as Ron made it to keep Hermione from falling.

Harry clutched at the black robes of the Potions Master, turning his face into them. "Severus—" he whispered, before he passed out.

A half hour later, Madam Pomfrey faced the headmaster, Potions Master, and the two Gryffindors. "His magic is trying to come back. He was able to sense the emotional magic in the room from your argument. Since he was using the other senses besides sight and hearing to do so, it overwhelmed him. He will have to make adjustments in how he processes things and that will take time." She glared at Ron and Severus. "Preferably, he will not be made to decipher between the feelings of animosity amongst those he is closest to."

With that, she spun on her heel and went back to the sleeping boy, laying a hand on his forehead and closing her eyes, feeling for fever as well as magical illness. With a small sigh, she straightened the covers over him and then walked out of the room, giving the conscious occupants another glare with a finger to her lips, commanding them to be quiet if they wished to stay.

Severus and Ron made for the same chair, Severus reaching it just ahead of him and sneering down his nose as the younger man reddened. He swept up the stack of parchment again and began a slower perusal of it.

He had to make further adjustments in his assessment of Potter's academic abilities. Whatever the brat's failings in Potions, he had a very good grasp of the theory and history of Charms. He had included a few bits that showed his ability to make the connections betweens Charms and Transfiguration, too.

As he got further into the essay, he had to admit that the boy was very astute, even intuitive, with those two areas of Magic. At the end, where Harry had been interrupted, Severus could see that he had started writing about DADA. It seemed that Harry had decided to spill all his knowledge through the quill. Severus wondered how it made him feel, not to have his wand to practice all that he knew, if that was what prompted the passages stating his will.

He glanced up at Harry and then across the bed where Hermione sat with Ron. Ron glared at him, but Hermione just shook her head and then nodded towards the parchment in Snape's hand.

"How is he doing on the essay?"

"Aside from his last will and testament, Mr. Potter has an extremely good knowledge base of the subjects he wrote about."

"Subjects? But he said he was going to start with Charms."

"He did. Then he moved on to Transfiguration. He was beginning on Defense Against the Dark Arts."

Ron sat back and asked quietly, "Did he really write all that bequeathing business?"

Severus handed the stack to him and said stonily, "Read it for yourself, Mr. Weasley." He stood to leave and walked towards the door, but was stopped by Harry's quiet voice.

"Don't leave. Please."

They all looked at each other in surprise, even Severus who never looked surprised at anything. Harry slowly sat up against the headboard of his bed. If they had expected him to suddenly have his sight back based on his request, they were disappointed. Sightless green eyes stared out into the room at large.

"I don't know if I can explain this, because it's strange, even for me. After Severus got me to learn the smell of you, it seemed like a floodgate opened or something."

Ron and Severus looked confused by the comment and Hermione murmured, "A floodgate is a device Muggles use to keep the levels of water in a lake from becoming too high. They open the floodgates to let water out a little at a time, usually, but sometimes, after an overwhelming rain, the gates have to be opened wide and a deluge of water is let out."

Harry seemed to wait for a moment, a bemused smile on his face. "Hermione just explained the term floodgate, didn't she?" He sobered and continued, "You'll have to signal me somehow if I am way off base, but it seems like I can feel what is going on around me, and smell it as well. My skin and my nose feel like they are radar antenna, picking up everything." He waited again, seeming to know that Hermione would have to explain radar antenna, which she did with a reference to the kind bats have.

Then he continued again, "I felt Ron and Severus fighting, I could feel their magical tension. Severus was going for his wand, and I could smell Ron's anger." His eyes shifted around the room as if looking at them. "Am I right?"

The three of them all stared at one another. Severus finally gave a curt nod, acknowledging that he had, in fact, been about to draw on Ron for getting in his face.

"Professor Dumbledore is here, now, too," Harry commented, throwing their attention to the door where the headmaster stood. The purple and spangle-clad wizard smiled and went to sit on the side of Harry's bed. He took Harry's hand in his gnarled one and squeezed it.

Harry frowned in concentration. "Your magic is stronger than the others. Even though I always knew that, it's different to feel it this way. It makes my skin shiver." He looked beyond the Headmaster towards the others. "Severus's magic is strong too, just in a different way."

There was silence in the room as everyone stared at Harry and at each other. "I've freaked everyone out," he stated tiredly. "Sorry. I guess I'm really still the freak my aunt and uncle always said, just in a different way now."

He made to turn over and lay back down, but, not before Severus had taken a long stride to the bed and gently pulled Dumbledore out of his way. When the headmaster got up, Severus sat down and immediately took Harry in his arms.

At first, Harry stiffened, resisting the embrace, sensing Ron's anger at the move. Then he seemed to lean into the hold, giving a shaky sigh as he laid his head on the chest of the Potions master. Severus held the boys head against him, sifting his fingers through the raven hair.

Harry's voice was soft, as it often was now that he couldn't hear it in his own head. "It's so black in here. There's no light and no sound at all. Do you know how I stand it? I imagine that I'm just lost in your eyes, in the depths of that blackness. Then it doesn't seem so cold." He laughed wryly. "I never liked having you look into my eyes during Occlumency lessons, because it was cold and harsh. Now, it's the warmest thing I can think of so I don't feel so alone in here."

Above his head, Severus closed his own eyes at the description Harry was giving. He could barely fathom that he was holding the boy like this in front of all these other people, let alone hear that he was indeed what was keeping him sane in the abyss of the blackness he was in.

"Am I losing my mind?" Harry asked, echoing Snape's thoughts of keeping insanity at bay. In answer, Snape could only rub small, comforting circles on Harry's back. He would not lie to him now. He truly did not know how the wizard would be able to cope with the sudden onset of disability that Harry faced.

"Tell him 'no'," Ron growled. "Give him the sign that he is _not_ going mad."

Severus looked up at the angry Weasley, but did not do as he asked. Ron started forward and Harry sat up.

"Not again, Ron. I know you don't like him, but he's… he's helping me keep it together here. And I need you to accept that."

Ron stood there, fists clenching and unclenching. Finally giving a very grudging nod, Ron strode from the room, Hermione following as quickly as her injured body would allow.

Severus sat there, stroking Harry's hair and back. He looked up at Dumbledore and asked, "What am I doing?"

Dumbledore sat down in a vacated chair. "Do you think that I don't realize how empty my words were to him when he was about to face down Tom? Do you really think that I did not see in his face the relief your words brought to him?" He smiled sadly. "As much as I have cared for Harry, I am also guilty of seeing in him the weapon we needed so badly that everything else took second place. I saw how you always treated him. But I saw that it made him more determined to succeed and stronger in his magic to have the resistance between the two of you."

Severus narrowed his eyes. "You used me as a means to an end? You never believed that he would survive the final battle, did you?"

Dumbledore shook his head. He started to reach out to touch Harry but a look from Severus had him withdrawing the outstretched hand. "I am sorry for it. I love you both, you know. But the greater good of the wizarding world was at stake. He needed to have a fierce opponent who would not mollycoddle him through training. Your role as spy and a despised teacher worked very well for that. You had the background and history with his father to create the antagonism necessary. But it also served the purpose of him being hated by you, thus protecting your role as spy whenever Tom sifted through your mind."

Severus shook his head and Harry asked, "Ron left, so who are you angry with?"

Severus simply patted him and Harry accepted that as reassurance that he needn't worry about it. In time, Harry had fallen back to sleep and Severus laid him down on his pillow, drawing the covers up. After smoothing the hair down over his forehead, he stood up and motioned Albus out of the room.

He headed directly up to the headmaster's office, not stopping until he reached the stone gargoyles. Albus murmured the password and Severus followed him up the spiral steps. He did not sit down when the door had closed, but whirled on the old wizard.

"I am done with being a spy. I am done with maintaining a threatening visage. I am done with being your tool."

"Of course you are, dear boy. The war is over now, and aside from the dozen or so Death Eaters that remain at large, there is no longer a major threat to be dealt with."

Severus bit his tongue to keep from verbally ripping the man apart. He had trusted this man to do what was best, but never had he imagined that he was being played as anything more than a spy for the light. He felt a sense of injustice that his feelings towards James Potter had been manipulated to extend to the son. While he understood that Albus had had logical reasons for the manipulation, it did not make it easier to swallow. The old man professed to love Harry with the same breath that he admitted that he had not expected him to survive.

Shaking off the need to vent his rage, he squared his shoulders and and stated, "I have begun researching the black phoenix that gave the feather used in the Dark Lord's wand core. I believe that if I can find it, and persuade it to donate another feather, or better yet, tears, I may be able treat Potter's injuries."

Dumbledore nodded. Glancing over at Fawkes asleep on his perch, he said, "The phoenix is the rarest of birds…but the black phoenix, now, that was always considered something of a myth or legend. Is there any way to be sure what Tom actually had incorporated into his wand?"

"I plan to seek out whoever made it for him. Olivander would be the most likely, since he disappeared so suddenly last year. We can only hope that he is still live. It would be very much in character for the Dark Lord to execute the craftsman who created such a wand so that it could never be replicated."

"Do you need anything from me, then? You know that I will try to do whatever you need in the way of help…"

"I believe that you have done quite enough for now," Severus answered shortly. Then his face softened for a moment at the saddened expression in Albus's eyes. "if you would simply make certain that harry has no visits from the ministry or the press, I think he would appreciate it."

He was gone in a swirl of black robes, leaving the elderly wizard staring after him with regret.

HPHPHPHPHP

**A/N: **

_**Happy Holidays**_ to all you dear readers! Thank you all for the reviews and the alerts you have me or the story on. It has been the greatest gift!

I have another disclaimer. I am in no way an expert in the areas of blindness or deafness, and certainly not in the combined disability. I can only imagine the courage that it must take for those so challenged to jump the hurdles each day. A couple of reviewers have given me some really good feedback and I am researching the subject on-line. I will try to make it as realistic as possible, while also working it into this AU world of magic. Any errors of omission, exaggeration are not meant to offend, and hopefully it won't, since this is still very much a work of fiction.

Thank you logicalquirk, for your patience in beta'ing for this often organizationally-challenged writer!


	5. Chapter 5

**Black Phoenix**

Chapter 5

Severus had not bothered to find out which Death Eaters had died, who had been taken to Azkaban, and who had escaped the aftermath of the final battle. He had let the details and the reports be handled by Albus and now he wondered if he should have been so trusting. The old wizard had proven himself to be less than honest when Severus had always assumed that he was totally open with him. There had been times when Albus could not tell him things, but they both knew that the reasoning had been that Voldemort might be able to glean the information from Severus if he were unlucky enough to fall out of favor.

Now, he could not help the feelings of resentment that were growing in him. He had been an instrument of Dumbledore in his bid to control the Boy Who Lived. He had been used to instill fear and loathing in Harry. It had kept them both off balance as they had constantly fought to have an upper hand in being both defensive and offensive in their dealings with one another. By not stopping it, Dumbledore had allowed Severus's resentment of James Potter's inability to protect his best friend Lily to fester and spill over to the feelings he had for the son who was spared.

He sat now at his desk in his dungeon quarters and contemplated the way things were turning out. His feelings for the son of James and Lily Potter were rapidly undergoing drastic changes. He felt on more shaky ground than ever before. The feelings of protectiveness were merely the tip of the iceberg. Letting himself be truthful while here alone in the depths of the castle, he could admit that he felt an attraction to the young man that was not one of a teacher to student, or a guardian to a minor. Harry was young enough to be his son, and the emotions he felt were unsettling and somehow incestuous. But Harry was not his son; he was no relation, and he was of age, so that was not really the problem.

No, the problem was more complex, wasn't it? Harry had obviously developed an attachment to him. But was that attachment purely based on the mental bond they had developed as a result of long hours spent using Legilimency on each other, while Severus sought to teach him the proper way to fully Occlude the Dark Lord?

The boy had been hideously injured and Severus himself had not yet been able to come to terms with the unfairness of it. Harry had finally done the job that he had apparently been born to perform, and when he should have been enjoying actual freedom from a life that had been filled with constant drama, he was stuck in the Infirmary, helpless and defenseless.

So what was he to do about this attachment? He and Albus were the only ones who could use Legilimency to communicate with Harry. While he felt that Albus no longer had an agenda to follow regarding Harry, Severus was still quite irritated at the old man. Severus did not really relish the idea of him meddling in Harry's mind, and he thought that if Harry was ever made aware of the past manipulations, he would not want it either. The other two parts of the Gryffindor Trio were willing to do whatever it took to support Harry. Granger was already working at getting Harry back into school work, and even if this first attempt had the result of him writing out his will, it was still a good start at productivity.

Severus thought about Harry's words as he bequeathed the Marauders Map to him.

"…_because he likes to sneak about the castle and catch students out, perhaps the map will help him. It has helped me to stay out of trouble more times than I care to remember, and I guess I owe the Professor some reparation for it. Besides, it belonged to my dad, and I'm sure that he and Sirius used it to make Severus's life hell. It's time for it to be passed on."_

Severus had felt a curious clutch at his heart at the words. On numerous occasions, Harry had protested that he was not his father, usually when Snape had been in particularly vindictive moods. Obviously, Harry thought that map might make up for all Snape had been through in his youth. With a heavy sigh, Severus put his head into his hands. Harry should not feel that he had to make up for all the wrongs done by his father and the other Marauders. Earlier this year, Severus would have delighted in having the property of the Gryffindor gang. But now… Harry was giving it away… this was just wrong, and had no sense of justice in it.

Well. He had danced around all the angles in his mind and he was back to the unavoidable. He was attracted to the boy. It had been happening slowly over this last year, a stealthy growth of something more. But it could not be allowed. They were teacher and student still, and he had been Harry's mentor in the training to fight Voldemort. They could not be more. He would find someone more suitable. Perhaps Ginny Weasley… they had been an item for a time, of that Severus was sure. As wont as the Gryffindors were to take care of Harry, it would not be out of the question that the girl would step back in and take up the mantle of girlfriend and guide.

Yes, it would be better if he worked it so that the boy was in the company of those who could foreseeably be a future partner.

On the other hand, Severus was well aware of the magical power in Harry, and perhaps this was a way that he could finally control the power himself. Irritated, he shook himself away from those thoughts. He was no bloodthirsty Lucius Malfoy, no matter how well he had played the role in his Death Eater garb.

Grabbing the book back from where it had dropped onto his lap, he made himself get back to the research at hand.

SSSSSSSS

Harry knew that time had passed only by the events of breakfast, lunch and dinner. He morosely picked at food set before him after identifying it with his fingers. He couldn't help but be pleased that there was always food that he liked, and he had not yet found anything that he thought might be found in a long term care facility. He recognized that the food was the same as what was probably on the tables in the Great Hall, so no House Elf was being put out to prepare something special.

Drinking had become less of an issue when he found that someone had put a mug on the bedside table that never seemed to run out of cool pumpkin juice. It was there whenever he wanted, not just at meals.

The nights he knew because they were longer between meals and it felt quieter. He did not like the nights, when he also felt alone. He wished that Severus would come and check on him and then maybe stay for a while. It seemed like the man had begun to distance himself from Harry; not that Harry could blame him. He wouldn't want to be around him any more than necessary, would he? He just wished that he could really hear a voice, _his_ voice, even for a few brief moments.

He felt the bed dip as someone sat down and he sat up, pushing himself back against the headboard. "Is it morning already?" He tried to feel who it was that was there through his sense of smell and intuition.

He frowned when the smells did not match any of those who had been close to him. It was not Madam Pomfrey, Hermione, Ron, Severus, or Professors McGonagall or Dumbledore.

"Who are you?" He put out his hand, letting it fall on a robe-covered arm. He let his fingers trail lightly along the length of it and knew it was a man. What man would be here, if not Severus or Dumbledore? None of the other male professors had come to visit to his knowledge. Perhaps it was one of the other seventh year Gryffindors, but they wouldn't have come without Ron or Hermione. The hair on Harry's neck stood on end and he froze as he felt the metallic skin on the forearm and hand in front of him. He pulled his hand away as the sense of dark magic washed over him.

HPHPHPHPHP

Unable to sleep any longer, he had gotten up and brewed a pot of tea. Now Severus was reading about the rare black phoenix and silently cursing that the information was not anything different than what he had read in a dozen other tomes. It seemed that there had been very little experience with the bird and very little effort had ever been expended to learn more. Since it was so rare, and the fiery phoenix less so, the black phoenix had fallen into obscurity. The only thing concrete that Severus could find was that any magic done by use of the black phoenix could only be undone by it. The tears of the fiery phoenix would have no curative effects.

He gave a tired sigh and ran a hand over his face. None of the books he had looked through even gave a hint at where in the world a black phoenix was likely to be found. Where had that snake Voldemort gotten hold of one? Or had he simply been fortunate enough to come by the tail feather of a long extinct creature? In that case, there was no hope that Severus might be able to find the bird and cajole it out of some tears to try to heal Harry's injuries.

He was brooding over this turn of events when his arm began to tingle. Shoving up his sleeve, he gaped at the Dark Mark. It had been disappearing slowly since the Dark Lord had been destroyed. Looking down at it, Severus saw that it had gotten darker again, the snake coming out of the mouth of the skull writhing slowly as if awakening from hibernation. "Impossible!" he hissed as he grabbed the arm with his other hand. "You are gone! Dead!"

The little snake seemed to glare up at him at those words and the mark stung even more in mocking answer. It was not the same blinding pain as when Voldemort had used it, but it had the same dark quality. Who had harnessed the power to call the remaining Death Eaters? Who would have been insane enough to think they could step in and take the first madman's place?

"Malfoy!" He must be close by to be able to exert the level of magic that he was managing. On the heels of that, he thought of Harry, alone in the Infirmary at this early hour of the morning. Had the Hogwarts wards been breeched? They were not as strong since the battle, though Severus knew that Albus had been working on them.

Surging to his feet, he threw floo powder into the fireplace and bellowed the headmaster's name:

"Albus! Death Eaters in the castle! Harry!"

After that he threw more powder and yelled for the Infirmary, and stepped through with his wand drawn and ready.

SSSSSSSS

Now Harry could smell the musky animal odor and somewhere in the depths of his memory he recalled it from another time and place. "Pettigrew."

The man started and Harry could feel the rat's unease that he called his name accurately. Yes, he was definitely alarmed that Harry knew who sat in front of him. He had come here expecting to find a totally defenseless Harry Potter, and Harry knew that was the only chance he had. He had to make Pettigrew believe that he was not defenseless, even as he felt a bone-deep terror.

Were there other Death Eaters here, too? He did not know which had lived, who had died and who had been sent to Azkaban. Lucius Malfoy could be standing beside his bed, or even Bellatrix Lestrange. Harry's respiratory rate tried to increase at these thoughts and he kept it in check by sheer force of will and biting the inside of his cheek until he tasted blood.

When he felt the stab of a wand tip in his chest, he slowly got to his feet at the side of the bed, trying to ignore the vertigo and the fear that he would be moved away from this island of security in the darkness.

If he yelled, would anyone hear him? Where was Madam Pomfrey? If it was really the middle of the night, she might still be asleep in her quarters off the Infirmary. If she knew there was trouble, she could floo Dumbledore. Harry opened his mouth to call out, but stopped. She might also run out into the middle of a swarm of Death Eaters and be killed.

Harry stood there until the wand tip prodded him again. He turned to stare sightlessly at Pettigrew, hoping that his aim was true and that his eyes blazed with all the fury he was feeling. He stalled for time to think, time for someone to realize that a Death Eater was in the castle.

"This was stupid, even for you, Rat. Do you really believe that you can get out of here? "

The wand tip was sharp as it poked him in the back. Shrugging it off, Harry moved forward with more confidence than he felt. He wondered if he had any magical power at all yet? Could he manage the wordless Expelliarmus that he had mastered with Snape's help? The heat of anger rose up when he realized that even if he was able to conjure the energy to do it, he would not be able to see the wand as it came towards him to grab it.

He knew he should have died a dozen times over since he had come into the world of magic. He knew that he could have, should have died during the final battle. In the dark silence since then he often thought that he would rather be dead now. But he did not want to die at the hand of scum like the traitor Pettigrew. He did not want to die without a last fight against whatever other Death Eaters now sought his demise. He wanted to go out in a blaze, if not of glory, then of the foolish bravery Severus had always accused him of. He could not bear to think that the teacher would be disappointed that he had been weak and pitiful in his last moments.

Those thoughts galvanized him to action, just as he felt another wash of magic sweep his skin, this time of light magic.

HPHPHPHP

Severus stepped through the floo with his wand drawn, only to find himself in the teacher's lounge. Looking around, he realized that the Infirmary floo must have been warded against anyone coming in and he had been diverted to the next available floo. Grabbing the floo powder, he shouted once more for Dumbledore and the headmaster immediately stepped out onto the hearth in front of him. Together, they hurried out through the corridors towards the Infirmary. As they went, Dumbledore dispatched a series of silver messenger birds that disappeared through the walls. Severus could only assume that the old wizard was alerting the other professors, since he spoke not a word.

They reached the hall before the one leading to the Infirmary and stopped, pressing themselves back against the stone walls. In front of them, Nearly Headless Nick drifted through a wall and stopped, glancing at Dumbledore and then around the corner. He held up three fingers and Dumbledore nodded.

Three Death Eaters in the corridor outside the Infirmary. Were there any more already inside?

Behind them, Minerva McGonagall appeared, dressed in her tartan night dress, hair in a loose braid over her shoulder. Beyond her, Severus saw Flitwick and Sinistra approaching. They were all armed with drawn wands and expressions of outrage that anyone had dared invade these halls after all that had happened. Albus swept them all with piercing blue eyes, the twinkle having hardened into sharp blue ice. With brief hand motions, he let them know how many they suspected lay in front of them, and perhaps more in the Infirmary itself.

Dumbledore began a countdown as he directed the professors to take different approaches. Severus took up point position, determined to get to Harry as quickly as possible. He glared down the hallway and observed the three Death Eaters, trying to determine from their bearing who it was and how best to attack. After a few moments, he was certain that these were lesser dark wizards. He worried that the real power was already inside. He looked over at Dumbledore and silently communicated his belief.

The two of them stepped out of the shadows and wordlessly stunned the three, binding and gagging them. Minerva came out and easily levitated them away and into the recess behind a statue. Severus immediately waved a hand, transferring one of the Death Eaters' robe and mask to himself.

Albus waved a hand, and a slight shimmer appeared to shower down over the hood of the robes. It only showed when Severus moved, and would help them all be sure of who was the enemy and who was not.

Severus lost no time entering the Infirmary.

SSSSSSSS

Harry refused to act like a helpless baby. He might not have his wand in his hand, but maybe he did not need it. Feigning a stumble, he fell to the floor and rolled onto his back, at the same time shouting _Expelliarmus_! in the direction he believed Pettigrew to be. He held his hand wide open, daring to hope that the rat's wand would fly into it, whether he could see it or not.

He barely had time to feel surprised when the slender wood slapped his palm and he closed his fingers tightly around it. Pointing it towards Pettigrew, he shouted a _Stupefy! _ followed by _Incarcerous_! He felt the thud of Pettigrew hitting the floor next to him.

Before he could feel triumphant about this small victory, he felt the sting of a hex as it blew past his cheek. Rolling away, he got to his feet and aimed another _Stupefy_, hoping that it was aimed accurately.

Another hex hit his left shoulder, numbing it instantly, along with that whole side of his body. Together with the lopsided feel it gave him and the darkness, he knew he was falling into a spell of dizziness that he could not stop. He was not willing to let go of the wand in his right hand to break his fall, so he hit the stone floor hard with his face. He felt the blood running down his upper lip from his nose and he tasted the coppery bite of it in his mouth.

Before he could try to get his bearings, he felt a hard hand grab his right shoulder and yank him backwards. Raising the wand he almost shouted another _Stupefy_when he caught the underlying, familiar scent. Severus!

He found himself with his back against the wall and he pressed himself against it, sensing the magic being hurled across the space above him. As he sat there, he felt the sweep of cloth across his face. This material did not smell of Snape and he was confused as to how this could be, when he knew from the feel of the magic flying near him that it was him.

The surge of magic in the air around him intensified and he threw himself to the ground just as he felt the stone behind him shatter. Snape's legs were right over him now; he could feel the robe whipping back and forth across the top of his head.

Harry still had Pettigrew's wand in his right fist and the numbness in his left side seemed to be subsiding. Another crackle of energy rushed past him and he felt Snape come down on one knee, a strong hand pushing on his shoulder to encourage him to stay down.

Somehow, Harry sensed that this fight was not going as well as it could be. The dark magic was feeling stronger in the air than the light. Severus was expending energy protecting him with shields and was not able to fire strong enough spells in answer to those being hurled towards them in rapid succession. Not wanting to spend time analyzing how he knew this, but trusting that his instincts were telling him the truth, Harry reached out with his left hand to determine which way Snape was facing. His boots told him what he wanted to know and Harry took careful aim in the direction those toes were pointed.

"_Impedimenta! Petrificus totalis! Incarcerous!"_ Harry flung the hexes with all the energy he could muster and it seemed that it _had_ been everything in him.

The darkness slipped even more sideways as Harry felt hands pull him up to sitting. The scent of Severus enveloped him and he allowed himself to be swallowed up by it, knowing that the fight was done.

HPHPHPHPHP

Severus entered the Infirmary just as Harry fell to the floor and rolled, summoning Pettigrew's wand to his hand. The blind man shouted out further spells and the ratty looking man fell, bound, to rest beside Harry. Out of the corner of his eye, Severus saw Poppy Pomfrey emerge from her quarters, wand in hand, hurling a protective spell towards Harry. Three other Death Eaters in full regalia stepped out of the shadows near the floo and she was instantly dispatched before they turned on Potter. Severus leaped forward, unable to stop the cutting hex that scraped by Harry, slicing his face open.

Harry hurled another _Stupefy_ but missed, as a paralyzing spell hit his shoulder. Severus was too busy trying to disarm the Death Eaters to keep Potter from falling onto his face on the stone floor. Amazingly, the boy kept his hold on the wand he had taken from Pettigrew and Severus felt it a very close thing that Potter didn't hex him into oblivion when he grabbed his shoulder to shove him out of the line of fire. It seemed that Harry stopped just short of flinging another spell as Severus maneuvered himself to stand over him, using the wall at his back for more protection for the two of them. He could not make any offensive moves for keeping up the shields and deflecting the deadly curses that were being hurled.

Albus had entered, followed by the other professors, and they were all engaged in the battle. These were no easy Death Eater targets as those in the corridor had been. These were obviously seasoned and experienced minions of the Dark Lord. Severus could not be certain who they were, but it was not Malfoy or the Lestranges. He was very familiar with their magic and this was not theirs.

A cutting curse hit him in the thigh and he went down on that knee, just managing to avoid Harry's head beneath him. The boy still had the wand clutched in one hand and the other was reaching out to touch his feet. What the hell did he think he was doing?

In the next moment, he knew what Harry was doing, as a brilliant blast of magic burst from the wand at his command. The triple hex threw all three Death Eaters into each other, and then their bodies went rigid before being bound with gold, magical cords.

Harry let his head fall back to the floor with a thump and Severus immediately put his other knee down so he could draw the boy up to sitting. His eyes were closed and his head lolled against Severus's chest limply. Pettigrew's wand clattered to the floor.

Albus and Minerva checked that the bonds on the Death Eaters were secure before hurrying over to Pomfrey. They Enervated her as Severus scooped Harry up and laid him back on his own bed.

Severus strode to the remains of a potions cabinet and picked through it. Finding an intact vial of Dreamless Sleep, he held it to Harry's lips. Once he was in a real sleep, he turned his attention to the mediwitch. They had levitated her to another bed amidst her protests and Albus looked up at Severus's approach.

"Albus, the potions stores here have been destroyed. I will floo down to my lab and get what I have on hand. Harry is sleeping. His injuries appear to be minor, other than exhaustion from the use of magic in his already weakened state." He looked at the older wizard and said quietly, "You know that these men did not act alone. I have not asked you before for an account of which Death Eaters survived and who was still at large. But the only ones I can think of with the power and the drive to put together this attack are Malfoy and the Lestranges. They were smart enough to send these inside so that they were not caught."

Albus nodded. "Although many Death Eaters died that day and a number were taken into custody, the Lestranges and Lucius Malfoy were unaccounted for."

At that moment, the Infirmary door slammed open. The massive form of Hagrid stood there, cross-bow cocked and ready. Behind him came Flitwick and Sinistra.

"P'fessor Dumbledore! I saw Lucius Malfoy at the edge of the Dark Forest! I shot at him, but he Apparated away. Someone was with him, but I dint recognize 'em. I only recognized him by that hair o' his."

Severus and Albus stared at each other, silently communicating with their eyes. Hogwarts was not safe.


	6. Chapter 6

**Black Phoenix**

Chapter 6

Harry awoke with a start, instinctively grabbing for the wand that was no longer there. Panting, he lay there, straining for any clue as to what had happened and where he was. This was not an Infirmary bed, and the smell around him did not have the odors he associated with being in hospital.

A whisper of breeze against his face told him that a door had opened in the room and he turned his face towards it expectantly and tensely. A dip on the bed alerted him to a presence, but he remembered how he had reached out before and it had been Pettigrew. Had he been captured after all then? Was that why he was in a different place?

A hand was laid against his cheek and he flinched away. The hand had been soft, but unfamiliar. It came back and he raised his own to capture it. Taking a deep breath, he let his fingers explore this new person's hand and arm. The hand was soft, but it also felt fleshy, the skin loose over enlarged joints. Leaning forward, he tentatively sniffed. The odor of cat food wafted up and he smiled.

"Mrs. Figg?"

The hand gave him a gentle squeeze of acknowledgement.

"I'm not at Hogwarts any more, am I?" Two squeezes in answer to that one. Harry thought hard for a moment and then felt behind him to touch the headboard. Running his hands over the familiar carved wood of it, he smiled again. "Grimmauld Place, then?" A single squeeze of his hand was followed by a pat to his shoulder, as if he were being told 'well done.'

"Is anyone else here?" Harry didn't want to ask for the professor outright. The man had been wounded in the fight and Harry was worried. The hand squeezed his twice. "So you're taking care of me right now?" Mrs Figg gave his hand another single squeeze before pulling away.

Before Harry could ask what was happening now, he felt the tray being settled across his legs and he adjusted to sit more comfortably. More confident now at managing the trays, Harry felt with his hands around the edges of the plate to see what the meal was and how it was arranged. It was a hamburger and chips. Harry sighed happily as the smell of it drifted up. Mustard and tomato, pickles on the side. Feeling for the napkin, he spread it out between the tray and his front so it would catch any spills.

When he finished, he felt the tray gently taken away and a mug was pressed into his hands. When he had drunk deeply, a potions vial was next. Harry smelled the next dose of Dreamless Sleep and pushed it away, anger beginning to smolder in the pit of his stomach. How could they just send him away without a single effort at explanation. Sure, Mrs Figg was a nice old lady, but that didn't mean she would be someone he enjoyed having as his…what was it called? Not a babysitter, no he was looking for the word for someone who sat with invalids. Shrugging , he addressed her,

"I really don't want to sleep anymore right now. Could you get me my quill and some parchment? Did they send the charmed quill that I had been using?"

He waited until the quill was placed into his hand and smiled his thanks when the parchment followed. "I'll be needing to send these letters when I'm done. Is Hedwig here?" He felt two squeezes of his shoulder and the curl of anger sparked into more. " Are there any owls here to send messages with?"

Two more squeezes had him seething and he fought to control it. Mrs Figg was an innocent bystander. It wasn't her fault that she was stuck here with him.

"I'll just write these, then, and worry about how to send them later. Maybe an owl will show up and I can use it before you send it away." He hoped that the lady understood him alright. When there was no response, he asked, "Mrs. Figg? Are you okay with being here? With me?" There was no response this time and Harry detected a waft of air that could have meant that a door was closing.

So, Mrs Figg either had not heard him, or she had heard him and chose not to answer. Either way, Harry felt cut adrift again. A keeper that couldn't always hear him or understand him…and maybe a keeper who didn't even want to be here with him. The smell of cat food was gradually diminishing, so Harry knew for certain that the old lady had left the room.

With his jaw clenched, he set about writing a set of letters, quill held tightly. It wasn't neat, and it wasn't nice, but then he had not meant them to be. If Mrs Figg found a way to send them for him, the recipients would wonder at his sanity. But he was furious and found the emotion to be growing. The only way he knew to vent it was to spill this diatribe out on the parchment, to lash out at those he imagined to have abandoned him at Grimmauld Place.

HPHPHPHP

Severus whirled around to face Dumbledore after pacing the length of the floor again. "How can you ask this of me? I told you that my spying was done, and I meant it." His black eyes smoldered with anger as he glared at the headmaster. "The chances that Lucius will even consider trusting me are nil."

"He was not in here when the other Death Eaters were fighting you. He does not know that you were protecting Harry."

"I think that after the final battle, he knows. I was standing over the boy's body, hurling every countercurse and hex I could. He could have seen that and you know it." Severus strode to the window and looked out over the grounds that were bright with sunlight on this day. One would not know that the shadow of evil still loomed over them.

The wards had been weaker than they had supposed and Malfoy had obviously found a weak enough area to slip his agents inside the castle itself. They had warded the Infirmary floo against interruption and had been about to attempt to remove Harry from within its walls. They had found a Portkey on one of the Death Eaters, and realized that if Pettigrew had reached them, they would have all been gone before help had arrived. The very thought of Harry in the hands of the Lestranges and Lucius Malfoy made Severus's stomach roll. He was well aware of what the average Death Eater was capable of when bent on revenge. Those were no average Death Eaters.

He turned back to Albus. "And what of my search for the black phoenix? Would you leave Harry without the hope that my finding it might give him?"

"Harry does not know that you are planning to search for it. His continued safety depends on you containing the remaining Death Eaters. You know that the Aurors will not be able to do it alone." He looked sad for a moment and added, "I feel that it's best if you do not see him anymore. He needs to learn the way of coping with his disabilities and we cannot hinder that."

"What do you mean?" Severus's voice was low and dangerous. He had not considered that Dumbledore would forbid him to return to Harry once this discussion was over. In the Infirmary, they had ascertained that Poppy was unhurt, if a little sore. She had quipped that first-hand experience with the pain her patients often had was a valuable experience, but not one she cared to repeat.

Severus had fetched replacement potions and had administered the ones Harry needed himself. Dumbledore had stood there, looking pensive and sad as he watched Severus take care of Harry's needs.

Once they had straightened up the Infirmary and set Hagrid as guard, Dumbledore had disappeared to his tower. He had called Severus up after a few hours and had informed him that he needed to head up the detachment that would go after the Death Eaters. Even as he reviewed this in his mind, his hands clenched into fists at his side.

When Albus remained silent, he repeated, "What do you mean, I should not see him?"

"I have made arrangements for him to go and learn how to deal with his blindness and deafness. It will be best if you do not know where he is, so that the knowledge of it will not be in your mind."

"You believe that Lucius would succeed where the Dark Lord failed, in getting such information from me?"

"I believe that it is not worth the risk. I have failed Harry in many ways as he has grown up. I have placed unbearable responsibilities on shoulders that were too young. He is a man now, and he needs peace. He needs to have the resources to live in his current state."

Severus sneered, "You think that removing him from all he has ever known will help him?"

"I think that he cannot stay here with all he has ever known, when it is now foreign to him." When Severus opened his mouth to argue, he held up a hand. "I scanned him myself, Severus. This last fight took all the magic out of him. Where Poppy caught a glimpse of it after the last battle, I can find none now. I do not know if it will come back. But if it does not, and even if it does, he must be taught to communicate in ways where he understands more than yes and no."

Severus drew himself up. He wanted to scream that Dumbledore had to be wrong that Harry was without magic. Even blind and deaf the boy had disarmed and incapacitated at least three Death Eaters. He could not believe that he had completely drained his magical reserves in doing so.

"I'll just go and say my good-byes then."

"He is already gone." When Severus spun about to face him, Albus added softly, "I saw how you were beginning to regard him, Severus. You would have taken it upon yourself to be his eyes and ears. He would have become as dependent upon you as the infant you once held in your arms." Severus looked shocked that Albus knew about that moment long ago, but the old wizard merely nodded. "Both of you would have eventually become resentful of each other, him because he was so dependent, and you because you had allowed it. You know that I'm right."

Severus looked at him with carefully shuttered eyes. "Perhaps. But now you have taken that choice away from both of us."

"Find the Death Eaters who remain. Harry will never truly be safe until they are gone. Find the Black Phoenix, if you can. Then, I will take you to him." His eyes were not twinkling. They were cold and hard as they gazed at the Potions Master. Severus knew there would be no relenting in his decisions.

Without a word, he turned on his heel and strode from the headmaster's tower. He did not stop until he reached his own warded quarters. There, he gave vent to the rage. He let himself scream all the frustrations of the years. He allowed himself, for a brief moment, to give a name to the feelings he had for Harry Potter. Then he allowed himself to grieve for what would never be. When he was done, his quarters were in a shambles and he did not care.

SSSSSSSS

Harry had written until his fingers were numb. He had been a little irritated when the quill ran right off the parchment. It seemed that it did not automatically shift itself over and offer a new piece in it's place as it had done at Hogwarts. Shrugging, he had began to feel for the bottom of each sheet and then change it himself when he reached it. He hoped that Mrs. Figg could put it into some sort of order before she sent it off.

Now that he was done, he lay back and let his thoughts go where he had tried to keep them from by writing. He had hoped that writing would exorcise the despondency from his mind, but he felt it steal over him anyway.

He had been set aside, that much was clear. He did not know the outcome of the skirmish in the Infirmary. For all he knew, he could have killed Severus…when had he become Severus and not just Snape?...and he found that frightened him. He should not have used magic when he could not see to aim. If he had not harmed Severus, he could very well have harmed someone else he cared about. There could have been more than just Severus and the Death Eaters in the Infirmary.

With a groan of despair, he turned and buried his face in his pillow. Tears leaked out onto the fabric and he could feel the wetness against his cheek. This sense was just about all he had left and he did not think it would be enough.

He laid there for some time, mind drifting from random thought to random thought. Feeling the draft of the door opening against his face, he sat up. "Mrs. Figg?"

He thought that it had to be her. Who else would it be? He tried to get a sense of magic to tell him which of his friends it could be. Maybe they had come to see him? Nothing sparked to give him a clue, but he didn't smell cat food either. Whoever this was, it wasn't the old lady.

The bed dipped as someone sat on its edge and he felt a brief surge of panic. Was Pettigrew back? A hand grasped his own before the panic could grow and he let his other hand close over the top of it. With his two hands he explored the hand on his.

"Professor Dumbledore?" A single squeeze answered him. "Why am I at Grimmauld Place? What happened? Did I hurt anyone? Is Severus alright?"

Albus squeezed the hand in his as comfortingly as possible. The emotions in Harry's face were so clear. He was anxious, afraid, and so lost. With as heavy sigh, he knew that he would have to go into his mind and speak to him. He only hoped that it would not pain him too much.

He reached out a hand and placed it against the side of Harry's face as he murmured the spell that allowed his mind to get inside Harry's. It was not a strict Legillimense, but a spell of psychic connection. Harry had no magic, and a Legillimense could be devastating to someone non-magical. This would not be without discomfort, and he had come prepared with a pain reliever that would be safe enough for even a Muggle.

"Harry? I am so sorry, my boy, that you are in this position."

Harry heard him over the roar of pain that exploded in the temple that Dumbledore touched. "Sir?"

"Just listen to me Harry, for I cannot stay here long. It would prove unbearable for you. Psychic connections must be brief.

"Everyone you care about is safe for now, save those who were killed or injured in the final battle. You are a hero, my boy, and truly the savior of the wizarding world. We owe you our deepest gratitude.

"Your injuries were devastating, as you have discovered. Your magic is gone, for all intents and purposes, as it appears that you have burned it out in this last fight. "

He regretted the sorrow that showed in the boy's face at these words, but he had not time to go gently into the truth of the matter. Determined to get it all said, he went on.

"I have made arrangements for you to board at a renowned school for people with disabilities such as you suffer. There, you will learn how to cope, and in the future, be better equipped to face the world once more. I am sorry for the price you paid."

"My friends? Severus? I want—"

"I'm afraid any contact with anyone from our world would not be healthy for you. You need the distance to become what you may on your own."

"But—"

"It is not negotiable, Harry. I have made up my mind and cannot be swayed. It is for the best, whether or not you think so. A clean break is preferable. In the future, perhaps it will be possible for you to have contact with them again. Until then, know that we have your best interests at heart."

With that final word, Dumbledore withdrew from Harry's mind, leaving only the pain and emptiness behind.

Harry grabbed his head in his hands, even as he screamed at the old wizard, "What about what _I_ want?"

There was no answer except the throbbing. A cup was pressed into his hand and Harry drank from it before he realized that it was not merely pumpkin juice.

"You rotten old man! You've run my whole life and now that I've done your bidding you keep running it! You have no right to keep me from my friends, if they even want to be around me anymore! I hate you! You think I didn't know what you were doing all this time, that I was blind to how you made me into your little killing machine? I may be blind now, but I was not then…" A weariness began to settle over him as the sleeping and pain medicine in the pumpkin juice started working. Harry fought to stay awake and have his say in this last part of awareness. "You drugged me…you coward…you can't stand to hear what I might have to say about my own life…I wish I _had_ died out there…"

He slumped down in a drug-induced stupor, green eyes glazing over. For a moment, Albus worried that he had used too much of the Muggle drug in the pumpkin juice. He held a finger to the pulse point in Harry's neck. It was strong, if a little rapid. Nodding in satisfaction, he stood up. A wave of his wand had what little of Harry's Muggle clothing folded on the bed. He conjured a duffle bag and waved the clothes into it, followed by a few toiletries. He shook his head sadly at how little it was, really. He reminded himself to leave enough funds for the school to acquire new clothes for Harry as he settled in.

Mrs. Figg was in the doorway, tearfully wringing her hands. "It is for the best, Arabella. He will learn what he needs to know to be able to be independent. You know that he will understand that someday."

"Yes, Albus. I know. I'm just worried about if he will make it to that day. After what he wrote on all those parchments…"

"Ah, yes, you mentioned those before. Would you be so kind as to get them for me?"

She nodded and left the room. Down in the kitchen, she looked over them as she gathered them. Letters meant for those whom he felt had abandoned him, railing at them for it and then pleading for them to come and help him. Letters recounting old memories of camaraderie, and fights, and making up in the end. At the bottom of the stack, a letter recounting years of mistrust that had grown into respect and finally caring. She saw Harry's raw need in it, could almost feel his despondency. She had watched from the door of his room as he had written this one. She knew how he had struggled to come to terms with his feelings.

She took this letter and folded it, shoving it into the pocket of her tatty house coat. This one she would deliver herself. She wanted to make sure the recipient understood how Harry had agonized over the writing of it, how he had poured his very soul into it.

She handed the other stack of parchment over to Albus back in the bedroom of the Boy Who Lived Only To Be Alone. The headmaster looked over them slowly, glancing through their words.

"This is all of them, then?"

She nodded. He walked to the fireplace and laid the stack on top of the embers there. In astonishment, she watched as he waved a hand so that they caught fire. As they turned to ash, he turned to her.

"It will be for the best for them all."

Swallowing, she nodded, hoping that he could not see in her face that she had kept that one missive back. But it seemed he did not even think to suspect that she would hide anything from him.

"Thank you, Arabella, for taking care of him for a bit. I will return in a few hours to fetch him. He should sleep until then. Then you may get back to your own peaceful life."

She nodded again, though how he ever thought she could be at peace after all that had happened to this boy, she didn't know.

Albus left the house to make final arrangements for Harry's future.

HPHPHPHP

_**A/N:**__ Thank you to everyone who has been so kind as to review! I appreciate it and Miss Muse loves them better than chocolate frogs!_

_Thank you logicalquirk for your patient corrections and fast turn around of the chapters!_


	7. Chapter 7

**Black Phoenix**

Chapter 7

Severus whirled in his perpetual blackness and faced his childhood friend and adult comrade. "Lucius, you know that I had no choice but to fight for the boy right within the very halls of Hogwarts. If you had but given me some notice, we might have planned it better."

Lucius sat back behind his massive black marble desk and contemplated Severus. " I only know that your loyalty is still in question, old friend. I had the misfortune of being out of the country during the last battle, or else I could have witnessed for myself whether or not you came to the defense of our lord."

He stood up and used his silver snake-headed cane to tap on the desk top. " As it is, I find myself in the position of being the most able to keep the remaining body of Death Eaters together." He spared a moment to look pleased with himself before looking at Severus. "You were an invaluable aid to the Dark Lord, and I have need of your continued service."

Severus raised his head to peer down his nose. "Did you think I would be amenable to your bid for power? You delude yourself if you believe that I would submit myself to another master."

The steel gray eyes were hard as they stared back into the black ones. "And _you_ delude yourself if you believe that you have a choice, my friend." From a doorway behind him, Bellatrix and Rodolphus Lestrange emerged. Time and loss of their master had not made them any less insane, if the strange light in their eyes was any indication. They held their wands pointed at him, a breathless sort of demented laugh, cackling, spilling from Bellatrix.

Severus maintained his sneering expression. "I'll not follow behind you Lucius, but I _will_ walk beside you."

Lucius lowered his cane, tilting his head as if that possibility had not occurred to him. "Malfoys do not share power," he stated darkly.

"It is not power I desire," Severus murmured, "but revenge."

Lucius threw his head back and laughed. As Severus expected, his words had the desired effect on the blond man. The Lestranges lowered their wands. Lucius sat on the edge of the desk. "I'll consider a slightly unequal partnership, if you take a wizard's oath that you do not want to be the master."

"Agreed." Black eyes glittered intensely.

He held out his wand, handle first. Lucius did the same and they tapped each other's ends.

"Do you swear not to try to take my place as new Lord of Darkness?" Lucius asked.

"I do so swear," Snape agreed.

Golden strands shot out of both wand tips, and wrapped themselves around the hands of Snape and Malfoy, before disappearing.

Lucius relaxed then, putting his wand away. The Lestranges moved away to sit on a sofa in the corner, both looking unhappy with this event. Severus could hear them grumbling that they'd better have a partnership as well, if Severus was going to have one. Lucius ignored them, keeping his focus on Severus.

"The first thing to prove your loyalty is to tell us where Potter is. Revenge against him, for killing the Dark Lord, cannot come soon enough."

Severus moved over to the bar where he poured himself a drink of Firewhisky. He drank it down in one gulp, his face never betraying a grimace at the burn of it. "Dumbledore has removed him from Hogwarts and he is the only one who knows where the brat is now."

"Then you will find out and tell me," Lucius snapped.

Severus sneered at him. "If it suits me, and if I find the time in all the other pursuits I have."

Lucius looked annoyed but did not argue. He did have plans to use the Potion Master's expertise later on, and he knew he had to stay in good graces, for all the man might have sworn not to challenge him as leader.

Snape turned to leave and then, as if in after-thought, he turned back to Malfoy. "Your son survived, did you know? He is in St. Mungo's. "

Lucius stiffened. "He is not my son. He turned his back on all I hold dear when he made his choice of allegiance. It would be better if he dies. It would save us both shame."

"I understand that you feel that way. I only mentioned it in case you felt differently now that the Dark Lord is gone. It might be better to mend the relationship rather than throw it away. He is your heir, after all."

Lucius remained silent for so long that Severus thought that he wasn't going to respond to that. Lucius finally broke the silence.

"Too much has happened to mend it. Too much has been said and done."

Severus took the chance to add, "It appears that he was injured by the Dark Lord's wand during the battle. The injuries cannot be healed and no one knows why."

Lucius smirked knowingly. "The black phoenix feather in the core of the Master's wand…it would have been, should have been unstoppable. It is not surprising that the injuries are impervious to normal healing practices."

"Was it so rare and special then? How did the Dark Lord come by it?" Severus asked calmly.

"The master tortured the wandmaker Ollivander for months. Healing and then torturing to within bare inches of his life. The old fool finally broke and told us where the mythological Black Phoenix could be found. Turns out that the bird was not a myth after all. The power in its body, the magic it possessed was stronger than any other magical creature, anywhere."

He stared out into space at the memories. "Ollivander agreed to make the new wand, thinking that he would be set free afterwards."

"The Dark Lord killed him then?"

Lucius laughed. "Killed? I think not. The old man is merely a broken soul now, though. He doesn't even tend to his own personal needs anymore. House elves manage him."

"Then where is he?"

Lucius looked sharply at Severus. "One would think that you had disloyal motives for having such an interest in the wandmaker and his craft."

"Not at all." Severus appeared to be insulted at the accusation. "I was merely curious. It does not appear to have worked, after all, does it?"

"Not for the Dark Lord, unfortunately. He underestimated Potter yet again. But it could have worked. The brat was injured far worse than he ever has been before. What were the extent of those injuries, by the way?"

"I would not know, as I was not permitted near the boy afterwards. It seems my presence was…upsetting to him." He knew that Lucius understood the years of torment that Severus had put Harry through as a student. He also knew that Lucius was a skilled Legilimens, and he kept his mental shields carefully in place without a flicker of hesitation to betray that he was doing so. Out loud, he gave voice to feelings that were truthful and helpful to his cause in getting back in Lucius's good graces.

"The old fool Dumbledore is hovering over the boy so possessively that he does not even let his Gryffindor friends in to see him. The man is smothering the boy. I fear he will die of suffocation before any of you can finish him off."

Lucius laughed in delight, as did Bellatrix. Rodolphus merely looked insane as he used a sharp knife to carve into the arm of the sofa. Lucius saw him and snapped his fingers like one would to a dog. Rodolphus glared as he transfigured the knife back into his wand. He sat sullenly as Lucius repaired the damaged wood with a wave of his own wand.

When Lucius looked back at Severus, he shook his head. Quietly, he said, "Those two bear watching. They are loyal, but…"

"Insane?" offered Severus.

"Quite," he agreed.

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When Harry next woke up, he could sense that he was in a different place, again. There was no musty scent of Grimmauld Place, and no antiseptic, sharp smells of the Hogwarts Infirmary. As he lay there becoming aware, he desperately tried to place the feelings he got from the air around him. He could detect no magic, but then Dumbledore had said his magic was all but gone. That thought stopped him. Had Dumbledore said that he expected it would come back? Harry couldn't remember. A sense of panic welled up, the blackness and silence making it hard to breathe. Sitting up, he gasped breaths he couldn't hear but only feel in his constricted chest.

Hands touched his shoulder then, and he grabbed at them, needing the anchor in the abyss, no matter if it were friend or foe. The hand was warm and allowed Harry to hang on until his breathing evened out. He felt the hand open his then, and other fingers began to make some kind of motions against his palm.

Harry tilted his head in concentration. "Are you trying to tell me something?"

There were two quick taps against his palm. "No? Then what…" There was more touching of his hand and fingers, the patterns odd, so that Harry knew they meant something.

"Who are you?" The hands tapped out more signs on his fingers and palm. "I don't understand. Are you telling me your name?" Two quick taps on his palm and the hands brought Harry's hand to a face that was nodding. "So two taps mean yes, now? I've been used to one tap for yes and two for no. What is the sign for no?" The hands made a motion against his palm as if erasing something there.

Harry relaxed a little bit. This was obviously someone he didn't know, but who apparently meant him no harm. He felt more signing against his palm and he asked, "Are you talking to me with your hands?" Two taps. "I don't understand what you are saying. I don't know this."

The hands began to make more insistent signs after touching Harry. "Is that my name? Did you spell Harry? How did you know it? Where am I? Did Dumbledore bring me here? Is this a magical school for the blind and deaf?"

The hands had stilled when Harry had begun to ask question after question. Harry finally noticed and stopped his barrage.

"I'll ask yes or no questions, then, okay?" Two taps. "Am I at some sort of hospital?"

That was answered by the erasive motion. "Is it a school then?" Two taps.

"Did Professor Dumbledore bring me here?" Two taps.

"Do I have to live here?" Two taps and Harry panicked again. "But I don't know this, I don't know you, I can't stay here!"

The hands had stilled again, waiting for Harry to regain his control, simply holding onto him gently.

After a few minutes, Harry asked quietly, "Am I here to learn? So people can talk to me with their hands?" Two taps and a gentle hug answered him. Harry thought that this must be a woman, then. A woman who seemed to be a motherly sort, if the hug was any indication. She felt soft and cushioned when he was hugged by her.

She sat him away from her and a tray was placed in his lap. Her hands guided his around the edge of the plate, stopping to sign what Harry guessed were the names of the food he found there. Finally, the hands left him to feed himself. Harry didn't know if she was watching, but he was determined to do as good a job at it as possible. Taking his napkin, he spread it between the plate and his body and proceeded to eat the roast beef and vegetables that were there. At Hogwarts, someone had cut his meat up for him. Here, he found that he had to either saw the fork across the meat, try to manipulate the knife he found on the tray, or simply pick up a hunk of meat and take a bite. He tried the knife, thinking that he needed to learn it anyway. The first bite was rather easy to cut off and get to his mouth. The second attempt made the meat slide off his plate and into his lap. He scooped it up with his fingers and laid it back down on the plate. It overbalanced and slid off the side of his legs, spilling not only the meat but the vegetables onto the bed beside him.

He felt the heat of embarrassment flood his face as he tried to right everything, but felt like he made the mess worse. Finally, with a cry of frustration, he picked up the plate and threw it with all his might. The food that remained on the bed quickly followed it.

He couldn't do this. He couldn't take the darkness and the silence. He couldn't learn do whatever it took to deal with it. He shouldn't even be here. He should be dead a dozen times over. What crazy god had ordained that he have the sort of life that just kept on giving him misery? Hadn't it been enough that he lose his parents at an early age and be made to live with relatives who hated him? Hadn't it been enough that he had to fight off a crazed madman every year of his school career? Hadn't it been enough that he had to take on the overwhelming duty of being the one prophesied to kill the bastard? Hadn't been enough that he had finally done it?

In a rage, he climbed out of the soiled bed and ripped the sheets off, flinging them away. His hands found the pillow and he grabbed it, using it as a bludgeon against the now bare mattress. He beat at the mattress until he couldn't stand up anymore. The tears flowed down hot and heavy, his nose running right along with it. Wiping his face on his sleeve, he slumped down to the floor. On his hands and knees, he banged his head against the floor as he cried.

"Why can't I just die? Why can't this just be over? Why can't magic fix this?"

At the door, the school director stood with the man who had brought Harry to the School for The DeafBlind. Professor Dumbledore was dressed in a conservative Muggle suit, his beard and long hair tucked carefully inside the shirt. He turned to the woman.

"This is the first time he has truly given in to his feelings."

"It is entirely normal, Mr. Dumbledore. He has lost two of the most important senses used, and he is understandably distressed. The sooner he gets the anger out of his system, the sooner we can begin to work with him."

"Harry has been through a great deal." He gave the woman a piercing look. "He is not mad, but I fear he has developed fantasies about a magical world. He hopes that his injuries can be made to go away with the wave of a magic wand."

"We have dealt with more fragile minds. Harry will be fine. Once he settles in, he will learn to be independent. After he has been here a few months, he can have visitors. Until then, it will be best if he does not have the distraction."

"I understand, dear lady. His well-being is our priority." He handed her a slip of paper. "This is the address through which I may be reached. Any expenses will of course be covered completely. Harry has a trust fund that has been established to deal with them."

"Yes, your paperwork is all in order. Thank you for entrusting his care to us."

With a final, sad look at the sobbing form on the floor, Albus Dumbledore walked out of the school. Down the street out of sight, he Apparated back to the boundaries of Hogwarts where he transformed his clothing back to robes. He allowed himself a single tear that he vanished away before it rolled down his craggy cheek.

Straightening his shoulders, he prepared to face the combined ire of Harry's Head of House, the Weasleys, and Hermione Granger. At least Severus had already gone on the mission to find out how many Death Eaters they were dealing with. He had thought the younger wizard would curse him to hell and back before he was done with his tirade when Harry had been removed from Hogwarts.

HPHPHPHP

It had taken Severus several months of Death Eater involvement before he truly earned Lucius trust. It took another couple before the Lestranges did not growl at him like mad dogs when he appeared in the Malfoy Mansion.

It was six months before he was able to discover where Ollivander had been held all this time. The Malfoy residence in Provence was one that Lucius regularly visited, but had never invited Severus to.

After six months, Lucius had finally confided that the old wand maker was secreted away in the basement of the smaller but still opulent mansion in France. He confided that he had the wand maker researching the ultimate wand for him to use in his own bid for dark lordship. Severus had sneered in agreement, while inside he shuddered at the thought of Malfoy in such a position of control. The man was speaking of overthrowing the Ministry, for Merlin's sake! He planned on doing it within the year, something the real Dark Lord had planned out for over a decade! If he hadn't wanted to find out as much as possible about the wand maker's whereabouts, he would have done away with the arrogant aristocrat long ago.

Severus was waiting, holding off telling the Auror Corps that he had found all the Death Eaters, daring to hope that the wand maker would be in good enough mental health to help him. He wanted to find the Black Phoenix, obtain tears if it was willing, and return to try and heal Harry.

For six months his sleep had been filled with Harry Potter's green eyes. For six months he planned how he would go to Dumbledore with the phoenix tears and demand that Albus take him to Harry.

The Headmaster had told him that Harry had been hidden away for his own safety. His magic was gone and Harry needed to learn coping skills to use in the Muggle world. Severus had barely restrained himself from strangling the man with his bare hands when he refused to allow any of Harry's friends to say good-bye. He claimed that it was better for the break from the magical world to be clean. Severus argued that Harry was likely to feel discarded by them all if he was simply put away without a word.

Albus knew that Severus had begun to have feelings for Harry and he had nipped that in the bud, telling Severus that it would only foster dependence and resentment if Harry didn't learn to live on his own first. Severus hated that the old man was probably right, and it had taken all his self control to put up his façade of cold disdain and take up the mantle of spy once again.

After it was all said and done, would Harry forgive him for apparently abandoning him? He could barely forgive himself by telling himself this was all for Harry.

He waited in the headmaster's office for the old wizard to return. Fawkes sat on his perch, eyeing Severus sharply. Severus walked over to him and reached out a hand to pet the bird. Fawkes allowed it, even leaning into the touch a little, surprising Severus.

"I don't suppose that you know where that damn black bird is, do you?" Severus murmured.

Fawkes merely cocked his head at the Potions Master, looking sad. Dumbledore emerged from the floo and sat down behind his desk. He took up a quill before speaking.

"I have passed the Ministry the information about the Death Eaters that you have given me. Aurors are being assigned as we speak, and arrests will be made as soon as the Ministry coordinates efforts with the French Ministry."

Severus sat down in the chair positioned in front of the desk. "I want the wand maker. I will take him from the premises myself. If the Ministry gets hold of him, I will have to wait ages before being allowed to speak to him. If he knows where the Black Phoenix is, I want the information as soon as possible."

Dumbledore peered over the tops of his half-moon glasses at the younger wizard. He could see that the man was exhausted from the traveling between the two countries, keeping up pretenses of still being a Death Eater. He knew that his next words would not sit well, but there was no help for it.

"If you are there, you will be arrested as well, Severus. There will be no distinction between you and the others."

Severus glowered. "You said that you would explain my role to the MLE."

"And I will, in time. What you need to be thinking about is how much better off Harry is, where he is now, without all this around him."

Severus exploded. "You never meant to tell me where he is, did you? You never meant to allow me to try and find the Black Phoenix!"

"Calm yourself, Severus." Albus leaned back in his seat, templing his fingers thoughtfully. "I simply believe that your life would be better spent than—"

"You meddling bastard! How dare you continue to dictate how my life should be spent? I have given more than half my life to your service, doing your bidding, helping to rid the world of darkness and you sit there—"

"I saved you from serving only a dark master," Albus glared at him with icy blue eyes. "You were spared Azkaban only by my behest."

"And I have paid the debt I owe you for that many times over!" Severus growled. He gathered his control and wrapped it tightly around himself, fighting the urge to reach across the desk and throttle the old manipulative wizard. He stood up and turned to the door.

The soft voice stopped him from leaving. "I have always only done what I believed was right. I loved him too, and I wanted him safe. He paid a dear price for saving us all and he deserves peace now. You deserve it as well, and I only wanted to give you that peace."

Without turning around, Severus gave a stiff nod. Then he said quickly, "If you do not tell me his whereabouts, you may expect my resignation."

"Severus—"

The door closed behind Severus and he did not hear what else Albus had to say. He made his way quickly to the dungeons, avoiding students, which was quite easy, since they scattered at his approach.

Pouring himself a glass of Firewhisky he paced the dungeon floor. Was Harry's magic really gone for good? Perhaps with time, he had regained it. If Albus had not checked, he would not necessarily know that Harry was still as magical as a squib. He went to the desk and snapped his fingers. A large book appeared there. The pages were thin and the cover flimsy, but Severus was familiar with its type. It was yet another Muggle directory, one of many that Severus had pored through. He took out the parchment list that already had a number of entries. After scanning it, he opened the new directory and began another search for possible institutions that helped the blind and deaf.

HPHPHPHP

_**A/N**__: I so appreciate all the words of advice and encouragement from you all! This story was not originally meant to be a soap box for the DeafBlind community, but if it has helped it gain understanding in even a small way, then I am glad of it. I hope that I have not butchered the way things are taught in a school for this community, as I am not an expert. All errors in how communication actually takes place, both in this chapter, past chapters, and the next chapters are mine alone and I hope that the learned among you will forgive them as they stand._

_Thank you __**logicalquirk **__for your kind assistance in beta reading this fic!_

_**A/N2:**__ Wow! All your Dumbledore hating has shaken me! He is control freak here, but I never really meant for him to be a villain. However, if you see him that way, I understand. Just understand , also, that many of you may not get your wish to see the old coot decimated! I am currently writing the last few chapters. Your opinions have been altering some of the plans I had, so I cannot actually promise that you won't see him get his just desserts. But … no more spoilers!_

_Happy New Year to you all!_


	8. Chapter 8

**Black Phoenix**

Chapter 8

_Need and struggle are what excite and inspire us; our hour of triumph is what brings the void._

_-William James_

_Our strength is often composed of the weaknesses we're damned if we're going to show._

_-Mignon McLaughlin_

The sunshine felt very good on Harry's upturned face. He sat with his head thrown back to the warmth of the rays, imagining that his surroundings were the shores of the lake by Hogwarts. He imagined that he was merely taking a rest from his studies with Ron and Hermione, and had dozed off for a bit.

He frowned as he remembered that in reality, his two former friends had finished at Hogwarts. It was long past the time when they would have taken their NEWT's and graduated. Perhaps they were even engaged by now, ready to begin that next great adventure.

For a few moments he tried to imagine himself in a similar situation. Would he have tried to make a go of it with Ginny? He knew that the young girl had crushed on him. For all the teasing that happened, though, he had never been able to summon up the sort of feeling that Ron obviously had for Hermione. In fact, when he tried to imagine a future with anyone, he always came up blank, except for a set of black eyes that pierced his very soul. It was ludicrous, really, that he could not seem to shake the crush he had on the snarky man. Even now, when it was apparent that he was on his own, without remaining connection to the world of magic, he could not escape the thoughts of him, and the heat it caused deep in his body.

Harry had no great experience in the ways of it, but it no longer troubled him. He was not likely to ever meet anyone significant in his condition.

He smirked, knowing that if Mina knew he was 'obsessing' again, she would fuss at him. Mina had been his first teacher, the one who painstakingly and patiently taught him to sign. At first, Harry did not understand why he needed to learn to sign, too. He thought that it would be enough that he know what someone else was trying to tell him and he could answer verbally. After awhile, she had made it clear that while he was DeafBlind, there were others here who were Deaf from birth, and they could not hear Harry when he spoke. If he wanted to communicate with them he had to learn to sign back to them.

So it was that Harry learned the fluid language of hands, the subtle nuances of pressure of palm and fingers that gave inflections to the signed words, even more so than spoken words. Mina also taught him how to spell words into the hands of someone who did not understand the signed language. It came in handy if he was ever in a place where he needed to understand what was happening and the person present could easily master the finger writing of the alphabet into the palm of his hand. It was laborious, and not as graceful, but helpful.

Mina praised him as an apt pupil, telling him that he had mastered the language more quickly than she had thought he would. Harry knew that was a reference to when he had first arrived at the school, depressed beyond belief, despondent, and unwilling to let himself be drawn into any sort of communication with hands.

One day, Mina had come into the room, Harry feeling the door opening, having learned the feel of pressure changes in the air, along with the draft that came when a door opened or closed, or when a person was moving nearby. Harry knew Mina could hear him. She had always responded to his verbal exchanges. He barked at her to leave him alone and he waited for the draft telling him she had complied. Instead, he felt someone sit on the bed. This person was not heavy, like the motherly woman. He had a lighter feel to him and Harry reached out curiously.

A child sat on his bed, he realized with surprise. "Who are you? Did _she_ bring you here?" he asked rudely, because he did not as yet even know Mina's name.

The child took Harry's hand and began to spell into it, rapidly but firmly. Harry tried to pull away but the child was relentless, insistently spelling a string of words into Harry's hand. Then the child pulled Harry's hands towards him, making him touch the child's eyes, then his ears. Even without understanding the sign language, Harry understood what they were telling him. This child had the same disabilities as he did. This child knew how to communicate. The challenge was very clear. Was Harry resigned to living alone in the darkness and silence, or would he be as this child and learn what it took to become a part of the world again?

"Okay. You've given me something to consider. I'll think about it. Now please get out."

Harry knew that the woman heard him, because the child who had indicated that he was deaf and blind was removed from his bed. Harry felt the draft of his door closing.

Getting up from his bed, he made his awkward way across to the bathroom. Standing at the sink, he wondered if there was a mirror above it. A magic mirror would likely be lamenting Harry's hair. He could feel that it was getting longer, but no one had offered to cut it. He washed his face, feeling around for a towel to dry it. For a long time he stood there.

He had thought that he had been unceremoniously dumped here by a world eager to be rid of the burden of him. Was it possible that he was wrong about that? What if they had meant well? What if they knew that this was the one chance he had to learn how to deal with his injuries?

For a few days, he had mulled this over in his mind. He wanted to stay angry at them all for abandoning him. But his gut instincts told him that they had been doing what was right by him. Coddling him would have only made him more dependent and in the long run more suicidal. He had eventually felt in front of him in the bathroom and knew that there was a mirror there, in fact. He had wondered if it was spelled unbreakable, and then remembered that this was a Muggle place. He had been trying to feel the magical signatures and had come up empty every time. After awhile he stopped trying to detect them, as there were none here, or else he wasn't able to sense magic anymore. Either way, it was much too depressing.

The next time a meal was delivered to him, he stood up. "I'd like to sit at a table, please."

After a brief moment, he was led from the room. He felt the difference in the air when he was brought to a much larger room. The woman's gentle touch had him sitting down into a straightback chair in front of a long table. Tentatively putting his hands out to either side, he felt other chairs there, one of which was occupied. He quickly drew in that hand with a murmured apology when it met the feel of someone's hip. The owner of that hip seized his hand as it withdrew and began a rapidly signed one-sided conversation.

Alarmed, Harry tugged his hand away. The woman's gentle hands returned and the utensils were pointed out to him, then the routine of circling the plate, naming the foods placed on it. He found that it was actually easier to eat at the table, where he had a stable surface for cutting the food into bites.

The whole change of scenery seemed to unlock something in him. He did not have to stay bound to his room, to the bed. He could sit at a dining table again. There were other people who dealt with the same struggles he had. It occurred to him that if a child could learn to survive like this, he ought to be able to. He had survived an abusive family. He had survived the most evil wizard in history. He had survived with these physical challenges. The key to living with it and not merely surviving was here in this school. Would he ignore it and throw it away, or would he seize it and make a life for himself?

The next day, when the woman came to his room, he told her that he was ready to get started. She hugged him tightly in response and she set to work teaching Harry the fundamental Deafblind Alphabet. He was a quick learner and after a week, he knew her name and the names of the people he sat down to eat with. He knew how to understand the names of the food on his plate before he smelled it or stuck a finger in it. The first time Harry successfully asked a question in sign and received an answer from the Deafblind child, they all joined in a group hug, knowing that a hurdle had been crossed.

Harry had been a voracious student, drinking in everything around him, asking for it to be described to him as he felt or smelled it. Mina had begun to teach him the Braille Alphabet so that he could read again, when Harry told her how he missed it.

So it was on this sunny and warm day that Harry had been sitting on a bench, reading one of the Braille detective novels from the school library, when he felt a shadow block the sun from his face.

"Hello? Mina? Is that you?"

After a moment, her hands answered him, but seemed hesitant. "There is a stranger here. But he is just curious. I was explaining about your challenges and how you communicate with others."

Mina had told Harry that the school was surrounded by a city neighborhood, and that people passed by their fenced boundaries all the time. So he was not surprised by someone stopping and asking questions. He was surprised at how hesitant Mina seemed.

"You seem worried, Mina. What is it?"

"It's nothing, Harry. I just don't like strangers bothering my students."

"Okay, then." Harry opened his book and began to read again, appearing to dismiss the stranger from his thoughts as he dove back into the written word.

Mina looked at the tall stranger standing near the bench. "You knew him before, didn't you?"

"Yes."

She shivered at the repressed emotion in that single word. "No one has ever come to see him. I told the man who brought him, Mr. Dumbledore, that his friends could see him after a few months. I sent him reports and all he ever did was send back his sincere thanks for the update." Her eyes accused him silently for abandoning Harry.

"I can assure you that I would have been here sooner to check on him if I had known where he was." His eyes never left the young man on the bench. Mina softened then, recognizing the eyes.

"He has dreamed of you." He looked up at her sharply and she smiled gently. "He remembers your black eyes. He told me you were a 'snarky bastard'. I told him that snarky wasn't a word. He told me that if I met you, I would say that it was."

After several more minutes of silence passed, she asked, "Wouldn't you like to let him know that you are here?"

Severus shook his head. He had searched for months. He would floo to the Leaky Cauldron, where he stepped into Muggle London to use the telephone, calling every school he found listed as a school for the deaf and blind. It had finally occurred to him that Albus would not have admitted him under his real name. Many variations were tried and he had finally found a Harry Evans at this school.

Now he was here, and he could not stop drinking in the sight of him. He did not wear dark glasses like so many of the blind and his eyes were still that same electrifying green. His hair was long and pulled up in a tail. The lightening bolt scar was faded but still present. He wished he would speak again so that he could hear his voice.

He had resigned, as he had told Albus he would. The old wizard had begged him to reconsider, but still refused to tell him where Harry was. They had huge arguments about whether or not Harry deserved to be able to say good-bye to the world he had saved or whether or not he should be given the option to remain a part of it. Albus insisted that it was best for Harry to get his fresh start and that Severus should leave him be. Severus had stormed from the castle. Ron Weasley had married Hermione Granger and they kept in touch with the results of Severus's search, both for Harry and the Black Phoenix. They were at odds with the headmaster over his refusal to divulge Harry's whereabouts , as well.

The remaining Death Eaters had been rounded up and incarcerated in Azkaban. Ollivander was in the long term ward at St. Mungo's. Severus visited him regularly, hoping for a spark in those old eyes to tell him that something intelligent still lived there. He had searched for the Black Phoenix, following several trails of supposed myth to dead ends. If it existed, only Ollivander knew where, but he was in no condition to tell.

The woman, Mina, Harry had called her, was still watching him as he watched Harry. He spoke softly, his voice just as Harry described it, dark velvet, deep, thrilling. "Will you teach me the language? I would like to be able to speak to him directly when we meet again."

Normally, Mina would have referred him to the Auxiliary Family Services, where family members were taught. But she saw the pain in the black eyes and it mirrored the pain that she often saw in Harry's when he spoke of his past. Harry believed that he was forever closed off from wherever it was that he came from. He was resigned to living here at the school for the time being, a decision made when he found that his trust fund was apparently bottomless. His new friends were here. He could easily communicate here. He had grown comfortable here.

But she knew he yearned for a part of the past. He yearned for this man and obviously this man needed him just as badly. She nodded. "I will teach you. If you are as quick a student as he is, it won't take long."

Severus bristled at the insinuation that he might be slower than Potter at anything. Then his shoulders sagged a little. For now it was enough that he had found him. He had hoped that Harry might sense the presence of magic nearby and recognize him by it. Whether he could not, or whether it was simply something he was no longer used to doing, it appeared that Harry did recognize his being near.

"I will be here every day at ten." With that, he finally turned and walked away.

Mina jumped when Harry spoke. "It was Severus, wasn't it?" She looked at him in surprise and then sat down beside him, taking the hand he held out.

"How did you know?"

"His presence is…distinctive. What did he say?"

"He wants to learn to sign, so he can communicate with you."

For a moment, Harry's face crumpled, then he straightened. "What did you answer?"

"I said I would. If you would rather I not—"

"I appreciate it, Mina. Thanks."

She pressed his hand between hers and then left him to his book. But he wasn't really reading. He was looking off in the direction that Severus had gone in.

HPHPHP

Severus sat in the last place he had ever expected to be: the living room of Ron and Hermione Weasley. Hermione handed him a glass, half full of Firewhisky. He rolled the glass restlessly between his hands before taking a sip.

Minerva McGonagall sat primly in an armchair, sipping at a cup of tea. They all looked at each other for an awkward few moments.

"So, how did he look?" Hermione finally asked.

Severus nodded, "He looked healthy. He appears to be eating well. In fact, I don't think he ever looked as rested or relaxed at Hogwarts."

"Well, he doesn't have a madman after him anymore, does he?" Ron spoke up. "I suppose he would be resting better now. He never slept well before."

"Never?" Minerva asked.

"He put up silencing charms around his bed as soon as he learned them. He was embarrassed if he woke us up with his nightmares," Ron explained.

"Did you never think to inform me of this, Mr. Weasley?" Minerva asked, clearly distressed at knowing this too late.

Ron ducked his head, still very much a boy in front of his old professors. "When he found out that I knew, he swore me to secrecy. He said that he felt different enough as it was, and he didn't want to be any more set apart." He looked up at Severus. "He actually slept better after you started training him in Occlumency. Then he had the Dreamless Sleep Potion almost every night, and it helped."

"It should have eliminated the nightmares, not simply have helped them," Severus said accusingly.

"Harry never followed what should have's. The potion took the edges off mostly, and he did sleep a bit better. But he still had nightmares. I'd wake up because I put up charms so I'd know to get up and help him settle back down. He never wanted any one to know."

Severus grimaced at the burn of his drink going down when he swallowed the rest of it. "I asked the woman taking care of him to teach me to sign," he said quickly.

Hermione smiled, "That's great! Ron and I have sort of been teaching ourselves, hoping that one day we would be able to use it! What did he say when you showed up like that?"

Severus stood up and went to the small bar. Pouring himself another drink he answered. "He did not know I was there. He didn't sense my magic."

"You just left? Without a word?" Minerva asked in disbelief.

"The woman said that no one has been to see him since he was brought in. Albus receives letters about his progress and thanks her, but he has never returned. He likely believes that he was abandoned by our world and I was loathe to find out how angry he might be over it."

"So you were a coward," Ron said flatly.

Severus whirled about and glared, looking ready to draw his wand. Hermione stepped in between them and laid a hand on his arm. 'Severus, we are just trying to understand. We understand how you feel about him. Why did you leave without saying anything?"

He glared down into her brown eyes for a few moments and then turned away. "I could not offer him anything by way of explanation. I could not tell him that he had been missed. I want to be able to give him the answers he deserves. I can't do that yet. But I will learn. I will keep trying to find the way to heal his eyes and ears. When I can give him that—"

"Just give him yourself," Hermione said softly.

The room was silent as they waited to see what Severus would say to that. But they never heard it, because he set his glass down and walked out of the little house before Apparating away.

HPHPHPHP

Harry knew now that there was no magic here at the school where he lived. He had tried intermittently to sense it in different rooms, in different people who lived and worked there. When he didn't feel it, he thought that he must really be a squib, or else he had really been landed back in the Muggle world where Dumbledore believed he belonged. For a long time, Harry thought that someone would come for him eventually, once he had learned how to receive signed language. Then, when they didn't, he knew that it had been decided that he was no longer needed.

By that time, he had been making friends at the school and had settled into a pleasant routine, as a good Muggle would.

But now, he knew that he could still sense magic. So his ability to do magic must have come back. He knew the moment Severus stepped near him and the shock of it was almost overwhelming. He could feel the man standing there looking at him. He could feel those deep black eyes on him, as if hungry for the sight of him. He had suppressed a shiver at the awareness, remaining perfectly still as he asked Mina who was there. He knew Mina felt some alarm, because he felt her hesitate.

Once he began to become more fluent in sign, he had confided in her as any child might to a mother. Having never had a mother figure, it had been easy enough for him to spill his fears and anxieties over his sexual orientation, his questions about how he was to know what was right and what was real. She had been matter-of-fact about it all, helping him come to terms with it, being non-judgmental and accepting. She had let him grieve over the love he never had and thought he had lost forever. She listened to him recount the dreams of the one with deepest black eyes and the velvet bass voice; how he missed them, how he longed for them.

Yes, he had known the moment she saw those eyes, for he felt them sear him as he sat there on the bench, watching him, waiting for him to react.

He had not shown reaction, because he didn't know why Severus had come. Why had he not said good-bye before Dumbledore had taken him away? Why hadn't any of them said good-bye? For a moment the resentment had come roaring back, even more intense after all this time.

Then he began to reason that if his magic was gone, perhaps they had been trying to be kind. He didn't belong in that world if they believed his magic to be destroyed. If he had no magic, then magical efforts would not likely work for him. He had often wondered if it might be possible for him to have one of those all-seeing eyes like Moody had worn. Then, he decided that it had been pretty creepy and he wouldn't want people looking at him and shuddering. It was probably one of those one-of-a-kind things, anyway, because it hadn't been offered after all.

When he had become amenable to learning to sign, he also allowed the doctors at the school to examine him. Apparently, Dumbledore had left them only a little information, telling them that his name was Harry Evans and that he had been injured in 'the war', by a bomb blast. When Harry understood this, he wondered at the headmaster's ingenuity. So many wars were being fought in the Muggle world that it was quite easy for the doctors to believe that he had been yet another casualty of its senselessness. His depression and anger made sense to them, even if they didn't know the real story. The physical effects of his injuries were explained to him. He was totally and irreparably blind and deaf. At some point in the future, it might be possible for him to have a cochlear implant to return a small part of his hearing ability.

For now, he was immersed in the world of the sensory impaired and taught how to 'see' and 'hear' with his hands. He learned to feel subtle vibrations and give them meanings. It wasn't too different than when he was feeling the differences in the magic of his friends. But that had even been stripped away when he had overspent the little reserve he had left in the Infirmary fight.

But he had felt Severus's magic as the man stood beside the bench. He knew who it was. He could have taken a guess as to how far away he was standing. He felt his eyes on him, and he knew his magic was still alive in him. It was simply waiting for him to learn to take hold of it again.

HPHPHPHP

_A/N: Thank you for making my holidays happy with all your reviews! What a thrill!_

_I thought I knew exactly how I wanted this story to play out, but quite a few of you have offered up insights and ideas that I can't lay aside. I hope that you will continue to enjoy the story, no matter what turns it may take next!_

_The quotes at the beginnings of these chapters are from a book I found over the holidays, __Oxymoronica__ by Dr. Mardy Grothe. So yes, if you look at them too long, they are strange. But that's the beauty of them! They make sense in a senseless kind of way!_

_Cookies and tea to __**logicalquirk**__, my wonderful beta!_


	9. Chapter 9

**Black Phoenix**

Chapter 9

_Love is a kind of warfare._

_-Ovid (1st Century A.D.)_

_Perhaps the only true dignity of man is his capacity to despise himself._

_-George Santayana_

Severus appeared promptly at ten every morning and sat down with Mina on a bench outside the school. On some days, Harry was on a nearby bench, reading or just enjoying being outside. Mina waited patiently whenever Severus stopped his signing practice to watch the younger man.

"He speaks of a lake beside a castle," she noted one day. "He says it as if he actually lived in the castle."

Severus looked at her expressionlessly until she smiled. "But I know that it is just another of his fantasies. He wishes that there was a magic world in which he could still see and hear." She paused at his continued silence and then added, "Don't worry. It's quite common among those who are challenged later in life. It is a difficult transition for them to make, and sometimes, they need to believe in just a little magic in order to go on."

Severus returned his attention to their hands as she spelled out the words she was speaking aloud.

On another day, he looked curiously at Harry. He had some kind of plugs in his ears, from which wires came down and were attached to a small silver box. Harry had his eyes closed and was nodding his head rhythmically.

Mina explained, "One of the other students introduced Harry to feeling music. Even though he can't hear the sound in the headphones, he has the bass element adjusted so that he can feel the beat of the music as it plays. The headphones are very necessary, as the music is playing quite loudly. It's very popular among the younger deaf set. Some nights, we even have dances where they can enjoy the music together with other deaf students."

Severus watched Harry bob his head in time to the music. He was utterly absorbed in it and Severus was determined that he would find a way to have such a device function back in the wizarding world.

When he left Mina's bench, he would go to St. Mungo's to keep trying to get inside Ollivander's head. The old wizard always smiled at him, greeting him with remembrances of what wands he had owned, which woods made the best kind, how many combinations of woods and cores there were, and the merits of stiffness verses springiness. Severus would ask about phoenix feather cores and the man could go on endlessly about how only the wands of Harry Potter and Tom Riddle ever had the rare Phoenix tail feather core. Severus would then ask about the Black Phoenix. As soon as he did, Ollivander would shut down, his eyes glazing over and a tremor getting more pronounced in his hands. Severus recognized the effects of a memory charm that had been done to give the bearer great discomfort at certain thoughts. The old man seemed to shrink inside of himself at these times, and his voiced distress earned Severus many glares from the mediwitches and wizards attending the room where Ollivander now lived.

After these long months of searching, Severus became resigned to the fact that his only recourse might lie with Albus Dumbledore. He had not spoken to the man since he had left Hogwarts in a fury. He knew from Minerva that he mourned the loss of Severus as a friend and almost-son, and although Severus was not quite ready to admit he missed him, he recognized that this was yet another hole in his heart. Albus had been everything to him that his own father had not been. He had given him the belief in himself that he needed to make the decision to turn spy on the Dark Lord. He had given him acceptance after his grievous mistakes. He had helped him mend the chasm between himself and Lily Evans after she found out he had taken the Dark Mark in an unbelievably stupid moment when he thought he would rather be dead than without her…

"Lily, I was an idiot. I thought that I loved you and that you had rejected me."

"But you were my best friend, Sev. You knew that I crushed on James all these years, waiting for him to grow up." Her green eyes held accusation and sorrow. "How could you throw your life away like this? You know that man is insane! How could you let yourself be—_branded_! Like some cow owned by Muggles?"

Severus turned from her angry eyes and looked at the headmaster. Albus stepped up and touched Lily's shoulder gently. "Severus has made a mistake, most assuredly, Lily, but it was one we hope to make the best of. Severus has agreed to act as a spy against Lord Voldemort."

At that, Lily's eyes grew fearful. "But if he finds out—he will kill you!"

Severus nodded miserably. Then he found his arms full of Lily Evans, soon to be Potter. "I'm so sorry! If I had taken the time to talk to you more, to explain, maybe you wouldn't have done this!"

He put his arms around her in relief. "It's not your fault that I'm a stupid Slytherin. I've listened to too much talk in my own house about how wonderful it will be with him in control. I'm just glad you'll still be—"

"Your best friend? _Always_!" She sealed that exclamation with a quick kiss to the corner of his mouth, beaming at him. "I know that you'll be very careful, won't you?"

He nodded down at her, feeling warm at her acceptance…

Severus shook himself out of the memory of a time long past. If Albus hadn't been there to help explain, Lily probably would not have stayed long enough to hear him. Albus had fixed it, and then allowed Severus to come to Hogwarts and take up a teaching position, even as he continued to work overtime to complete his Mastery in Potions. The Dark Lord had agreed to his taking up the post, as it put Severus in place to spy against Dumbledore.

A dull ache spiked in his temple at the thought of all these years spent in spying for both sides. It had worn him relentlessly, making him bitter and dark himself. He had wrapped the darkness around himself to be a shield and a disguise. When Lily and James Potter had been murdered, he felt an iciness seize his heart and encase it, freezing it against further hurts.

Now he hurt again. He missed Albus. He missed Lily. He missed Harry. He could not have Lily back. But he could go to Albus and try to fix what had been rent. He could do that, and maybe together, they could get Harry back whole.

SSSSSSSS

Harry was bent over the book, his fingers carefully feeling the tiny bumps. Mina came over and touched his arm lightly. Smiling, Harry raised a hand to take hers, letting her spell into his.

"Mina! This book is great! Thanks!"

She looked at the title and laughed. "Botany? I'm afraid it's not very up-to-date. I wouldn't find it entertaining, but if you do…"

"It's not that it's entertaining, it's interesting. I studied plants before, at my old school. This is pretty different in its viewpoints, but I like it. Can we go out to the gardens?"

The school had its own flower and vegetable beds. The students were encouraged to engage in gardening as an exercise in tactile and smell consciousness. Harry had plunged himself into the earthy pursuit and spent hours with his hands in the dirt, his nose to the flowers and stalks. Mina thought that he looked as if he was working out a puzzle, he was so concentrated on it.

"I have that appointment in a few minutes." He knew that she meant the signing lesson with Severus.

"Bring him out to the gardens then? He would probably appreciate it, as his work involves plants to a degree."

"What is it that he does? Remind me again how you met him?" Mina had often tried to get Harry to be a bit more forthcoming about the history between the two men. They were of such different ages that she didn't believe that they had been schoolmates, but when Harry spoke of him, it was like those times when they met were when Harry was much younger.

Harry hesitated as if in thought. Then: "He was a teacher of mine."

Mina stiffened. "A teacher? And he allowed a relationship to form between the two of you?" He could tell that her professional sensibilities were offended and he hastened to correct her understanding.

"He was just a teacher and I was just a student, don't worry. I told you, he was snarky. He scares the pants off all the first years, and most of the ones above that. Believe me, for all those years that he taught me, I hated the git."

"What changed?" she asked, her hands spelling gently now.

"I guess I finally grew up, and I saw that he meant his heavy-handedness to be a sort of safety device. He dealt with dangerous stuff, and he had to be brutally tough so that no more injuries occurred than he could prevent."

"Injuries? What in heavens name was the man teaching children that required such watchfulness?"

Harry hesitated and then said simply, "I guess it could be called a sort of Chemistry and Physics class. We worked with some powerful ingredients."

"That doesn't sound like any kind of school that I'm familiar with."

"Well, maybe you would see it more as a sort of technical college kind of school. It was specialized."

"What was the name of it?"

Harry stood up, holding onto her arm. "Isn't it time for your appointment? Believe me, you don't want to be late for one of Professor Snape's classes," he quipped. He hoped that she would forget that she wanted to know the name of the school. He had managed to explain things pretty well, he thought, but Mina was getting more and more curious.

He allowed her to lead him outside, walking beside her with his hand lightly on her elbow. When she stopped, he knew they were outside at the benches where she normally sat with Severus. In moments, he could feel her talking, having learned the way certain vibrations felt as a person's body made those noises. He knew that most of the deaf and blind probably did not feel those vibrations with the intensity that he did, but then they weren't wizards either.

"You are late, Madame." Severus was frowning, his bearing that of someone badly put out.

Mina looked up into that sneering face and saw what Harry had meant. Yes, he likely did scare small children with that stony and cold expression. It escaped her just how Harry had developed an attraction for the man. She watched as that coldness gave way to something else as Severus let his eyes fall on the man beside her.

"Harry wanted to go to the gardens and work. I thought that you might like to see them and we could sit there."

He watched as Harry tilted his head slightly to the side, as if he were waiting for something. "Mina? The gardens? Aren't we going there?"

She gave the hand at her elbow a couple of taps and continued to look up at Severus. He finally answered, "The gardens would be an acceptable location."

Really, the man had such a formal way of speaking. She hid a grin. Yes, she had begun to understand the word 'snarky'. Beside her, Harry smiled as if he knew what was happening and she shook her head again. The young man had such intuitive perception.

Once in the gardens, she indicated a nearby bench to Severus and then led Harry to the edge of the beds. Severus watched in amazement as Harry knelt directly down in the dirt, moving forward on his hands and knees, stopping periodically to lift a handful of dirt to smell it and sift it between his fingers.

She sat down beside Severus. "He loves the gardens. He's really very good here. He smells the dirt, feels the plants and he can tell us when a plant needs more fertilizer or less water."

Severus was silent for so long that she turned to look at him as he watched Harry. "He said that you are a teacher at the school he attended; that you teach a Chemistry class."

He turned dark eyes to her and then nodded. "That is correct."

"At first, I had the impression that your relationship might have been a frowned upon one—"

"Madame, it was not. I have no desire to discuss it with you. If we could simply get on with the lesson?"

"I beg your pardon. Harry did explain, but it was prudent of me to make certain that no improprieties took place. As an educator, it is my responsibility to make sure any student is safe."

He looked at her stiffly, his face blank. Out on the field of plants, Harry had stopped, his head cocked again as if listening to something only he heard. Severus let his shoulders drop a little and held out a hand to her. "I appreciate your concern. In this case, it is unnecessary. I was his teacher. He was my student. Nothing more. I simply wish that he have someone from his past to communicate with, if he chooses."

She spelled into his hand. Severus waited for her to say the words and she raised an eyebrow. He arched one of his .

"Well? What did you sign?"

She smiled, "Figure it out, Mr. Snape. Figure it out."

He looked irritated at her and she laughed. Out on the field, Harry relaxed.

One hour later, Severus walked out of the gardens and Harry stood up. Mina went to him. He seemed to know that she drew near, even out here in the outdoor breeze. Holding out a hand to her, he stated knowingly, "You irritated him, didn't you?"

"Challenged him, more like. He seems to think that you might not choose to renew the friendship."

Harry let her lead him to the bench and he sat down. He stared out over the gardens and said softly, "It would be more fair to them all if I just stayed away from them. They may feel guilty, and as if they had to do stuff for me."

She spelled rapidly into his hand, "You have come so far in so short a time. You have been the quickest student I have ever taught. You have great potential, Harry. Don't give in to the temptation to shut yourself away here. Don't limit yourself like that."

Harry squeezed Mina's hand. Sitting here on the bench, he imagined that he could still catch a scent of Severus. He had even imagined that he could feel Severus's irritation. But that had just been a good guess at the man's probable attitude. After all, he had been in his classroom for seven years. He was always irritated at somebody or something. Harry gave a small smile. Harry couldn't believe that he missed that snarky bastard.

He wondered if Mrs. Fig had delivered his letters. If he remembered correctly, when he had written them he had been feeling bitter and depressed and thrown away by the very people he considered best friends. In reality, he realized that it had probably been Dumbledore's doing. The man had done some psychic connection thing and told him he was sending him here for the good of his future.

At the time, Harry didn't think that he had much of a future. He had written the letters with every intention of putting an end to his own life as soon as he found a way. If it hurt them, so much the better, because _he_ hurt, and he was very, _very_ tired of hurting.

He flushed, remembering the letter he wrote to Severus. In it, he had told him how much he had hated him so intensely, how he believed that the Potions Master had been in league with Voldemort for much of the first six years at Hogwarts. Then, during the seventh year, things seemed to undergo a change. Harry had been made to train with Severus and he had resented it. He even felt as if Severus might be weakening him somehow, to make him more vulnerable to Voldemort. It had been during one of their more intense Occlumency training sessions that Harry had had a revelation of sorts. For a few brief seconds, he had seen into the man's mind, and he had seen an image that he knew was his mum. His mum was holding a tiny baby that Harry knew was him. Severus was standing there beside her, one hand on her shoulder, the other on the baby's back.

"Please, Lily. Listen to James and go into hiding. Take Harry and be safe—"

Then the image was yanked away and Snape had been angry enough that he had thrown Harry out of the dungeon classroom.

Harry had played that scene over and over in his mind and looked for clues to Snape being a traitor to his parents. He finally came to the conclusion that Snape and his mother had been friends, and that his dad and Snape must have mended at least some of their differences once they became adults.

What he never understood until later was why Snape had always seemed to hate him. Only when Voldemort had begun a furious assault on Harry's mind did he realize the degree to which the Potions Master must have had to protect his own emotions, memories and feelings. The constant barrage of evil tentacles feeling around in his brain made him miserable, fatigued, and short-tempered. It only stood to reason that Snape had more to lose and more secrets to protect from the megalomaniac.

Harry had started to respect the man then, and go out of his way not to cause any more irritation than he just couldn't help. In fact, it was the calm, icy assurance that the man projected that made Harry determined to be just as strong. He would learn the art of Occlumency and he would learn the defensive and offensive maneuvers that Snape was trying to instill in him.

Then…on that last day…Severus had told him he was not alone. He had stayed right with him, too. In the Infirmary, he had not been embarrassed to hold Harry when he was upset. He had not seemed to mind cleaning up after him after that nightmare, either. Harry could sense the magic in the Infirmary, and even when everyone seemed to be arguing around him, Severus had been a steady presence. He had come and stood over him again when Pettigrew and his crew tried to take him.

After talking about his feeling to Mina, he came to the conclusion that he had never allowed himself to really feel anything other than friendship for anyone, male or female. He looked back on what he had felt about Cho and Ginny and it was colorless and bland.

But when he thought about Severus now, he felt warm and he could see colors in his mind. He grinned at the thought of Severus and any color other than black. He would have to ask Mina what color he was wearing when he came for lessons. He bet it was still black, even if Muggle clothing.

He felt a tug on his hand and Mina signed, "You're far away. Want to talk about it?"

"I guess I'm afraid."

"That's entirely understandable. You've been through a lot to get where you are."

Harry shook his head. Mina didn't know a fraction of what had gotten Harry to this point. "I want to see him, talk to him, let him know that I know he's here. But I'm afraid there will be some kind of feeling of obligation on his part. What if he doesn't just want to be my friend? What if he feels like he has to, to make up some debt or something?"

Mina shook her head, this time in frustration. She felt like there was something that Harry had never told her about his past. His records didn't give any details and were pretty useless at helping her figure out what all Harry had been talking about.

'Harry, you can't just say things like that without telling me what you're talking about."

Harry was silent for a long time. When he began to talk, his voice was very quiet. "Mina, as much as I trust you, as much of a friend as you are to me, there are things I can't explain. You would think I really was insane. I know that I have been very close to that edge, but you would believe that I had truly gone over it, if I tried to tell you what my life has been like."

She squeezed his hand, her mothering instincts telling her that there had been great hurt in this young man during his life.

Harry looked in her direction and changed the subject abruptly. "How is Severus coming along?"

"Very well. He has elegant hands and he is quick to learn." Her unsigned message was that he would be ready whenever Harry was ready.

"Then, you better get me into the kitchen. I'm ready to learn to cook again."

Mina smiled and pulled him up from the bench.

HPHPHPHP

Severus sat in the room with a restless Ollivander at St. Mungo's. As soon as Severus had appeared the man had latched onto his arm and begun rambling in an agitated way. Severus tried to calm him by refraining from questioning as he usually did, but Ollivander seemed to want to talk to him. It was just very difficult for him.

A Mediwitch gave him a dose of Calming Draught that the bent, old wizard sipped with a palsied hand. Afterwards, his eyes seemed to clear and he pierced Severus with his strange, pale green eyes.

"Lucius Malfoy knows. He knows how to get what you want."

Severus leaned towards him. "The Black Phoenix? Lucius knows where it is?"

"He knows how to get it." His eyes burned with a brief intelligence and he gripped Severus's arm in a suddenly strong hand. "Harry Potter did great things that were not terrible, like the other one… save him if you can…Malfoy knows…"

Then his eyes glazed again and his hand slipped off of Severus's arm. He smiled benignly. "Severus, dear boy! You came to talk about wands again, I'll wager. Did I ever tell you that I prefer a springy wand to a stiff one, myself? It offers a bit more elegance in the old swish and flick."

Severus nodded patiently at the wizard, listening to him continue to extol the virtues of wood that gave the best in springiness. In his head, however, he was trying to think how he would ever get in to Azkaban to see Lucius Malfoy.

SSSSSSSS

_**A/N:**__ Tea and biscuits all around, my wonderful readers! I deeply appreciate and covet your reviews and remarks. I am always amazed at what you read between the lines, especially when I didn't see it as I wrote it! You give me way more credit than I deserve!_

_Regarding Harry's little silver box; I did not describe it in any more detail because I don't know if it should be a cassette player, a walkman, or a cd player. The only thing I am certain of is that it's not an mp-3 player. The important thing was not the device itself, but that Harry could feel the vibrations from the bass end of the music. Yes, I know that he would have been more likely to have big head phones rather than little ear buds. Please allow me some artistic license! _

_Logicalquirk is the best beta reader in the world!_

_Oxymoronica__ by Dr. Mandy Grothe is the source of the quotes used at the top of this chapter, previous chapters and the next chapters._


	10. Chapter 10

**Black Phoenix**

Chapter 10

_The most exquisite folly is made of wisdom spun too fine._

_-Benjamin Franklin_

_We learn from history that we do not learn from history._

_-Georg Hegel_

Albus Dumbledore knew they were coming. It had been inevitable. He knew from Minerva that they all kept in touch. He knew that Severus had found Harry in the elite School for the DeafBlind. He knew that he searched continuously for the Black Phoenix. Hermione Weasley spent her free time doing research in the Ministry's extensive record hall for any mention of the Black Phoenix. On nights when Ron was free of Auror training, they had been learning the DeafBlind Manual Alphabet that Severus had informed them Harry had learned.

Albus had been heartbroken that Severus had left Hogwarts, but he supposed that he had pushed him too far by refusing to tell him where Harry had been placed. He felt every one of his one hundred and fifty-seven years right now. He had loved the boy like a grandson and he knew that he was meant to save them according to prophecy. He had let the damn prophecy rule every action he had taken in the boy's life. He had let the need of a safe society rule over what his heart had told him would really be best for Harry's heart.

And then, when it was finally over, after Voldemort was dead, after the last of the Death Eaters had been put away in Azkaban, he had given in to habit and continued to move the chess pieces in a finished game.

He dropped his head into his hands and sighed heavily. He had separated Harry from his friends and from Severus. He had sent Harry into an unwilling exile in the name of helping him adjust to his handicaps and prepare him for a future. But he had really believed that he had done the right thing! Harry's magic was gone! He was reduced to being a squib and there was no magic that could heal his injuries! How could Albus allow him to remain locked in a world in which he could no longer participate? He had meant only the best for the dear boy, only the best for the one who had saved them all at such expense…

The floo gave a belch and a voice called, "Albus? Can you hear me?"

He closed his eyes in resignation. "Come through, Arabella. The others are—"

"I only have something that I need to say!" she said quickly, her head appearing in the flames. " I have something that rightfully belongs to Professor Snape."

He gazed at her tiredly. "As I said, come through. He will be arriving shortly."

ADADADAD

_**One month before…**_

Severus stepped out of the hearth, his robes snapping about his ankles. He glared at the headmaster seated behind his desk for a few moments.

"Tea, Severus? Earl Grey, strong, if I remember."

Severus narrowed his eyes in annoyance. As if it had been so long that the old fool could forget. He had made up his mind to be civil, however.

"Yes, please." He seated himself in the armchair in front of the desk. The tea appeared in front of him and Severus picked up the cup, balancing it on his crossed knee.

"So," Albus began. "Have you had any luck, then?"

Not that the coot had lifted a finger to help with the search for the black phoenix… "I have a lead." Albus raised an eyebrow in question as Severus took a sip of his tea. "Ollivander finally gave me some information. He says that Lucius knows how to find the Black Phoenix."

"Poor Ollivander is quite mad, isn't he? His information isn't likely to very reliable." Albus put his cup down and folded his hands across his chest.

"I'll take the chance that he may have had a moment of rationality. I need for you to get the Ministry to let me into Azkaban to see Lucius. I'll ask him what he knows."

Albus gazed at Severus silently before shaking his head. "I'm afraid I can't do that. Azkaban is closed to all outsiders now, to prevent any of the Death Eaters the slightest opportunity of escape. No one goes in."

"The Ministry would listen to your request. If you tell them it's for Harry, they would make an exception."

"Severus, you have to begin to accept that Harry will not ever be healed of his injuries."

Severus felt his left eye twitch and he clenched his jaw. "What if you are wrong?"

"I haven't ever been wrong, my dear boy."

Severus stood up so abruptly that his cup and saucer crashed to the floor, shattering. He bent over the desk toward Albus and said scathingly, "You are wrong about _this_! I know that I sense something coming back in him when I am there!"

This was the first that Albus had known that Severus had located the boy. He kept his surprise hidden. "He allowed you to scan him?"

Severus sat back down, waving his hand at the pieces of china to clear them away. "He does not know that I am there. He is merely nearby, while I am learning the signing language."

Albus contemplated the man in front of his desk for a long moment. "If Harry still had any magic, he would know that you are there. You know what he was capable of before. He could tell exactly who was present around him, even without sight or hearing." He waited for a beat and then added, "He may have done our world the ultimate in favors, but he does not belong here any longer. You are torturing yourself by believing otherwise."

Severus barely kept himself from hurling over the desk. Instead, he stood up stiffly. "I believe that you are wrong." He glared coldly down at Albus. "So, you will not help me get an appointment to see Lucius?"

"It would be a futile effort, my son." Albus shook his head kindly. "Put it out of your mind and go on with your own life. Harry is happy where he is now. You have to be able to see that, don't you?"

Severus did see that, in fact. Harry laughed when he talked to Mina or another student. He reveled in the dirt of the gardens, and kept time with the beat of bass enhanced music. Severus had never seen him as relaxed in all the years he had known him at Hogwarts.

A niggling voice in his head chimed in, 'It could be that he was surrounded by your vitriol and sharp dislike all those years… you never gave him the space to feel relaxed.'

He retorted back to the voice, 'The boy had to learn everything I had to teach him! It was imperative!'

'Yes, because we were all so helpless against the dark forces and that small, abused child, so brave and strong, was our only hope…'

'Shut up!' he silenced the accusing voice as he glared at Albus some more. "I see that he has had to try and make a place for himself in a world that does not know what he achieved in this one."

"That is for the best—"

"It is _not_!" His face was stormy and he once again loomed over the desk threateningly. "The woman who teaches him tells me he yearns for his friends, he dreams of this very castle and even the lake beside it!"

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. This was not how he had planned for this meeting to go. He needed Albus to agree to get him admittance to Azkaban. Verbal sparring with the crafty old man would not accomplish that.

"Albus," he began in a much quieter voice. "If you loved him like the son you claim, do you not want to see him have every chance at a healing? Is his life worth so little now that he has done that which we trained him for? " His black eyes beseeched the headmaster.

Albus seemed to slump, just a little, before shaking his head.

Severus controlled the trembling in his clenched hands with ill-disguised effort. After a long and heavy silence, he strode to the fireplace and flooed away.

SSSSSSSS

Harry stood at the mock-kitchen counter, dicing onion. Mina was standing there, and had gradually withdrawn her own hands when she saw that Harry was doing fine. As a matter of fact, he was doing brilliantly. His onion was being chopped smoothly and in almost identically sized pieces. She did not believe that she had ever seen someone take to these more intimidating activities so quickly. He had taken the knife, felt its edge, and then felt of the onion sitting on its chopping board. Mina signed to him that he was to chop the onion and not his fingers. He grinned at that.

"Don't worry. Prof- I mean Mr. Snape always instilled the necessity of safe practices in the lab. It translates here, doesn't it? Don't let the knife get behind your finger tips. Constant vigilance is the key."

Mina had smiled as she watched his careful strokes of the blade, not noticing the cloud that came over his face after his last words. Harry finished the onion and felt his way along the counter until he came to the stove top. Laying the onion down, he lightly ran his fingers over the controls and then the stove. The skillet was ready, as he had already placed butter into it. He turned the burner on and held his hand over the top of the skillet as Mina had told him, waiting to feel the tiny splatters of melted butter as it sizzled.

The onions turned translucent as Mina signed to Harry what they looked like as they cooked. Harry concentrated on the smell they gave off as they reached the correct doneness.

In the end, the onion soup Harry made was quite good, and they both had a second cup in celebration.

Mina signed, "You will do very well in the kitchen of your own home when you return there."

Harry put his cup down abruptly, startling Mina with his sudden shoulder slumping and intense frown.

"Harry? Do you doubt that you are doing so well?" she asked gently.

He took her hands and signed his reply instead of speaking, afraid that his voice would not hold. "Will I go home, Mina? No one has come to ask, have they?"

"Your Severus comes here. Surely—"

"I told you, he likely feels an obligation of some kind. My friends have never checked in. I'm sure they don't know what to say. Ron would probably die of embarrassment if he told me it was great to _see_ me. He'd think he had insulted me or something. No. I think they are waiting for me to go back to my aunt and uncle's." He sighed and Mina heard the resignation there.

"You've mentioned them before. Perhaps they would let you stay long enough to get on your feet—"

"No. They always hated me. I was a burden to them when I wasn't handicapped. Now it would be intolerable to them for me to be in their house."

She kept her hands still, thinking. Then, "You are not handicapped, Harry. Remember, the correct term is challenged. You have challenges to take up, not handicaps to struggle with."

"Yeah. I remember." He put his head down on a crossed arm on the table. "I'm just feeling sorry for myself. The school was really the place I considered home. I wish I could go back there." He lifted his head up after awhile, stretching his hands out to feel the surface with his palms. "Are you sure I can't just live here?"

"We've discussed this. You have been here longer than the average adult student, considering how far you've come. Allowances have been made because there was no need for your rooms, and because …"

"Because I could pay for it. I know. I just thought that maybe I could teach or something."

"Harry… you have been a great inspiration to several new students who are DeafBlind . I think that after you have some real life experience, you'd be a great teacher. But for now, it's time that you left the nest. I'll be here, and the school, as a support system."

Harry felt the tenderness, but the firmness of Mina's signing. She was right. The months he had spent here had been what he needed to be able to live his life on his own. It was time to do that. He had just been avoiding thinking about it, hoping that the day wouldn't come. Another place he had begun to call home, to feel like he belonged, and now he had to leave it.

She took his hands again and signed, "I could tell Severus, and he—"

"No." Harry said firmly. "Just tell him after I'm gone. Tell him I was alright to be on my own now. He'll be relieved."

"He's learned to sign. Do you think he would've done that if he meant for you to be alone?"

"I think he wasn't certain. Now he will know that I can be and he will be relieved not to have the responsibility."

Mina shook her head. She had seen the way Severus had always followed Harry with his eyes. He may have maintained his distance and kept a studied look of indifference on his face, but Mina was used to reading everything that flashed across a face, no matter how slight. It was very frustrating to her that both of them would not allow the other to know that they knew about each other's feelings. Harry knew Severus was there, he just didn't want Severus to know he knew. And Severus didn't want Harry to know that he came almost every day. Neither wanted the other to feel obligation. But both felt a need for the other that was almost painful to see.

HPHPHPHP

"We simply want to understand, Albus! If you could just let us understand your reasoning." Minerva was wringing her hands, uncharacteristically showing her anxiety.

Mrs. Figg leaned forward, "You abandoned him, that's what I know! The poor boy was beside himself and you packed him up anyway and took off with him." She gave a sharp nod, as if to emphasize her ire.

Hermione had laid a firm hand on Ron's arm, but he stood up, patting her hand as he set it aside. "Professor…Albus… we love Harry. We miss him. No matter what shape he was in, he would have wanted us to know that he was okay. Did he, or did he not, know what you were doing when you took him away?"

Albus was standing at window with his back to them all. It was hard to breathe with all of them looking on. It had seemed so clear before, what he needed to do for Harry's sake. Now, it was clear that he had made a mistake.

He closed his eyes and said softly, "I feel we should wait for Severus, Arthur, and Molly. If you will all be patient for a short while longer."

ADADADADAD

Severus sat in the hard straight-back chair, listening to Ollivander talk about wands. The old man paced the floor at the end of the row of beds, his hands waving animatedly as he spoke. Severus knew that it was a waste of time, but he did not know what else to do. He hoped that if he listened long enough, Ollivander might say something about what it was that Lucius supposedly knew.

Every time he tried to question the man further he simply became more confused and agitated. So he tried to make innocuous comments about what the man said, in a quest to steer the man towards what he needed, without the questions.

He tried not to heave a deep and tired sigh as he stood up to leave. Ollivander turned to him and put out a shaky hand to forestall him. He was about to say something when his attention swung to the door of the ward. Severus saw the sudden fear in the rheumy eyes and he looked to the door, too.

Draco Malfoy stood there, leaning heavily on a cane. Severus blinked. The blond young man had aged and at first glance, he could have been his father. Second glance showed he was the younger Malfoy. He wore a black leather patch over his left eye, and Severus could see a winding scar from above the patch on his forehead to his jawline below.

They stared at one another for some time, before Draco rasped, "I'll go."

Severus narrowed his eyes in question and Draco stepped into the room. "I'll go to Azkaban and ask my father how to find the Black Phoenix."

Severus stood there, barely aware that Ollivander had moved up beside him and was muttering, "He knows. His father knows."

Draco's one grey eye stayed steady on Severus until Severus was the one who broke off. He patted Ollivander on the shoulder and gently steered him back towards his bed before walking out of the ward with Draco close behind.

They didn't speak until they had left the walls of St. Mungo's and Severus had led them into a bar. They went to the back where Severus sat down in a booth. Old habits had him sitting where he had a view of the room and the door. Draco shook his head with a smirk and sat down across from him.

Severus stared at his old student and Draco stared back. Finally, he chuckled and held up a hand to the waitress. He ordered a couple of drinks quietly and then leaned forward, lacing his fingers together. Severus could see more scars across the tops of both hands. Draco let him look, waiting for him to ask.

When Severus didn't, he took a sip of his drink and said simply, "I can get in to see Lucius. They've even come to tell me that I only need to file a formal request with the MLE to get a pass and an escort."

Severus raised his glass and asked, "Why?"

After draining his own glass, Draco answered, "Because you need Lucius. Because I can. Because you want Harry. There are any number of other reasons, along with reasons for me not to help. I've thought about it for quite a while, and it seems like it's time for me to do my part."

He signaled for another drink and ignored Severus's frown over it. He glared at his former teacher. "I always knew, you know. Hate is a very close neighbor to love. You couldn't have him so you loathed him. You were a spy and couldn't afford to be unobjective. You were a soldier and had to be ruthless. It was all there for anyone who cared to look for it." He took a long swallow, like a man who was desperately thirsty and the drink was water instead of alcohol.

"I wanted you to regard me like that. Well, maybe not with the loathing, but with the attention he got from you. Everything centered on him. Always Harry Potter. My own father could think of nothing else. He was obsessed by finding a way to get Potter for Voldemort."

Severus looked surprised at Draco saying the name and Draco chuckled, "I had quite enough of hearing the man addressed as reverently as a god. Long before I officially switched to the side of the Light, I was even calling him Tom in my head, just like Harry."

Draco stared out across the room. "I listened to you try and get Ollivander to open up. The man was hexed by masters and I recognized the particular signatures of my father and Auntie Bella. Even if he has any of his own intellect left, the hex makes him lose a little more of himself if he is even tempted to reveal what he might have witnessed."

Severus sipped slowly, watching the blond. "I meant, why do you want to help Harry?"

Draco shrugged. "He's the Light. I swore to defend him and I was lucky enough to get through the war with my life, even if I'm no longer much to look at. I was afraid that maybe I had chosen wrong, that the Dark side would win and I'd be dead because of my betrayal. Then I was afraid that if the Light won, I'd still be rejected because of my family's association with Voldemort. Well, we won. Now that I'm healing, I want to be able to be seen as someone more than Lucius Malfoy's son."

Severus nodded in understanding. "Shall I draw up the questions I need you to ask?"

"Yes." He stood up and looked down at the Potions Master. "I'll go get the permit taken care of. I'll be in touch. Give Potter my regards."

Severus drained his own glass after Draco left. He had not been to the school yet this week. It was getting harder and harder to sit so near Harry and not reach out to touch him. He stood up and squared his shoulders. He wanted Mina to help him begin a conversation with Harry. He wasn't sure that his presence would be well received.

SSSSSSSS

_**A/N:**_

_Thank you for all the wonderful reviews! I am speechless when I open my mail!_

_Thank you __**Logicalquirk**__ for making this story readable. Everyone should know that she has to remind me almost every time what the proper way of writing firewhiskey (FireWhiskey, Fire Whiskey, fire whiskey), amongst other commonly used terms that I habitually cannot get consistent! She pointed out that I have been doing the same thing to the term DeafBlind (deafblind, Deafblind, Deaf Blind). I have attempted to be more consistent with her help, but I am sure that a few have slipped through! The problem is, I have seen it done several ways online, and I am not certain which is the correct version. _

_The events of Harry's learning process are purely mine, and I make no claim as to their accuracy in real life teaching of the visually and hearing challenged person. Please excuse the errors as literary privilege. I am certain that the process is much more involved and time consuming than what I have written here!_


	11. Chapter 11

**Black Phoenix**

Chapter 11

_Life begins on the other side of despair._

_-Jean-Paul Sartre_

_It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend._

_-William Blake_

"He's moved out," Mina stated calmly. The fire in those black eyes was at once frightening in its intensity and reassuring in affirming the way the man felt for Harry.

"Where?" The voice was deep and soft.

"To a place that is safe for people who have physical challenges—" she began, then abruptly stopped when Severus stepped towards her.

"You have the address, I am sure." His eyes bored into hers and she felt curiously detached for a moment. "You will share that information with me. Write it down."

Mina walked jerkily to her desk and pulled out a piece of note paper. She handed Severus the address after copying it from her small agenda book.

She shook the strange fog out of her head just in time to see the tall man sweep from the office. Her fingers rubbed slowly at an ache that blossomed in her temples.

He was dressed all in black today. Harry would have wanted to know. It was a game of theirs for him to guess what combination of black and other dark shades Severus wore on the days he came for sign lessons. Most of the time, he wore black trousers and conservative dark silk shirts, buttoned at the cuffs and nearly to the top in the front.

Harry asked her once what she thought of the man's looks. She had considered the question very seriously before answering. Severus reminded her of when she was in college; she and her girlfriends had giggled when they saw the hippy art teacher and the history professor out in the courtyard, smoking joints. She described Severus as the way the history professor looked, cool, reserved, and above everyone else. He had long hair, just like the art teacher, but his was tied back instead of flying free. His clothes were neat and painfully proper, instead of like the art teacher's bohemian careless style. But just the same, they were rebels and non-conformists, smoking the illegal weed out in the open during their break between classes. She painted such a vivid picture, one that Harry could easily see as Severus smoking a joint, that Harry almost started laughing out loud every time Severus came by after that.

SSSSSSSS

Harry maneuvered his way through the hothouse, feeling the edges of the hip-high beds. At the end of the row he turned and walked down the next. He could smell the herbs in their pots here, the fragrance reminiscent of Professor Sprout's domain at Hogwarts. Maybe that was why he liked working in the gardens and with the dirt. It was connected through the earth to those simple things that were common in both the Muggle world and the world of magic. Many of the same plants were popular in both cultures.

With his keener sense of feel and smell, Harry had discovered that perhaps Herbology was a favorite study after all. He had read all the Braille typed books that the school had on anything to do with gardening, planting, and harvesting. Mina had helped him get this job at a neighborhood gardening center, and the owner had readily accepted Harry as someone who knew their way around dirt. On their tour through the small facility, Harry had stopped and felt of soil around seedlings, small tree trunks and in pots. He felt of vines, woody stems and leaves, and informed the owner of the need for more water, less fertilizer, and better drainage as they went along. Mina had shown the man how to do plain letter writing in the palm of Harry's hand so that he could tell Harry what he needed to do.

As he stroked the limp leaves of a comfrey grouping, he lamented not being able to recommend dragon dung as a fertilizer. Muggles had an appreciation for what they termed an organic approach to gardening, but he seriously doubted that any of them would appreciate the fine advantages of the manure from a creature they believed was mythical.

But he was content, if not exactly happy. Frowning, he forced his mind away from the thought that he was not really unhappy either. Of course he was happy. How could he not be? He was gainfully employed, even if he was certain that it was a pity employment on the part of the garden center owner. He knew they could find someone who was sighted and could hear what a customer actually wanted when they walked in the door.

However, this was better than sitting in the tiny one room flat Mina had helped him get. He liked the idea that he was on his own and independent. But he hated being alone. The time alone in the apartment gave him too much time to dwell on the past and the friends he lost. It gave him too much space to feel lost in again. At the school, he knew that people were all around. If he bumped someone, they could carry on a conversation with their hands, share a joke, or wonder what was for dinner. There was no one at the apartment. He already knew exactly how many steps there were from the front door to the small sleeper sofa. He knew exactly where the bathroom door was and exactly where the kitchenette was from any beginning point in the room. Mina had stocked the tiny kitchen space with bare essentials so Harry could fix himself simple meals. He could cook now, but it didn't feel worth the effort for just himself. He had organized his closet the way the school had taught him. Each shirt and each pair of pants had a series of tiny safety pins on an inside seam. He could tell by feel which ones coordinated so that he was always dressed neatly. He went to the garden center as early as he could each day. He often beat the owner arriving. In the evening, the owner had to spell 'g-o- h-o-m-e' on Harry's palm to get him to leave. Harry would reluctantly sigh and nod his head, leaving whatever task he had become involved in.

Sometimes, on the way home, he would stop at a kiosk that sold hot sandwiches. The man who operated it would write a conversation into Harry's hand, and Harry would feel less isolated while he stood there and ate his supper. Then Harry would continue on the short distance to his flat where he read from his Braille books for awhile, waiting to feel sleepy enough to go to bed.

On this night, Harry was eating his sandwich when he felt a surge of emotion from the sandwich maker. He tilted his head as he stopped chewing. Fear? Of what, he wondered. Then he felt a hard shove that sent him to his knees, the uneaten part of his sandwich flying away as he caught himself with his hands on the pavement.

Breathing hard, he sat back on his heels, trying to be calm as he waited for whatever was happening. Another hard shove had him down on the ground and rough hands were thrusting into his hip pocket, ripping his wallet away. He tried to rise up and reach for whoever was attacking him and a kick to his head made him fall back to the ground, pain exploding in his temple and where his head hit the pavement again. Another blow to his ribs had him curling up to try and protect his face and stomach from further assault.

Harry could not get his mind wrapped around what was happening. He was being robbed? That was the only explanation he could come up with to explain the beating he was being given, his wallet being taken. He reflexively reached for his wand before remembering that he didn't have one; he had been left without even that bit of security when he was tossed out of the wizarding world.

Whoever was attacking him must have seen the motion he made towards his non-existent wand and the blows rained down even more violently.

The assault suddenly stopped as Harry felt a blast of magic over him. For a moment, he thought he must have wished for magic and therefore dreamed it was present, and then there was another blast.

After a few moments, Harry felt hands on his arms and they were raising him up to sit on the pavement. A hand gave him a sharp shake and when Harry didn't respond, it gripped him hard and pulled him to his feet.

Out loud, he said, "I'm deaf and blind. Whoever you are, I can't see or hear you." He thought he might have done a good job keeping the fear out of his voice, but how was he to know for sure. He waited, his head slowly turning from side to side. He could feel magic in the air, and just knowing that he could was exhilarating, even if he was about to finally be done in by a remnant Death Eater!

The hand began to pull him along and he felt the person walk with a curious gait, a thump on the ground by his feet with each step. After a bit, whoever had hold of him stopped and forced him to sit down. Harry felt a chair under him and he tried not to slump in relief. He could tell that he was still outside, and that was reinforced when his hands were dropped on a table top and a glass of water placed in them. Harry recognized the table surface and the glassware of a little sidewalk café near his apartment.

Raising the glass to his face, he gave it a sniff before drinking deeply. As he sat there, a cloth was pressed into his hand and he felt it become wet with a spell that tingled through his fingers as the cloth swelled with warm water. A hand nudged his hand towards his face and Harry used the wet cloth to wipe his face.

After a few swipes, the cloth was taken from him and he felt it being more effectively used to clean what was probably dirt and blood from his temple and jaw.

He looked towards where he sensed the person sat near him. "Who are you and what do you want?"

HPHPHPHPHP

The blond man glared balefully at the bloodied man sitting there. Now what the hell was he supposed to do? He couldn't just have turned around and walked the other way. Oh no. He had to go on a stroll though Muggle Liverpool and just happen to come upon a mugging taking place. He had almost turned away with a snort of disdain at how Muggles treated one another.

Then a double take had him recognizing the heap on the ground that the thugs were beating on. His wand was stealthily in his hand as he moved closer. He hid his hex by using the cane to swing at the same time the magic threw one of the men several yards. A brief scuffle and another short blast had the two men scurrying away from Harry and the vendor.

Shaking his head at the sorry heap on the ground, he grabbed hold of a shoulder and pulled him upright. Pain in his leg had him hissing through his teeth at the unaccustomed movements and he gave the cringing black-haired man a shake. "Come on. Get up. I'm not carrying you!"

The vendor had already gotten up. "Thanks. You came along just in time," he said as he righted his cart and began to pick up scattered bits of food and accoutrements.

The rescuer didn't answer with much more than a snarl in his direction as he steered Harry towards a nearby café with a sidewalk table. A waitress had hurried to bring a glass of water when the order was barked to her.

Glancing around, he noted that what little excitement the attack had attracted was settling down. Under the table he conjured a cloth and passed it over to the man beside him before whispering another spell to wet it with warm water. He gave the hand holding it a nudge towards a bloodied face, but after a few ineffectual swipes, he took the cloth himself to make a better job of it.

Harry fixed sightless green eyes in his direction. "Who are you and what do you want?"

Draco Malfoy heaved a sigh and adjusted his stiff leg out to the side. Harry held out his hand, palm up. "If you don't know sign, you can write words one letter at a time on my hand. If I ask a question, give me two taps for yes and do this for no," he explained while demonstrating the proper motions with his other hand.

Draco wasn't sure if he wanted Harry to know it was him. As he contemplated his response, Harry said, "I know you are a wizard. I felt the magic you used to frighten that Muggle away."

Draco mentally cursed. Why was Potter still here in Muggle-land if he could sense magic? He stared at Harry's outstretched hand, unwilling to take it to write out a response on the offered palm.

Harry was frowning now. "You must not be a Death Eater, though I suppose that there must be some who still want me dead. If you were, you'd probably have helped the git who robbed me." If he hoped that his efforts at conversation would get the other wizard to open up, he was disappointed, because Draco reached his decision.

He stood up and motioned to the waitress. When she came over, he said, "Feed him whatever he wants." He handed her a fistful of Muggle currency. "Consider this an advance on a tab."

The girl nodded and Draco ignored her batting eyelashes as he turned away. Behind him, Harry was asking,

"Hello? Are you still there?"

Draco walked away, leaving the girl to write words into the waiting palm of Harry Potter.

DMDMDMDM

Severus turned as his floo activated. There weren't many on his list of admits. Well, actually there were two who could do more than a simple fire call. He didn't expect that Harry had suddenly taken a notion to floo after all this time without magic. So he knew that it must be Draco. Perhaps he had news of his request to visit Lucius in Azkaban.

Draco stepped out onto the hearth, his bearing elegant in spite of his use of the cane and the bad limp. He strode straight to the small bar and helped himself to Firewhiskey.

Severus glared but Draco glared right back.

"Why didn't you tell me Potter was blind and deaf?"

"You didn't ask. You've never cared before when he was injured. I didn't think you would now."

"I don't. I knew he had been badly injured and that he was kept at Hogwarts afterwards. No one knew what his injuries were. Dumbledore kept it all very hushed up."

"It was for his safety and privacy."

"Of course. Everyone was probably panting to know what had become of the precious golden Gryffindor." Draco was fairly snarling as he spoke. The whiskey sloshed out of the glass as he waved his hands around.

Severus plucked the glass out of his fingers and slammed it to the table, spilling the rest. "He was defenseless right afterwards. He needed the protection."

Draco was breathing hard and he turned to the fireplace and leaned on it. "I just wish I had known. Then it wouldn't have been such a shock to see him like that."

Severus stiffened. "You saw him? When?"

He had been going by almost every day to see that Harry was getting out of the flat and going to work. He had been concerned that the younger man was overdoing it, but he looked healthy and rested enough, even if he kept long hours. He had not been there today. This was a day spent in digging through scrolls at the Alexandria Library. The ancient papyrus was warded against further decay, but the dust had still been heavy. He had become immersed in the research, finding himself sidetracked by the ancient lore of wizardry. When he became aware of how late it was, he decided to wait to the following day to Apparate to Liverpool.

Draco waved a hand dismissively. "Didn't I mention it? I suppose not. I went to Liverpool because someone recommended I see the Magical Mystery Tour, something about some obscure Muggle singing group called the Beatles…anyway, I was walking along and what should I happen to see, but a couple of Muggles beating on what I thought was another Muggle and stealing his wallet." He stopped talking and picked up the glass Severus had taken from him. He refilled it and looked over at Severus with a calculating expression. "The lump on the ground was Potter, getting the hell beat out of him."

Severus had been looking supremely bored with Draco's recounting of his day, until that point. His already pale face drained of color. He grabbed Draco's wrist to stop the movement of his hand taking the glass to his lips.

"Harry was hurt? Today? Is he alright?" Without waiting for an answer, he was waving his wand over his robes to transfigure them into clothing that was Muggle style.

Draco set his glass down when he realized that Severus meant to go to Liverpool that very minute.

"He was fine, Severus. He has a black eye and a bruised jaw…and his ribs are probably bruised, come to think of it, But he was sitting at a sidewalk café table when I left him."

Severus looked at Draco for a long moment, and only the sound of his finger joints popping as he clenched his hands into fists broke the silence. Draco finally shook his head in disbelief.

"Merlin, you really care about the little sod. If you care so much, why aren't you with him? What are you doing leaving him on his own?"

Severus rubbed a hand through his long hair and sighed. "He needed to learn how to get along with his disabilities. His magic is gone and he has to be able to function in the Muggle—"

"Hold on! His magic is not gone, Sev. He knew I was there. He even joked about how he guessed I wasn't a Death Eater or I would've helped the thugs, and finished the job."

Severus sat down hard in a chair. "He felt your magical signature?" At Draco's nod, he asked, "He knew it was you?"

"No, he wanted me to write out my responses in his hand, for Merlin's sake! I was a little surprised by it all and I just left to come here. I figured you'd know what was going on and I was ready to ream you out for not telling me." He tilted his head. "You thought his magic was dead?"

"It was gone after the final battle and an attack by Death Eaters in the Infirmary."

"And you doubted that it would come back? Even after the amazing recoveries he always pulled off?"

Severus scowled darkly. "It was gone. After draining his magic a second time, there was enough cause to suspect it might not return." He had a brief expression of sadness and then he straightened. "Albus took him away and placed him in a Muggle School for the Deafblind. It took me months to track him down."

"Is that why you left Hogwarts, then? There were all sorts of rumors and speculations at St. Mungo's"

Severus looked at him, wordlessly asking for further details. "I was blind in one eye, and this whole side of me was a mess," Draco waved his right hand down his left side. "There wasn't much to do except feel sorry for myself and eavesdrop."

He shook his head and sipped the drink. "They said you had left because you were upset that Voldemort had been defeated. I set them straight on that, but they still thought that perhaps you had gone off to start your own Dark Army." He sat back and stretched out the stiffened leg, grimacing as he did so. He glanced up at Severus expectantly as he rubbed the thigh. "So, why _did_ you leave Hogwarts?"

Severus had recovered from his surprise at Harry's magic being back and now he was torn between answering the question Draco just asked, asking about the rampant speculation regarding his activities, and Apparating to Harry in Liverpool.

"Dumbledore refused to tell me where Harry was. He was convinced that Harry belonged in the Muggle realm and I disagreed."

"And yet, after you found him, you left him there." Draco was staring at him, silver eyes challenging him to deny it.

"I wanted to have something for him, the Black Phoenix. After seeing him at the school, believing that he was without any magical ability, I came to think that perhaps Albus had been right. Not about leaving him there, but giving him a way to learn how to cope."

"He obviously has. Now you just have to worry about him being killed by Muggles after managing to make it year after year here."

Severus looked as if he wanted to issue an acid response, but even though his mouth was open, nothing came out.

Draco was settling back to watch the man think about it when Severus surprised him by throwing a robe over his shoulders and striding out the door. By the time he managed to scramble to his feet and limp gracelessly to the yard, Severus was gone.

SSSSSSSS

Harry heated up the soup in a saucepan, feeling as if he needed to eat something so his stomach would settle. He had eaten an order of chips at the sidewalk café, the waitress writing into his hand that his rescuer had left him enough money to order whatever he wanted. He had nibbled at the chips and sipped at a tea through his swollen mouth, but could not fully relax.

Leaving the café, he had hurried home as fast as the bruised ribs would allow. He carefully locked the door after he entered his flat, leaning against it tiredly.

He replayed the incident in his mind, searching for where he had let his guard down, and looking for how he would avoid such a pitfall in the future.

He had sensed the magical signature of his rescuer. It had felt vaguely familiar and he knew that the person was known to him. Why had they left? It reinforced his belief that he had been abandoned after his job had been done. No one needed him anymore. Severus had not bothered to find him, so he must have been satisfied that Harry had learned the basic necessities of survival and he was off the hook.

Then this. He had not thought for a moment that he would ever be in danger from Muggles. He had earned the right to be at peace, hadn't he? He had been tempted to fight back, but without being able to see, he was afraid that he would hit the wrong person, and perhaps hurt or kill a bystander.

He had been stunned to feel the magical signature of the wizard rescuer. It wasn't Severus. He would have known that signature. That thought made him ache with an unnamed longing. He missed feeling that signature. He had been so sure that Severus would come forward and tell him that he was there. He had been sure that he would offer to take him back. That certainty had buoyed him up above the depressive inclination to simply lay down one night and never get up.

He held a hand close to the saucepan, easing the tip of a finger down into the soup to test the temperature. It was hot enough. Turning off the burner, he carried the pan to the small table. Not bothering with a mug or a bowl, he began to spoon the soup directly from the pan to his lips. After only a few slurps, he threw the spoon across the room and followed it with the pan.

Falling to his knees on the floor, he hugged himself with his arms, shaking. He did not know how long he sat huddled there. He felt no need to move. The darkness and the silence was driving him mad. He knew he would not leave the flat again without fear of being assaulted. He feared that he would try to use magic to protect himself and by doing so buy himself another kind of fame in this world; a fame that he did not want any more than he had wanted the kind he had in the wizarding world. He laughed at that thought. What would Muggles do to a poor deaf and blind man who somehow manages to disarm or possibly kill his assailant? It would be a headline. Would the Ministry of Magic rescue him if they got wind of it? Or would they leave him to whatever fate the Muggles decided?

The wave of magic that flooded the flat alerted him that someone had entered it without ringing the bell. He had worn the bracelet device since Mina had rented the flat for him, a bracelet connected to the doorbell. When someone was at the door, they pressed the button, just like any other. But instead of ringing in the flat, the doorbell had been set to a vibration signal that was sent to the bracelet. No one but Mina had ever used it. Harry never had visitors.

In spite of his current wish to cease being, Harry couldn't stop the reflex that had his hands outstretched, the words of a hex on his lips as he instinctively flung out wandless magic.

"_Petrificus Totallis!"_

He was on his feet, arms extended like antenna as he searched for the magical signature. Arms came around him from behind, securing his hands to his side, rendering them useless. He struggled violently against the body behind him, barely feeling the vibrations in the chest as the person spoke.

Then he froze. He knew this signature, even if it had been weeks since he had felt it. It had been many, many months since he had felt these hands on him.

"Severus—" He could feel his voice breaking in his throat. The emotions of the day were all too strong and this one more was the breaking point. He sagged for a moment and felt Severus's grip relax. When it did, he ripped himself away and turned to face the other man, hands out defensively.

"Get out. This is my –" he could not say the word home. This was not a home. This was a resting place in his day to day existence. It was not in any way a home to him. He cleared his throat and started again.

"What gives you the right to just barge in? Come to make sure I'm being good? Come to ease your conscience that the Boy Who Annoyed The Hell Out Of You is being a proper handicapped Muggle?"

Severus winced at Harry's words. He started to speak and then stopped. He touched one of the outstretched hands, jerking back when Harry started at the contact. Damn. How was he going to even try to begin to explain if Harry wouldn't allow his touch.

Harry was shaking and Severus wanted to step forward. The look on Harry's face stopped him. Beneath the bruising his eyes were wary and his jaw set in tension. Taking a chance, he took one of Harry's hands firmly in his own and quickly opened the palm to sign into it.

"I'm sorry."

The stunned look on Harry's face would have been priceless in another lifetime. Now, it just hurt that he could gobsmack the younger man with those two words.

He let go of the hand and Harry dropped it to his side. Severus took a look around the small flat and noted the new addition of soup splatter and saucepan against the wall. So, Harry had been in a rage even before he got here. Severus wondered if it was the attack by Muggles, or his life in general that had him upset. Either one was enough, he supposed. He reflected on the wandless magic that Harry had thrown out. It was wild and totally out of control, but there was no question that Harry had his magic back.

Now, the question was whether or not Harry would allow Severus to come back into his life when he obviously thought that Severus had not wanted to be in it to start with.

SSSSSSSS

_**A/N:**__ Well, there they are. I know it's not what most of you want, but give it another chapter or two! _

_I have to give credit for the idea of Snape resembling a pot-smoking professor… but I lost the PM form whoever I discussed it with! So, I apologize, but the image just would not get out of my head, and I put it into Harry's too!_

_Thank you for all the lovely and delicious reviews! Miss Muse appreciates them. Here are Hershey's Dark Chocolate Bliss candies for everyone. (They are new and absolutely yummy!)_

_Thank you logicalquirk, my ever dear beta!_


	12. Chapter 12

**Black Phoenix**

Chapter 12

_Th' fav'rite pastime iv civilized man is croolty to other civilized man._

_-Finley Peter Dunne_

_The worst, the least curable hatred is that which has superseded deep love._

_-Euripides_

Harry closed the mouth he knew was hanging open. "You- you're sorry? You've never said that in your life." That seemed to make him angry and he spun on his heel and went to the sofa in the corner. Flopping down on it, he folded his arms across his chest, not wanting to leave his hands available for Severus to grab again.

What was he doing here? "Couldn't resist rubbing salt in the wounds? Wasn't it enough that you no longer had to feel responsible? I'm fine, as you can _see. _I don't need you popping in and out like you own the place. You don't have a say anymore in my life." His voice was filled with bitterness and Severus could see him fighting to maintain control.

The younger man was gripping his own elbows with the crossed arms, holding in the emotion that was trying to break free. Severus sighed. He itched to go to him and force him to let him sign an explanation, but he could see that Harry itched to unleash more magic. Even without a wand, Severus could feel that he was stronger than he had been before. The magic _had_ come back. Harry didn't have to stay in this world. If only he would give Severus a chance to—

"I told you to get out. What are you waiting for? If you blasted my door, please fix it when you leave."

Severus drank in the sight of him and then reluctantly walked to the door. He had not damaged it with his Alohomora but he made sure it was locked from Harry's side when he closed it behind himself.

Standing in the hallway, he listened as inside the flat Harry bellowed his rage. He wanted badly to go back inside and hold him until he calmed. But that wasn't likely to go over well.

Severus walked to the street where he headed for the point he had chosen as an Apparation site. Draco was limping towards him, his face furious.

"Did you stop to think that perhaps I didn't know where Potter's flat was? I've been looking for you!"

"You weren't invited to come along," Severus answered flatly. He continued around the corner until he was in a dim alley way, out of sight of passing Muggles. He reached to pull his robes close around himself and then realized he was no longer wearing the outer garment. It must have pulled loose when he had grabbed Harry to keep him from hexing him. He felt for his wand and found it secure against his forearm. He couldn't go back to the flat now. Harry would likely shred the robe when he found it. Maybe it would help him get rid of a little of his anger at Severus.

Draco was watching him. "Where are you going?"

"To Hogwarts. I'm late already. Harry's friends have banded together to confront Albus."

"O-o-h! I'm coming too!" The unscarred side of Draco's face lit up in anticipation.

"I was going to ask you to come. You can fill us in on your request to see Lucius."

Draco's smile turned into a snarl as he put a hand lightly on Severus's elbow. In a blink, they had disappeared from the alley.

SSSSSSSS

Harry beat his fists against the sofa as he yelled, feeling the sound tear harshly at his throat. The moment Severus's signature had faded from the room, he had unleashed the raw emotions that had been consuming him since the afternoon. If Severus had wanted to stay, he wouldn't have left so readily. That really hurt. Harry guessed he had been wishing too hard for something that he wanted to happen. While Severus had not shown up, the wish was still alive. Now that he had and had gone again, the wish was dead.

He sank to the floor and tiredly began feeling along, wondering what all he had managed to break in his fit of anger. On a wall he felt the cold congealing mess of soup that had been flung there earlier. Waving his hand, he murmured the words to a Scourgify charm and felt to see if it had worked. He didn't feel any more soup, so he supposed he got it all. He went along the wall, casting the light charm until he thought the flat was as clean as he could make it. He was walking to the sofa to lie down when his feet got tangled in something on the floor and he fell. His ribs burned in protest at the jarring against their bruises. Feeling at his feet, he found a swath of cloth.

His motions froze as he recognized the smell of Severus. His robes. Harry clutched at the material and buried his face in it. Tears that he had held back during the yelling earlier seeped out and soaked into what he knew was black wool. Harry rocked on his heels as he kept his face submerged in the scent of the man. Oh gods, he wanted to go home! He wanted to be with Severus!

HPHPHPHP

They appeared just outside the Hogwarts gates and Draco followed Severus as he waved it open.

Draco said, "I take it the old man hasn't been very popular, lately?"

"To put it mildly, no."

"So what do you think will happen here? Will I get to hex the twinkle out of those baby blues?"

Severus frowned at him as they walked briskly along the path. "No. No matter what, you are to keep your wand in your pocket. In fact, knowing your history with the Weasleys, you should probably keep your mouth shut, as well."

Draco grumbled, having to limp quickly to keep up. Once at the castle, Severus led him straight up to the Headmaster's office tower. The stone gargoyle rolled aside without a password being spoken. Severus raised an eyebrow at that, but ascended the stairs without comment.

The office had been enlarged and several sofas and chairs added to accommodate the number of people present. Severus stared around and made note of them all. Some were sitting and up and stretching as if they had actually been sleeping.

Albus moved slowly towards them. "Severus, Draco. As you can see, we have been waiting for you."

When more than a few of the people began to ask questions or make comments all at the same time, Albus finally raised his hands.

"If you will all be seated. I know that you have been waiting for a long time. Please let Severus get a cup of tea, and then you may all cast your hexes at me." He looked feeble and old, and in that instant Severus could almost pity him. Almost, because in the next instant he knew that it was just a show to garner sympathy and a lighter rebuke from those gathered.

Severus ignored the imploring look Albus gave him and took the cup of tea Minerva extended. Everyone looked to Albus expectantly.

The old wizard took a moment to look around the room. Chairs were filled with all the Weasleys who could get there. Even the ones who had been injured so badly were there, sitting in wizarding wheelchairs. These ones rolled along the ground under their own power, attuned to the prompts of the person in the seat. Ron and Hermione sat together in a single chair. She was leaning on her red-haired husband as she rubbed a very pregnant belly. Severus raised an eyebrow. Hell, how had he missed that?

The Hogwarts professors were all present. Minerva had told him that some of them had threatened to quit like Severus, but none had followed through yet. Minerva was thin-lipped and standing ram-rod straight slightly behind the chair Albus settled into. Hagrid was trying to make himself take up less room in the corner , Fang sitting obediently at his feet.

Several Aurors were there, having heard from Hermione and Ron what was going on. There were a few Order members scattered throughout. All of these people had stood by Harry, fought with him in the final battle and those smaller events leading up to it. They had watched him become a man too early, shouldering enormous responsibilities that would have broken them, if they had been in his place.

Severus arched a black brow at old Mrs. Figg. She was waggling her fingers at him and smiling. Severus thought that it might be a first for the squib to be sitting in Hogwarts.

Ron cleared his throat. Hermione shifted so that he could stand up and the man blushed as the attention focused on him.

"We all came here hoping that you'd finally explain what has happened to Harry, sir," he said as he looked at Dumbledore intently.

Albus looked at him and smiled his beatific little smile that he always gave when he was placating someone. "Of course, my boy. You are all here because you love him, as do I. I would ask that you all try to keep that in mind as we discuss this."

Hermione pushed herself up to standing, wincing at a catch in her back due to her girth. "Harry is not some object that we are discussing, Professor. He is a human being and we feel that all this has somehow been reduced to what it was back when we were students. Then, Harry was a minor and he did need protecting from himself, sometimes. Now, he is an adult. He should have had a say in what happened after the final battle."

Ron shook his head at his wife and let her lean on his arm as she stood there. He should have known that she would boil it all down to this basic element. He couldn't be irritated with her when she had done it so well, either. He kissed the curly head and looked at Albus.

"You didn't give him a say, did you?"

Albus looked at Severus as if asking for his intervention here. Severus shook his head. "I know better than anyone exactly what you did, Albus. I'll not let you off the hook until you can explain why you did what you did." His black eyes challenged Albus to simply get it over with.

He had to keep forcing himself to stay in this room, needing to hear what Albus had to say. But his heart was back in the tiny flat, wondering how Harry was dealing with what had happened.

Albus steepled his fingers in front of his nose and straightened with a deep breath. "I suppose that I have put it off until it no longer can be. I have to tell you that I have always loved Harry like a grandson. It was very difficult balancing my place as headmaster and teacher, and wanting to give him comfort when he faced dire situations. He needed protection above all else. Our world needed what he was ordained to do. My task was to see that objective met at any cost."

"But Harry was a little boy! How could you reduce it, as Hermione put it, to such a narrow thing! He needed love, too!" Molly was shaking her finger at Albus as she ranted.

"And he got it." Albus stared around the room. "Ever since he came into our world at age eleven, he has had the most marvelous friends. I could not have planned that better than it happened all on its own. He had the slice of loving family that gave him balance when he was blessed with knowing the Weasleys." He smiled at them all and they couldn't help agreeing with that assessment.

"Perhaps that is why I felt able to be as ruthless as I was with the other facets of his life. I knew that you would all be there for him, no matter what. You proved yourself able to rise above disagreements and jealousies year after year." His blue eyes pierced Ron as he said this, reminding Ron of his own time of being on the outs with Harry during the Tri-Wizard Tournament. Ron colored a little before responding.

"So, you were ruthless, were you? He wasn't anything more than just a weapon to you, was he?"

"You are wrong about that. He was much more than simply a weapon. But the reality was that he had to face Tom Riddle and he had to be ready to do it. He needed to have the preparations that would enable him to accomplish it."

Severus couldn't help but interject, "But you did not expect him to survive it. You told me that much."

There were gasps around the room and then some mutterings. Albus stared down at his hands. Severus had forced him to acknowledge this in front of more than just his company.

Albus sadly shook his head. "No. I never had faith that he would stand up to Tom, overcome him, and still come out alive. When he did, I was left without any concrete plans for how to help him go on from there."

"Then you should have left it to those of us who had really loved him all these years," Molly said acidly, Arthur nodding beside her.

"Yes, I should have. But the General in me has been too used to making solitary decisions, believing in my own omnipotence. "

Severus snorted aloud at that and Minerva rolled her eyes. Albus shook his own head at their reactions. "Yes, I was the ultimate fool; one who believes himself infallible. Harry's injuries were so grave and his magic was so depleted…I feared that he would no longer be able to function in this world. I felt that he needed to have special training to help him cope with the blindness and deafness Tom's wand had caused. Especially once we discovered that the injuries would be irreversible to any other magical intervention."

Madame Pomfrey added, "After the second attack, the one here inside the walls of Hogwarts, I myself had no reason to believe that Harry would ever recover any magical abilities. It had been burned down beyond what I have ever seen." She shook her head sadly. "I should have believed in his ability to regenerate it. All the time I have known him, he has never followed the expected routes of recovery. I probably aided in the decisions Albus made by my lack of faith."

Albus moved over to her and laid a hand on her arm. "No, Poppy. My decisions were my own. You have no share of the blame."

One of the Order members spoke up. "I don't understand why he can't remain in our world. He saved us. Surely that counts towards something."

"He is little more than a squib, now. And even if he retained some magic, have you ever seen a blind and deaf wizard? He would not be able to cast spells when he cannot see where they go or what the effect is."

"You are wrong about that," Severus said quietly. Everyone looked at him. "He cast a spell just a while ago at me. He recognized my magical signature."

The room exploded in noise at that revelation and it escalated until Albus signaled for quiet once more.

"Severus, you say he did magic…how effective was he?"

Severus knew what the point Albus was trying to make. He sneered, "Yes, he missed me, if that is what you are getting at. But my point is that he does have magic. You have seen to it that he can better communicate with those around him. I give you credit for that." He gave Albus a curt nod that the old man returned. "He knows that he has magic again. He feels it. How can it be right to deny him a place in this world? He does not belong with Muggles."

There were murmurs of agreement all around. Albus shook his head again. "I can see how you all believe that, but he does not fully belong here either."

"So, you mean to leave him on his own where he can be attacked by Muggles who want to steal his wallet?" Draco snarled.

Everyone looked at him, surprised by the ferocity of his remark. Draco merely sneered at them, his mouth turning up a little crookedly on the left side. "Yes, the hero you abandoned was attacked this last evening by common Muggle thieves. They beat him and took his money. Is that how you mean for him to live?"

Hermione burst into tears and Molly was soon joining her. Severus stared at Draco who shrugged in return, as if to say 'someone has to convince them it's a bad idea'.

Draco somehow seemed to think that he needed to add just a little more twist to the knife he had put into Dumbledore's back. "Just think. Harry will forever be living amongst a people who on their best days act like cut-throat Slytherins. In my opinion, most Muggles are self serving and look out for number one above all else. Potter ought to feel right at home in that case. He likely will try to save them all of course, because he is after all the Gryffindor poster boy for helping others see the error of their ways."

The more he talked, the louder Molly wailed and the redder all the rest of the Weasleys became. The proverbial fuse had been lit.

Severus couldn't decide whether or not to applaud the performance. He settled for giving Draco a smirk. While the others sorted themselves out and Albus tried once again to restore order, Draco moved closer to him. He leaned in and said, "By the way, my appointment at Azkaban is in three days. It just happens to coincide with the day Lucius gets kissed for his crimes."

Severus searched the pale face, knowing then that his scathing remarks and verbal dancing was the way Draco was coping with his father's imminent death. "Will you be alright? Would they let me—"

"No," Draco shook his head. "Because the execution of the kiss was coming up, they graciously allowed me to be witness to it on the day of my visit." He stared into Severus's eyes. "I hope he gives me the answers you want, since it will be the last chance he will have to redeem himself."

Severus reached into his waistcoat pocket and withdrew the folded parchment he had written his questions on. Draco took it and tucked it away. Looking out at the still bickering crowd, he shook his head. "I haven't seen this much drama since Hufflepuff won the Quidditch Cup." He gave Severus a wave and then walked out of the office.

Severus returned his attention to what was happening in the room and felt a small tug on his sleeve. He looked down to see Arabella Figg. She smiled up at him.

"I have something you should see. I didn't know how to find you before, since you were never at Headquarters anymore and you weren't here, either. _He_," she looked daggers at Albus, "would never tell me how to reach you."

She dug into her huge tote bag and pulled out a roll of parchment that had several creases in it from being kept in there along with tins of cat food and balls of yarn. Severus took the roll when she handed it to him and she gave him another smile.

"Harry wrote it when he was at Headquarters. He wrote quite a few notes, but I was only able to save this one. Albus burned the rest before he sent Harry to the Deafblind School." She sighed heavily. "He was so sad and so lonely. I knew he didn't want to be without his friends." She looked up at Severus shrewdly. "When you read this, remember that he thought that you had abandoned him. He thought he was alone. Even an old lady like me could tell he thought of you as more than a teacher." She nodded towards the note. "You go ahead and read it. Then you go and get our boy."

Severus watched her walk back to her seat and settle back down. He looked at the roll in his hand and slowly smoothed it open. Around him, the sounds of the room faded as he read Harry's letter to him…

_Severus,_

_Do you mind if I call you that? I hope not, but even if you do, maybe if you're mad at me you'll at least talk to me again. _

_I know how much you hated teaching me Occlumency, because believe me, I didn't find it any fun either. But I thought that after it was all said and done, after fighting together to beat Voldemort, I thought that we were at least friends. _

_But I was wrong wasn't I? I don't really have any friends. I just have people who needed for me to do a job. I did it and now I guess no one needs me anymore. I should be glad you didn't put me down like Aunt Marge had to do with one of her prize bulldogs, once he couldn't do his duty anymore._

_I always thought that I might be able to live at Hogwarts after it was all over. I never cared for Grimmauld Place. It's too depressing. But the castle was the first real home I ever had, where I met everyone I thought was my friend. No place will ever be like it. I'll miss it a lot. I guess being blind and deaf is even bigger than being a Muggle-born was to Tom. I don't have any magic. Maybe it won't ever come back. Maybe that's what no one is saying by getting rid of me. I don't belong here anymore so I have to go away. I sort of wish that you would have let Pettigrew have me. Then you wouldn't have had to send me away._

_I understood why you had to hate me. You had to make it seem real to Voldemort so he wouldn't be suspicious. I was wrong though. You really did hate me after all. It wasn't just an act. You're free of all of it now. I really hope you have a good life now that you don't have to see me anymore. _

_I just wish you had seen the real me underneath it all._

_Harry Potter_

Severus crumpled the letter in his fist. His eyes found the blue ones of Albus across the room. After a moment, the room noted the tension and everyone stopped talking, looking back and forth between the two men as they shared unspoken communication.

Severus broke it off after a few minutes and Albus nodded. "Yes. You're right."

Severus strode to the door and Ron asked, "Where are you going now?"

Severus looked around at them all. With quiet determination he said, "I'm going to bring Harry home."

SSSSSSSSSS

_**A/N:**__ Thank you again for all the wonderful reviews! _

_I told __**logicalquirk**__, and I'll tell you now, I had not planned on this story being any longer than about 10 chapters. Miss Muse had other ideas, though, so the story has grown according to her whims. I really don't know how many it may end up at. I am currently writing Ch. 16! As I get to them, the next chapters that __**logicalquirk**__ has beta'd will be finalized and uploaded. _

_Disclaimer time: I do not own these guys. They are only obliging me by letting me exercise some creative writing! The real deal belongs to JK Rowling et al._

_In the meantime, on a very chilly Texas evening, I pass out steaming bowls of homemade venison chili! Lots of cheese and tortilla chips on top! Yum! _


	13. Chapter 13

**Black Phoenix**

Chapter 13

_O what a heaven is love!_

_O what a hell!_

_-Thomas Middleton & Thomas Dekker_

_Festina lente (Hasten Slowly)_

_-Augustus Caesar_

Severus opened the door to the flat, then closed and warded it behind him. The last thing he needed was for some Muggle to hear what was certain to be a loud discussion and call their police. The room was dark and it took a moment for his eyes to adjust. Harry was asleep on the sofa. As Severus stood over him, he saw that his robe was wrapped around the man on the sofa like a black cocoon.

Harry murmured in his sleep, shifting into a curled up position. "Severus…"

That was all Severus needed to hear. He sat down on the edge of the sofa and touched Harry's shoulder. The younger man sat up quickly, trying to disentangle his arms and hands from the cloak he had wound around them. Severus gently helped and Harry relaxed marginally, his face surprised.

"You came back? I thought—"

Severus swiftly took Harry's hand and began to spell into it. "Please allow me to talk to you?" He deliberately made it a question and not a demand, giving Harry the option to refuse.

It looked as if he had to wage quite a battle to decide to accept. The emotions playing over his face were plain; anger, hurt, fear, anger again, and then curiosity. "So, talk. Excuse me if I can't hear you."

His sneer as he said that was worthy of a Slytherin, but Severus was dismayed when Harry withdrew his hand and buried it back into the folds of the robe.

After a brief stand-off, Harry shrugged off the robe and reached out to push Severus off the sofa so he could get up. He walked to the kitchen and put a kettle on for tea. Severus watched as he moved around without hesitation, knowing his surroundings and just exactly where to place his hands and feet as he made tea and got out a plate to put biscuits on.

He finally had two cups ready and said, "It's not Earl Grey. It's just a Muggle brand. But you'll have to make do."

Severus grimaced at the thought of what the weak brew would taste like, but it was another excuse to move nearer to Harry, so he went to the tiny kitchen area and took the cup Harry was holding out.

He sipped it as he watched Harry standing there. The green eyes were looking at an unseen point beyond Severus's shoulder, his head canted to the side. He seemed to be holding his breath.

When he gave a long sigh, Severus realized that he really had been holding his breath. Harry spoke softly,

"I thought you would probably take the chance to be rid of your responsibility. I know you feel some sort of obligation. I hereby release you from any duty you imagine you have here. As you can see, I can take care of myself. I work. I have this flat. One day maybe I'll have friends again. Oh, wait, I never had friends to begin with, did I? Hmm. I've learned how to get along without them, so maybe I'll continue to do so."

Severus put down his cup and took Harry's cup from his hands, setting it on the counter. Harry made a half-hearted movement to withdraw, but Severus held fast to the hand he had captured. Harry fisted it, refusing to allow words to be spelled into it.

So Severus simply took the fist up to his lips and kissed it before holding it there against his cheek and lips.

Harry's mouth dropped open and he flushed, with either embarrassment or need, Severus couldn't tell yet. He made the abrupt decision that it was a want in answer to his own and he leaned his head down to put his lips against the astonished mouth.

The hand in his flew up to press against Severus's chest and Severus raised his head to look down into the green eyes. Harry whispered, "Please talk to me—"

And Severus put his arms around Harry's back as he let his mind enter Harry's.

"Harry…" he whispered, holding him firmly.

"Severus! I hear you!" Harry felt a huge burst of happiness at the sound of the deep voice filling his head.

"I don't want to cause pain with the Legilimency."

"It doesn't hurt," Harry was surprised as he realized that it really did not hurt at all to have Severus in his mind this time. "Keep talking!" he shouted, desperate to keep hearing that deep silky sound.

"What would you have me say?" Severus questioned, suddenly self-conscious.

"I don't care," he moaned. "Call me a Gryffindor dunderhead. Say anything, just say it."

"I no longer think of you as a dunderhead, Harry. In fact I don't think of you in terms of a student."

"You don't? But—"

"Let me tell you how I think of you." His voice was soft and it sent tendrils of warmth down Harry's spine to mingle with the warmth of the hands that were slowly traveling up and down his back.

"I think you are beautiful."

"That sounds…girly," Harry complained. In his head he heard Severus chuckle, the rumble not only in his head but felt underneath the palm of his hand on Severus's chest.

"Oh, I don't see you at all as feminine, Mr. Potter. You are all male." The arms tightened around Harry and he was pulled in more to lean against the chest in front of him. "There is nothing…_girly_ about you. That is what I like."

"So you like – boys?"

Harry felt the rumbling chuckle again. "When they have grown into a man such as yourself, yes."

"So you didn't like me before? I mean I didn't like that you hated me and I'm not asking if you liked me like this back then because that would be too weird to think about."

"Then don't think about it. It appears to be troubling you, however, so I will assure you that I have no pedophilic tendencies. My feelings for you have developed since just before the final battle."

He continued to caress Harry's back and Harry stepped in even closer, laying his cheek against the chest."I thought that you must hate me, that you felt some sort of obligation and that's why you came here."

"Harry, I was coming to the school almost every day after I finally found you. I was learning to sign so I could talk to you."

"I know. I felt you there. Mina and I talked about you all the time."

Severus took hold of Harry's shoulders and set him back. "You knew I was there and you said nothing? If you could sense me, I would have known sooner that your magic was back."

Harry felt a twinge in his temple and he reached up to rub it. Severus immediately began to withdraw from his mind. Harry clutched at his shirt front. "No! Don't go yet!"

"Harry, I don't know what prolonged Legilimency will do to you. Let's take it slowly. I promise I'll talk to you again when you've had a chance to rest from this time." He took Harry's hands and spelled into them as he left his mind. "See? I learned to talk this way too."

"Mina said you had elegant hands and that you were a quick learner." He let Severus lead him back to the sofa, where he was sat down in the 'V' of Severus's legs. Severus leaned back into the corner of the sofa and pulled Harry back to lean back against him.

He took Harry's hands and asked again, "If you knew I was there at the school, why didn't you say anything?"

"I was scared. I liked feeling your magical signature and I was afraid that you would stop coming around if you knew that I knew you were there."

"You thought I would simply walk away?"

"I had no reason to think otherwise. I thought maybe Dumbledore was sending you to make sure I was learning what I needed to live as a Muggle."

Severus tightened his hug , crossing his arms across the front of Harry's chest. Leaning his head, he rested his cheek against Harry's. Harry held onto his forearms and turned his face toward Severus. Their lips met in a soft kiss. When Severus drew back, Harry smiled.

"I think I like that quite a bit."

Severus took one of Harry's hands and replied, "Good, because I plan to do it quite a bit."

They spent the next few hours intertwined on the sofa, signing, mixed with simple caresses and kisses. It was a strange thing for both of them. Severus had never been a very physically demonstrative man. His upbringing aside, he had not had the type of relationships that included more than perfunctory physical expression. He hoped Harry would welcome his attempts at closeness and he was surprised that Harry seemed to accept his advances so willingly.

Harry had never had a childhood in which affection was shown to him. He had been awkward in learning to give the few hugs that were shared among his Gryffindor friends. After the final battle, when Severus had given him comfort in the Infirmary, he had felt like a whole new world lay in that touch. With all that had happened after that, he had not been able to explore that world. Now that the man was here, and offering this touch and holding him, Harry couldn't get enough.

Severus answered all the questions Harry had about how the war had ended, who was injured, who perished, who survived. Harry cried about Remus and was concerned about the injuries that Ron and Hermione had suffered.

Harry told Severus about his dreams of the castle and the lake and how he had confided them to Mina, knowing she misunderstood the reality, thinking it was make-believe on Harry's part.

"Do you want to go home?" Severus asked, his hands smoothing the hair on Harry's arms as he waited for a reply.

"Home? No I never want to go to the Dursleys' again. They wouldn't—"

"No. I meant home with me, to Hogwarts."

Harry went still, holding his breath for a moment. "But I am not a student anymore."

"I'm not a professor currently, either, but I daresay that Albus will be persuaded to make allowances for you, if that is truly where you wish to go."

Harry turned to face Severus. "What do you mean, you're not currently a professor?"

"I quit when Albus refused to tell me where he had secreted you. He has been under a great deal of fire lately, from all quarters, demanding an accounting of your whereabouts and why certain decisions were made."

He felt Harry stiffen in his arms. "He just threw me away, didn't he? After he didn't need me anymore."

Severus took a deep breath that Harry felt as it raised the chest he was resting against. He took a few moments and then his response was slow, as he tried to say what was true without making excuses for the old wizard.

"I think… he really did believe that he was doing the right thing by you. He thought that you would be happier in the long run if you were where you could get help with your blindness and deafness."

"He never came to check on me. How could he know how I was doing?"

"Mina told me she sent him reports. At any rate, once I found you, I still refused to go back to the castle. Albus has had a different teacher for the last year, teaching Potions. I suppose that I will have a lot to do to get the urchins caught up when I return."

"But will he let me, really, live there, too?" Harry seemed anxious for that point to be clear.

"I believe that Draco put the nail in the coffin when he said that you were out here living amongst Muggles who made Slytherins on a bad day look good. He won't have a choice but to let you. Besides, the whole wizarding world would probably deed that castle to you if you asked for it."

"Draco? He survived, too, then?"

"With severe injuries: he has been left badly scarred and blind in one eye."

"It was him yesterday? He was the one who scared away those thieves who took—"

Severus pulled Harry back into a fierce hug before signing, "It was pure coincidence that he happened to be here in Liverpool and walking down the road where you were assaulted. He was stunned into coming to see me and I was able to tell him that I have known where you were for awhile."

"How did you find me after I left the school?"

" I … Legilimized Mina."

Harry sat very still and Severus added quickly, "I was desperate, and I was gentle, I promise. She likely only had a small headache."

Harry sat there, just being still in Severus's embrace for a long time. With his hands, he spoke again, because he didn't trust is voice.

"I'm scared about what ever this is between us. I talked to Mina, so I know what my own preferences are. I'm okay with that. But I'm scared that I'll mess this up and I'll be alone again. I am so tired of being alone."

Severus's hands were warm, and Harry could feel that they were as elegant as Mina had claimed.

"I'll not leave you alone again. I won't mollycoddle you through life, but you need not fear that you will be alone."

"Do you think I can manage in the castle?"

"You certainly snuck around in the dark enough that I needn't answer that question." Harry could hear in his mind the scathing tone of the words and he smiled.

Severus asked, "Perhaps a cane would help you maneuver over the uneven stone floors? I saw a number of blind students at the school learning to use them."

Harry shook his head violently, shoving himself away from Severus. Severus sat up beside him and put a hand on his shoulder, letting Harry know he was still there.

"They put a cane in my hands once and all I could imagine was Lucius Malfoy. I know it's not the same, but I can't do it. Mina taught me to reference by remembering steps from certain points. After my magic came back, it began to be easier. I could feel the changes in the air with the different surfaces as I passed them. I can't explain it, it's just how things feel."

Severus saw that Harry was anxious for him to accept that explanation and let the matter of a cane drop. He took Harry's hand and signed, "Alright then. You will relearn the castle and the areas you wish to go. Perhaps it will be easier because there will be magic, in addition to the surfaces themselves, for you to reference."

Harry turned his body toward Severus and he looked like a much younger version of himself for a moment, a boy needing to justify himself. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have reacted like that. You'd think that Malfoy was the one I had to kill instead of Voldemort. But the man always made something in me cold; even colder than Voldemort."

"Then you will be relieved to know that he is set to be kissed in a little more than two days. Draco will be there."

"I'm sorry that Draco has to go through that. I know that I always hated my Aunt and Uncle, but I'd be sorry to see them come to a bad end. Draco must have loved his father. To have to lose him due to something like a Dementor kiss…"

Severus remained silent, agreeing that Draco would probably have a difficult time with being present at his father's sentence. For a moment, he thought about telling Harry about the Black Phoenix and how he was continuing to search for it. But he did not want Harry to have his hopes raised, so he stopped himself from signing that he hoped Draco would be able to get the necessary information from Lucius.

As much as Severus wanted to advance the obvious attraction they had for one another, he ultimately decided that he would wait for Harry to make the first overtures beyond what they had shared so far.

It was quite comfortable simply lying on the sofa with Harry sprawled back against him. Their legs were tangled and Harry had yet to stop his light caressing of Severus's arms as they crossed his chest to cradle him.

Harry would speak aloud, but as Severus used signs to speak back, Harry would show him shortened versions of phrases or ways to get a long sentence across in fewer sign motions.

Severus realized that they had both drifted into sleep when he felt Harry turning over onto his side and draping an arm around Severus as he laid his cheek against his chest. Severus dropped his head to brush his cheek against the top of Harry's head, inhaling the clean scent of his hair.

They really should get back to Hogwarts. He had been gone for hours by now and the gathering in Albus's office would be impatient. Tightening his hold on Harry, he closed his eyes again. If they had to wait for days, he couldn't bring himself to care.

SSHPSSHPSSHP

When they woke , Severus made tea while Harry gathered the few belongings he wanted to take with him.

"I want to go and speak to Mina before I just disappear," Harry said as he took the cup Severus placed in his hands. "I don't want her to worry. She's been really good to me."

Before Severus could answer, the lights in the flat flickered and Harry put his cup down. For the first time, Severus noted the bracelet that Harry wore on his right wrist when Harry let the fingers of his left hand rest on it. The lights flickered again and Harry grinned.

"Mina is at the door."

Severus stopped him and signed, "How do you know that?"

"This bracelet is tied in to an electronic signal from the door bell. It's a device for the deaf. Did you see the lights flicker? I can't, but it comes with the package. The signal makes the bracelet give me a little buzz."

"But how do you know who it is?" He did not like the idea of Harry opening his door to someone he could not see.

"We have a set code of buzzes. I know it's her."

He went to the door and opened it as the lights began another round of flickering. Mina stepped in and hugged Harry before grabbing his hands and signing rapidly.

Harry shook his head and said, "I'm alright, Mina. They didn't hurt me very much." He stood still as Mina examined his bruised jaw and black eye.

When her gaze fell on Severus, standing in the kitchen area, Severus was glad that he had not healed the injuries as he almost had when he first saw them himself. That would have aroused Mina's suspicions. She looked from Severus back to Harry and then signed to Harry. Harry smiled and nodded his head.

"I'm going home! Severus came to take me home."

Mina looked at Severus appraisingly and asked, "Is this out of pity or something more? Because if it's pity, Harry will be hurt all over again. Don't do that to him."

Severus arched a black brow at her and gave her his most fearsome sneer. "Do I look like a person capable of pity?"

She shook her head. "No. But neither do you seem like one who is capable of the love Harry needs. He has confided many things to me, most of it clear by what he did not actually say. He is stronger than I thought when I first met him and he has learned to cope amazingly quickly. But he is still—fragile."

Severus nodded. "I will not see him hurt either, of that you may rest assured."

Mina walked over to him and took the long fingers in her own. Signing slowly, she asked, "Have you figured it out?"

He looked down his nose at her with narrowed eyes and she smiled. "You need him as much as he needs you."

She let his hands go and went back to Harry. Giving him a hug and a kiss on the cheek, she then signed her good-byes to him.

"Keep in touch, Harry. Let me know how you are doing. The Deafblind school is always here as a resource for you."

"Thanks, Mina. I'll miss you."

She took his hands and brought them to her face. He traced his fingers gently over her soft smile and hugged her again.

After she had gone, Harry sat down on the sofa. His expression was pensive and Severus wondered what he was worried about. He sat down beside him and Harry leaned against his shoulder.

"What if I can't function? What if I can't get around? I can't see or hear to do magic." He waved a hand around the flat. "I Scourgified the soup that I threw on the walls, but I can't tell if I got it all. How am I to do other spells? Maybe I should just stay here. I got kicked out of the wizarding world once, maybe I'll get kicked out again when people see I'm a rubbish wizard now."

Severus maneuvered Harry around into what had become a favorite position; Harry's back up against his chest, his arms around Harry so that he could comfortably sign into Harry's hands while pressing his cheek against Harry's.

"You are not rubbish." He had glanced around the flat as Harry spoke and saw the signs of his Scourgify. There were still a few places of missed splattered soup, but mostly places where the paint had been scoured clean off the walls by the spell. "Your Scourgify was well done, if not a little over done in spots. No one will 'kick you out' of our world again. I will see to that." He hugged Harry and then continued, "We will work out what needs to be done to get you comfortable and independent. Has there ever been something that once you set your mind to it you could not accomplish?"

Harry held on to the strong arms that hugged him from behind. "I guess not…well, maybe one thing…"

"What was it?"

"I always wished for a family of my own who would just love me for me. I know the Weasleys love me, but it's not what I mean. Sirius loved me and I thought we would be a family someday… but now…that's one thing that is beyond what I can set my mind to now."

"Is it?" Severus gently turned Harry's to the side so that he could give him a soft kiss. Then, "I believe we would make what could be a small family, if we focus our combined determination there."

He smirked at Harry's incredulous expression, and then frowned as he sputtered, "Us? A family? How is that even a possibility?"

He wrenched himself away from Severus and went to sit on the sofa. When Severus sat by his side, Harry threw out his hands. "No, I need to think about this some more. _You_ need to think about this some more and then you'll come to your senses. Go."

Severus put a hand on Harry's shoulder that the younger man shrugged off. He sat there, not touching, just staring at the face before him. He could see that Harry was experiencing several emotions right now. Chief among them was fear and Severus could not help but wonder if it was fear of him, fear of the suggestion he had made, or fear that Severus would really go as he had ordered. He took Harry's hand, and kept it when Harry would have yanked it away.

"I will wait while you think, if that is what you must do. There is nothing more for me to think about. I will be in a chair that I will Transfigure, over to your left." Then he let go and stood up.

Harry felt the magic as Severus went about making himself comfortable. He sat rigidly on the sofa while Severus watched him.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

_A/N: I forgot to give credit where it was due regarding the idea of Severus resembling a pot-smoking professor in Chapter 11. Thanks __Kitsunai! The vision you gave me of your Mr. Trapper and Mr. Kingsley indulging in their 'hobby' was inspirational!_

_Thank you for all who have received this fic so graciously! It is my first attempt at slash and I am pretty apprehensive about it. I will not attempt to write anything much more detailed than was in this chapter. I prefer to leave the details up to your imagination. Also, the story is about the relationships, not the sex! I hope that I do not alienate any readers by venturing into this genre, but I am pretty sure this will be a one-time thing. Severitus stories are easier for me to write._

_So, thank you for reading, thank you for your support and positive feedback! Thank you to my lovely beta, logicalquirk!_

_It's still cold here. No chili tonight, though. Just a cup of Earl Grey and a few Girl Scout cookies. Here, try the lemonade ones!_


	14. Chapter 14

**Black Phoenix**

Chapter 14

_Always listen to experts. They'll tell you what can't be done and why. Then do it._

_-Robert Heinlein_

_The suspense is terrible. I hope it will last._

_-Oscar Wilde_

Draco fumed. On the one hand, he had realized that Severus had developed more than a passing fancy for Potter when he saw his reactions to everything that had happened. Now he knew that the search for the Black Phoenix was more than just the curiosity and covetousness of a Potions Master for rare ingredients. Severus wanted the Black Phoenix to try and heal Harry. Draco admired the devotion that it showed about the man.

On the other hand, he was so jealous he could hex everything around him into oblivion. He had not been lying when he said that he had always wanted the attention Severus had focused on Potter for himself, even if it was of a negative sort. He had no romantic inclinations, of course. But he wanted the man to notice him. Sometimes, he had. Sometimes, Severus had singled him out for special attention in Potions class, and as an exemplary Slytherin. Draco had swallowed past the idea that Severus had done it to goad Potter, and not out of any real act of affection he had for him.

Now he saw that it had all been a front for hiding feelings that Severus had for the bloody Gryffindor. The man had been protecting him, although he had been pretty vicious about it. No one would have ever guessed that he didn't really hate the boy. But that was what it had taken to convince Voldemort that Severus was a faithful servant.

Draco dropped his head into one hand as he rubbed hard at his aching thigh. He really didn't want to go to Azkaban to see Lucius kissed. He really did not want to ask the man who was his father for help in finding the Black Phoenix. He had no real hope that Lucius would give him honest answers to the questions Severus wanted him to ask. But he would do it, if only for the reasons he had given Severus. He wanted to make sure that people saw him as aligned on the side of the Light, and not as a junior Lucius Malfoy. Lucius had destroyed the old pureblood name by following Voldemort. Draco wanted what life he had to be bearable, and if he had to keep seeing people flinch away from the sight of him, that would not be possible.

He knew that his handsome looks were gone forever. He had come to unhappy terms with that. But he could not bear the looks that told him people doubted his loyalties. If he helped Severus find this Black Phoenix, if by some minute chance Severus was able to heal Harry, he wanted to be part of it.

Of course, Potter had always had good luck along with all the bad, his very existence was proof of that. Draco had no doubt that he would be lucky in this, too.

With a weary heart, he readied himself to go to the Ministry of Magic, where he would be specially portkeyed to Azkaban under Auror escort. He would be given a half hour with Lucius before he would be allowed to witness the kiss being administered to his father.

DMDMDMDM

Albus had finally given in and assigned guest quarters to everyone who was waiting for Severus to return. They had gone to them grudgingly, half afraid that the wily headmaster would change the password and lock his tower quarters against them. But exhaustion had prevailed, and the need for more than simple tea and finger sandwiches.

Madame Pomfrey had ordered Hermione off her swollen feet and into bed, to be waited upon by her husband and in-laws. She followed those orders, but issued orders of her own for books from the library and for them all to learn basic signs so that they could communicate with Harry when he arrived.

Behind closed doors, she and Ron worried about how long it was taking Severus to come back with Harry.

"They are both so stubborn. There's no telling which one is causing the hold-up," Hermione said.

"It's Snape. He's probably being a git, like always—"

"No, Ron," Hermione interrupted, although she hated that it also interrupted Ron as he massaged her foot in his warm hands. She gave her foot an encouraging wiggle and he continued while she spoke.

"Didn't you see they way Severus looked when he left? Haven't you noticed, even right after the battle, his face when he looks at Harry?"

"I try _not_ to look at him, 'Mione. He's never been my favorite person to observe."

She smiled softly at him. "He looks at Harry like you used to look at me, when you were unsure, but you knew you wanted to be with me as more than just friends."

Ron looked slightly green. "Ugh. No I really never noticed that. He always looked like a stone-faced bat to me."

"That's because you weren't looking when he thought no one was. I saw it. He cares for Harry. Why do you think he's trying so hard to find the Black Phoenix?"

"Guilt?" Ron asked hopefully. Hermione gave him a small kick with the foot he was rubbing and put her other one into his hands as he grinned at her.

The bulge in her belly gave a ripple and she gasped, putting her hands on it, caressing it softly. Ron leaned over and put his hands on the mound, kissing it.

"Be quiet in there. Be nice to your mum and give her a rest." He laid his head on her stomach and there was a tiny nudge from inside against his face. They both laughed, enjoying their unborn child's activity.

RHRHRHRH

Harry did not move from his seat except to go to the loo. Severus knew that he was aware that he was still there, because he made no secret of using his own magic to make himself tea and meals while he waited for Harry to think about everything that had happened. Harry finally laid back on the sofa, an arm across his eyes.

"Severus… please don't stay because you think you owe me something. I would resent it and you would too. You know you would. I really will be alright here. I'll forget about my magic. It won't be hard since I can't see to use it. Thanks for coming by to check. Now you can go back and tell Dumbledore I'm fine and you can get on with your life."

Severus sat there, listening to what Harry said, hearing what he wasn't saying. It was obvious that Harry was giving him a way out, if that's what Severus wanted. After awhile, he made another cup of tea and then went over and sat down beside Harry. Harry sat up and Severus put the cup into his hands.

"Thanks."

After he had sipped it for a bit, Severus took it and set it aside. Taking Harry's hands in his he carefully began to spell.

"I _do_ owe you something, as does every witch and wizard in existence. That is not why I came after you. I will never resent having you nearby. I hope that we can start again, this time perhaps more slowly. We can get to know each other all over, learn to trust, learn to be friends or companions. If something more comes of it, I won't complain. If we are only just companions, I will still be pleased to be with you. I hope that I will learn to be what you need in a companion, so that you will not have cause to resent me, as you fear." He squeezed the smaller hands and then added, "I truly hope that you will return to Hogwarts with me. It is your home and it is where you belong."

He left his hands holding Harry's and waited. Harry stared straight ahead, his head canted to the side as Severus sat there. When Harry spoke again, it was with a voice filled with trepidation, a whisper Severus had to lean in to hear.

"I do want to go back…but that means leaving what I know now. _This_ is what I know how to deal with, where I know how to get about. While I was at school, it was the center and I knew how to go where I needed to go from there. This apartment is my center now. Everything I know extends out from here and I can walk to it, knowing I'll get there."

Harry swallowed so loudly that Severus could hear the muscles in his throat working, and he reached for Harry's cup of tea, placing it in his hands. Harry gave a hesitant smile of thanks and drank the last bit of it down with a sigh before continuing.

"I can't even Apparate, I don't think. I can't visualize a destination that I haven't ever been too and everything I knew before is probably changed now. I want to learn to use magic again, but that means depending on people to help and…"

Severus knew then that Harry was afraid to depend on anyone to help him in the wizarding world. He squeezed the hands in his and started to sign, interrupted when Harry continued.

"I'll be worse than any first year. I'll be awkward and I'll probably mess up any number of things. I won't be able to see faces, or hear whispers to know when I've gotten on too many nerves. I don't think I can do this… just go without me and tell them I'm fine!"

Severus shook his head and then realized Harry could not see his refusal. He squeezed the hands again and signed, "I'll not go back without you. My decision has been made, and it is to be with you, whether you go or stay here."

Green eyes widened at that. "You would stay here, among Muggles?"

"I will, if that is where you decide to stay." He grazed his knuckles across the cheek in front of him with one hand and then signed very slowly and deliberately, "You are not alone."

Harry took a hesitant step forward and Severus enfolded him in strong arms, pulling him in so that his cheek rested against his shoulder. Harry slowly put his arms around the man's waist and they tightened with the shaking that overcame him. Severus skimmed a hand up and down Harry's back, soothing the fears and the doubts away.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

The Auror assigned to Draco was quiet, but Draco caught him giving him a critical once over as they waited for the portkey to be processed and given final approval by the chief clerk in the MLE. The man shrugged apologetically, as if asking what did Draco expect. He was, after all, the son of the notorious Death Eater who has been the right hand of He Who Shall Not Be Named.

Feeling particularly annoyed by that thought, Draco could not help snarling quietly in return. The Auror stiffened and stood straighter, avoiding further eye contact.

The clerk took Draco's wand and locked it in a small vault behind his desk. "You may retrieve it upon your return, Mr. Malfoy. Please obey the instructions of your escort and the guards while on the island."Draco arched his single blond brow at the clerk's inane smile and the clerk flushed. Shaking his head, he turned and indicated to the Auror that he was ready.

Draco had heard many stories about Azkaban all his life and he realized at once that the words had not even come close to describing the desolation, the oppressiveness, and the dark feel of the place. A heavy and wild surf beat at the rocks on which the portkey landed them, throwing a freezing spray over them before the Auror had a chance to cast a shield. He led Draco to the great doors of the prison and quickly cast a drying charm over them both. It was wholly inadequate to warm him, and the chill had set his leg to cramping painfully. He grit his teeth with the discomfort as a guard opened the door to admit them.

The stone was rough and wet with moisture, even inside. The smell that assailed him almost made him retch. The Auror had pulled a handkerchief out of his robe pocket and covered his mouth and nose to ward out the odors of death, hopelessness, and the hundreds of unwashed inhabitants. They followed the guard through winding corridors lined with doors that hid small cells. Behind some doors, they could hear crying, screaming, and cursing. But there was silence from behind most of them.

Deeper into the fortress they went. Even here it was wet and dank. The guard stopped in front of a door that had a small, barred window set high in it. He looked in and then waved his stubby wand over the lock. The door opened with a rusty groan and the guard gave a motion to Draco that he could enter.

Draco bit back his expression of horror when he saw Lucius. The man was gaunt and grey, long blond hair matted and hanging over his face. He was shackled hand and foot to bolts in the floor, as he sat on a wooden stool. The long prison shirt was worn and dirty, barely covering knees that were bone thin and bore scabs like those from scratching. At least Draco hoped that's what they were. They could just as easily been the bites of rats.

Lucius peered up at him as he entered, and straightened his back when he recognized that it was his son who stood there. He bent his head down to the limit of a chained hand to push the hair out of his face. His voice came out as a croak from either disuse, or maybe from screaming itself raw.

"Draco. How good of you to drop by for a visit. Please, have a seat," he swept a hand with ragged nails toward a second wooden stool. The formal manner was completely obscene in these surroundings.

The guard backed out of the room, leaving the Auror standing against it on this side. Draco frowned, but the Auror simply looked away. He had his orders to be present while the Malfoys had their last visit.

Draco ignored the stool to pace the room in front of his father. It was much harder to begin than he had imagined and he had imagined it to be difficult.

"Father. I would say that you are looking well, but we both know that would be a lie."

"Quite." Lucius stared up at his son, taking in the cane, the scars, the patch over the left eye. "You appear the worse for wear yourself."

"Thanks to Voldemort." He sneered as Lucius recoiled at the spoken name. "Even now, you give the madman honor, as if his name was really so extraordinary."

A spark lit up the grey eyes and Lucius snapped, "At one time, you gave him his due as well. I see that he dealt with the traitor in you before he was …"

"Destroyed? Yes, that's the word you're looking for Father. He was destroyed, by the boy who lived, by the one you tried to believe would never amount to anything."

Lucius was up and straining against the chains so fast that Draco could not move away fast enough to avoid the hands that seized his shirt front like claws. The Auror was there and had his wand at the throat of the convict, forcing him to release Draco and resume his seat. The stool almost tipped over as Lucius was shoved back onto it.

Draco held his arms to his side. "They have my wand until I return. Your attempt to get it was a waste of our time."

Lucius sneered, "You act as if you would cherish these last moments, _son_."

Draco ignored the way his father bit out that last word so mockingly. "I came to ask you about the Black Phoenix. I cannot say that I am sorry you are about to pay for the mistakes you have made."

A calculating gleam came into Lucius's eyes and he smiled, "Ah! You are here for altruistic reasons then. Perhaps you could petition for a delay in the carrying out of the sentence?"

"I tried. I thought that it would take more than once to get the information out of you. Unfortunately, we don't have that option now."

"What will happen if I decide not to share the information I might have? Perhaps it is something best taken to the grave."

"I don't suppose the possible redemption of your black soul would be an incentive?"

"I have no soul," Lucius responded coldly. "The Dark Lord saw to that."

Draco stared into the eyes of the man he had once revered and wanted to please. How had it all come to this? "Then, help me restore the name of Malfoy. Give me the information so that your name will live on, not in shame, but in some kind of honor. Help me rebuild it into a name not loathed, but respected again."

Comprehension dawned in the grey eyes. "The Malfoy name is loathed?"

"What did you think? That people would respect the name of one who was in the Inner Circle of the one who tried to rule everything and everyone with evil intent?"

Lucius slumped on the stool at that. In the hours and days he had been here, he had spent endless time reviewing where he had gone wrong in casting his allegiance. He had thought that being aligned with the Dark Lord would bring him great power of his own, prestige and honor, as well as more wealth than the Malfoy coffers already held. All of that was gone now. As much as he was inclined to be bitter to the end, perhaps he did owe his only son the chance to have some of that back. A niggling voice at the back of his mind hissed that he should be as selfish in death as he had been in life. For a moment he was inclined to heed that voice, the voice of the one that had planted himself firmly in Lucius's mind when he had taken the Dark Mark so many years before. Lucius had allowed it, believing it would make him more indispensible, more equal somehow to his Master.

Then he saw the small flicker of hope in his son's eye before it was hidden away behind a stony mask of indifference. Pushing the hissing commands away, he began to speak to the last Malfoy.

LMDMLMDMLM

Severus Apparated them to the gates of Hogwarts, his arms around Harry, his pockets full of the shrunken belongings from the flat. Harry stepped away and inhaled deeply.

"It _smells_ like magic. Did you know that the two worlds smell different?"

Severus took a hand and spelled, "Perhaps you are simply feeling it."

"No. I feel it, but I definitely smell it too." He put his hand on Severus elbow after Severus reminded him that the ground was uneven along the path to the castle. Severus resisted the urge to hold onto that hand with his other. He had told Harry he would not treat him as handicapped. He would be a guide and interpreter. He would be a companion. Everything else would fall into place if it was meant to be.

Walking along the path, he wondered if anyone would see them coming and set up an alarm. Before the thought even finished, he saw Hagrid , and the half-giant was barreling toward them , arms outstretched. Severus did grab Harry's hand then and quickly signed, "Brace yourself…Hagrid—"

There was not time for more before Hagrid had stopped before them, grinning and crying and reaching for Harry. Severus held out a hand to slow him down. "Careful. He can't see or hear you, remember. Let him come to you."

Hagrid pulled back his hands and screeched to a halt. Harry had looked in his direction, head tilted, before he held out his hand.

"Hagrid?"

The man had huge tears running down into his beard as he took the extended hand as gently as he could. Harry allowed him to engulf him in a smothering hug. Finally, Hagrid set him back, looking at the blind man in front of him with sadness. Harry smoothed a hand across the expanse of chest.

"Don't feel sad, Hagrid. I'm alright." Then he grinned. "You've got more magic in you than you let on."

Hagrid looked at Severus in surprise. Severus smirked, "He feels magic. He must be feeling yours. He will remember what it feels like and know when you are near now."

Hagrid blushed under the beard and asked, "Could ya tell 'arry I'm glad he's back? I missed 'im. And if he needs anythin', he's only to let me know."

Severus signed the message into Harry's hands and Harry grinned bigger. "I missed you too, Hagrid. Thanks."

Severus tucked Harry's hand back into the crook of his arm. He had managed to keep Hagrid from mauling Harry. But the others? Merlin! He hoped he didn't have to hex anyone.

HPHPHPHP

_**A/N:**__ Thank you all so much for the lovely reviews! Your readership is very much appreciated, and I take to heart each and every comment and remark. You all have so many good ideas that I don't understand why some of you have not tried your hand at writing too! I may not ever use your ideas or suggestions, but I am often inspired by them to do something completely different from what I originally planned. Miss Muse appreciates the break it gives her from coming up with all the ideas herself. She says to serve you high tea with all the little sandwiches, scones, and cakes. This is her way of showing her gratitude for making this hobby so very enjoyable for us!_

_Thank you __**logicalquirk**__! This story is being cranked out faster than the ones in the past and she has been so quick to beta and get them back so I can edit and post! She is marvelous!_

_Thank you to everyone who has decided to stay with the story, because it is slash, or in spite of it being slash. I appreciate that you are giving me this chance to write outside my comfort zone! I stand by my promise that it will not be heavy slash, so hopefully, those of you adverse to it will not be turned off. I also hope that the relationship itself will be enough for those who really like this pairing._


	15. Chapter 15

**Black Phoenix**

Chapter 15

_We must believe in free will. We have no choice._

_-- Isaac Bashevis Singer_

Albus felt the surge of magic as soon as Harry came onto Hogwarts grounds. He went to the window and observed the greeting between Hagrid and the boy who had become a young man. Severus seemed to be quite comfortable guiding Harry and he was glad to see that they appeared to have put aside the last of their animosity.

He put a gnarled hand up to his chest where his heart had started to beat a little faster in dread of the confrontation to come. "Dobby."

The elf appeared at his elbow. The bulbous eyes were still reproachful, as they had been for the last year. Albus murmured, "Dobby, gather the guests and tell them we will all meet for dinner in the Great Hall after the students have gone to bed. They will have a chance to meet with Harry at that time. For now, I would ask them to let me have some time with him myself."

Dobby glanced out the window and saw the two men walking towards the castle. His eyes widened and he wrung his hands as he wept great tears. "Master Harry is returned! He is back! Yes Headmaster, sir! Dobby will be telling your guests the message!" With that he snapped his fingers and disappeared with a pop.

Albus conjured a cup of tea and, going to a side table, he laced it with a generous dollop of his favorite liqueur. He was still sipping it when he heard the stair outside his tower begin to spiral upwards.

ADADADADAD

Severus walked sedately through the large front doors of Hogwarts. Harry pulled him to a stop just inside. He held his arms out and slowly swung them from side to side, then turning so that he had outstretched them in every direction. He looked as if he were listening to something and then a small smile began to play on his lips.

Without waiting for Severus, he began to walk in the direction of the grand staircase. Severus touched his shoulder and Harry glanced backwards as if he could see him. "The castle pulses, did you know? She is already listening to me, knowing what I need. "

Severus continued to follow, ready to stop him if he stumbled on the stairs, but Harry stepped up them confidently. To his surprise, the moment Harry stood on the actual steps, the entire stairway system ceased moving. Above them the sound of stone grinding on stone stopped as all the stairs remained in a fixed position. Harry had a hand on a banister and was walking up, still with his head tilted and that peculiar smile on his face.

They reached the landing where they would get off and be on the floor that had the tower entrance to the headmaster's office. Immediately after they stepped off the stairs, they began their usual random pattern of changing directions once again. Severus arched an eyebrow and followed after Harry as he walked towards the stone gargoyles that guarded the tower.

Harry lifted a hand and touched the face of one of the gargoyles. Severus had seen the sentries show disgruntled expressions on occasion, when someone stood there trying the various possible passwords that might gain them entrance. But he had never seen one of them close their eyes and lean into a hand that touched them. It would seem more likely that the hand would have its fingers bitten off. But the sentry allowed this touch, and welcomed it. The spiral stairs behind them began to turn. He followed behind Harry as he moved onto the staircase as if he could see it. He turned towards Severus as they rode upwards.

"Don't leave me alone with him, okay?" The green eyes were pleading and Severus took the hand Harry held towards him, squeezing it in assurance. "Don't let him try to get into my head. I don't mind you in there, I just don't want anyone else mucking around in it."

"I will be at your side. He is likely as apprehensive as you are."

"Maybe. But please—"

"I am here. I will not leave," Severus assured him.

They were at the door to the office and Severus knocked. The door opened and Harry moved into the room, his hand closing convulsively on Severus's elbow.

"Severus, if you would tell Harry I am happy to see him back here, I would appreciate it."

Severus signed the message, glad of the need to be holding Harry's hands to do so. He was trembling like a first year facing the headmaster for the first time. The confidence he had seen in him downstairs was gone and the man in front of him had reverted back to one that was insecure.

Albus came to them and put a hand on Harry's shoulder, looking sad when Harry flinched at the contact.

"Perhaps Harry would allow me the use of Legilimency so that we could converse privately."

Severus frowned as he spelled the request into Harry's hands, but he answered before Harry could respond. "We have tried to communicate that way. It is quite painful to him, Albus. This way is much better." He told Harry through sign what he had told Albus and Harry quickly signed back his thanks. It was not entirely a lie. It _had_ become uncomfortable after awhile when Severus had come into his mind.

Albus nodded and turned to his desk. "Tea then, while we chat?"

Harry sat down in the chair that Severus nudged him to and then pulled his own close so that he could interpret the conversation for Harry.

Harry had been turning his head back and forth as he felt of the energy in the room. "Thank you for letting me return, Headmaster. I missed Hogwarts."

"Please call me Albus, Harry. You have earned the right. Hogwarts has missed you too." He hesitated then added, "I missed you."

Severus signed and Harry nodded his head. When Albus was about to launch into what might have been a long overdue apology, Harry interrupted. "I want to stay here, Prof—Albus. I hope you will allow me to live here. This has been the one place I always thought of as home."

"Can you bear to live in the same castle as an old, meddling fool? For that is what I have been. I owe you an apology."

"You owe him much more than that, old man," Severus grumbled as he spelled the headmaster's words to Harry.

Albus nodded. "What penance would you have me pay, Severus? I did what I did not out of malice, but it was cruel just the same."

Harry sat with his head cocked to the side and he finally said, "I can bear it, if you don't interfere with my life anymore. I'm not a child that you can manipulate. I am not a weapon any longer. I just want to be Harry. I just want to live in peace."

"That can be arranged." Albus's blue eyes twinkled dimly, but that faded when Harry went on,

"Don't ask me to trust you, because I don't think I can. You sent me away without even letting me say good-bye. I've missed out on lots of happy events with my friends. I thought they agreed that I be put away and I've been angry at them. Severus told me they didn't know where I was until he found me. By then, I think that the poor decision on your part had turned out to be a good one, even if you went about it badly. I know how to get along now, with the limitations I have. Severus will help me learn what I need to get along here."

He looked up toward the ceiling. "Hogwarts will help me, too. I feel the pulse of her magic."

Albus looked at Severus with startled eyes and Severus nodded. "The staircases stopped moving the moment he set foot on them. He walked here without me leading him, as if the castle led him here."

Albus shook his head in wonderment. "I underestimated you, Harry. I underestimated your ability to recover and I'm so sorry for it. I believed that you would be better off out of this world with your disabilities. I was wrong."

The silence lengthened as Severus signed the words. Harry sat very still and then he got up and walked unerringly to Fawkes's perch. The phoenix trilled a greeting as Harry raised his hand to pet him. "Hello, Fawkes. How have you been?" A gentle beak gave Harry a fond nip. Harry turned back to the two men seated.

"I don't reckon that Fawkes would still be your familiar if you were all bad, sir. I think you just got used to making all my decisions for me and it was hard to stop." He gazed directly at Albus, the green eyes eerie in the accuracy of his stare. "I forgive you."

Severus had to close his mouth when his jaw dropped. He forgave Albus? Just like that? He looked at Albus and the man was shaking with suppressed sobs, a hand over his eyes.

Harry went back to his chair and sat down. "Could you hand me my tea, Severus?"

Severus handed him his cup and Harry sipped it slowly. Then, as if nothing else had happened, he asked, "So, where will I be staying? I expect that Gryffindor Tower is not an option, since I'm not a student any longer. Severus has offered that I stay with him, but I remember how he values his privacy. I would rather not impose on him."

Severus wished Harry did want to impose on him. He would prefer to have him nearby. It surprised him how keenly he felt that, given the truth of Harry's statement regarding his preference for privacy.

Albus nodded and stood up. "Yes, I have given the matter some thought, thinking that you might want to live here. I know of some rooms that might suit you. We can go down to look at them, see if you find them satisfactory. If not, we will keep looking." He went to the door. "The students should still be in class for the next half hour. The halls will be quiet."

Severus signed Albus's words and Harry nodded. He stood up when Severus did, placing his hand on Severus's arm again. His fingers were relaxed now and Severus was glad that this meeting had turned out so well.

Harry didn't remove his hand on the trip back down the stairs. As they followed Albus, Severus noted the raised eyebrows when the staircases became still as Harry walked them. At the bottom of the grand staircase, Albus turned into the alcove that went beneath them. A portrait was there, one that Severus had not seen before. It was one of Joan of Arc, her head lifted in prayer, her persecutors coming over the hill in the distance behind her. They did not move, appearing to be only paint. But Joan turned her face to Albus expectantly.

"My dear Joan. At last you will be guarding an occupant to these chambers."

"Who, pray, will be my charge?"

"Harry Potter, my lady."

Her eyes brightened and she gave a brilliant smile. "I shall guard him well, Headmaster. What shall be his password?"

"I will leave that between you, as he wishes to have absolute privacy. He may have different needs, due to his—"

"Yes, Headmaster, I know how his bravery left him wounded. We will work out something."

Albus turned to Severus and Harry to see them signing to one another. After a few moments, Harry was turned towards the portrait by Severus.

"Joan of Arc, I am honored to have your portrait as the guardian of my quarters," Harry said.

Joan smiled at the young man before her and the door behind her swung open. The three men entered and Harry walked to the center of the room, slowly turning. Severus touched his arm and Harry said, "I should've stopped at the door to get my beginning bearings."

Severus led him back to the entrance. With Harry's hand in his, Severus signed,

"This is the main room. About fifteen by fifteen square. Directly ahead is the fireplace. Perpendicular to it is two sofas facing one another across a low table. There is a door on the wall to our right—"

Harry counted out the steps as they went to it. Severus placed Harry's hand on the doorknob and Harry opened it. "It's the bedroom. The bed is directly ahead with side tables on either side. The wardrobe is on the right and the bathroom door is on the left."

Harry nodded and left Severus to familiarize himself with the room and its contents. He ran his hands over the bed and touched the tables on the sides. He went to the wardrobe and experimentally opened it. His hands stilled when they encountered contents in its depths.

"There are already things here—" he turned to Severus in question, who turned to Albus.

"They were Harry's things before he – left. I daresay he has outgrown the robes by now, but the rest… his school books, his wonderful invisibility cloak, his wand…"

Severus went to the wardrobe and pulled out the invisibility cloak, putting it into Harry's hands.

Harry's face looked rapturous as he recognized it, letting the weightless fabric slide through his fingers. Severus lifted the wand out and placed it in Harry's fingers. He let the cloak slide to the floor as he gripped the wand tightly, feeling the magic surge through it.

"I thought it must have been destroyed when I killed Voldemort…"

Severus saw that his hands were shaking with emotion, and he led him to the bed and pushed him to sit. Harry held the wand, feeling along its length, reveling in its thrumming. Severus took a hand and said,

"We will start to work right away getting you used to it again. You will be comfortable soon enough."

He went back to the wardrobe and looked inside. Harry's Firebolt was there, along with items that must have been in his trunk. Along with the books and parchment, there was a photo album, and something wrapped in an old sweater.

Albus said, "Be careful. There is a broken mirror there. I don't know why he had it, but I felt that it must have been important to him."

Severus didn't see anything else that could be dangerous. He knelt down beside Harry and stilled the hands that were caressing the wand. He lifted the cloak from the floor and put it into Harry's lap, then signed,

"There are other things in the wardrobe that Albus saved for you. In a jumper, there is a piece of broken mirror. Were you keeping it –"

"It belonged to Sirius. He gave it to me so we could talk…after he was gone, I broke it. Yes, I want it still."

He lifted his head and asked, "Is the map there?"

Severus went back to the wardrobe and found the folded parchment. He took it back to Harry, placing it in his hands. Harry took his wand and touched it to the map. "Let me know if this doesn't work—I solemnly swear that I am up to no good…"

Severus and Albus both leaned in as the map began to fill in with lines and swirls of writing. Once it was complete, there were tiny dots moving all around it, labeled with the names of those who they represented. Severus had only heard of it, and he was astounded by its detail. No wonder the brat had escaped most of his searches through the years. He could see secret passageways that he had never known about. Looking carefully, he found the three dots that were in this room, now named Harry Potter's Chambers.

"Well?" Is it working or is my magic not strong enough to activate it yet?"

Severus signed, "It is working quite well. It made it quite easy for you to sneak about, this and the cloak together allowed you way too much freedom."

Harry grinned at that and then handed the map to Severus. "When you want it wiped clean, you say 'mischief managed'. I left it to you."

Severus pushed his hand back. "I will not take it. You did not die. You can't leave something when you aren't dead, you dunderhead."

Harry laughed and Severus loved hearing the sound. "No, I didn't die. But I won't be able to use it. You take it. If I get lost, you might need it to find me."

Severus took the map and took out his own wand, saying the words to make it go blank again. Folding it carefully, he put it into his coat pocket. He took Harry's hand. "Thank you. I will take good care of it."

"You better, or all the Marauders may come back to haunt you." He looked tired now and Severus asked,

"Would you like to rest for a while?"

"Yeah, that would be good."

Albus explained about the dinner he had planned and Severus spelled it out for Harry. Harry nodded. "A rest before that is probably a good idea. Will you come back when it's time?"

"Yes. I will. Will you set a password for the door?"

"I will. Is there a portrait on this side as well?"

"Yes. It is another of Joan of Arc."

Severus and Albus left after Severus told Harry that he had added the belongings that Harry had brought to the wardrobe. He removed the shrinking charm from the clothing and had them in place with a flick of his wand. Harry felt the magic signatures of the men leave the rooms as they left.

The magic of Hogwarts hummed in him and he didn't feel as alone as he thought he would once Severus was gone. But he missed his presence anyway. Laying down on the bed he curled up on his side, wishing that Severus had stayed.

HPHPHPHP

Draco flooed to Severus's quarters to find them empty. Heaving a huge sigh, he dropped his cloak over the back of a chair and limped to a side table, where he pored himself a full glass of Firewhisky. He let himself ease down onto the sofa, where he raised his throbbing leg and stretched out with a pained grimace. The Firewhisky left a trail of heat all the way down to his belly, where it gathered before spreading out to his limbs and eventually easing the pain in his leg and the one that had bloomed in his head. Finally, the chill that had enveloped him since he had landed on Azkaban began to let up. He finished the glass off and let his head drop back onto the cushions.

When Severus arrived in his quarters he halted upon seeing Draco asleep on the sofa. The man was pale and drawn, even after the glass of alcohol Severus noted he had finished. He plucked the empty glass from his fingers, trying not to wake him, but the grey eyes opened with a start.

Swinging his legs off the sofa, Draco hissed in pain. Severus went to his personal lab and retrieved a small vial, handing it wordlessly to Draco. The blond muttered his thanks before upending it. The pain relief potion worked quickly and he finally relaxed again.

Severus poured himself his own drink and then sat down, studying Draco's face. "How did you know I'd be back here?"

"You weren't at your other residence. I figured you might have finally brought Potter here." He raised a blond brow in question. At Severus's nod he nodded too. "Thought so. Is he settled in?"

"He will be. There is a dinner in a few hours… to reintroduce him to his friends and those who have been concerned about him."

"Are you asking me to stay for it?"

"If you wish. You appear to need to eat."

"No one there will want to see me."

"Maybe… but you belong as much as they do. You are trying to help him, too."

Draco looked away with a sigh. "I don't know how much help I'll be." He took on a faraway look and Severus knew he was thinking back on the last few hours.

"Do you wish to talk about it?" He did not really want to hear the details about how Lucius's conscious life had ended. He hoped that Draco would politely refuse his offer.

Unfortunately, Draco needed to give the nightmare an outlet of expression. "I don't think I ever want to see anything like that again. The MLE should make a recording of the Dementor's Kiss and show it to everyone they arrest for criminal activity. It would cut the rate of wrong-doing in half, at least."

Trying to avoid a description of the actual kiss, Severus asked, "Did he give you any useful information?"

Draco rubbed a hand down his face and then pressed the heel of his hand against his chin as he propped his elbow on his knee. "I don't know. At first he just mocked me and acted like his old arrogant self. Then he seemed to realize that this was in fact his last chance to say anything that had meaning and he talked until they came to fetch him." He was lost in thought for a moment before he continued, "He asked me to stay and watch. I wasn't going to. I had planned to walk out after they came for him. Then I found myself nodding and following after them to the execution chamber. Did you know that they call it that?" He raised his dark-circled eye to Severus. "Did you know that after they are kissed they are considered as good as dead, so it really _is_ an execution? They are simply a shell that still breathes for however long it takes for the body to realize that it has no one inside to command it. The guard told me it can take months, and occasionally years for a body to realize it. Father must have been brighter than I thought. His body gave it up almost immediately afterwards."

Severus got up and poured Draco another drink, handing it to him as he said, "I'm sorry for your loss. At one time, a long time ago, Lucius was my friend."

"I know. That's why he named you my godfather, after all, isn't it? I wish he had been as smart as you and left the dark side."

"No one knew I had left it. I was a spy, remember. They had their suspicions, but I could not risk confiding in anyone, not even Lucius, of my true alliance."

Draco sipped the new drink and nodded. Looking around he changed the subject abruptly. "Will you be back to teaching again?"

"Not this year. There are only a few weeks left. The Potions instructor in place may as well finish up. I will be helping Harry adjust to living back in this world, catching up on potion making, trying to put your new information to use…"

The hint worked and Draco began to tell him what Lucius had told him about the Black Phoenix. By the time he finished and they had discussed what it meant to Severus's search, it was time to get ready for dinner.

SSDMSSDMSSDM

In his new quarters, Harry was having a nightmare.


	16. Chapter 16

**Black Phoenix**

Chapter 16

_To lead the people, walk behind them._

_-- __Lao-Tzu_

In his quarters, Harry was awakening from a nightmare in which he was lost in the castle. He was feeling his way along rough stone walls that were sometimes wet. He felt the chill of ghosts as they moved through his body with alarming frequency. Stopping, he would try to get his bearings, and failing that he would reach out and try to feel the pulse of Hogwarts, searching for the warmth and guidance he had felt when he first arrived back in her halls. It was gone and he was alone. He had called out, first calmly, asking for anyone within hearing to help him. When no one responded, he called louder until he knew he was screaming.

The space around him seemed to tilt when he sat up and he quickly laid back down, rubbing a hand over his face. It took several moments for him to remember where he was, why he was on a bed that felt so soft, and not the lumpy pull-out sofa bed. Hogwarts. He was back at Hogwarts.

The dream seemed all too real a possibility. Hogwarts was huge. He could get lost and never found. He should never have come back. He should ask Severus to take him back to the flat. He hadn't missed much work yet; the manager of the gardening center would probably be forgiving.

He sat up again and as he pushed himself upright his hand touched the slender length of his wand on the bed beside him. He held it, running his fingers up and down it, feeling the magic that had not been in the dream. Pulling in a ragged breath, he relaxed from the tension the nightmare had caused. He had his magic back. When he concentrated, he could feel the pulse of Hogwarts. This was where he wanted to be. It would be alright. He _was_ a wizard.

He got up and went to the wardrobe, feeling inside among all the garments hanging there. His own were there, as well as the old ones he had left behind over a year ago. They were pushed to one side so they wouldn't be mixed with the ones that were marked with identifying pins. He laid out a pair of slacks and a pullover. He had hardly ever worn them, as denims and t-shirts worked out better in the gardening center. But if he was to be meeting his old friends again, he wanted to look like he could put together a decent outfit. He didn't want any of them fussing over him if things didn't look matched and neat.

He found all the toiletries he needed just outside the shower enclosure. Not knowing how long he had, he showered quickly and dressed. Feeling pleased with how he had learned the way about the bedroom and bath, he walked out to the sitting area to map it out.

Front door, sofas, fireplace…bookcases on either side of the fireplace with books already there. To his astonishment, he found that when he opened one of the books, the pages developed tiny bumps under his fingers. Braille! He turned a page and again the bumps rose beneath sensitive fingertips. This one was a book on Quidditch. He felt a pang as he remembered how much he had loved flying and Quidditch. Would he ever be able to fly again? Not likely, unless he wanted to exercise the death wish he often found himself having.

At any rate, the discovery that his books had been charmed to develop Braille writing at his touch was something that made him understand just how much he had missed the wizarding world. For a moment, his resentment at Albus reared an insistent head and he fed it with silent words of anger. Then he thought about the fact that he would not know how to read Braille if Dumbledore had not sent him into the Muggle world to learn it.

He put the book on the table between the facing sofas and felt his way to the wall opposite the bedroom door. There was another door here and he opened it to find a small kitchen with a table big enough for two. The charmed cold box had a selection of fruits and vegetables that he could munch on and he felt around for some carrot sticks. His stomach was complaining about the wait for dinner but he didn't want to fill up before enjoying his first Hogwarts meal in forever.

He jumped when his bracelet gave him a buzz. He had forgotten that he was even still wearing it. Why would it be buzzing here? He made his way to the portrait door. They had told him that Joan of Arc was on this side too.

"Joan, my bracelet is giving me a signal that someone is at the door. Since I forgot to set a password, I'll have to trust that whoever is there is someone I won't mind letting in."

The door swung open and Harry stepped back. He felt Severus's presence and breathed a sigh of relief. A hand took his elbow and led him back to the sofa as he spoke, "I went to sleep before setting a password, but my bracelet just told me you were there. How—"

"I charmed the portrait just now to let you know when someone was outside. Joan will be able to alert you just as you were back at the flat."

"Thanks." He felt an additional signature and turned his head. "Draco?"

Draco looked a little unsettled that Harry had recognized him and Severus raised an eyebrow as he signed into Harry's hand, "Yes, Draco is here as well. You'll have to tell Joan exactly who you wish to allow admittance to your quarters."

Harry frowned. "Right now, it might be easier to say who _not_ to admit."

Severus asked, "Would you prefer that Draco not –"

"No. It's okay, actually. I know he isn't someone who will give me special treatment." He turned towards Severus. "I don't know who to admit and who not to. But I don't want just anyone waltzing in here."

"How about for now you just allow the two of us, Draco and myself? Perhaps Madam Pomfrey, in case of an emergency."

"For now that sounds alright." He went to the door portrait and gave Joan the instructions for who could have immediate access.

Severus looked Harry over and could not help a feeling of warmth that surged through him. The young man was attractive in his dress slacks and shirt. He had only seen him in jeans and t-shirts, or back when he was a student, over-sized garments that he knew had been cast-offs from his cousin. These clothes fitted him well, hanging nicely on his slender frame.

Draco was smirking at him when he glanced at him and he knew spots of color had bloomed on his face at being caught ogling Harry. He sneered in return and Draco just grinned. "Caught you. Don't worry, I won't rub it in…yet. I think I'll save it for when I really need something to hold over you."

Severus just rolled his eyes and then took Harry's hand again. "Are you ready?"

"How many people do you reckon will be there?"

"Albus, Ron and Hermione Weasley, the other Weasleys, Hogwarts staff, a few other Order members, and a couple of Aurors. And of course, Draco and myself."

Harry had paled as the list grew. "So many?"

Draco muttered, "He can't see or hear them. What does he care how many there are?"

"He feels them. It could be confusing to feel so may magical signatures at once." To Harry he signed, "You will not need to say anything. I suspect they may want to greet you. But only Ron and Hermione know sign."

Harry's jaw dropped. "They know sign language?"

"They began to study it almost as soon as they knew you were permanently blind and deaf."

Harry shook his head, "I thought that maybe they had…"

"Forgotten you? No. They have been staunch supporters of bringing you home, as have all the people who will be there tonight."

Harry put his other hand over Severus's and gripped it tightly. Severus squeezed his in return. "You can do this Harry. After tonight it will be easier. But you will be fine. I'll be right beside you."

"Promise?" His face betrayed the anxiety he was experiencing. Severus squeezed his hands again and then put Harry's hand on his arm in preparation for leaving the suite.

On the outside of the door, he stopped and signed, "Your quarters are under the grand staircase, on the same level as the Great Hall. You take a right turn past the foot of the staircase and then another right to the Great Hall doors."

They walked to the doors, Harry concentrating on the steps and the feel of the directions they were heading. As they stopped in front of the doors, Severus felt Harry's fingers tighten.

On his other side, Draco hesitantly put a hand on Harry's shoulder. Harry looked in that direction. Draco looked at Severus's raised eyebrow, then nodded at Severus approving nod. They were no longer separate houses. Draco was declaring his support of Harry, no matter what transpired in the Great Hall tonight.

Harry sent a faintly sick smile towards Draco before facing the doors again.

"Ready?" Severus asked against his fingers.

"No, not really." He took a deep breath and squared his shoulders. These were his friends inside. What could possibly happen that would be so bad? Then Harry had a quick flashback to what had been his life. Lots could happen and always did.

HPSSDMHPSSDM

The doors to the Great hall swung open and the three men moved forward. No one but Severus would have known that he was gently pressing Harry to keep moving forward when he would have stalled just over the threshold.

There were numerous gasps by the people inside as they finally had their first glimpse of Harry. Only a hand held up by Severus and Draco stepping slightly in front of Harry stopped a barrage of witches and wizards from running right up to Harry. As it was, Harry felt the surge of magical signatures surrounding him and Severus's tensing under his gripping fingers.

Severus looked out over them all and hissed, "Back off! He is apprehensive enough without all of you descending like a plague of locusts!"

Molly had stopped mid-stride, her arms outstretched to hug Harry to her. Tears coursed down her face, but she drew back, dashing them away with a handkerchief she pulled out of her robes. Ron and Hermione were right behind her, jostling for position to be nearest to greeting Harry first.

Severus maneuvered Harry past them and sat Harry down on a chair.

"One at a time. I'm warning you now, if anyone causes him undue distress, he will leave. Only brief greetings for now. He hasn't eaten in a long while."

They all nodded in agreement and Severus signed to Harry what was happening. As Molly approached, he announced her to Harry.

Harry held out his hands in her direction and Molly took them quickly, her tears starting fresh again. She hugged him hard and then with a kiss on the cheek she let him go and backed away.

One after another, the professors who had been Harry's teachers greeted him by shaking the hand he held out after Severus spelled their name into it. Harry smiled, but it seemed forced and Severus could tell he was reaching some kind of overload point. Waving away all others approaching, he called to Ron and Hermione. They had been hanging back, wanting to be last and perhaps have the longest amount of time with Harry.

"You should talk to him now, before he bolts."

Draco took in the pale face surrounding the green eyes and agreed. He thought that a smaller affair would have been more appropriate. Dumbledore had at least a couple of dozen guests here. What had the man been thinking?

Severus allowed Hermione to sit one side of Harry, while Ron knelt down in front of them. As soon as Severus told Harry who it was, Harry's face lit up.

"I thought you weren't here! Where have you been? You're the ones I wanted to see most of all!"

Harry's smile turned to astonishment when Severus put his hand in Hermione's and she began to sign. "You have been working at this, wow, I really didn't know what to expect when Severus told me you had been learning sign. Thanks."

He felt the signatures of his two best friends and then he frowned. "Wait, I remember what your magic felt like from before. Something has changed." He grasped Ron's hand and then switched to Hermione's.

"It's you, Hermione." The entire room quieted when Harry said that. He continued. "Your magic is different somehow. What's wrong?"

Hermione looked at Severus in question. The Potions Master shook his head. "I did not tell him that you were expecting. Perhaps that is the fluctuation in your magic that he senses."

Ron took the hand that Hermione held out. "He can feel that? Merlin, his magic must have come back even stronger."

Harry had reached out and was touching Hermione's face, letting his hands skim over her features, and her hair, then down her arms to clasp her hands again. She took his hands and placed them on her belly. He drew in a gasping breath as he flattened his hands on the roundness. Embarrassed, he drew back before Hermione stopped him, laying her hands on top of his.

"Hermione!" he breathed. "Merlin! You and Ron are having a baby!" He grinned broadly. "That's great!"

Ron and Hermione both sighed in relief.

Severus touched Harry's shoulder and he turned towards the man. "You didn't tell me."

Severus signed, "I wanted it to be theirs to tell you. I knew they would want to share it themselves."

Hermione spelled, "We have lots of time to talk about it. Right now you're probably hungry. Are you ready for the feast? Dobby has had the elves all making up a feast to welcome you. I don't even mind them doing it, because I know they have missed you, too."

Food sounded really good. Harry had been so nervous about meeting everyone again that he hadn't thought he would be able to eat. Now that they were mostly over that hurdle, he felt ravenous.

He stood with Severus as the man told him they were going to the tables. Harry could feel the tingle of the elves' magic as the plates already on the table filled with all the foods he had loved and missed. He felt around the edge and identified the items that had appeared without him having to ask. Finding his fork he began to eat, assuming that those around him had also started eating.

A hand on his stopped his fork from moving towards his mouth. Harry put the fork down and Severus signed, "Albus is speaking."

Harry reddened with embarrassment. Then he got a little miffed. The food never appeared until it was exactly time to eat.

Severus signed as Albus spoke, "…we all have missed our young friend and I am certain that you join me in welcoming him home. Harry will be living here at Hogwarts as long as he desires. Perhaps you might like to visit him some time in the future? His quarters are located just outside these doors, under the grand staircase. The portrait of Joan of Arc is his guardian. Now, as we are all quite famished, tuck in!"

Harry sat there with his hands now in his lap. He would have to think of a way to know who was at his door. He wondered how many people planned to visit him. Severus took a hand and signed that the 'speech' was over and everyone was eating. Harry picked up his fork and with his other hand circling the plate to find the food he wanted, he began to eat, too.

He had taken several bites before he began to feel a difference in the magic emanating all around him. At first, the elf magic from the table and its contents had overshadowed everything else. Now it was ebbing and Harry felt something else. With a start, he realized that it was the feeling that eyes were watching him. All the eyes in the room, to be exact. Was anyone else even eating at all? Or were they all watching him to see how he coped with meals when he couldn't see?

He suddenly lost what appetite he had. He had not thought that he would be on display. Were they waiting to see how much he spilled down his front? Were they watching to see what he managed to knock over? Were they looking and seeing how he put his fingers in each item on the plate to identify what it was and its location?

The darkness and the silence seemed to grow heavy and it was closing in on him, in spite of knowing that this was a cavernous room. It almost seemed a physical sensation, the eyes watching and weighing on him. It seemed impossible to draw another breath. He stood up, pushing back the chair he sat in, feeling it fall to the floor behind him.

Where was the door? Which direction? He turned away from the table trying to remember how many steps Severus had taken him on to get to this point, what turns they had made. Walking forward, he stumbled against the chair on the floor and went sprawling.

As he struggled to get to his feet, he felt hands on his arms, pulling him up. The heaviness in the air was pushing him down and his legs were shaking.

Severus's magic was strong in the hands on his as he signed, "What is it? Are you alright?"

Harry did not want to speak aloud; he didn't trust that his voice would work and he didn't want to announce his panic. He signed in return, "Get me out of here. Now."

Severus did not ask why and Harry was grateful as the man simply placed Harry's hand in the crook of his elbow and led him around the other tables and chairs in the room and out the door.

As soon as they were clear of the Great Hall, Harry felt like he could breathe again. His fingers loosened their grip on Severus's arm as they entered the portrait door to his quarters. Harry slumped down onto one of his sofas, leaning his head into his hands. Severus sat down next to him and placed an arm around his shoulders.

"I could feel them all looking, watching me, waiting for me to make a mistake. I couldn't breathe."

Severus pulled him closer, putting both arms around him and rubbing his back with soothing circles. Gradually Harry relaxed against the man, a sense of quiet returning that was easy to bear, and not the oppressive feeling of a multitude of expectations back in the Great Hall.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

"I hope you all enjoyed that little show." Draco's voice was rough and scathing as he stood up at his place.

"What are you talking about Malfoy? _What_?" Ron was flushed with ire at the accusing tone from Draco.

Draco sneered around at them all. "He feels magic much more acutely than you seem to realize. You were all watching his every move like it was some bloody broom pile up at a dirty Quidditch game."

"We haven't seen him in so long—" Hermione began.

"Yes, and that gives you the right to rudely stare at the man, watching him like he was some new species of creature?"

"But how could he know we were watching?" This question was from an Auror. "He can't see, and you make it sound as if he knows exactly what we were doing."

Draco stared around at them all with his one grey eye. He stumped his way to the door before turning back to them. "He did."

DMDMDMDM

The portrait buzzed Harry's bracelet and he raised his head as it swung open, admitting Draco. The blond sat down on the opposite sofa and lifted his left leg to rest on it. Severus gave Harry another small squeeze before letting him lean back.

He looked at Draco and asked, "Is the door about to be crowded with Weasleys?"

"No. I think they realize Harry needs some space." He looked at Harry in question. "Is he alright?"

"I underestimated the effect being in the company of wizards would have on him. He is much more sensitive to all the undercurrents now."

Harry spoke up, "I know you two are talking about me. No matter how badly I reacted to them all at once, I am still able to take part in conversation."

Severus smirked at Draco, "You should learn to sign if you're going to be hanging about."

"Forget that. I am not holding Potter's hand."

Severus translated what they were saying for Harry and Harry gave a weak laugh. "I don't want to hold your hand either, Draco. But it would be nice to be able to do more than ask you yes and no questions. Come on, Severus can even convey his trademark sneer through his signing. I'm sure you could do the same."

Draco shook his head in exasperation. "Like I said, forget it. But I will go with you the next time you go off on a search for the Black Phoenix."

He noted that Severus did not appear to sign that last sentence and he raised an eyebrow. Severus shook his head and Draco commented, "You haven't told him you're looking for it?"

"I felt that raising his hopes would be cruel," Severus answered honestly.

Draco nodded. "I'll be waiting for your firecall. I'm going home."

Severus nodded and watched the blond limp away. Home was currently a flat over the Three Broomsticks in Hogsmeade. Malfoy Manor and all Malfoy assets had been confiscated. The trust fund that had Draco's name on it would not be in his hands until he turned twenty-five. A small check against its balance was automatically sent to a Gringotts account. It was enough to live on, but not in the style that Draco had been raised in. Severus had been surprised that Draco had not seemed resentful of his circumstances, but he actually seemed not to care that he was as poor as the Weasleys now.

Harry broke him out of his thoughts when he slid his hand into Severus's. "Will you tell Ron and Hermione that they can come here for breakfast in the morning? I can't face the Great Hall just yet."

"I will let them know. Do you want them keyed to the door?"

"Can you do it when they come?"

"You wish for me to be here also?" Severus had expected that Harry would want to have a private reunion with his best friends.

"I know they can sign, but I don't know how well, yet. Besides…" he bit his lip and hesitated.

"Harry?" Severus prompted. "Do you feel uncomfortable seeing them on your own?"

Harry shrugged. "I don't think so. But it won't be the same anymore, will it? They're a couple now…married and expecting a baby. I'll be the odd one out."

Severus considered Harry's words, and as much as it warmed him to think that Harry wanted him there, he didn't want Harry to become dependent on his presence whenever he met with anyone who could communicate with him.

"How about if I join you for breakfast and if it is going well, I'll leave you with them. I need to see what kind of mess the imbecile who has been teaching Potions has made of my classroom."

As an excuse, it was one that was true. He had agreed to resume his teaching role at the end of the next week. He hoped that he would be able to keep up his searches for the Black Phoenix after he did. He planned to be just as tough on the students, but without assigning so many essays that he would be burdened with hours of grading. The little dunderheads would have to make the grade with practical application in class and quizzes and discussions.

Harry leaned against him, laying his head on his shoulder. Severus put his arms around him, pulling his back up against his chest. Leaning back against the sofa, he crossed his arms over Harry's chest. Harry sighed and relaxed in the embrace. For a long time, they simply sat that way, just being close, both of them feeling safe and content.

HPSSHPSSHPSS


	17. Chapter 17

**Black Phoenix**

Chapter 17

_Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future._

_-Niels Bohr_

Severus eventually had to unwind from the very comfortable position of having Harry reclining against him. Fatigue radiated from the young man and he needed sleep. Taking Harry's hands, he signed, "Time for bed. Come on."

Harry stood up and Severus followed, both of them stretching tiredly. Severus led Harry to his bedroom door and stopped. Green eyes looked up in his direction and he dropped a brief kiss on the lips offered up. "I will be back in the morning."

Harry felt the magic leave the room when Severus did. Now it was only the underlying hum of Hogwarts that he could feel in his skin. He sighed with disappointment. Part of him had hoped that Severus would stay, while the other part knew that the man was doing the right thing by leaving. Their relationship was a close one, but Harry had no desire to tether Severus to him. He knew that he needed to learn to navigate the castle, and get acclimated to its feel, on his own. He could not depend on Severus to be there every single second. The man had other things to be doing besides babysitting him.

He carefully paced to his bathroom where he changed into pajamas after washing up. He suddenly felt hungry and remembered that he had not eaten much in the Great Hall. Walking back to his kitchen, he made a cup of tea and found a box of biscuits in a cupboard. He sat at the little table, thinking about what changes his life had undergone in just the last few days, not to mention the last year and a half.

HPHPHPHPHP

Severus exited the portrait door with very mixed feelings. He wanted to stay the night with Harry, but he did not want to push him into further intimacies. It was obvious that Harry had quickly latched onto his presence. Severus wanted that to last, but he also knew that Harry needed to remain independent for them both to be happy in the long-run. If he came to count on Severus being there for every problem, every question of what to do next in the castle, they would both grow to resent it. They would not be able to be together all the time until they learned to be apart yet near. He shook his head at those convoluted thoughts. How far he had come from being the suspicious, hateful Potions Master of Harry's younger years.

He was lost in these ruminations as he rounded the corner of the stairs to head for the ones leading down into the dungeons when a voice stopped him.

"Professor! Severus!" Hermione and Ron were hurrying down the stairs as quickly as Hermione's swollen feet would bring them as she held onto Ron to keep balance. Severus's eyebrow shot up. From this vantage point, it appeared that Hermione was about to explode and give birth to a litter instead of just one baby.

Severus waited for them to come to the bottom of the steps before saying, "Mrs. Weasley, not to be rude, but should you still be up and about in your condition?"

"We wanted to see Harry but the portrait wouldn't even talk to us!" she said, ignoring his question.

"Joan has orders to admit only those whom Harry has said thus far." He looked at their disappointed expressions and quickly added, "He wants you to come for breakfast in the morning. Just the two of you, mind. It was overwhelming for him earlier. But he does want to have a reunion with you if you are willing."

Both of them smiled and Hermione leaned on Ron as he hugged her in their relief. "We were afraid that he had decided to leave after what happened. Draco made it sound as if he could actually feel all of us looking at him and he might even leave rather than believe he was an oddity to be watched."

"Draco was correct. Harry could barely breathe for the weight of the eyes on him."

"I'm afraid I don't understand how that can be," Hermione said anxiously. "How is it that something like that affects him so much?"

"You spent your early years as a Muggle. I would have thought that you knew a bit about those who have physical challenges."

"My parents are dentists, and people who had challenges may have been seen in their offices, but I didn't have much exposure to them."

Severus bit back the ready comment that came to mind, one of how a sheltered existence within the Muggle world may have made her as snobbish as the purebloods in the wizarding world. The old Snape would have blasted her in a second. But he knew how much Harry wanted to fit back into this world and have his friends around him again.

With more self-control than he had thought himself capable of he explained, "When a person loses a sense, the brain tells the other senses to try and compensate. In Harry's case, he lost two senses. His sense of smell and touch have increased tremendously. Together with that, as his magic returned, it seems to have developed compensatory abilities. He feels magic around him much more acutely. He was doing it before the attack in the Infirmary by Pettigrew, if you recall. He knew who was there, what the emotional condition of the room was. Even though he could not see or hear it, he knew when we were at odds."

Ron was looking at him appraisingly. When Severus arched an eyebrow, he said quietly, "Sorry, I don't think I've ever heard you explain anything so calmly before. You're saying that Harry feels the magic around him from everybody, even when we're not casting it?"

"Exactly. He felt the stares and the attention of the entire room. Because it was compensating for his lost sight and hearing and the level of magic was so great, it seems that it overwhelmed him. I am fairly certain that it will be something he becomes accustomed to. His own magic will adjust and he will develop the ability to filter what he needs. He feels the pulse of magic of Hogwarts. I am in hopes that he will be able to use it to learn how to get wherever he wants to go here."

Hermione gave a wince and rubbed her belly. Severus gave her a pointed look and she quickly said, "I was supposed to go up to our quarters and get off my feet. I was planning to do that in Harry's quarters as we talked."

"I suggest you follow Poppy's orders now, or you may not be able to come to breakfast in the morning."

They both nodded and Ron gave her a hand as they turned to go back up the staircase. Severus watched them from the bottom. A stab of envy raced through him, watching their public affection. Ron placed a supporting arm around Hermione's shoulder and she leaned against him as they made their way. At the top of the first staircase, she looked back down and gave him a little wave. He gave a curt nod in return before whirling towards the stairs leading to his dungeon.

He had put forth the offer of forming a family with Harry. Harry had responded with panic. They seemed on even ground now, in their companionship. Would it ever be more than that?

RWHWRWHGRWHG

When Harry woke up, it was with a sense of light panic. What time was it? He flipped open the smooth glass cover of his wristwatch and felt the hands on the clock face. It was a little after six. He could only assume that it was morning. At least the watch seemed to be working. Perhaps since it was the type to wind itself on his movements and not be powered by batteries, it wasn't affected by the castle's magical field.

He got up and dressed after a shower. Comfortable jeans, a t-shirt and jumper seemed to be the right weight for the morning chill of the castle. He went to the kitchen and stood there. He knew that it was stocked with snacks, but breakfast? Sitting down at the table, he put his chin into the palm of his hand to think. How was he to provide breakfast for his friends? Go to the Great Hall and bring it back? The thought of carrying it across the entry hall made him shudder. He didn't know the way well enough yet.

"I wish it would just appear here on this table like it does out there," he thought. Even as he was finishing the thought, he felt his elbow pushed off the table by objects appearing there. He dropped his hands to them and felt platters of scrambled eggs, sausages and hot scones. The table had expanded in size to hold them all and a stack of plates and cutlery. There were a teapot and cups, as well as a pitcher of pumpkin juice.

He poured himself a glass of the pumpkin juice and drank it with relish. It had not been his favorite beverage in the wizarding world, but having it now showed him that he really was here.

He had left his wand back in the bedroom and he went back to retrieve it. Back in the kitchen, he took a scone before casting what he hoped was an adequate warming charm over the table to keep things fresh. He didn't know what time to expect anyone to show up.

In his sitting room, he pulled a book off the book case at random and sat down on a sofa. It was a book of poetry and he leaned back to let the Braille dots rise under his fingers as he skimmed the pages.

He felt the magic in the room shift and he lifted his face, recognizing Severus's presence. He held out his hand with a smile as the sofa sank down next to him.

"I came early to help with breakfast and reset the door wards."

"Look in the kitchen and see if I did alright. I thought about food and it appeared! Just like in the Great Hall."

Severus found the table laden with breakfast and glowing with Harry's warming charm. He lightened the charm, as it seemed in danger of drying out the food with its intensity, and removed it from the pitcher of pumpkin juice, replacing that with a cooling charm.

Returning to the sitting room he sat back down.

"Did you know that the table would do that?"

Severus took Harry's hand. "No doubt Albus had a hand in designing what this suite would be capable of providing for you."

"Look at this book!" He handed the book to Severus, who frowned, seeing only a normal book of poetry. The Harry ran his fingers across a page and he could see the tiny dots that forming under them. "It's Braille and they all do this, as far as I can tell. Whichever book I choose will turn to Braille as I read it. It's fantastic!"

"Another peace offering from Albus. Very nice, and one that I wish I had thought of." Severus felt mild annoyance with the Headmaster, but he knew that these small conveniences would ease Harry's transition back into the world of magic. The fact that Albus had been so thoughtful went a long way towards making up for Harry's exile. It also meant that the old man had come to terms with Harry being back. That he had not pointed out the amenities he had charmed for the young man said that he was trying hard not to manage Harry's life at this juncture. He was only trying to make it easier.

"Have you changed the door wards to allow the Weasleys?"

"Not yet. I didn't know how to tell Joan and how am I to know if she's on this side when I'm speaking to her?"

Severus led Harry to the door and the young smiling woman. "Good day my fine sirs," she said with a small bow.

Severus spoke, "Harry is blind and deaf. He will need for you to be vigilant to his changing moods, as there may be times when he wishes to be left alone, when he wishes for those whom he usually allows to be denied entry. You can hear him, no matter which side he speaks to you from?"

"Oh yes. You may be assured that I will guard these rooms well and true, sir."

"Very well. From this point on, his will be the only orders you listen to."

"Does that include you, as well?" she asked.

Severus hesitated. What if he and Harry had an argument and he was unable to get inside to talk to him? He sighed. "Harry will value his privacy. But I would ask that you use your own discretion; if he seems to be in need of having someone near, even if he says he does not, then I would ask that you make the allowance."

Joan gave him a solemn nod. "I will be most attentive to his needs, sir."

"Very well. In addition to myself, Madam Pomfrey, and Draco Malfoy, he wishes to have Ron and Hermione Weasley allowed to enter."

"Will there be a password?"

"Not for now. Perhaps later on when his list grows, it will be something he adds."

Severus turned to Harry. "Joan can hear you from either side. I have told her that for now, only Ron, Hermione, are allowed entrance, in addition to myself, Draco and Poppy. She will listen only to your instructions from this point on."

"Cool." He looked up in the portrait's direction. "Thanks Joan. I wish I could see you. Your life is studied in Muggle schools, did you know?"

"Yes. The events of my life crossed over to both realms. So many witches did not have that opportunity and were murdered before they could impact both sides. I am blessed."

Severus had translated her words as she spoke and Harry's eyes widened. "You _were_ a witch then?"

"Of course."

Harry looked up towards Severus. "How will I know someone is here before they come in?"

Severus looked at Joan. "May I give you a charm so that you can signal this bracelet that Harry wears? It will alert him that someone is outside, and also to the fact that someone is about to enter."

Joan nodded and Severus took out his wand. A few waves later, he signed to Harry, "Joan can now signal your bracelet, just as the doorbell of your flat did, when someone is outside."

"Brilliant! Thanks, both of you."

Severus took his hand and led him back to the sofa to sit. Harry laced his fingers with the older man's and said, "After Ron and Hermione's visit, I'm not sure what to do next. I'd like to learn the way to the greenhouses and Hagrid's hut."

"I will take you this afternoon, if that is agreeable. I have quite a bit to do to get my lab set up again."

"Did the substitute professor mess it up so much?"

"He was not allowed inside. He only used the classroom materials. But everything I had is now out of date. I will be working to replenish my stores. Poppy is also low on several potions she needs for the Infirmary. I need to set them brewing."

"I could help." The green eyes looked so hopeful that the refusal died on his lips before he could send the words down through his fingers.

At that moment, Harry touched his bracelet. "Someone is here."

The door swung open, admitting Ron and Hermione.

Harry stood up, his fingers still twisted together with Severus's. Ron's smile turned into a frown as he stared at those fingers, until Hermione gave his hand a sharp yank. Severus extended the hand he held to Hermione and she signed,

"Harry! I am glad to be able to speak with you!"

"Hermione, Ron, I've missed you both so much! I have a lot of catching up to do, it seems."

He pulled Hermione towards the sofa where she sat down beside him. Severus went to the kitchen and began to levitate the food from the kitchen table to the table between the two sofas.

Ron watched him for a few moments before asking, "What's going on with you and Harry?"

Severus straightened to his full height, his mouth twisting in a sneer. Hermione looked up at the two of them nervously. She and Harry had been carrying on a silent conversation with their hands. Harry frowned and looked towards Severus.

"Are the two of you already at it? Can't you be in the same room for more than five minutes without fighting?" He stood up. "No, I take that back. It hasn't even been one minute, has it?"

Hermione was glaring at Ron and Severus was watching Ron as if waiting for him to make another comment or move. Ron said quietly, "I want an answer. I don't want to see Harry hurt anymore. I can't see that what might be happening is good for him."

"What we have is not your concern or business, Mr. Weasley." Before Ron could respond to that, Severus reached for Harry and took his hand, signing, "I am leaving you with your friends. You will have a better time if I am not present."

Harry signed back, "I want you here. You are my friend too!"

"Not like they are." He gave Harry's hands a squeeze and tried to let go.

Harry held on tightly, "Please stay."

"Harry, I will not come between you and your best friends. They have stood beside you far longer than I have. You have a lot to talk about with them, and they can sign. You do not need me here."

Harry put a hand up and felt for Severus's face. Placing the palm of his hand against the cheek, he signed with his other hand, "I am glad to have you as my friend now. You saved me."

"_You_ saved _me_. I will come back later. It's better this way."

Harry put his arms around Severus and hugged him tightly. Severus hugged him back, ignoring the scowl he saw on Ron's face. Instead, he looked at Hermione. "Tell him that breakfast is already all out here. He only needs to firecall the kitchens and the elves will clean it away."

He brushed his lips against Harry's hair and then walked rapidly out of the room.

Harry stood there silently for a few moments before saying quietly, "I know you mean well, Ron. But no one is going to run my life anymore. Whatever your problem is with Severus, get over it, because I don't have one."

Ron hesitantly took Harry's hands to sign into them. This was somehow very different from holding his wife's hand while learning to converse this way. It felt awkward and uncomfortable to be holding Harry's hand. But he pushed that feeling aside and said, "It's Snape, Harry. Snape! What kind of friend would I be if I didn't question his hands being all over you?"

Harry snorted. "They were hardly all over me. But that might be pretty nice, come to think of it."

"Harry! You're just saying that because—because you feel obligated to him for some reason. But you don't need to. No one would blame you if you just ignored him now. Hermione and I are your friends. You don't need him anymore."

"Friends don't throw friends away. Friends don't just move on without sparing a thought for their friends." Harry's voice was hard.

Hermione jumped up, almost falling back onto the sofa in her haste. Holding Harry's hands she said, "We never gave up that you would eventually come back! We hounded Albus relentlessly on your behalf. You cannot say that we just moved on."

"But you had your life and you lived it, didn't you? Now why can't you let me have my own and just be happy for me?

Ron and Hermione looked at each other for a long time. Hermione signed slowly when she resumed , "If you are truly happy, then we will stand by you. But you have to admit that it is bizarre to think of you being close to Snape."

Harry finally gave a small smile at that. "Yeah. But he's different now. Not completely. But in ways that are important. He accepts what I am without hovering over me. He learned to sign so he could talk to me."

Ron grumbled, but Hermione gave him a sharp look to keep him from signing his words, "I just don't like him _touching_ Harry! Why does he have to _touch_ him?"

Hermione said to Ron, "Maybe he really cares for him. You can't take that away from Harry, no matter how much you don't like it or approve of it. Let it go for now, sweetie. We'll keep an eye out, like we always did. Harry is a grown up now, just like us."

To Harry, she said, "He did a lovely job of setting up this table out here. He even raised it so we can sit at the sofas to eat. I'm staving!"

Harry smiled bigger, glad that the argument seemed to be over. The three of them sat down and helped themselves to the food and signed in between bites, telling stories of what had happened since they had been separated.

Harry finished eating and asked Hermione, "Could I touch your—can I feel the baby, Hermione? Your magical signature is definitely different here. My fingers are itching to try to find where yours stops and the baby's starts."

Ron pushed the table aside and came to sit on the other side of Hermione. Hermione took Harry's hand and signed, "We don't know if it's a boy or a girl yet. Poppy could tell us, but we want to be surprised, so don't say it if you can actually feel which it is."

Harry laughed, "I doubt that I can tell that! " as Hermione took his hands and put them into position on either side of her belly.

Harry's face grew intent as he gently moved his hands over her. He gave a small gasp at a kick from inside, then another as the kick was repeated on the other side of the mound. Ron and Hermione exchanged smiles as Harry smiled softly.

Finally, Harry sat back and said, "Wow. I can feel all three of you very distinctly when I touch you."

Hermione clasped his hands. "Is my magic so different from Ron's? How does the baby's feel different?"

Harry had a quizzical look on his face for a moment and then said, "Your magic is older, Hermione. Not as old as Dumbledore's, but it has a settled feeling. The—baby's magic is light and flitting, almost like a butterfly. Up and down and floating free, no cohesive plan or thought yet. Just—joy."

Hermione gazed at Harry in wonder and then looked at Ron. "Can you really feel all that, Harry?"

"Yes," he said with certainty. "I can also tell you that I think you're in for a surprise."

Ron asked, "What? What is it?"

Hermione shook her head. "I'm not going to ask and you're not either, Ron Weasley. I know how you like to peek at presents and such. The sex of this baby is going to be a surprise. I don't want to know ahead of time."

"Come on, 'Mione. You know it's likely to be a boy. Look at my family. All boys except for Ginny. We have boy genes. We could decide a name."

Hermione signed to Harry so as not to leave him out of what they were discussing. "I want it to be a surprise. We can still discuss names and have some ready for either outcome."

Harry reluctantly removed his hands from Hermione's stomach. The magic he felt there was so gentle, he had a difficult time removing himself from it. He had felt nothing like it before.

They talked some more, Harry asking about the family, about their wedding, what they were both working on.

Ron said, "It's really getting tough, trying to find any more written information on the Black Phoenix. But we'll keep looking, Harry, don't worry. As long as it takes."

Harry sat up straighter. "You're looking for information on the Black Phoenix? Why?"

Ron looked at Hermione and she shook her head. Grabbing Harry's hands she signed, "We are just really interested in the magic that hurt you. It's rare and if there is anything about it, you know me, I have to know it."

Harry relaxed marginally. "I just don't want you wasting your time on it. It sounds too much like dark magic since it was used by Tom. If you find it, don't mess with it, okay?"

Hermione didn't want to lie to Harry, but it was obvious that Severus had not mentioned his own search for the Black Phoenix. Perhaps because he anticipated such a reaction from Harry? She and Ron would have to talk to the Potions Master as soon as possible.

HGWRWHGWRWHGW

_**A/N:**__ Thank you everyone! Once again, your response to this story staggers me! So many kind words of encouragement have come my way that I have no words to express my gratitude!_

_The oxymorons at the top of each chapter come from either an online search for quotes, or the wonderful book, __Oxymoronica__ by Dr. Mardy Grothe._

_Many, many hugs of appreciation to __**logicalquirk**__, for her patient beta work! You guys have no idea what she has to put up from me! Lately I cannot manage to send the right chapters to her in the right order! That probably makes keeping an eye on the story's continuity a bit tricky! But she does it anyway! _


	18. Chapter 18

**Black Phoenix**

Chapter 18

_There is only one thing about which I am certain, and that is that there is very little about which one can be certain._

_-W. Somerset Maugham_

Severus left Harry's suite and stalked to his dungeon laboratory. Leave it to bloody Ron Weasley to put too many newts eyes in the cauldron. He could have stayed as Harry requested, but the sight of Weasleys obvious displeasure at them simply holding hands made him too angry. He would have done something to the red haired weasel that might have forced Harry to make a decision between the two of them. He knew that the two had been friends as long as Harry had known he was a wizard. He would likely come in a decided second place if Harry had to choose.

He reviewed his inventory of ingredients, making a list of the items he could get in Hogsmeade, and those that would require the apothecary in Diagon Alley. Perhaps Harry would like to have an outing. It would be his first public appearance since the final battle, however. Maybe it was too early for that.

He started the potions that Poppy had requested with the ingredients he had on hand and set a timer to alert him when they needed stirring. Unrolling the first the recently acquired set of parchments, he began to try and translate the ancient Egyptian.

When he next cast a tempus to see what time it was, it was well past lunch and he cursed softly under his breath. He had meant to go to Harry's and ask him if he wished to eat with him. He had probably already eaten now.

A knock at his door had him frowning. Who was already intruding on his time here? Expecting the current Potion teacher, he opened the door. It was Ron Weasley and Severus barely restrained a heavy sigh and a shake of his head.

The red-haired man entered as Severus drew aside. He did not invite him to sit as he thought he would probably refuse. Ron got right to the point.

"I don't like that Harry seems taken with you. But I know he wants to make his own choices, bad as they might be in this case. All I want to say is that you better not do anything to make me regret not interfering."

"I don't like that Harry considers you his best friend," Severus returned. "But I too know that he wants to make his own choices. I will not put him in the position of having to choose. I plan on being in his life. Get used to it. We will be thrown together whether we like it or not. Whatever prejudices you have, put them aside for his sake."

Ron glowered, but nodded. "My sister still has feelings for him. You should know that she plans on trying to get back together with him, now that he has returned. I believe that everyone is thinking that you are just a mentor, not that anything more is going on."

"Nothing more than what you saw is going on…yet."

"Then Ginny still has a chance…"

"Harry has expressed his preferences. She will find that he does not feel an attraction to females."

Ron nodded. "She can be a bit pig-headed about things. Don't hex her or anything."

"I would not add to her dismay by doing so."

They stared at each other for several seconds. Ron finally broke the silence, admitting, "I was sent down here to discuss something else with you. Hermione is having a lie-down and she wanted me to ask you about the Black Phoenix. It seems like Harry doesn't know we have been looking for any information we can find."

"I have not informed him of the search. It seems cruel to raise his hopes for a possible way to heal him, when it may never happen."

"We just wanted to verify that. We don't like lying to him, though."

"Nor do I, but what would you suggest?"

Ron shrugged. "Maybe he should know, and you could also tell him how slim the chances are of being successful."

Severus felt that the thought had merit, loathe as he was to admit it. He settled for giving Ron a curt nod. "Did Harry go to the Great Hall for lunch?"

"No. We ate breakfast and talked for a long while. When we left, he was going to read for awhile. He said the two of you had plans this afternoon."

Severus nodded. Perhaps Harry had expected them to meet after lunch after all. Ron walked to the door, apparently ready to end their conversation. Then he turned to Severus again. "Harry said he feels the baby's magic, that we're in for a surprise. How accurate do you think he is? Is he guessing?"

"He seems to be able to sense magical auras quite easily. You have seen how accurately he picks up the mood of those in the room."

Ron nodded. "He didn't make it sound like it would be a bad surprise, so I guess that's alright."

Severus closed the door behind him with another sigh. He set the potions that were still brewing into stasis and went up to Harry's door.

Joan regarded him solemnly. "Master Harry has been quite impatient for your visit. I shall announce you."

The portrait door swung open and Severus stepped inside. Harry was laying on a sofa, a book face down on his chest as he looked towards the door.

"I thought maybe you weren't coming."

Severus sat down beside him. "I was caught up in the potions."

"Yeah, I figured that. Did you eat lunch?"

"No. I lost track of the time. I apologize if you waited."

"Well, I did, but we really didn't agree to it. I guess I assumed…"

"I will endeavor to be clearer in the future."

Harry pulled Severus down into a hug. "I don't want to take up all your time, Severus. But until I know my way around, I'm kind of stuck here. I feel the magic all around me, and it pulled me towards Albus's office when I first arrived. But I don't know how that happened. I don't know how to harness it to make it pull me to wherever I want to go."

"Severus signed, "Let's get started then. See if you can find the way to the Great Hall. I'm sure we can call for something to eat from there. Then we'll go wherever you wish to go first."

He moved to stand up and Harry stopped him. "Would you…"

Severus waited. Harry put a hand up to Severus's face, mapping the cheeks , skimming his fingers over his eyes and lips. "Do you think you could talk to me later? I want to hear your voice."

"If you promise to let me know at the first sign of discomfort."

"I will."

"Then we will attempt to have a mental conversation tonight."

Harry grinned and pulled the man down to kiss him quickly. Then he jumped up off the sofa. "I want to find the greenhouses first. I want to see how Muggle botany compares to Herbology. Do you think Professor Sprout will let me help her?"

"I am certain she will be pleased that you have an interest there."

After eating, Severus led Harry out to the greenhouses while he made mental references to landmarks along the way.

HPHPHPHPHP

Each day, Severus would take Harry to a different place in the castle or on the grounds. The next day he would have Harry lead the way to the places they had already been to. By the end of the first week, Harry felt comfortable navigating between his own quarters to just about anywhere he wished.

Draco came to the castle and he made plans with Severus to go with him on the next trip abroad. It would be tricky to do, with teaching at the same time.

It would be even trickier to go without Harry knowing what Severus was up to. In spite of the intention that they would not grow to be dependent on one another, they both had grown to count on the other being available at least once per day to talk. Harry had developed greater tolerances for Severus being in his mind and the bond between them grew as they shared this mental intimacy.

Harry worked in one of the greenhouses each day, stunning Professor Sprout with his new-found affinity for growing things. She had quickly worked out the simple phrases that she needed to spell to him when she had a comment or a question, or when she needed to answer a question Harry had.

It seemed that Harry could tell by smell or feel just what a particular plant needed for optimum growth. Professor Sprout was ecstatic about the sudden lushness of all the plantings needed in potions. There were several that she tried to grow each year for Severus, but had never had much luck with. He would end up having to go to another producer if he wished to have the freshest and most potent of those herbs and other plants.

When he was ready to find him each day, Severus learned to take out the Marauders' Map to search for Harry's whereabouts. He might be anywhere now that he knew the castle better.

He took out the map one afternoon and was shocked to see Harry's dot disappear off the edge of the map into the Forbidden Forest. Hagrid was with him, but that did not ease the lurch Severus felt in his gut. In addition to all manner of dark creatures in the forest, there were dangers that were almost impossible for a sighted and hearing wizard to avoid.

He took off at a dead run out the castle doors, almost running into Draco coming in. Draco wordlessly turned around and followed as Severus headed down the trail that led to Hagrid's hut. Beyond that, the forest looked as dark and menacing as ever, but Severus continued to run, pulling out his wand on the way.

Draco drew his own wand as he entered the forest. About fifty yards in, he caught up with Severus. The Potions Master was standing with his wand down at his side, chest heaving as he caught his breath. He was staring into a small clearing. Draco came up to his side and joined him in watching Hagrid with Harry. They were kneeling in a herd of thestrals, the foals eating raw meat from their hands.

Harry was smiling and they heard him ask, "Are you sure, Hagrid? I've ridden one before, but to actually choose one for my own?"

Hagrid made a sign for yes into Harry's hand and then handed him another scrap of meat. A foal nuzzled Harry for it and Harry stroked the little animal as it ate.

"This one then. It seems to like me. Or at least it likes the meat I'm feeding it. Can we come out here every day? I want it to be used to me. Is it a boy or a girl? Once for boy, twice for girl…" he said, holding out his hand.

Hagrid gave him two gentle taps on the hand to indicate that the thestral was a girl. "You'll have to tell Severus what she looks like so I can think of a name."

Severus walked up to them and Harry smiled even more. "Severus! Guess what! Albus told Hagrid to introduce me to the thestral herd so I could choose a foal to train. I rode one when I went to the Ministry back in fifth year, remember? After the foal grows and she's trained, I'll be able to fly again. She will be my eyes to do it!"

Severus did not want to shoot down the joy that Harry felt at the idea of flying. But Merlin's beard! Bringing him into the forest like this? He glared at Hagrid. "This was the height of stupidity, bringing him in here where anything could happen. What were you thinking? Were you thinking at all?"

Hagrid looked upset at the scathing tone. "But Professor Dumbledore said—"

"I don't care what he said. Obviously the man has lost his own common sense as well."

Harry stood up, a hand still on the head of the foal. "Sev, it's alright. I'm alright. I don't feel anything bad here. Don't blame Hagrid. I can't stay sheltered all the time."

Severus had his jaw clenched so tightly that Draco and Hagrid could see the muscles twitching there. He quickly looked from the clearing back towards the edge of the forest where they could still see Hagrid's hut. Eyes flashing, he hissed to Hagrid, "Conclude this business at once. Further contact between Harry and the thestrals will be made closer to the edge, where he can be seen at all times from the castle."

He whirled and strode back the way he had come. Behind him, Harry ran to catch up with him. "Severus!"

He stopped when he no longer felt Severus's magical signature, knowing that the man had gone from the area. He felt the cold wet nose of the thestral nudge his hand and he scratched between the horse-like ears. Hagrid came up beside him and dropped a huge hand on his shoulder, patting him.

"He'll understand, once he's thought about it, Hagrid. Don't worry." Harry stood there for another few moments before dropping down to give the foal a hug. "I'll think of a name for you later, girl. Be good and I'll visit when I can."

Harry felt the animal magic fade as the herd drifted back into the forest. He put his hand on Hagrid's arm and let the other man lead him back out of the forest. When he felt the sun back on his face, he said, "Just take me to the green houses. I'll be able to get back to the castle from there."

He smelled the earthy, glassed-in hothouses as they neared them. Hagrid left him after seeing Harry enter the one that he did most of his work in. It made the half giant sad to see the unhappiness on Harry's face. The thestrals had made him very happy and he had been glad that there was something that he could do to help. He had not thought of the dangers to Harry when he had led him into the forest. Severus was right. He had been a stupid oaf to do something like that, no matter what Professor Dumbledore had said.

RHRHRHRH

Severus strode up the staircases, Draco in his wake. The stone gargoyles guarding Dumbledore's tower eyed him beadily before responding to his dangerously whispered demands to be let in. Albus sat calmly behind his desk, a large stack of parchment in front of him.

Severus did not wait for the usual invitation to tea or lemon drops. "Have you truly gone mad? Did you actually encourage Hagrid to take Harry into the Forbidden Forest? Please tell me that the idiot must have misunderstood your intentions, Albus, because I cannot fathom that you would send him on such a foolish errand."

Albus watched Severus as he paced during his small speech and he looked at Draco as that man finally entered the office, having caught up at last.

He folded his hand in front of him and peered over the top of his glasses. "Yes, I did speak to the two of them about the possibility that a thestral might make a good ride for Harry."

Severus narrowed his eyes. "How were you able to speak to Harry? I was not aware that you had learned sign."

"No, unfortunately that seems a bit beyond me, in spite of my affinity for spoken languages. Harry came up this morning and asked me if I could charm a small notebook to respond with a Braille translation to written messages and I obliged. We then had a very in depth conversation about him wanting to finish up his course work and get his NEWTS. He went away with a full set of Braille charmed textbooks. Before he left, he mentioned how much he missed flying. Of course, I thought that it would be best to have him on something other than a broom to do it. Hagrid happened by and we all agreed that perhaps one of the newest of the thestral herd would be a possibility." He shrugged his shoulders beneath the yellow and orange plaid robes that he wore. "So yes, as foolish as you might think it was, I did attempt to further help Harry in his integration back into this world."

Severus finally sat down, pinching the bridge of his nose tiredly. Harry was an adult; he knew that in his head. His heart, unused as it was to caring about someone, seemed bent on seeing him as someone he needed to protect. Albus had motioned Draco into a seat and had conjured tea for them all without asking. A bottle of Firewhisky was poised to the side. Wordlessly, Severus poured himself more whiskey than tea into a cup and sat back.

He expelled a deep sigh after the first sip of whiskey burned its way down. "Draco and I are off on a lead I want to follow. I was planning to tell Harry good-bye, but in light of the scene just passed, I think we will simply go. It won't be a long trip, and there will be no need to find someone to take my classes."

Albus leaned forward. "You really should say something to the boy—"

"He is not a boy," Severus snapped. "And I do not need you of all people telling me what I should or should not do with regard to Harry."

After quaffing the last of the dubious tea he stood up and strode from the room. Draco sipped his tea politely before setting the cup down on the tray. Dabbing at his mouth with a napkin he said, "Thestrals…I would not have thought of the ugly things for Harry's use. There are some that are bred for racing, already more or less tamed. I can get you some names…"

Albus waved. "Hagrid needs something to do to help. This will give them back the bond they had before. But thank you."

Draco stood with a nod. "If it makes any difference, I can't find it in myself to blame for you sending Harry to live amongst Muggles. I would not have believed that he could stay in the wizarding world either." He walked out before Albus could respond to that.

Severus and Draco went just beyond the gates to Apparate. Draco knew better than to ask him if he had spoken to Harry before leaving. The tight-lipped frown told him all he cared to know.

SSDMSSDMSSDM

Harry worked in the green house for a while, thinking that Severus would come there to find him. He had been so angry that Harry was in the forest. Harry had felt it sparking from the man as he came near back in the clearing. Didn't he believe that Hagrid could be trusted to keep a close eye for danger? Didn't he believe that Harry could sense when danger might be near? He ploughed his hands through a container, looking for the seed pod that was buried in the loamy dirt. It sat warmly in his palm, and Harry smiled. There was life here. He could feel it. He repotted it and set it with the others that he had already done.

Casting a cleaning spell on his hands got rid of most of the dirt under his nails. He found his way to Professor Sprout's greenhouse office and held out his hands for her inspection. She took them and then gave them two quick squeezes, telling him that he was presentable for the dining table. They walked together to the Great Hall and once they had arrived, he asked,

"Would you point me towards Severus, please?"

There was a long hesitation before Harry felt Albus's hand touch his shoulder. He fished the charmed notebook out of his pocket and waited for Albus to write out his message.

The Braille dots formed beneath Harry's fingers as he skimmed them across the page.

'_Severus and Draco have gone on a short trip. He will return by the end of the weekend.'_

"Where did they go?" Harry worked hard to keep the note of panic out of his voice. He hoped that it didn't show. Severus and Draco? Together? Away?

The notebook was handed back to him a second time. _'There were some potions ingredients that became available and they took the opportunity. I understand that they are quite difficult to come by.'_

Harry nodded. Lately he had been sitting between Severus and Hagrid. He made a small movement as if to go on to the table, then stopped. His appetite was suddenly gone and he turned to leave. Hands on his shoulders tried to steer him back to the table but he shrugged them off.

Once behind his own door, he sat on the floor with his back against it. He banged his head back against it several times before dropping his forehead onto his knees.

"You are so stupid, Harry. Did you think he'd just wait around for you to make up your mind? That he actually enjoyed being around a deaf and blind man? Merlin, you are still as dense as you were when you were a teenager. Why shouldn't he go on a trip with bloody Malfoy? They probably have more in common than you could ever hope to have…now you're talking to yourself. Shut up."

He sat there for a long time, not hearing Joan trying to ask if he was alright, and not noticing when she left her portrait.

HPHPHPHPHP


	19. Chapter 19

**Black Phoenix**

Chapter 19

_Love begets love._

_This torment is my joy_

_-Theodore Roethke_

Severus felt every bit of his age as he and Draco trudged up to the castle from the gates. The lead had been a good one, but unfortunately, they had missed the phoenix and found instead a swarm of interbred Doxies and Pixies. The little beings were quite angry at having their Siberian Elm tree disturbed and had attacked Severus with tiny wings and claws, biting and spitting poisonously when he had climbed up.

Draco had seen them before he had started up, managing to miss their wrath. He had patched up the Potions Master as best as he could. Severus insisted on collecting a number of the ugly things for future potions research before he would let Draco Apparate them back to Hogwarts.

Now he was covered with claw marks, and bruised from where he had fallen out of the tree. Broken bones had been splinted but Draco didn't have the healing skill needed to completely mend them. The poison from the Doxy part of the half-breeds seemed especially resistant to Severus's standard antidote, and the weakness and nausea was returning now that it was reaching the end of its efficacy. He wanted only to head for his quarters and a hot bath followed by a heavy dose of pain killer potion.

At his door, the portrait of Slytherin glowered darkly at him. Instead of opening the door, the painted founder hissed at Severus.

"You will keep that female upstart away from here if you wish me to continue to guard your quarters."

Severus leaned against the wall, not having any choice but to ask what he was talking about, since the portal remained closed.

"Explain," he said shortly.

"Jeanne d'Arc, that haranguing fishwife, has been here no less than a dozen times, looking for you. I have never had my frame invaded by such. I am a founder and I will be treated with due respect."

Severus felt a stab of concern. Why would Joan be seeking him out, unless something had happened to Harry? He pushed himself away from the wall and headed back up the stairs. Draco gripped him by the arm.

"You idiot. You need to see Madam Pomfrey before you go anywhere."

"Let go of me. Come or stay here, but get out of my way."

Draco shook his head with a sigh and followed the man back to the entry hall and around the corner under the grand staircase. Joan smiled when she saw him.

"Good sir, you have returned at last! I have been looking for you!"

"In the future you will avoid irritating the founder's portrait guarding my rooms. He is most displeased."

"But I was worried and I thought you would want to know about Master Harry."

Severus was now leaning against her frame, the weakness from the Doxy venom beginning to grow stronger as the antidote waned. "Let me in and I'll—"

"Oh, he's not here, sir. He's in the Infirmary."

Severus stumbled as he pushed himself more upright to walk away. Draco grabbed his arm again and growled to the portrait, "Let us in so we can floo to the Infirmary. He won't make it walking there."

The door swung open and Draco supported Severus over to the fireplace. He hung his cane over his arm and then dipped his hand into the jar of floo powder. He dragged Severus into the opening and threw the powder, calling for the hospital.

They both fell out of the fireplace in the Infirmary, Severus too weak and sick to care and Draco unable to remain upright while supporting Severus's dead weight.

Madame Pomfrey came from around a screen to see what the noise was and rushed over to them. She helped Draco up and they both raised Severus back up long enough to deposit him onto a bed. Draco explained what had happened and what steps had been taken. As Poppy ran a wand over the man, Harry's voice called out.

"Severus?" He was coming from around the screen, Ron behind him.

Ron began to sign into Harry's hand, and Harry hurried over to the bed. "What happened? Draco?"

Draco did not answer and Harry narrowed his eyes. "I know you're here, Malfoy. I feel both of you." He held out the Braille notebook and added, "I know you can't sign, but you can write in this and I'll be able to read it. I want to know what happened and why he's in the Infirmary."

Draco looked at Ron. "Severus doesn't want him to know that he's searching for the Black Phoenix. Any suggestions about what to tell him?"

"The truth, if that's even possible for you. Just don't mention the other." Ron signed into Harry's hands again and disappeared back behind the screens, looking distracted.

Harry held out a hand, waiting for Draco to take the notebook. When Draco finally took it, he held the hand out and slowly moved it in an arc out in front of himself. Then he made his way unerringly to the bed where Severus lay. He felt beside the bed for a chair and after finding it he sat down. He seemed to hesitate then, with a glance in Draco's direction. Then he reached over and put a hand on Severus's.

Poppy had finished her scans and summoned a vial from her storage cabinet. Draco helped her raise the man up so she could dribble it into his mouth. She started back over to the other screens and Harry spoke up,

"You do know that there are two, don't you? Poppy?" he whispered conspiratorially. "It's twins!"

Draco arched an eyebrow at Poppy, who was looking at Harry with an open mouth. Shaking her head, she said, "It's not. I would know if it were twins."

Draco realized that it must be Hermione behind the screen, in labor. A short scream confirmed that and Poppy hurried away from Severus's bed.

Harry turned towards Draco. "I still want to know what happened. I may not be any more than just his friend, and you are certainly more than that. But I can't help worrying about him." He looked down at where his hand now clasped Severus's. "If you'll let me be his friend… he's the only one who can actually speak to me in my mind…" He stopped, unable to articulate his feelings any more than that.

Draco stared at him for a long moment before snatching up the quill that came with the notebook and bending over it to write furiously. Stabbing the parchment with emphatic punctuation, he reached over and shoved it into Harry's hands.

Harry slowly opened the book with one hand, laying it across his lap. Draco watched his lips as he read the words, enjoying the stunned expressions.

'_Potter, you are an idiot. Sev is my godfather, my mentor. He is not now, nor has he ever been my lover. I am not flattered by your assumption that I would find him anything more than that. If you're finished being a Hufflepuff, you might think to let him know how you feel, instead of stringing him along. He loves you, stupid.'_

Harry looked up at Draco's direction. "Why did he ask you to go with him then? Why can't I go?"

Draco snatched the notebook back out of Harry's hands and wrote some more. _'He plans to one day, when he believes you're ready. Grow up, Harry. You've come a long way. But you don't trust him, yet. You don't trust that he cares enough to keep saving your miserable hide, even when you don't appreciate it.'_

Harry let the book slide from his hand onto the bed. "Thanks, Draco," he whispered. "Thanks for not treating me like a cripple."

There was another, longer scream from behind the screen and Draco heard Ron's frantic mumblings. Even though he knew Harry couldn't hear it, the green–eyed man turned his head towards the sound. "First a girl…then the boy that's been hiding…they're like Fred and George, joyful magic…"

Draco turned towards the door as it opened, a flood of Weasleys coming in. Their excited chatter brought Poppy around the screen again and she quickly shooed them back out. Ginny caught sight of Harry and squeezed around her to slip into a chair beside him.

She reached out and took the hand he had lifted from Severus's when the doors had opened. His head tilted as he analyzed the magic of the witch beside him. He gently tried to withdraw from her hold but she held fast.

She looked intently at their hands as she tried to sign. He said, "Ginny… let go…"

She leaned forward and kissed him before he could move away. He instinctively pushed her away, shifting his body to sit on the edge of the bed.

Draco stood up and put a hand on her shoulder when it looked like she would follow him over. "Not a good idea. Don't embarrass yourself."

"You don't know anything about it, Malfoy," she spat. "If he knew you were here—"

"Ginny, let Draco show you how the notebook works. Then we can talk."

She glared at Draco when he smirked. He held out the notebook, "Write what you wish to say in this. It will translate to Braille."

"I've learned to sign. I can talk to him that way."

"I believe he wants to avoid touching your hands while you're so grabby. Don't worry, I feel the same way about touching him myself. I wouldn't want anyone to get the idea that I actually like the man."

The insinuation was not lost on her. Harry did not want her to touch him, fearing she would take opportunities that he did not wish to grant to her.

Poppy had hurried back behind the screens again, too busy to make further efforts at getting Ginny to leave.

Harry sat in tense silence with Ginny and Draco listening to the muttered words and groans coming from Hermione, Ron and Poppy.

A few moments later, there was an infant wailing, Ron and Hermione's combined laughter and crying welcoming their new child. In another minute, Poppy let out a surprised shriek. She came around the screen with the infant in her arms and thrust it into Draco's arms, as he was the closest. She ran back to Hermione, exclaiming, "Twins! I wasn't ready for twins!"

Draco stood there in shock, looking down at the squirming bundle. Ginny forgot all about Harry as she stood up beside Draco and rested a hand on the arm that cradled the baby.

Harry sensed that her attention was on the baby and he turned his own attention to Severus. His fingers traced the features of his face gently. He could feel that Severus had opened his eyes and he whispered,

"Draco said—I mean—do you really—"

Severus caught the hand on his face, bringing the palm to his lips. Harry shivered as the simple kiss sent a wave of longing from the hand to his toes. He signed with a shaky hand, "Later we will talk. Not here."

Harry sighed. Then his nose wrinkled up. "You do know that you reek, don't you? Draco _still_ hasn't told me what happened to you. I'm _still_ waiting."

Draco carefully handed the baby to Ginny and she murmured, "I'm not giving up on him. You can't keep me away from him forever and I will make him see how we still belong together."

Draco had picked up the notebook and he leaned into Ginny's face, grinning. "You're welcome to try. But don't blame me if some stray hex has your gorgeous hair falling out." He reached out and rubbed a strand of her red hair between his fingers.

She jerked her head away, cradling the baby and swaying in an automatic rocking motion. "Harry wouldn't hex me."

"No. He wouldn't," Draco agreed.

From the bed Severus whispered coldly, "But I would, Miss Weasley."

She set her jaw at that as she rocked, although she glanced at Draco out of the corner of her eye.

Harry felt that the tension was not rising between them and he really wanted to feel that amazing pure magic from the baby. He asked, "Can I hold her, Gin?" He settled back against the headboard beside Severus instead of moving back to the chair and she hesitated, taking in Severus's filthy appearance.

Draco drew his wand and muttered a cleaning charm, along with a changing charm that Poppy had not taken the time to apply. Severus looked improved; clean hospital pajamas had taken the place of his torn and Doxy poison-splattered robes. His color was still ghastly, but he nodded a thanks to Draco for his less foul state.

Ginny placed the baby in Harry's arms and stepped back. Harry adjusted his position, a look of intensity on his face. The baby opened newborn eyes and stared up at the man holding him. Ginny knew there was no way such a young thing could know who it was that was holding him, and yet it did seem that she relaxed her little fists a bit as he brushed a single finger over her cheek.

Severus shifted onto his side so that he could look up at Harry and the baby. He laid a hand on Harry's knee and Harry whispered, "Touch her…can you feel her magic? It's so clean and bright…"

Severus gently touched the baby's head where it lay in the crook of Harry's arm. In truth, he could not feel the magic, but he had no doubt that Harry did.

There was another long groan from Hermione over behind the screen and then another baby's crying joined it. Ron was shouting joyfully and then Hermione was crying too.

Draco muttered something about how much easier it could have been made, Hermione was a witch after all. Ginny heard him and explained, "Hermione wanted to have things as natural as possible. Apparently, Muggles give birth without potion intervention all the time. She didn't want potions in her bloodstream to affect the baby…babies." The realization of more than one baby hit her and her eyes widened. "Twins! They didn't say they were having twins!"

She rushed around the screens where she was grabbed up in a hug from her brother. Ron was crying. "Twins, Ginny! A girl and a boy! We didn't know! But I think Harry did. He said we were in for a surprise but we never thought it would be twins."

Poppy was helping Hermione into a new gown after freshening the bed. The newest infant was swaddled and clutched in her arms, so it was with reluctance that she handed it to Ron so she could get her arms into the sleeves. "I get him right back," she said, "And I want my daughter as well. I hardly got a look at her!"

Poppy removed the screens now that everything was over, and Hermione finally became aware of the small group on the other side of the room. Harry had been invited to come when her labor began. She knew he would not be embarrassed by what he couldn't actually see and they wanted to share at least this moment with their best friend, since he had missed the wedding and almost the entire pregnancy.

Ginny being there was alright as well, but Draco and Severus? She vaguely remembered there being an interruption when she was in the very final stages of labor. Now she remembered hearing Harry call Severus's name. The man looked wrung out. Had he been on another expedition to find the Black Phoenix?

Draco was standing there, not looking the least bit apologetic at being there at such a personal time. He was watching Ginny as she watched Harry with the baby. Hermione could see the gentle smile on Harry's face as he held her tiny daughter. Severus was watching Harry's face as well, a sort of sad smile on his own face.

Severus looked over at Hermione and saw the longing look she was casting at the infant. He reached for one of Harry's hands and spelled into them. Harry looked up towards the side of the bed.

"Ginny? Is Hermione ready for the baby?"

Ginny saw Hermione nod and she carefully took the baby from Harry to carry over to the new parents. After a moment, Hermione sat propped back against a bunch of pillows, a baby in each arm. The girl was wrapped in pink, her little head covered with a pale peachy colored fuzz. The boy was in blue, his head crowned with dark hair that held the promise of curl in its waves.

Poppy smiled proudly. She had been honored that Hermione trusted her to be the midwife. She had rather reluctantly agreed to helping Hermione achieve the totally natural pregnancy and birth that she wanted. Witches typically wished for a pain free, uncomplicated nine months with potions to ease the hormonal upheavals along the way and afterwards.

"Shall I let in the rest of the family now?"

Draco waved a hand to summon the screens that had been set aside from around Hermione's bed and placed them around Severus's. He settled into a chair and picked up the Braille notebook. When the Weasley's all trooped in, they didn't give more than a cursory glance to the screens now shielding Severus from their view. Severus nodded his thanks to Draco and closed his eyes against the squeals of delight from the band of redheads.

In his hand, Harry signed, "I'll never have that, will I?"

"What?" Severus queried, wondering what it was that Harry was regretting.

"I'll never have a child. How can someone with my—" Severus thought that he was going to say sexual preferences, and he was caught off guard when Harry said, "my disabilities, have children and care for them? They could fall in the lake and drown before I'd notice they had even wandered away!"

Severus squeezed Harry's hand. Draco's eyes glittered strangely as if he was trying too hard not to have any expression in them. He bent over the book and wrote another paragraph before laying it on the bed. He stood up and winced as he stretched his legs. He gave Severus a questioning look.

"I'll be fine in a few hours. I need another dose of antidote when it's time, and then I'll go back to my own quarters."

"Go to Harry's. Neither of you need to be alone anymore. Why put yourselves through it?"

Severus looked pained as he stared up at the former Slytherin. "Will you be alright?"

Draco glanced in the direction of Ginny's laughter heard from across the room. "I feel more positive than I have in a while."

He hurried to the fireplace where he threw a handful of floo powder down, calling for Severus's quarters, from where he would then floo home.

Harry picked up the book and opened it across his lap. Severus closed his eyes, leaving his hand holding Harry's as he curled more onto his side, fatigue finally overtaking him.

_-Potter- I would say again that you are an idiot, but I think this time it may be because you were raised by those baboon idiot relatives. In this world, same sex couples do have children if they want them. The process is complicated and I won't go into it here. You and Sev will have to discuss it. Suffice it to say that if this is something you desire, don't let your lack of hearing or vision stop you. My parents could do both and yet they acted like they could neither see or hear me for most of my life. They noticed when it suited them, I suppose… I'm sure that if you are a parent you will do better than they did._

_By the way—if Weasley—the pretty one—is available now, do you think you could formally introduce us? I know that sounds stupid to you. But I was raised with standards of decorum. Even though we were students together, our families did not associate (obviously). A formal introduction by a mutual friend is necessary in order to begin seeing someone. Do not laugh when you read this. It was hard enough to ask you. Of course, if you have a problem with it, just forget I asked. I won't mention it again._

Harry smiled. Draco and Ginny? Fire and ice? What he wouldn't give to see the fireworks that could result in a collision of Weasley and Malfoy angst! Children? He could have children with Severus? His silent laughter woke Severus and he sleepily spelled,

"What is it?"

"Nothing. Just go back to sleep." He carded his fingers through Severus's hair and the man shifted closer to lay his face against the outside of Harry's thigh. Harry smiled, then felt around for another pillow to lean on before closing his eyes too.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

_**A/N**__: Thank you everyone for your wonderful comments and reviews! I am so glad this story is being well received! _

_A number of comments have come from those who you who face challenges such as Harry's on a daily basis. I especially appreciate how kindly this work of fiction is received by you! _

_Thank you __**logicalquirk**__, Kiminspirit, and NitaPotter, for all your unfailing support!_

_The story will soon take a turn (dare I say twist?) The plot bunny bit me and I feel the need to follow Miss Muse's inclinations!_


	20. Chapter 20

Black Phoenix

Chapter 20

_Our real blessings often appear to us in the shape of pains, losses, and disappointments._

_-Joseph Addison_

Harry had finally gotten Severus to tell him about falling out of the tree that had been home to the interbred Doxies and pixies. Severus spun a tale about the Siberian Elm having superior sap for making the potion used to treat several types of arthritis that afflicted wizards in their elder years. Harry appeared to believe it and Severus breathed a sigh of relief when his questions finally ended.

Ron and Hermione stayed in the castle for another week after the twins were born before moving out to a home in Hogsmeade. Hermione wanted to be close to Poppy in case she needed the mediwitch. She had also tentatively agreed to be a tutor during the next school term. It would be part time work, with those students who needed extra coaching in the time leading up to OWL's or NEWT's.

Harry had enjoyed having them visit often with the babies. Holding them and rocking one of them was a special treat each day. He missed them when they left, taking the sweet, pure magic of the babies out of the castle.

The night they left, he sat down next to Severus on the sofa. Curling up next to him, Harry laid a head on Severus's shoulder.

"Draco said that same sex couples can have children and that you would explain it to me. I never heard of that before."

Severus put his arms around the younger man, cradling him to his chest so that he could hold him and sign at the same time. "It is not a subject that comes up often on the Hogwarts curriculum. Most magical children grow up knowing about these sorts of things."

"I didn't grow up in a magical family, remember?" He waited for Severus to begin an explanation, and when it didn't come, he sighed, "You don't think it's a good idea, do you? Draco thought that I'd make at least as good a parent as his own were. I've thought about it. But maybe you don't want it—"

His words were interrupted by Severus turning him and catching his lips in a passionate kiss. It was a long time before they had calmed enough for Severus to be satisfied with having his hand only in Harry's hand to sign.

"A specialized solicitor would locate a witch to our specifications, one who has agreed to be a vessel for a child, surrendering all rights to it after birth. The solicitor functions as a mediator and we would never meet her, nor would she know that we were to be the infant's adoptive parents."

"But how is it done? Which one of us would be the father?"

"Both of us. The magical procedure would combine the DNA from both of us. Ours would dominate the witch's DNA, although we would carefully choose her characteristics beforehand. Even magic cannot guarantee that there will not be traits that manifest after skipping generations."

"So, the baby would be of both of us? But we won't get to participate in the pregnancy at all?"

"No. The need to maintain privacy for both parties prevents it. Can you imagine the line that would form of those witches ready to be the womb for the infant of the Boy Who Destroyed Voldemort?"

Harry lay quietly, skimming his fingers along the muscles of Severus's arms. "Then, you do think this is something we can do?"

"Harry, I would be content with whatever we have or don't have in the way of children. I am quite a bit older than you and my concern would not be how you would cope, but how I would cope. Do you believe that I am capable of being a parent, based on what you know of me?"

"If you had asked me that in my first five years here, I would have said no right away."

Severus gave him a little pinch in the side, making Harry giggle. "You also stated your reservations rather strongly back at your flat. It seemed like you didn't care for the idea of us being a family."

Harry turned his face so that his cheek was in better contact with Severus's chest. He could not hear the heartbeat beneath him, but he could feel it. Severus's arm was heavy and comfortable around him as the other hand held one of his hands. To an outsider, they may have looked awkward, but they meshed smoothly now, talking and communicating through sign, changing positions and hands easily without breaking the flow of conversation. Severus thought how marvelous it was, actually, not to have to free his mouth to talk when it was otherwise occupied.

"I was scared that this couldn't possibly be real, that it was a fantasy that I would wake from and find that I didn't have my magic back after all, that you weren't really there."

"It is real. I am here. You are here."

"And my magic—"

"Is stronger than ever," Severus reassured him. He wound his fingers in Harry's hair, gently pulling his face up so he could lower his mouth to those lips again. "Bond with me."

"Bond? What is that… another word for…"

Severus smiled against Harry's mouth, then he pushed them both upright in the bed until they sat cross-legged in front of one another. He took both of Harry's hands in his before leaning forward to kiss him again. Resting their foreheads together, he signed,

"It is the word two wizards use to become united. Muggles would call it marriage."

"But two men can't actually marry."

"Wizards, Harry. Yes, we can bond. It is a sacred and irreversible vow, just the same as if it were a marriage. Legal and binding."

Harry was still for a few moments and then he whispered, "You're asking me to marry you?"

"Yes. I am asking you to bond with me. I want to share your body, mind, and soul. I want us to be united, a family, in the eyes of all."

Harry threw his arms around Severus, knocking him backwards on the sofa until he lay atop his chest. Green eyes seemed accurately focused on the man beneath him as he leaned down to kiss him.

"Is that a yes?"

Harry signed back, unwilling to break the contact of lips. "Yes!"

The dance of lips and hands after that had nothing to do with conversation.

SSHPSSHPSSHP

Severus and Draco went on two more expeditions during the next two months. Harry knew now that theirs was a different kind on relationship, and one that did not threaten his with Severus. Draco spent time both in the dungeons , helping with Severus's research projects, and in Harry's quarters. Harry had invited Ginny to dinner one night, along with Draco. He and Severus announced their intention to bond to them as they sat sipping wine afterwards. Ginny had simply nodded and gave Harry a kiss, congratulating them. She and Draco exchanged barbs all evening, and Severus kept up a running translation for Harry. He told Severus after they left that he thought it had gone well.

Severus actually laughed and Harry could feel the man shaking with it as they lay in front of the fire on the rug. Harry leaned up on an elbow. "They may act like they don't like each other, but their aura's say different to me. Draco may be all cool on the outside, but inside? He's attracted to her. I think they'll be good for each other."

Severus shook his head but didn't argue with Harry about it. He knew better than to doubt these feelings Harry had about others. Even though he still doubted himself and his worthiness to be loved, he was very often right regarding the hearts of others.

Harry sometimes went down to the dungeons where Severus would set him up with ingredients to pulverize or chop. Harry liked being near him while he was working and he had told Severus how ingredients not only tasted different when they were prepared differently, but he could discern the differences in smell. Severus would challenge Harry to identify ingredients and he was never disappointed when Harry easily did so. Severus thought that with careful instruction, Harry might be able to pass at least the written portion of the Potions NEWT. He could identify just about any ingredient by smell, touch or taste. But the finer aspects of brewing required vision to see the color and subtle reactions of the ingredients when combined.

"Explain why you could not perform this well when you were a student," Severus said, one evening when they had gone through an extensive examination of Severus's stores.

"My professor was a great git who seemed to enjoy the teaching by intimidation method. I had a hard time learning while trying not to wet my pants like all the other first years."

Severus came around the counter behind Harry and grabbed his hands to sign, "Great git? Are you certain that it was not the legendary black bat from the dungeons of hell?" He gave Harry's neck a nip, then wrapped his arms around his young lover.

Harry stood up and turned around so he could put his arms around Severus. "Maybe it was…I don't recall, now that my current instructor is so much more…accommodating."

Potions homework had never been so enjoyable.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

Hermione brought the twins to visit and helped Harry study the other subjects he wanted to test in. They would spend time revising, but when one of the babies woke up Harry wanted nothing more than to hold it, feed it, rock it. Hermione taught him the spells she used to change diapers and Harry became quite proficient very quickly. He had laid the tiny girl back in her basket to sleep and started to pick up his book again. Hermione stopped him.

"Harry, why is it so important to you to take your tests? If you and Severus are planning a family after you bond, won't you be staying home with the children? You don't really need the NEWT's for that. Besides, if you asked, the Wizengamot would likely award you honorary marks in everything."

Harry had thought that Hermione, of all people, understood.

"So, I should just let them give me a diploma of graduation…because I destroyed Voldemort…because I was the boy who lived…"

"You more than earned the right to it," she agreed. She failed to notice Harry's set jaw and the flash in the blind eyes.

"Your thought is that I'm entitled because I'm Harry Potter?"

Now she heard the hardness in his voice. She looked at him, seeing that this was not a happy thought for him at all. He walked away from the babies to the other side of the room before he rounded on her.

"I haven't earned it at all, Hermione! All through school it was dumb luck and stupid Gryffindor bravado. Yes, I fulfilled the damned prophecy. Yes, I killed Voldemort like a good little weapon ought to have done. Yes, the whole bloody wizarding world owes their freedom to me. But I haven't earned anything beyond that." He stopped, breathing hard, and she could see him trying to unclench white-knuckled hands. In a softer voice he continued. "What good am I to anyone now, Hermione? I putter around in Pomona's greenhouses. Severus allows me to believe that I am helping him prepare potions ingredients, when in reality he probably has to dump them afterwards. I wander the castle like one of its ghosts, afraid to set foot off the grounds. When I was outside, with Muggles, at least I knew that I could learn to survive, make living and not depend on handouts. No one knew who I was, what I had been. I was just Harry."

He was so wrapped up in his words that he didn't feel it when Severus came into the room. He stood there listening to Harry, and exchanged concerned looks with Hermione. When Severus didn't approach Harry, Hermione went to him and took his hand.

"Is this because you feel like you are some kind of prisoner here? You could go outside the castle, to Hogsmeade or Diagon Alley. People would love to finally see you—"

"That's just it. They would see me. I wouldn't see them. I would only feel the weight of their stares and feel the heaviness of their pity. '_Ah, look at the poor boy who lived_!' They would pat me on the head and give me whatever I want. I don't have to lift a finger for the rest of my life. But what does it matter? What do _I_ matter?"

Severus stepped in then and took Harry's hands from Hermione. "You matter to me." He could see the confusion of emotions before him and he didn't know how to fix it.

Harry flushed and pulled his hands away to turn away from them both. "Hermione, what if someone told you that you had wasted your time coming to Hogwarts, studying so hard, passing your NEWT's at the top of our year? What did you need it for? You're just a wife and mum. All you need are a few good cleaning spells and you're good to go."

He looked towards Severus then. "I don't want to be just your husband. I want to be a partner in whatever we do. I don't want you to have to take care of me. I want to take care of you, too. I don't want to live off the Potter and Black vaults. I know that I could, but I don't want to be just a blip in the updated version of Hogwarts, A History. I want to pass the NEWT's on my own merit, not because someone thinks I deserve it because I offed Voldemort. I want to do something, I _need_ to do something."

Hermione and Severus looked at each other, silently asking the other for an answer to this problem Harry thought he had. They looked at Harry when he asked quietly, "Am I making any sense at all?"

Severus went to him and put his arms around him. Harry allowed the hug, putting his own arms around Severus's waist.

Hermione gathered up the babies' things before touching Harry's shoulder gently. Harry turned and bent to brush a soft kiss on each baby's head and then hugged Hermione. "I'm sorry, 'Mione. I didn't mean for your visit to turn all gloomy."

"I think I understand what you're saying, Harry. I just don't know what to tell you."

Harry smiled a little. "What? Hermione Granger-Weasley is without an answer to a problem? I'm shocked."

She gave him another hug before leaving behind the levitating pram.

Harry went to the bedroom and laid down on the bed, curled up on his side. He felt the bed dip when Severus sat down. A steady hand rubbed circles on his back, but Severus didn't say anything, since Harry had his hands folded together under his cheek.

Severus sat there until Harry was breathing softly, asleep. Back in the sitting room, he picked up the Braille notebook and wrote Harry a brief message. He laid the book by Harry's hand before going up to the Headmaster's office.

When Harry woke up he headed out to Hagrid's. It was dinner time but he had no desire to eat, and everyone would be at the tables, leaving him with some solitude with Salem, the thestral foal. Still too young to be ridden, Salem was very attached to Harry, eagerly anticipating whatever raw meat scraps the man brought to her. She allowed Harry to freely run his hands over her body, from nose to tail to wing tips. Hagrid had told him that she would be a great ride, since she enjoyed the feel of his hands so much. The thestrals were usually only trained to pull the Hogwarts carriages. Most of them remained wild and shied away from human contact. Salem's mother kept a watchful eye on her young one, but Hagrid had said she seemed to know that Harry meant no harm and she never tried to nudge Salem away from him. Harry always saved a scrap for her when he fed Salem.

Harry remembered how bizarre the thestrals had appeared, the first time he saw them. It was hard to mesh that memory with what he felt now, the beauty of the lines and muscles in Salem's body. Even though she was cold to the touch, without the visual input of her skeletal and macabre form she felt beautiful. He rested his head against her shoulder. "I know why you hide away from people. If they could only see the beauty beneath … they don't see me either. They only see a blind man who once did a great thing…"

HPHPHPHP

Severus asked himself again if he was doing the right thing. What could the woman possibly know? But he had to try something, anything, to break this cycle of depression that Harry had become caught in.

He entered the gates of the school and strode up to the door to enter the cool interior. All around him people were laughing as they signed to one another. He passed an open classroom door where people were being taught Braille. He stopped and watched as a young girl exploded with joyous laughter after finally getting the pattern under her fingertips and reading a sentence.

A hand on his arm brought him out of his observations and he turned to see Mina's smiling face. When Severus didn't smile in return, she motioned, "Come, let's have tea and talk."

An hour later, Severus was still asking questions. "But he is where he wishes to be. Why isn't he happy?"

"What is he doing? Is he being a productive part of his environment? He needs to feel that he is contributing somehow."

This sounded similar to what Harry had been saying. "He does whatever he wishes to do. He participates in whatever activities he feels like doing. What is there to be unhappy about?"

Mina saw the genuine puzzlement on Severus's face. "All of us fantasize about having unlimited leisure time, not having duties or responsibilities, being free to indulge in whatever we wish. But the reality is that the human being who is of normal intellect needs the stimulation of being needed in some manner. No matter how lovely the thought of aimlessly drifting through life may be, one needs to have an occupation, some kind of duty that makes a difference to those around him."

She looked at Severus closely. "My guess is that you took him home and helped him get reacquainted with it. After that, he has been allowed the freedom to do whatever it is that pleases him. Does he wish to read? Alright. Does he wish to work in a garden? Alright. Does he wish to do nothing? Alright, then. Do you begin to see the problem?"

Severus stared at her for a long time before nodding. "He believes that he is not necessary to those around him."

"Exactly. He needs to be doing something that makes a difference; helping, working, producing, at something that is more than just a token to his friends and loved ones. He needs to begin to move outside of what he has become comfortable with. It is not unusual for what has seemed to be a smooth transition to suddenly be awash with depression and even fear of what might be to come." Mina saw that Severus understood.

He understood even more than she could imagine. Harry had gone from being the Boy Who Lived, to the Man Who Defeated Voldemort. His whole life had been a drama of preparation for that goal. Now he was without any concrete goals. He was used to focus and there was nothing outside his relationship with Severus on which to do that.

They finished their tea and Severus thanked her for her help. "Give Harry my love."

"I will do that," Severus answered.

SSSSSSSSSS

Severus returned to Hogwarts, stopping again at Albus's office. The old wizard was more than glad to have a hand in furthering Harry's happiness.

"You are certain that he will not see it as more meddling on my part?"

"Oh, I believe that he will be suspicious. I will assure him that we all only want what is right for him. He will have to work to prove his worth and that is what he needs to do. You will speak to Pomona?"

"Pomona has already extolled Harry's virtues in her greenhouses. I do not doubt that she will be more than willing to apprentice him."

ADSSADSSADSS

Severus stopped in his own quarters before going to Harry's. The Slytherin founder's portrait hissed a complaint about that holy witch bothering him again and Severus ignored him. He gathered a couple of books from his shelves, changed into more casual clothing, and then headed to Harry's.

Joan gave him a smile and then immediately apologized. "I'm sorry, good sir. No one is to be allowed in tonight."

"Explain." Severus glowered at her.

She bit her lip, but put a hand on the hilt of the sword she wore on her hip."Master Harry desires to be left alone and undisturbed, sir."

"Is he alright?" Severus asked with concern.

Joan disappeared out of the frame, returning a few minutes later. She was obviously distressed. "Master Harry is upset… I cannot see him, but I can hear him in the other room. I believe he is crying."

"Open the door, Joan."

"But he doesn't want—"

"I ordered you to use discretion." Severus glowered darkly at the portrait. "This is where you make a choice between helping him and remaining his guard, or refusing to allow me in to help and end up being hexed into the same portrait as those harpies from the Inquisition."

Joan hurriedly allowed the door to swing open and Severus entered. It shut softly behind him and Severus stood there listening. Joan was right. Harry was weeping, but it was with the kind of shaking gasps that spoke of being out of control of his emotions at the moment.

Severus went to the bedroom door. Harry sat on the floor, leaning against the bed. His head was in his hands, fingers gripping hair so that it stuck up through them in great spikes. Severus could see how wretched the young man was feeling and his own heart clutched. But he had to shake Harry out of this tail-spin.

He sat down on the floor in front of him and gripped his shoulders firmly. When Harry looked up towards him, he entered his mind.

"Harry, stop this."

The sound of Severus's voice in his head arrested his agonized cries and he looked surprised. "You came back? You're here?"

"Of course I am here. This is where I want to be."

"But you don't need me…I'm nothing …"

Severus gave him a shake. "You are what you make yourself to be. Set a goal or I shall set one for you. But you will begin to work towards a purpose."

"I had a purpose. Now it's done."

"I had a purpose, too, and now it's done. Shall I sit down and lament my inability to see any further and wallow in self-pity?"

Harry's eyes hardened. "Is that what you think I'm doing? Wallowing in self-pity?"

"Aren't you?"

He was silent and then suddenly launched himself at the other man, fists flying. He caught Severus in the jaw before Severus was able to catch his hands and subdue him. Harry struggled, screaming at Severus to release him.

Wrestling for better control, Severus finally had Harry up against his chest, arms held behind his back. The attack shook him; was he doing the right thing by confronting Harry like this?

"Stop it at once! You are not a child to throw a tantrum when things are not going your way."

'You know you want to leave! Just do it already! Leave!"

Severus's arms tightened around the struggling man. Harry thought that he wanted to leave? Surely, not after all that had happened—and then it occurred to Severus that Harry was pushing him away, unconsciously trying to see if Severus remained firm or if he would take the opportunity to escape the relationship. Severus sighed. He knew that he would do whatever it took to get Harry back to a strong place again.

Keeping his arms tight, he put his cheek against Harry's so that Harry could feel him talking. He was no longer in Harry's mind, having been jarred out by the physical struggle. Instead, he simply kept up a stream of gentle words against Harry's ear, letting him feel the breath of them. He began rocking slowly, willing Harry to relax and stop struggling against his hold.

Gradually he did relax, even slumping against Severus in defeat. "I'm sorry. You don't have to restrain me anymore. I won't try to hit you again. That was…inexcusable. I—I don't even know where that came from…"

Severus didn't let go, although he relaxed his arms a bit. Sliding his hands down Harry's arms, he took the other man's hands and found them cold to the touch. He spent some minutes rubbing warmth back into them as Harry leaned back against him.

After he felt that Harry had regained a better degree of calm, he spelled,

"I went to see Mina."

Harry started at that. "Why?"

"Because I was at a loss as to how to help you."

Harry waited, afraid to ask, but then blurting out before he could stop it, "What did she say?"

Severus rubbed Harry's hands some more before answering. "She indicated that you need to expand your world. You need to have a sense of purpose. I thought that you already did, and for that, I am sorry. You need more. You have already come to the realization that you need your NEWT scores. You are right that whatever comes to you must be on terms earned by your work and not by the name Potter."

Harry was listening, even as his fingers closed to grip Severus's tightly. "What if I can't do it? That's what I keep thinking. Maybe I can't really be anything in this world if I can't see or hear."

"You have come such a long way. You are proficient in ways that I cannot even imagine, with your abilities to sense magical auras, to feel the magic in the very earth as you work with it in the greenhouses."

"But I don't know what to do next…how to keep going…what direction to take."

"I have taken the liberty of speaking to Albus on your behalf. He had already set up the Braille text books for you, so it wasn't such a surprise to him when I asked him to speak to Pomona. If your NEWT scores are adequate, he will ask her to consider offering you an apprenticeship."

"She would, even if Albus didn't ask—"

"You misunderstand, Harry. You will have to _earn_ the right to an apprenticeship, just like anyone else would. Your scores will have to be high enough in the requisite subjects. It will not be simply handed to you because you are Harry Potter."

Harry was very still. Then, "You made sure of this? It will be just like I am anyone else?"

"Aside from the fact that you are older, and will have to have certain accommodations for the tests, yes; you will be tested just like anyone else. No honorary degrees or certificates."

Harry turned around and put his arms around Severus, leaning his head on the man's shoulder. "Thank you."

Severus gently pulled Harry's hands from around his neck and signed, "Could we move this to a more comfortable surface? Or are you enjoying the freezing stone floor?"

Harry stood up and Severus followed, wincing as he stretched. They went to the sitting room, where Harry pulled out several textbooks and took one end of a sofa. Severus took the other end after taking some parchment from the desk Harry had added to a corner. He really had to begin work on next year's curriculum, but he wanted to be here with Harry. Harry stretched out his legs so that his feet were against Severus and Severus responded by doing the same.

As the two of them worked, they would occasionally give the foot beside them a caress, just to touch each other.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

_**A/N:**__ This chapter had a lot of emotional moments. This is a prelude to the angst to come. I hope to continue updating as frequently as I have been, but I am also trying to be very careful with the characterizations. Please be patient if there are a few longer intervals later, I promise that I will not abandon you. I have received so many positive reviews and emails from people who appreciate the way __my Harry is portrayed as challenged. I will be doing everything I can to keep it as real and as sensitive to real life as possible._

_Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for all the reviews! You rock!_

_Thank you __**logicalquirk**__ for being the most awesome beta reader! You rock!_


	21. Chapter 21

**Black Phoenix**

Chapter 21

_There are some ideas that are so wrong that only a very intelligent person could believe in them._

_-George Orwell_

Once Harry had cemented his goals, nothing dissuaded him from his intense study. Pomona had agreed to offer an apprenticeship based on Harry's NEWT scores. She was aggravated that she could not simply take him on, and the Hufflepuff head of house was hard pressed to keep her standards at their normal levels. She had seen what Harry could do with plants. She knew he would be a great Herbology Master. But Severus extracted her promise that Harry would earn the right to be her protégé just like anyone else would have done.

Harry was informed that in addition to Herbology, he needed high scores on Charms, Transfiguration, Astronomy, and Potions.

"I guess it's good that I have such an inside track with the Potions Master, huh?" he said one evening.

Severus gave him a small pinch on the arm to show his displeasure. Harry could not benefit from his usual sneer, but the pinch conveyed the feeling just as well. "You will get no leniency from me, Mr. Potter. I will help you revise, but you will do well to stuff as much information in that Gryffindor brain as possible before the exams."

The Ministry set the date when all the proctors would be available and Harry found that he had less than one month to finish preparing. Hermione came over during the day with the twins. Severus would drop in at lunch and find them immersed in reading or discussing points of fact, each with a baby in one arm while signing with the opposite hand. She had not mentioned Harry's minor breakdown to him, but she discussed it with Severus.

"I know now what he meant. He was comparing my own need to excel against being a wife and mother. What does one have to do with the other? He needs to know he is succeeding because he is doing the work for it, not having it handed to him." She looked up at Severus, putting the baby on her shoulder. "Harry will do this, you know. He will pass the NEWT's."

Severus hesitantly held out his hands to take the baby and she blinked in surprise, but handed the little boy to him. He answered her, "Yes, I know that he will. Just as I know that I will not stop searching for the Black Phoenix."

The baby on his shoulder gave a burp that seemed out of proportion to the little body and he canted his head to make sure that nothing had been unleashed upon his black teaching robes. Looking at Hermione, he said, "Thank you for sharing this with him. He dreams of having a child…" Here, he hesitated, reluctant to admit too much. "…a child of our own."

Hermione gave him a small smile. "I told Ron as much. He will come all the way around eventually. He's just used to being Harry's right hand mate and it's been hard for him to see you take that spot."

Severus rubbed small circles on the tiny back. "He will always be Harry's first real friend."

"Yes, but the honor of best friend is now yours. And that is as it should be, Severus. Ron and I are best friends now. Yes, we still have our other very close friends, but now the closest circle is just us, and the babies. You and Harry have that too."

Severus stared at her for a long moment. She was right. He now had what he had not had before, even as a child or teenager. His friendship with Albus was more of a mentor/parental one. His friendship with Harry had gone through several stages; teacher/student, hateful teacher/stubborn student, mentor/student, mentor/comrade, comrade/comrade, and now companions of the closest sort.

Harry looked up from his book and said wryly, "If the two of you are finished, I do have a few questions that I need to discuss."

Severus handed the baby back to Hermione, then leaned down to graze his lips against Harry's temple before leaving for his next class. Harry sat back once he was gone and sighed. "I don't know how I'll do in Potions, Hermione. How will I know how the test potion is coming along if I can't see it? Severus has had me brewing every night, but he's there to tell me what it looks like when I add the ingredients. He won't be there during the exam…"

She took his hand and said, "Trust yourself, Harry. Trust your abilities. We've revised over and over. You know the material. We've practiced spells and charms until I know that you couldn't do them better if you had 20/20 vision."

Harry nodded. "I'm just nervous, I guess."

"Everyone is nervous when they do the NEWT's. Nasty, remember?"

HPHWHPHWHP

After dinner the night before the exams, Severus noticed that Harry was reading a book called Planting By The Alignment of the Stars.

He leaned over and tugged at Harry's hand, and then said, "That is not a textbook."

"Sev, my head is as stuffed full of information as you said to do. If I don't know it now, I won't. I need to try and relax. My neck is so stiff…" He rubbed his neck as he flexed his head from side to side. "If I could see, my eyes would be crossed by now."

Severus got up and sat down again, this time behind Harry. Harry made an appreciative noise as Severus began to expertly massage his neck and shoulders. He moved his fingers up to Harry's temples, gently pulling his head back to rest against his chest. After awhile, he rested his arms across Harry's chest and his chin on top of Harry's head.

Harry put his hands into Severus's and Severus signed, "You will do well. I am proud of you."

"Will you wait outside for me?"

"Yes. Albus is covering my classes so that I can accompany you to the Ministry."

Harry turned on to his side so that he could wind an arm around Severus as he lay against him. He loved feeling the heartbeat beneath his cheek, feeling the gentle rise and fall of the other man's breathing.

"Thank you for making this possible."

"You are the one making it possible for yourself."

Harry thought he would like to argue that and then decided that it would only decrease the time he could spend like this. So he chose to keep silent and enjoy this time. Hopefully, by this time tomorrow night he would have passed his NEWT's. He wondered if he would have to wait the length of time that other students did to get his results. Maybe, since he was the only one, he would get the results faster.

HPSSHPSSHP

Severus waited impatiently outside the offices where Harry sat the NEWT examinations. He had been allowed to bring Harry in and acquaint him to the set-up of the room, and introduce him to the wizards who would be administering the tests. For them, he had brought the Braille notebook, and he explained how to write their questions in it so that Harry could read them.

The testing wizards were among the top in their fields outside of Hogwarts. He could see that they were eager to be the ones who were testing the Boy Who Lived, seeing him in action, even if it was only here and not in a legendary battlefield. Severus had fixed each one of them with his patented dark glare and reminded them that he was just outside the door, should any… difficulties… arise.

He stopped his pacing to close his eyes and will himself to calmness; hoping that Harry would feel it and draw strength from it.

HPSSHPSSHP

Severus looked up when the door across the hall opened. Draco stood there, shaking the hand of the wizard beside him. Other wizards shook his hand and Severus heard them saying,

"Congratulations, Mr. Malfoy. Your official results will come by owl, but we feel free to tell you that your performance was exemplary. Your requests to be considered for apprenticeships will be sent, along with official score documentation, to those whom you indicated on your forms."

"Thank you. I appreciate your time."

The door closed behind Draco and he turned to look at Severus with his one grey eye. Severus stood up to greet his godson. "If you had told me…"

"Harry needed you to accompany him. I needed to do this alone."

Severus looked apologetic. "I had forgotten that you too were still in hospital when the NEWT's were given at Hogwarts. I would have helped you to prepare."

"I had help." He grinned crookedly. "Ginny has been a hard taskmaster. Since she just took her own not long ago, she knew what to expect."

Severus raised an eyebrow in question. Draco shook his head and clicked his tongue. "Really Severus, was I ever one to kiss and tell?"

That statement alone told Severus volumes, and he smirked at Draco. He heard footsteps hurrying down the corridor and they turned to see the woman in question coming towards them. She nodded to Severus with a polite greeting but turned immediately to Draco.

"Well?"

"I'm sure that I passed."

Ginny unashamedly flung her arms around the blond man and he wrapped his around her slender shoulders. After pressing a kiss to Draco's mouth, she turned to Severus.

"Professor, we could all go celebrate when Harry finishes. I already made reservations for us, but I can easily change them to a table for four."

Severus shook his head. "Thank you, Miss Weasley. I believe that Draco would rather have you to himself."

Draco gave Severus a knowing smirk. "I'm sure Harry wishes the same from you, Severus. Perhaps later we can meet for drinks?"

Severus nodded and watched the two of them walk away with arms around each other. He was glad for Draco, even if it was bizarre to see him in such closeness with a redheaded Weasley. Fire and ice indeed.

It was not too much longer when the door behind Severus opened and Harry stood there, a pinched look on his face. The difference between his exit from the exams and Draco's was jarring. The wizards behind him had tense looks on their own faces and Severus narrowed his eyes at the nearest one when he handed Severus the Braille notebook.

"He undoubtedly passed," the man stated. "But when we saw that he was actually asking for his scores to be sent in a request for an apprenticeship—"

"If he is able to do the necessary work, then he has earned the right to an apprenticeship." Severus's voice was hard as he stared around at the men. He noted that Harry's hands were clenched into fists. He opened the Braille notebook to the last round of questioning. Instead of asking Harry to merely write an essay regarding the last magical subject of Charms, they had added comments regarding their condolences regarding his inability to go any further in the wizarding world. Severus snapped the book shut in a fury. "He _is_ capable of going further! It is small-minded men like you who insist that there be limitations where there are none."

"But seeing him work in any field that we can think of is absurd!" one little, wizened wizard exclaimed. "He cannot see or hear! How will he know that he is performing his duties correctly?"

Another added, "While he certainly answered his examination questions to our satisfaction, and demonstrated more than outstanding abilities in the practical performance, we cannot in good conscience make any recommendations regarding his placement with anyone. It would put an unfair burden upon that witch or wizard." The man had the tiniest of smirks on his face and Severus narrowed his eyes even more. "We will, of course, award him an honorary certificate. He is the Saviour of the wizarding world, after all, isn't he?"

Severus reached for Harry's hand to pull him to his side, tucking the hand in the crook of his arm. Harry's fingers closed convulsively on his sleeve, and Severus knew that he was feeling the high tension surrounding him. He sneered at the wizards. "Then it is a good thing that he does not have to depend on you for a proper recommendation. A position is already waiting for him, and he has already proven himself to be more than able to fill it. Send his scores to Hogwarts, without your short-sighted commentary."

He turned and led Harry down the hall to the lifts. One of the men muttered something about him being a Death Eater who was let to go free and Severus almost stopped to turn and hex him. Harry's hand tightening even more on his arm stopped him and he continued into the lift to descend to the level of the Atrium.

His mind was in a turmoil as he tried to think of what to say to Harry. He obviously realized what the examiners had been thinking; they had actually written as much in the Braille notebook. The imbeciles had probably caused Harry to slide back into despondency. It would be even more difficult to get him to see himself as worthy and successful.

Focused as he was on these thoughts, it took him a few seconds to realize that they had exited the lift, but were barred from moving forward. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Harry sliding his wand out of his sleeve, even as his mind registered the person in front of him with a wand at his heart. His own wand had been checked upon arrival, all visitors having to surrender them, and he was unarmed. Harry only had his because he had needed it to do the practical portion of the exams.

The armed wizard backed them up into an alcove between lifts. Severus met the man's eyes and noted how they slid away quickly to keep him from Legilimizing him. He had yet to speak a word, but the wand held steady in its aim. Harry was very subtly spelling against Severus arm and Severus moved slightly to give him better position, hiding the finger movements.

The man sneered at them and hissed, "At last, I will be the one to kill the traitor and the boy who destroyed our master! I will gain such reward!"

Severus sneered back, his goal to distract the man from the finger spelling conversation he and Harry were sharing. "Reward? From whom will you receive this reward? I do not recognize you, therefore you must have been in the lowest reaches of Voldemort's regime."

The man shuddered at the mention of Voldemort's name and he screamed, drawing the attention of others in the Atrium. A small crowd began to gather curiously, and there were a few gasps when they caught sight of the wands pointed.

More gasps and surprised murmurings sounded when they recognized Harry Potter, the reclusive hero who had not been seen in wizarding public since the final battle. The Death Eater heard the voices of excitement behind him and realized that they were not cheering him on, but in fact were calling for Harry to finish him off.

_He looked at the pair in front of him. Snape was still smirking at him and it was so maddening! The man had always had the Dark Lord's ear, when it should have been him! He had worked just as hard as the elite Inner Circle! He should have been a part of it! If he had, the battle would not have gone awry! He would have protected the Dark Lord until he had secured Potter's death. No matter… he would kill Potter now. He would be a hero to those who had followed the darkness and he would be hailed as the new right hand to…_ The Death Eater paused and tilted his head. _Who was he fighting for? He had worked his way into this place, to be here for just such a time when Potter showed up at the Ministry. Now the time had come and he was frozen with indecision. This had been the goal, but what would happen after this? Where was the other Death Eater, the one who had told him Harry was inside the Ministry today? _

He noticed that Harry was making some kind of signs with his hands on the traitor's arm and he screamed, "Back away from him! Stop touching him!"

Severus saw the glint of madness in the man's eye and he did not want to leave Harry standing alone. He wanted to stand in front of him and protect him at all cost, but he did not have his wand. Merlin! He and Albus had discussed the likelihood of people recognizing Harry when they saw him. They had anticipated that there would be some sort of outcry of welcome. But neither had anticipated that there might still be a Death Eater within the Ministry, ready to carry out their last orders from the side of Darkness.

Harry had been signing that he felt the evil magic, the darkness standing in front of them, and that he also felt all the other magical signatures in the vicinity. He knew that Severus did not have his wand and he was asking Severus to keep him pointed at only the enemy and not at any innocent bystanders. Now, he felt Severus gently removing his hand from the crook of his arm. Severus managed to give him a brief sign for 'careful', before the fingers left him standing there without contact. For a moment he felt panic well up inside, and then a surge of determination. He could take out this one enemy. He knew he could. Those wizards in the exams did not have any faith that he could use his magic for anything useful. He knew they were wrong.

He let his wand tip drop and drift to the side. As he suspected, the action caused a rise in the excitement of the man in front of him. There was an overconfidence born of madness in the magic that surrounded him. He spoke calmly, "You won't be able to get out of here, you know. By attacking here you have sealed your own fate. Not a very strategic move, is it?"

Now he could feel the anger, as well as the tension from the others surrounding them. Severus felt calm enough, and that actually gave him strength. Severus was confident in him, not afraid that he couldn't do what was necessary.

In the Atrium, the crowd had realized that the stand-off involved Harry Potter and a Death Eater and someone had gone for the Aurors. The man holding his wand on Harry and Severus did not seem to be aware of anyone but them.

Harry felt the magical signatures swirling around him, but in the next moment, he felt a jolt of recognition, causing him to stiffen and grip his wand even more.

Severus was standing as calmly as he could, as he wished desperately for the wand that wasn't there. He knew that Aurors had been sent for. He was glaring continuously at witches and wizards who seemed to be drawn closer to the scene when they should have been backing away. What was wrong with these people? Were they so daft as to believe that this was some kind of show for their entertainment? Did they think that this was some sort of staged appearance for Harry's re-entrance into wizarding society? Didn't they hear the man in front of them going on about Voldemort?

He wished again for his wand, to be able to defend the young man at his side, to finish this once and for all. Then, from a way behind the Death Eater, through the crowd, he caught sight of the familiar platinum blond hair. Draco was making his way towards them. From another direction, Severus could see the wizards who had overseen Harry's exams. His eyes almost slid over them , dismissing them as less than useful in this situation, when an expression in one of their faces caught his attention.

The look was one of intense concentration, not on Harry or himself, but on the man who held them at bay. The wizard easily slid through the crowd to the side of the Death Eater. Severus could not hear what the man muttered just behind the man's head, but Harry was cocking his head like a dog that had caught an interesting noise with sensitive ears.

To Severus's surprise, Harry smiled with a feral gleam in his green eyes. "I thought so… no way this idiot could have been acting alone. I thought I caught a whiff of your dark stink back during the exams, and you almost managed to cover it. Now I smell it. A Death Eater within the Ministry. What a surprise."

Severus narrowed his eyes at the Ministry examiner and the man purpled with fury, and then went pale as he realized that Harry was exposing him before this crowd. Severus himself was stunned. He had thought that Harry was upset by the exam results itself, and the comments made by the examiners! But Harry had felt the dark magic of this examiner and had gone through with the exams anyway, waiting to make certain of his beliefs. This was not the fragile Harry. This was the Harry that had defeated an evil dark lord and was recovered from his injuries enough to face the rest of the evil minions. He was strong enough and confident enough, even being blind and deaf!

Severus saw the examiner draw his wand and it was as if everything slowed down to slow motion. The first Death Eater glanced to his side and saw his comrade attacking. He raised his wand even higher and his mouth began to utter the killing curse at Harry. Severus saw a blond blur as Draco came hurtling through the crowd to ram himself into the back of the examiner. The wand in the examiners hand was jarred free and went sailing towards Harry and Severus. Severus dove forward to catch it, attempting to block the killing curse with as strong a shield as he could raise using a strange wand. Harry had raised his own wand again, a blinding white light erupting from its tip to stun those directly in front of him. The Death Eater and the Ministry examiner fell, toppling together in a tangle of arms, legs, and robes. Draco and several others were caught in the path of the spell and added to the pile-up, as those onlookers finally seemed shaken from their ogling to react with screams of panic. This irritated Severus no end, as this was the safe end of the situation now.

Ron and several other Aurors waded through the melee, trying to sort out who was who. Amidst it all, Harry stood straight, his wand now at his side. Severus kept the captured wand in his own hand, but moved to touch Harry's shoulder. Harry immediately gripped his hand, spelling anxiously.

"Check their arms! They have to be marked! Who else did I hit? I couldn't narrow down my focus and know I still got the two I wanted…"

"It's alright," Severus spelled. "The Death Eaters are stunned and the Aurors are checking them now. Stand here and let me see to Draco. He was caught in your spell because he had attacked the Ministry examiner from behind."

Harry nodded, letting Severus loose reluctantly. The Aurors were binding the downed Death Eaters. Severus knelt down and pushed up their sleeves, revealing the Dark Marks on their forearms. Ron's supervisor grimaced.

"I thought we were done with that lot."

Severus glared up at him. The man had been a Hufflepuff back in his school days, so it should not have been a surprise that he was so ready to believe that all was right in the world. "There will always be those who continue to blindly follow their misguided ideals. Darkness is not so easily eradicated. Its lure is timeless and can be strong in the weak-minded."

The man flushed at being lectured to by the professor, but the others around him nodded, accepting the advice and words of Severus Snape. The innocent had been separated from the tangle. Ginny had forced her way through the crowd and joined her brother beside Draco.

The blond was gripping his thigh with white fingers, and Ron had motioned a Mediwizard to their side. A few waves of the man's scanning wand and he muttered, "Femur broken…again. You'll have to go to St. Mungo's, sir. This reinjury is dangerous. The break means that you are at risk for embolisms. Stay still and I'll get a stretcher."

Ginny had a soothing hand on Draco's shoulder and she used the other to sweep the hair out of his face. He just looked up at her and Severus saw the brief expression of gratitude that she wasn't leaving him. He looked down at his godson.

"I will be by later to check on you, Draco. It appears you are in good company at present."

Ginny blushed up at him as her hand found Draco's, but she nodded, indicating that she would stay with him.

Severus stepped back to Harry and tucked his hand into the crook of his arm again. The crowd was moving on now, people anxious to go and gossip or discuss what had happened now that it was over. Several of them passed close to Harry and could not seem to resist reaching out and touching his shoulder or his arm, murmuring thanks or gratitude for acting yet again to fight evil forces.

They went to the security reception desk and Severus got his wand back. The receptionist shook her head as she handed it back.

"Seems like the wrong people have their wands taken away while the ones who shouldn't even be inside the Ministry have whatever they need to attack decent folk…"

Severus gave her a curt nod and led Harry away before the woman could work up a lather. They went through the floo and landed on the hearth rug of Albus's office. Severus looked around and rolled his eyes in annoyance. The other castle floos must have been locked down when Albus heard of the attack inside the Ministry. Albus stood there, a very worried expression on his face that cleared when he saw that both men appeared unhurt.

"Severus—is Harry—"

"He is unhurt. One of the Ministry examiners wore the Dark Mark , and apparently gave the information that Harry would be present at the Ministry to yet another Death Eater. The assault was ill-planned, fortunately. Harry easily recognized the dark signatures."

Albus gave a sigh of relief. Severus continued, "Draco was also taking his exams. He was in the Atrium and was able to disarm the Ministry official. His leg was injured again and he was taken to St. Mungo's."

Albus was staring at Harry's tension-filled face, and Severus realized in that moment that he had not spared more than a few cursory explanations for the young man.

He took Harry's hands and began to finger spell a re-telling of the events from his perspective. It did not go unnoticed by him that Harry spelled in return and did not speak aloud. As they talked, Harry seemed to become more upset than less so.

Finally, he sat there, staring into a space no one could see. Severus only thought that he could no longer be surprised by questions that Harry had.

"If I can feel dark magic…if it gave me such satisfaction to hex those men…if I feel disappointment because I didn't kill them…does that mean I could become the next Dark Lord?"

HPHPHPHPHP

_**A/N:**__ Sorry for the evil cliffie! I just now sent the next chapter to logicalquirk for her magical bête work, and there was not a better place to break the chapters. It's not where you would hav done it, I'm sure, but Miss Muse cannot resist being a tease now and then!_

_Thank you for all the reviews and comments! I am loving the way they pile up in the mailbox and are there each time I open it up!_

_Tea and cookies all around! I had a bit of a writers block on the next chapter, and normally I don't post a chapter without the next one being done. I hope to avoid glaring mistakes in the plot by doing it that way. I hope that you all enjoy the action!_


	22. Chapter 22

**Black Phoenix**

Chapter 22

_You can't say civilization isn't advancing, in every war they kill you in a new way._

_-Will Rogers_

"If I can feel dark magic…if it gave me such satisfaction to hex those men…if I feel disappointment because I didn't kill them…does that mean I could become the next Dark Lord?"

Had he heard Harry correctly? Surely the man could not seriously believe that he was capable of being as evil as Voldemort. He held tighter to the cold hands in his. Emphatically, he signed, "You are not a dark wizard. You never will be."

"How do you know?" Harry withdrew his hands from Severus's to keep him from interrupting him. "You told me that Voldemort's wand core was from a Black Phoenix. I have thought and thought about that all this time. I tried to remember if we had ever heard of it in Care of Magical Creatures, or History, and I can't. I looked for it while I studied for the NEWT's. It wasn't there."

He stood up and slowly turned towards the perch where Fawkes sat. The Fiery Phoenix was watching Harry with gleaming eyes as he approached. Harry's voice was soft, as if he was giving each word measured consideration before he said it. "That must mean that it's either a myth, or rare enough to escape mention in either of those two classes."

He reached out a finger towards Fawkes. At first, Severus though the phoenix was going to either avoid Harry's hand altogether or even give him a sharp bite. Then it seemed as if Fawkes made up his mind about it and allowed Harry to pet his head.

"If it was so rare as to not even be mentioned, then maybe it not only injured me…maybe it planted something in me that is beginning to grow as I get my strength back… I felt it when I wanted to hurt you when you made me angry--"

Severus had to interrupt him then; he could not take the distant look of self-loathing that had begun to form on Harry's face. He wrapped his arms around the younger man and tucked the messy black head under his chin. Harry didn't try to break free, but neither did he return the embrace. In all his search for the elusive bird, he had only focused on the potential for being able to return Harry's sight and hearing. He looked at Albus over the top of Harry's head.

The headmaster had a saddened expression on his own face, as if this point of view was also new to him.

"I really must be getting old; to have not seen this possibility. It would have been like Tom to think of this ultimate in revenge."

"Surely you cannot lend credence to this line of thinking, Albus." Severus knew that Harry could feel him speaking, and the lack of response, the lack of curiosity in what Severus was saying, made him even colder.

Albus nodded his head. "Yes, as insane as Tom was, he may have thought that even if Harry managed to defeat him, the last laugh would still be his. If this is true, if the use of the Black Phoenix in cursing Harry could impart a blackness to him, then Tom would have gleefully died to make it come to pass. After all, if Harry turns, then the darkness was never really defeated."

Severus paled, even as he unconsciously tightened his arms around Harry even more. At this, Harry finally did put his own arms around Severus's waist. His voice was a whisper against Severus's chest.

"Albus thinks so, doesn't he? I could be turning dark, couldn't I?" A faint tremor rose up along the spine that Severus was stroking.

Severus led Harry to a small sofa and sat him down so that he could clasp his hands. He signed, "I have been looking for the Black Phoenix ever since the final battle."

"Why?" Harry frowned deeply. "Why would you be doing that?"

"Because I believe that its tears might heal your eyes, your ears. I did not want to tell you because I did not want to raise your hopes. That is where I have been going, taking Draco with me, at times, to follow leads."

"That's how you were poisoned that time, when you fell out of that tree?"

"Yes, and the other times when I came back out of sorts. It was because the trail failed to yield up the bloody bird."

Harry smiled slightly. "For me…"

"Yes, for you." Severus squeezed his hands. "In all honesty, this is the first that Albus has thought of any other possible effects the Black Phoenix core may have had on you. I certainly never considered that there may have been anything other than the obvious injuries. But we are wrong… it _was_ only those that we could see."

Harry shook his head, "I don't think so. It feels right. It feels like there has been something there all along and hexing those two Death Eaters today broke it out of some kind of shell." He looked directly at Severus then. "It felt _good_ to hurt them. I wanted to do more, but all the light magic around me kept me from simply blasting them into oblivion."

"You are too full of light to let darkness grow inside you, Harry. That's why you didn't do anything other than stun them."

"I killed Voldemort, Sev. I had to have dark thoughts to do that. It _is_ in me. I feel it now that I know what it is."

"Then I will double my efforts to find the Black Phoenix. If the tears can heal you, perhaps they can eradicate the darkness as well. I _will_ find a way." Harry leaned into his embrace then, exhausted beyond belief at all that had happened today.

He knew better than to doubt Severus's determination. But this time… this time it was very nearly impossible to find anything positive to hang his hopes on. Had Voldemort found a way to attack him, even in death?

HPHPHPHP

Severus led Harry back to his rooms, assuring Joan that he would be alright when she gasped at his pale and exhausted face. He ordered up a light meal and tea and sat Harry on one end of the sofa as they waited. Without signing, he held Harry's hands, gently rubbing warmth back into them, reminding him that he wasn't alone. When the food appeared, he had to insist that Harry eat at least a bit before he settled back and put his feet up on the sofa. With a snap of his fingers, Severus had a light blanket zooming in from the bedroom and he draped it over Harry even as the green eyes closed in a troubled sleep.

Severus took the Braille notebook from his robe pocket and wrote a note to tell Harry where he was going. After sitting beside the sleeping man and letting his fingers comb through the black hair for a few moments, he sighed and then left to apparate to St. Mungo's to check on Draco. Had he been seeded with darkness when he had been injured as well?

SSHPSSHPSSHP

For the first time since the final battle, Harry's awoke with the scar on his forehead blazing as if branded anew. The pain was nauseating and he sat up quickly, hands clapped to the scar as he leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. Deep breaths calmed the worst of it and he wished for the potion that he had been given back in those days when they could only hope to dull the attack through the mark there.

He focused on willing the pain away, remembering the practice of Occlumency, drawing it back to himself, a faithful friend returning. He stood up, swaying, and slowly made his way to the bathroom. The effort made him weak all over again, the Occlumencyslipping until he was on his knees in front of the toilet, heaving.

That was how Severus found him a few hours later, his head resting on crossed arms, supported by the porcelain bowl. He wet a flannel and laid it on the back of Harry's neck. He took one of Harry's hands and spelled that he was going after some potions. Harry merely gave him a little wave.

Once Severus had the stomach calming and headache potions down him, he lifted Harry up from the floor and led him to the sink, handing him a glass of water. Harry rinsed his mouth out before taking a long drink of just plain water. Severus led him out to the bed and sat him down, then gently began to take off shoes, socks, shirt and pants. Harry just sat there, and when he was stripped, Severus pushed him down onto the bed and then covered him with the duvet.

Spelling slowly, Severus watched Harry's face as he said, "You will not turn dark. I know that you are letting this possibility take root in your mind and it is already causing you to feel guilt and heartache."

Harry turned his face away, rolling onto his side away from Severus. Yes. He knew that was why he was so sick right now. The thought that an insidious dark was growing in him had literally made him ill. He wondered if he would retain enough of his mind for long enough to gather the courage to end his own miserablelife. He had to didn't he? Before he turned into another Voldemort?

Severus stripped himself down and crawled under the covers with the shivering man, pulling him back into his arms. Harry was cold to the bone, a chill coming from deep inside him. Severus could feel the despair in him, knew that this was not over by a long shot. Harry was now convinced that he was doomed to be the next Dark Lord after performing a simple stunning hex. He had to find the Black Phoenix quickly, before this Gryffindor -hearted man did something foolish. The very real trouble was: Severus had become convinced that Harry's fears were just. After speaking at length with Draco at St. Mungo's, it had become clear that something more than the obvious injuries had been inflicted on both men…

SSHPSSHPSSHP

Severus strode into the ward where Draco lay, Ginny at his side. The blond looked up at him, eyes steely.

"Does he feel it too?" The voice was cold and brittle.

Ginny looked at Severus with worry. "He believes that something dark is inside him, from the battle wounds—"

"The wounds from Voldemort, specifically," Draco clarified. "Harry and I are the only survivors of his wand's work, aren't we?"

Severus studied the man laying there for a long moment. The face was pinched in pain, even though the leg was encased in some kind of healing energy spell. Draco followed his gaze and snarled, "It can't be healed correctly, it never really was. I caught a glancing blow from the wand Voldemort used. Not enough to kill, just maim me and ruin my life."

Ginny reached out and put a small hand on his arm. He looked over at her, and seeing only understanding, but not pity, he let it lay there. It did feel warm and comforting, something he had not had a lot of in recent memory.

Severus motioned a chair up to the other side of the bed and sat down after casting a strong privacy ward around them.

"Tell me exactly what it is that you are feeling." Severus listened as Draco began from the time of the battle and his injuries, the dreams during his coma, the dreams since. He listened as Draco described how he had felt the insidious darkness, but had thought that it was resentment at what he had lost. He had thought that it was simply the Slytherin in him that felt the joy flare up when he had hexed those Muggles away from Harry. He had chalked it up to his inbred tendencies to fight when he had been exhilarated to have a chance to attack those Death Eaters in the Ministry. But then he had felt that overwhelming urge to get up and finish them when Harry had stunned them. He had _wanted_ to hurt them, torture, them; no matter that they were surrounded by all those others. He would get to them once he had finished the first two off. Only his leg being shattered and unable to support him had kept him down.

"It almost felt like some kind of Imperious…I _needed_ to get up and hurt someone." He looked sickened at his own words and was now grasping Ginny's hand in his as if to draw from her strength.

Severus nodded, his thoughts in chaos. He had left Harry sleeping. He should have given him potions to stay asleep. If Draco was like this, how much more was Harry feeling the pull of darkness?

SSDMSSDMSSDM

Severus woke up when he felt Harry's hands tracing the lines of his face. He seemed to think Severus was still asleep, because he began whispering.

"I'm sorry. I really wanted to tell you…now I guess it won't ever happen between us. How could it? I can't expect you to want to be around another dark wizard. You've done enough of that in your time. But I will miss you _so_ much. Who would've thought…you and me?"

Twin tears slowly ran down Harry's cheeks. Severus raised a hand and wiped one away with his thumb, cupping Harry's face. Harry swallowed hard and rolled away. "You weren't supposed to hear that. I thought you were asleep."

Severus put his arms around the man and hugged him tightly, refusing to let him move any further away. When Harry finally stopped trying to leave his embrace, Severus moved his hands to Harry's.

"Tell me what it was you wanted to say."

Harry lay there silently for a long time and Severus thought that he had decided not to say anything. Then he gripped Severus's hands hard in his own and whispered, "I love you. I'm sorry, but I do."

"Why are you sorry? I'm very glad to hear that you feel the same way that I feel for you."

"I can't be what you want, what you need for me to be, what you deserve."

"You are everything I want and more, Harry." Harry shook his head but didn't argue. Severus continued, "Whatever this darkness is, we will fight it together. I am not leaving, nor will I allow you to leave." He pressed his lips to Harry's temple.

"What if it takes over me? What if I can't fight it? I'm so tired of fighting against evil. I'm afraid I'll fail and I'll end up being even worse than Voldemort. I thought that that part of my life was all well and done. "

Severus turned Harry around so that he could look into his eyes. He swept the hair off Harry's forehead and kissed the scar that had been such an icon of the war against Voldemort.

"I will not let you give up. I will not stop fighting for you. I love you." He kept his eyes looking deeply into Harry's, letting Harry hear his voice as he pressed his presence gently into his mind.

Harry leaned his forehead against Severus's for a moment and then lifted his face so that his lips brushed Severus's.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

Draco looked out the magical window beside his bed at St. Mungo's. It was spelled to look out at a starry sky right now, so it must be the middle of the night. In a chair beside the bed, Ginny was curled up like a cat, her hands together under a cheek as she slept. He reached out and took a strand of silky red hair and rubbed it between his fingers. His father would be furious that he was seeing a Weasley. He had always said that the pureblood family had allowed themselves to fall into financial ruin by aligning themselves with the wrong ideals. Draco thought that his father had been full of shite.

Oh, he had toedthe family line; held reputation and social standing above everything else. He had learned the trademark smirk and disdainful sneer from the cradle. He had learned to expect to be pampered and spoiled. His father did not do any of that spoiling; he was above even showing care for his own son. But Draco had been given everything that money could buy. He had the clothing, the accessories, the lavish lifestyle of the Malfoy heir apparent.

His mother had been cold. Draco's earliest memories of her were of her stepping back from him when he reached out with glad arms to hug her around the knees. His house elf had taken him firmly by the hand and whispered for him to keep his hands off his mothers nice expensive skirts. Draco tried to understand, tried to be a better boy so his Mother would allow him to sit at her feet while she read. Sometimes she did. Sometimes, she let him sit on the cushioned footstool in her parlor while she had ladies to tea. He had been taught to sit silently and still, no matter how often his cheek was pinched by manicured nails who proclaimed him to have such an angelic look about him.

When Draco was six, his Father took a more active role in his education. Draco was taught by private tutors and he learned languages, fencing, maths, and social skills. Both of his parents constantly barraged him with etiquette rules, social standing lists, who to bow to, who to expect bows from. If he slipped up in a public way, there would be hell to pay later. Narcissa knew that Draco positively yearned for her approval and she gave it stintingly. For a social gaff, she punished him by being even more remote from her adoring son, knowing that it hurt him far more than anything else could.

Lucius was a physical punisher. He had his dungeons and Draco had been introduced to them quite early in life. Lucius would take Draco down to watch as staff were punished for infractions like neglecting to dust the library enough. As they watched, Lucius would explain how it was their right, as well as their duty, to discipline those beneath them.

By the time he went to Hogwarts, Draco had mastered the cold veneer. He knew where he stood with his peers. He knew that he was expected to follow in his father's footsteps, although exactly what that entailed would come a few years later.

At Hogwarts, Draco finally saw the differences in societal standings that he had heard so much about. At the Manor, he had only ever seen those who were the rich and privileged purebloods. At Hogwarts, he met those from other classes. Purebloods who were not entitled, like the Weasleys. Half-bloods whose parents had done the unthinkable by breeding with Muggles. And the worst of all, the Mudbloods; those who had been born to Muggle parents and should have been nothing more than glorified house elves.

Lucius had warned him to try and make friends with Harry Potter when they met. It would suit the needs of Lucius's 'business associates' if his son cultivated such a relationship. Unfortunately for Draco, Harry Potter was not as malleable as Lucius had hoped. Harry's rebuff of Draco's advances were nothing compared to the reception the news generated with his parents. The resentment of all things Harry Potter easily grew into hatred when Draco saw what an important place this ragged and scrawny boy held in the minds of the grown-ups around him. Even seeing the hatred for Potter in the eyes of his godfather, Severus Snape, made Draco see red. That hatred only meant that the Boy Who Lived held a bigger place in the thoughts of his favorite 'uncle'.

Jealousy ruled his life and his actions, until one day Severus had thrust a small book at him as he sped by in a whirl of black robes. Draco had looked after the man's retreating footsteps with narrowed eyes, then looked down at the old book. He made his way to an unused classroom and read the entire thing twice before sitting back to think. When he made his way back to his dormitory, he had become a changed person on the inside.

Severus had given him what could have been a weapon to have him destroyed by his father , the other Death Eaters, and especially Voldemort. At first, Draco contemplated doing exactly that, the desire for his father's approval and love almost winning out. Then he realized that his father wouldn't love him more. Lucius wasn't capable of love. He thirsted for power. Draco could offer him that. But the power would still be Lucius's, at the expense of Draco's betrayal. Draco would not gain any more of his father's affections, and he would lose his godfather. Severus had been a steady influence in Draco's life, and in him Draco had found the approval he had needed when he excelled at Potions.

Draco had gone to Severus a few nights later and they had discussed the book in depth, further cementing Draco's turn of loyalty when he discovered Severus to be a double agent. They had discussed how Draco could best influence the House of Slytherin and had come up with plans within plans to turn the children of Death Eaters away from their parents'fidelities.

Severus had introduced Draco to Harry all over again, and this time Harry shook Draco's hand and welcomed his friendship, even as secret as it had to be. They all practiced dueling strategies with Dumbledore in the early morning hours after Harry had already led the secret sessions of students learning higher skills at defense from him.

Yes, Draco had been jealous, still, of the Boy Who Lived, but only because he held such an important place in the battles to come. When he really stepped back and thought about it, he realized that wanting what Harry had was a death wish, and he was foolish to covet it. Finally, he was able to turn the jealousy to a fierce loyalty to the side of light.

During the final battle, Lucius closest friends had seen his betrayal as Draco killed one Death Eater after another, before they saw that he wasn't on their side. They had pointed it out to a glowering Voldemort. Voldemort had casually tipped his new wand in Draco's direction. The curse had glanced off his left side, leaving him lying in a death-like heap, bloody and mangled. The casualness of the action had saved Draco. It had not been enough to kill him outright, although when he awoke in St. Mungo's weeks later he wished that it had.

His left side was almost useless. He regained the use of his arm and hand first, and then his leg, with the help of a cane. He hated the cane with a passion, since it was so like the one his Father had carried for effect. For Draco it was a necessity, and he made sure that it was as plain and as unadorned as possible. A little shorter than the staff that Mad-Eye Moody always had, Dracoutilized itnot only as a walking aid, but offensively and defensively; Draco remembering the fencing lessons of his childhood. He was determined that the new appendage would be more than just a crutch.

His weeks had turned into months at St. Mungo's, as his mangled body slowly adapted for some use again. Draco was deeply resentful of the loss of his good looks, but even more so of the resentful looks that came his way because of his name. The word Malfoy was one that was sneered by anyone who had been on the side of the light, and that was everyone, since anyone foolish enough to be caught with dark loyalties had been arrested and sent to Azkaban.

He had heard Severus's voice when the man began to visit the old wand maker. Although he was saddened that Severus had not come to see him as much as he thought he could have, he realized that their association too quickly would have put them both in a bad light. The wizarding world was too ready to keep blaming all the bad things of the war on anyone they could pin it on. Voldemort was dead. Harry Potter had mysteriously gone into hiding and no one really knew if he had lived or died in the encounter. Draco was the son of the still at large Lucius Malfoy, the Dark Lord's right hand Death Eater. Even without his previous handsome face Draco still made people very nervous, with his long, icy blond hair, the one piercing, silver grey eye. They saw Lucius, not Draco, who had fought at the side of Harry Potter and friends.

Draco was alone, with no idea of how to incorporate himself back into polite society. Then he began to listen to the conversations Severus was trying to have with Olivander. The Black Phoenix… the core of Voldemort's wand had been Black Phoenix tail feather? Draco realized that his injuries had been complicated by this somehow. Why was Severus so interested? As Draco lay in his bed, thinking of these things took his mind off the pain. It gave him a place to be, beyond the starched sheets and the pain and the disabilities he was struggling to surmount. He remembered hearing Lucius bragging about the Dark Lord's new wand…what was it he had said? Draco had tended to shut out the mad, worshipful rhetoric that his father threw about concerning Voldemort. It was usually about how indespensible he was to the Dark Lord, how much he was depended on by the Dark Lord. Draco had grown good and sick of it long before he had switched allegiances.

On one of his excursions from his bed, trying to accustom himself to life as a maimed wizard, he stepped to the door of the ward where Severus was trying to coax meaningful information from Ollivander. The elderly wizard had seen Draco and had frozen as if the devil himself was standing there. Draco knew immediately that Ollivander was seeing his father when he looked at him.

All the time Draco had spent thinking finally culminated in a decision. "I'll go."

Severus had leveled a narrowed gaze at him and Draco added firmly, "I'll go to Azkaban and ask my father how to find the Black Phoenix."

Ollivander had stood there staring with his rheumy eyes and whispered, "He knows. His father knows."

Severus broke off then and steered the old man back to his bed before leading Draco out of St. Mungo's until they were seated in a bar. It had been literally months since Draco had had anything stronger than pumpkin juice to drink, and the drinks seemed as easy to swallow as water. They hadsat there and Draco confided that the date of Lucius's Kiss had been set and that if he wanted to see his father he needed to do it soon. He thought that he might be able to get his father to tell him what he knew of the Black Phoenix. Severus was suspicious of his motives, but Draco had also decided that his life would be intolerable if people everywhere saw him only as Lucius Malfoy's son. He had aligned himself with the Light. Now it was time that he finished that pledge and did what he could to help Harry Potter. He wanted his godfather back in his life and it was apparent that Severus wanted Harry.

Severus had been surprised by Draco realizing that he had deep feelings for the Gryffindor. But Draco had learned to read people from a very early age. The hatred that Severus had nursed for Harry's father, his anger that he had turned upon the son for surviving his parents' destruction, was but one tiny, thin line from loving the young man Harry had become.

Severus had been calmly grateful for Draco's willingness to question Lucius. He knew that it would not be an easy task. Nothing to do with Lucius ever had been easy.

DMDMDMDM

Witnessing the Dementors administer the Kiss to Lucius had surpassed any of the vulgarities and obscenities of war. Lucius had stared at Draco with hard steely eyes when they heard the Dementors coming. Draco had to bite the inside of his cheek and lock his knees into place to keep back the sudden inclination to revert to being a child. It had never worked back then, but he could not help the need to throw himself at his father and hug him hard. He managed to keep his face stoic and his own eyes steady on his father until Lucius nodded in approval.

"I know that you will do all you can to redeem our name. I hope that in time you might find some small memory of me, one that you can recall fondly. I would ask that you attempt to explain my madness in following the Dark Lord as just that, madness, to any future Malfoy generations."

Lucius had avoided all of Draco's efforts at asking about the Black Phoenix until the very last moments. "The Dark Lord – Voldemort –" He said the name with a crazed grin of self-satisfaction – "found the Black Phoenix quite by accident. It does not reappear from its ashes as does the Fiery Phoenix. When it dies, the ashes are blown away by magical winds. It is reborn in a different location each time. There is no obvious pattern to it."

The Dementors glided into the holding cell, bringing their iciness and despair with them. Lucius looked at his son, sweat breaking out on his brow in spite of the cold. "Ollivander was the first victim of the wand he created. Voldemort wanted to ensurethat no one else would ever have the power that he held, so he Obliviated the old man with the wand."

Then the Dementors had Lucius up from the stool and were holding him in skeletal and scabby hands as they moved away down the stone corridor. Draco followed reluctantly alongside the guard that had brought him here to Azkaban. The chamber of execution was bigger, allowing more witnesses. There were a number of them from the Ministry and the Auror Corps. They looked at Draco and he stared back, not allowing himself the luxury of seeming to be embarrassed by the end his father was facing.

Strapped down onto his back on a wooden table, Lucius looked over at his son again. Quietlyenough that only Draco and the guard could hear, he said, "I am glad that it is over. Sometimes, it is possible to get too caught up in bad decisions and they taint the rest of your life. Don't let it taint you, Dragon."

Once again, Draco felt the prickle of tears upon hearing his father call him by the name from his earliest recollections, a time when he had thought himself loved in the most innocent of ways.

The Ministry representative in charge briefly summarized the crimes for which the prisoner was being Kissed. When asked if he had any last words, Lucius shook his head and turned from looking at Draco to looking up at the ceiling.

Two Dementors stood on either side of the supine man, then the third stood over his head. The hood of the Dementor was slowly pushed back, revealing the face that was never shown outside these rooms. Draco fought not to close his eyes as the very face of despair and tortured existence bent closer and fastened gray, peeling lips onto those of Lucius Malfoy.

Fisted hands jerked against the chains holding him, his body thrashed against the straps over his torso and hips. The other Dementors leaned in, seeming eager to be a part of the parody of a lovers'kiss. The Dementor placed his skeletal hands on Lucius's shoulders, pressing long nails into the flesh as he held him in place. Lucius's grey eyes were wide, and for the very first time ever, Draco saw fear in them. The Dementors lips did not leave Lucius until the fists had fallen back and the struggling body had stilled beneath him.

An Azkaban Guard waited until the Dementors had all moved away before approaching the table. Lucius's head fell to the side, and it seemed his eyes found Draco again. But they were empty of recognition and thought now. The guard waved a wand over Lucius's body and pronounced him dead. He looked at Draco with an expression that might have been embarrassment.

"I'm sorry, sir. Usually it takes awhile for the body to follow when the soul has gone."

Draco turned on his heel, limping out of the chamber as quickly as he could, fighting down the bile that was trying to rise up his throat. The guard hurried after him and another came after, quickly asking if Draco had orders for the disposal of 'the remains'.

Draco muttered something about the family plots at Malfoy Manor before shoving his way past them and hurrying through the corridors until he had at last found his way back to the door leading outside.

On the rocks, and into the pounding cold surf, Draco vomited until he was empty of the horror.

DMDMDMDM

A cool hand on his forehead brought him back to consciousness. He grabbed the wrist attached to the hand, wrenching it away before recognizing Ginny through an alarmed eye. She shushed him and waited until he released her before laying her hand back on his forehead again.

"Nightmare?"

He nodded jerkily. "Azkaban again."

He was surprised, but accepting, when she sat down next to him on the bed, and then lay down on top of the covers, putting an arm over his waist as she laid the fiery red head against his shoulder.

"I'm here. Try to go back to sleep."

To his bigger surprise, Draco found that he could relax, and he did go back to sleep.

DMGWDMGWDMGW

_**A/N:**__ I apologize for the delay in posting. I am hopeful that the next installment will come together soon, but there has been a bit of writers block at this point in the story. It may take longer than I would like!_

_Thank you for all the wonderful reviews and comments. I am drawing creative energy from them, so keep it coming, please! I appreciate your insights and ideas!_

_Thank you to __**logicalquirk**__! She always comes through for me with her brilliant beta reading!_


	23. Chapter 23

**Black Phoenix**

Chapter 23

_The more laws and order are made prominent,_

_the more thieves and robbers there will be._

_-Lao-Tzu (6__th__ Century B.C.)_

Severus woke up when Harry stirred and then left the bed for the bathroom. He waited for a few minutes before getting up himself. Harry stood under a hot shower spray, leaning against the wall of the enclosure. He sensed Severus standing outside and over the roar of the water Severus heard him say,

"I can't get warm anymore. It feels like I am cold through and through…is this how Tom felt?"

Severus stepped into the enclosure and began to wash Harry's back, hoping to rub the tension away, help the man subdue the chill inside.

They both dried themselves and dressed before going out to the Great Hall for breakfast. Harry had thought about saying that he wanted to stay in his rooms to eat, but he knew that Severus wanted him to avoid dwelling on yesterday's events and avoid brooding alone. After eating only a small amount of the food Severus dished out to him, Harry turned to the Potions Master.

"I need to be in the greenhouses. I need to do something that is warm."

Severus took his hands and signed, "Would you like to try and cultivate some of the trickier plantings that I use in potions? Pomona believes that you have the talent for it, and I am inclined to agree."

Harry looked surprised at his words and he asked, "You want me to work with your potions plantings?"

"If you are agreeable, yes. Pomona has tried over the years, but I always end up having to seek some of them out from other suppliers."

Harry's face lit up briefly, and then in a quiet voice he said, "If you think I can… I don't want you to be catering to me because you feel sorry for me—"

Severus squeezed the hands he held tightly. "You will simply be using the aptitude you have shown to try. I am not catering to you. But I will tell you that these plantings could be very lucrative if you are successful. They are very difficult to grow properly. They are very expensive to buy. A few wizards have a cornered market on them. It would be very nice to have my own grower."

"So…I could help you, and maybe even supply other brewers?"

Severus emphatically signed into the hands, "Yes. You could make quite the name for yourself if you applied yourself."

"But I love working in the earth, growing things. I never thought that I could do it for myself, for other wizards."

Severus stood up, drawing Harry up too. "Let's go buy the seeds that you need to start with. Then you can research the proper growing conditions."

Harry smiled a real smile for the first time that morning and they made their way back to Harry's rooms to prepare for the outing.

Severus breathed a sigh of relief at having successfully maneuvered Harry into activity after the previous days events. He fully intended for Harry to have no chance to shut himself away as he seemed to do when he brooded.

They pulled on outer cloaks for the trip to Hogsmeade. Severus briefly considered a charm to make them appear as nondescript wizards, but decided that Harry had been reclusive long enough. It was time to face the world. He signed,

"There will likely be an uproar over your public appearance. I will not leave your side, but you know that you will be a magnet for everyone… they will want to make some kind of contact with you."

Harry grimaced. "I suppose they will. I wish they would all just accept that I am here and leave it at that."

"The sooner you act normally, the sooner they will accept the situation as normal."

Harry reluctantly nodded. He wanted to be able to go out on his own eventually, but he couldn't do that without first going with Severus in order to get 'a feel' for the locations. He took hold of Severus's elbow and they walked to the gates. Before exiting the Hogwarts grounds, he took a deep breath. 

"Ready?" Severus inquired.

"Not really." Harry shook his head. "I can envision Rita Skeeter waiting like a fat spider, waiting for me to get caught in her web."

Severus squeezed his hand. "If she is, we will turn it to our advantage."

Harry nodded and they moved down the path to the village. Severus kept up a steady pace, even though Harry could feel the eyes seeming to close in around them as they strolled the sidewalk. When he abruptly stopped, Harry's hand clenched on the sleeve of Severus's robe. Severus put his other hand on top of Harry's and signed,

"The Apothecary is here. There are some ingredients I need. We are stepping inside."

The coolness of being out of the sun was abrupt and Harry shivered slightly. They walked slowly down the aisles, the air filled with mingling scents of dried herbs, flowers, spices, and odors of already brewed potions. Harry realized how clean Severus must keep his own workrooms, office and suite. His places in the castle never smelled this strongly. He spelled out this thought against Severus's arm. Severus only gave him a small answering squeeze in reply. Harry could sense that a transaction was taking place now, the movements of Severus's arms and hands, the feel of his body vibrating as he spoke. Harry tilted his head to the side, reaching his mind out for the feelings of those nearest him.

Deception… hesitancy… greed… hopefulness…

Harry asked, "What are you buying here?"

Severus spelled out the name of a rare powdered root. He had used the last of it while making up another batch of Tranquility Draught. The Infirmary had run out of the potion that was used for teachers' nerves, and rarely for those students who were not aided enough by a simple Calming Draught.

Harry sniffed the air as they moved forward to stand against a counter. The root was being measured into a glass jar. Harry leaned forward, still sniffing carefully.

"Is this one of the ingredients that you haven't been able to grow at Hogwarts?"

"Yes," Severus signed. "This Apothecary is the nearest provider. It comes at a dear price for the amount, but I must have it to brew the potion to its necessary strength."

Harry reached out his hand, letting it hover over the jar. He felt the sense of alarm coming from the shop owner. Alarm and …fear? His fingers grazed the top of the jar and then he pulled them back to smell intently at them, his head bent over his hand.

Beside him, Severus had stilled in the midst of the transaction, observing Harry's manner and that of the old wizard behind the counter. The man licked his lips nervously as they both watched Harry. Harry's head tilted again, and instead of speaking out loud he spelled against Severus's arm.

"It's not pure. The powdered root…it's been mixed with something else, to make it seem like more than what it is…maybe he's trying to stretch it into a larger amount, but it's not as potent as it would be alone. Is it supposed to be cut with another plant? Does that help stabilize it?"

Severus didn't know if Harry had asked by sign because he didn't want to ask what he feared might be silly questions out loud, or if he suspected the shopkeeper of underhanded practices. That the latter might be true kept Severus from reacting as angrily as he would have if he had been brewing a potion that would go wrong with the mixed root. He leveled the shopkeeper with dark eyes and asked,

"Is the root in its pure form? You do realize that a Potions Master such as myself must have all ingredients exactly as specified. Any adulterations will cause disastrous results that will come back on the ones from whom wrongly prepared ingredients were purchased."

The shopkeeper swallowed, a bead of perspiration rolling down the side of his face. Then he smiled brightly. "Oh! I took the wrong jar off the shelf, Severus!" He quickly screwed the cap back onto the jar and plucked it off the counter and into his robe pocket. "I remember now…I was keeping back the best just for you!" He scuttled back behind some dividing curtains and returned in a few moments with another jar. 

Severus unscrewed the lid from this jar and put it into Harry's hands. Harry bent his head and sniffed delicately. With a small smile, he turned his face towards Severus. "This one is pure. Were you testing me?"

Severus patted his arm after handing the jar back to the shopkeeper for measuring out. He fixed the man with a glare. "Did you think that I wouldn't find out later that you had diluted the root for your own gain? That is a dangerous practice, old man. No matter how profitable it may seem."

"Most wizards don't need the full strength, Severus—"

"And yet, you most likely are charging them the same as if it were full strength, are you not?"

The man paled and after looking around to see that they were alone, he begged, "Please don't turn me in! Business has been weak since the war has been over. People don't need as much healing potions and such as they once did. A man has to make a living, but the Ministry would take my license if they found out I was…"

"Cheating?"

The man paled further and Harry leaned forward. "Severus, he is sorry… I can tell… he won't do it again, because he knows that you will know. I will know." He fixed his eyes in the direction of the shopkeeper, knowing that his blind eyes held him pierced.

"I won't! I swear!" He pushed the jar of pure root towards Severus. "Take this at no charge! To show you I promise to be honest from now on!"

Severus took his money pouch out and counted out the Galleons that had been specified at the beginning of the transaction. "I have no wish to cheat you, sir. I will pay your price, knowing that I have the correct ingredient in my hands now."

He put the jar into a deep pocket and took Harry's hand to place it on his arm again. Before turning to leave he said quietly, "Make certain that you do not sell that diluted root as anything other than what it is."

He led Harry back out of the shop and into the street. Harry could tell that the sun was blazing from the temperature change as they stepped outside. They had walked several yards before he asked, "Should I have kept quiet until we returned to Hogwarts?"

Severus led him to a small café that had tables on the sidewalk. After sitting and ordering tea from the young waitress, he took Harry's hands.

"You saved me from making a difficult potion go wrong. I would not have realized that the root had been diluted. I am uncertain what he used to cut it with, but the wrong additive could have been dangerous in the Tranquility Draught. As long as he correctly labels the remaining stock, no one else should have problems with it. Thank you."

Harry seemed thoughtful and then said, "Mina told me once that when a person loses a sense, the others often become stronger, in an attempt to compensate. Do you think that's why I could smell the difference? I mean, I had smelled that root before, so I knew it wasn't quite right. It was hard to tell with all those other smells in there."

"Yes, I believe that your sense of smell must be getting stronger and able to discern more subtle scents that would not make an impression on anyone else."

Harry sat silently as he sipped his tea for a few minutes. "The shopkeeper was trying to cheat at first. I could tell that. But he wasn't thinking of how rich he would be if you paid for the diluted root. He was thinking of how much easier it would be to buy food tonight after Severus Snape had visited his shop. He and his family have been getting along with little food for a while."

"You could sense that?" Severus asked in amazement.

"Yes. He didn't want to cheat anyone, really. He needed to make a sale today and he thought that he could do it so easily with yours. The opportunity was there. If he had had more time to think, he likely would have backed down before even putting the diluted root in front of us."

Severus was thoughtful for a few minutes as he sipped his own tea. It had not occurred to him that not everyone would profit from the Dark Lord's demise. Some, like the Apothecary owner, would actually do worse, now that healing potions were not as necessary. He took Harry's hand again.

"Your ability to feel these things from others, to sympathize, to know this level of empathy for them…this must show you how far from being dark you are. A truly dark wizard would not care about them. He would want to exploit the fear, the anguish, and twist it to his own benefit."

Harry shivered with those ideas and shook his head. "Knowing that others are hurting or are in trouble could never make me feel good."

"See? I told you you weren't going dark."

"No, I don't see," Harry quipped with a small smile. "But I do understand what you mean now. I'm still scared, though. What if it's something that has to grow, and over time it will come into its own?"

Severus squeezed the hands he held. "We will keep watch."

They finished their tea and continued walking. People stopped as they passed and Severus quelled them with a glare before anyone actually dared to reach out and touch the Boy-Who-Lived-and-Defeated-He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.

They were in the bookstore, Severus charming some books into Braille for Harry, when a silky voice caused him to whirl around. "Ah! The reclusive heroes! This must be my lucky day!"

Severus narrowed fiery eyes at Rita Skeeter, standing there in a garish purple suit and acid green robes to match the quill hovering over a pad of parchment. The quill quivered with what might have been the real uneasiness that Skeeter felt as the waves of loathing from the two men swept over her.

Severus visibly relaxed his shoulders and arms from an offensive stance, bringing Harry closer to his side with a nudge. Skeeter's eyes were sharp and instantly she raised an eyebrow at the way Harry had secured his hand on Severus's elbow.

"So, it is true then. Severus Snape, allegedly retired Death Eater, is the chosen companion of the Man Who Defeated the Dark Lord." This statement was being written on the pad as quickly as the words spilled out of her mouth. "

Severus stiffened at the term 'allegedly retired'. "It has already been confirmed that my role was that of spy for the side of the Light."

Skeeter smiled and waved the quill still as it sought to write his words. "That's not what I wished to ask about, anyway." Her eyes fastened hungrily on Harry. "I wish to interview Mr. Harry Potter. No one has an official word from his own mouth. I wish to be the first to record his thoughts, his memories of the final battle, his perspective…" she stopped when zxsd had failed to respond to her. She looked more closely at him and then gasped.

"That part is true as well? He is blind and deaf? I heard reports that he had been so injured, but—but to have survived the confrontation to be left like this—"

Severus wanted to hex her. A gamut of emotions were running across her avid face, as if she couldn't decide which angle to pursue. Would her story be slanted towards the reality of Harry's thoughts on defeating He Who Must Not Be Named, or would she go for the tragedy that his life had become as a result? Seeming to reach a decision, she smiled again. "Both, I think," she murmured. "A series, perhaps? Yes, that would do very nicely."

Severus had stood silently, his hand over Harry's, tightening as he listened and watched as Skeeter mused her possibilities. Harry broke the silence that had stretched between them all, making Rita Skeeter squeak as she jumped away from him.

"Well, Rita, I suppose that I should have expected to run into you today. Have you been staking out the village ever since the final battle? How will you slant this story?" He cocked his head at her, making her feel as if the green eyes could see her. "Will you tell my truth, or will it be yours? Actually, I'm afraid that I will have to insist that anything you write be handed over for review before it gets printed."

That caused her to squawk in indignation and her face reddened as the acid green quill trembled. She wanted that interview! She had waited, long after all the other reporters had given up on prowling Hogsmeade, Diagon Alley, and the public entrances to St. Mungo's. No one had known what had become of Harry Potter. No one had seen him. There had even been rumors that he had died and Dumbledore had hidden the truth from the world. Then, he had finally been spotted at the Ministry, taking his NEWT's. He had been in the company of Severus Snape, and that man had guarded the testing floor so that no one could get past. At last, they had shown up in the Atrium. Rita's efforts at pushing forward to corner them had been thwarted when the two Death Eaters had carried out their attack and had been dispatched by Potter, Snape, and Malfoy. For a moment, she thought of Draco Malfoy and how that would make a nice companion piece, and then she turned her attention back to the men in front of her.

"I want that interview. If you give me the exclusive, I'll allow you to review it before printing."

Severus translated her words to Harry, who smiled. "If you go back on your word, I'll know. By the way, did you ever register with the Ministry?"

The woman paled and she looked from Harry to Severus, who was watching her speculatively. She quickly had the quill write out her address and then handed it to Severus. "Owl me when the time is good for him to meet. I would prefer it to be private."

"Oh, the meeting may be private, Miss Skeeter." Severus glared at her sharply. "But he will not be alone. I will most certainly be present at any interview. I suggest that you buy a quill that will write in Braille. Even if I read the interview, I am sure that Mr. Potter will wish to read it for himself."

She looked at him curiously. "Are you saying that he doesn't trust you?"

Severus smiled ferally at her, knowing that she was simply digging for any juicy tidbits that she could fashion into a story right now. "He more than trusts me. But he is not a helpless invalid, in spite of the challenges he is facing down. He will want to retain the final word."

She took one last look at the handsome, green eyed man before turning and walking out of the store. When she had gone, Harry sighed deeply.

"Did she answer my question at all?"

"About registering at the Ministry? No, she didn't. What was that about?"

Harry spelled into Severus's hand, in case anyone lingering nearby was close enough to hear. Severus's eyes widened in surprise. "Is she really? I believe that I will prepare her an appropriate welcome when we set up the interview." Harry threw his head back and laughed out loud, making Severus catch his breath at the sight. He wanted to kiss the happy face until Harry was breathless as well, but that would have to wait. Instead, they went back to perusing which books Harry wanted to buy.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

Draco sat up in the bed, reluctantly allowing Molly Weasley to shove another pillow behind his back. Ginny was grinning, holding a bowl of some concoction in her hands. Molly spread out a cloth napkin in Draco' s lap, then dared to smooth her hand over his long blond hair. 

"There you go, dear. Ginny has your stew now. If you need anything else, you just give me a shout, yes?" She waited and then smiled when Draco finally nodded.

After she bustled out and Ginny sat down on the bed beside him, he leaned towards her. "This was a mistake. I can't stay here, Gin! I don't belong here!"

She glared at him. "Would you rather stay in St. Mungo's?" She made him take the bowl in his own hands. "There is no place better for you than here. It might not be the mansion you grew up in, with house elves at your beck and call, but it is warm and safe and my mum will gladly fuss over you."

He saw that she was trying to hide the hurt at his rejection of her home. He took a bite of the stew and found it surprisingly delicious. Ginny smirked at his look of wonder. When she had told him that Molly was cooking stew, he had groaned inside. He had never eaten stew in his life. Malfoys had roast beef with vegetables on the side, not all muddled together in one pot. But this—this was divine! She moved a tray closer that had a plate of soft rolls on it. Butter was dripping from them as he lifted one to his mouth. When he actually closed his eyes to chew, he felt Ginny's lips on his. Opening his eyes, he saw her smile from very close in front of him. 

"You have butter on your chin…oops! I missed!" She gave his chin another darting lick before kissing him again. He stared into her hazel eyes until she said quietly, "I never thought life would play out this way, but I am in love with you, Draco Malfoy. I plan to keep you right here until your leg heals enough for you to be on your own again. So any arguments you might have will just have to… go away."

He put the spoon down and raised a hand to caress the wavy red hair that fell in a stream over her shoulder. "I don't know what I did to deserve this, Miss Weasley. I have always been an obnoxious prat to you and your family."

"Everyone makes mistakes, Mr. Malfoy. Those who learn from them and who are fortunate enough to have a second chance… those people are the ones worth getting to know better."

He leaned towards her and she answered the motion by leaning in to him and letting their lips meet again. "May I get to know you better, Miss Weasley?"

She whispered, "I hope that we will do more than get to know each other…"

Later, she had to cast a warming charm over the stew bowl and the rolls.

DMGWDMGW

After spending the better part of the morning and afternoon in town, Severus and Harry walked back through the gates with their arms full of shrunken packages. Harry was excited that they had found a book on the types of plants that Severus wanted him to try and cultivate. The book had a list of sources from where seeds could be purchased and Harry was intent on ordering some as soon as possible. First, he needed to do some reading and planning with Professor Sprout, but that would be a pleasant undertaking. He looked forward to getting back with his hands in the earth, feeling the warm magic there as things took root and grew.

At the dinner table in the Great Hall, he asked to sit next to the Herbology professor so they could begin to make some plans. Severus hid a smirk as they talked back and forth using the Braille notebook. Harry made diagrams that had raised edges, enabling him to feel the drawings of his planned greenhouse. Professor Sprout added to it when she had an idea or a suggestion for improvement. By the end of dinner, they had made plans to meet early the next morning before classes began, so they could begin work on the new greenhouse.

Severus took breakfast out to the two engaged in mapping out the greenhouse the next morning. Harry had been out of his suite before Severus had gotten there and he knew that an excited Harry always forgot to eat. Professor Sprout thanked him and looked slightly agog that the usually stiff Potions Master would actually bring her something to eat along with Harry's. She stood beside Severus, holding her cup of tea as they watched Harry put his down and thoughtfully begin to pace the area of lawn next to the other greenhouses.

"Professor—Pomona," Harry started, remembering that she had told him to use her name when no students were around. "How close are we to the lake?"

She wrote that they were a good distance away and asked what he was thinking on the Braille notebook.

"I want to move the whole thing closer to the lake…right next to it actually, if you think Professor Dumbledore would approve."

"You don't want to be near the other greenhouses?"

"It will be near enough, won't it? I believe that I want to extend a bit of the greenhouse over the lake edge. Isn't Gillyweed hard to come by? I'm thinking that I want to try my hand at that, as well."

Pomona nodded her head thoughtfully and wrote back, "Alright then, I'm sure we will get Albus's approval. I've never had the time to invest in cultivating Gillyweed. It is said to be difficult, but you seem to have what the Muggles call a green thumb."

When Severus went back up to the castle, they were pacing out the new layout of the greenhouse so that it would sit on the banks of the Black Lake.

PSHPPSHPPSHP

During lunch, an owl dropped a note on Severus's plate. It was rather exhausted looking and he gave it a scrap of meat from his plate as he opened the letter.

_Black Phoenix roosting nearby. Looks to be close to burning time. Hurry._

_Xiao Shaiming_

Severus shoved his chair back, making Harry and Albus both look up.

"Severus?" Harry looked towards him, feeling the excitement surrounding him. 

Severus took his hand and quickly spelled the letter's content to Harry, while Albus read the letter Severus had handed to him. Harry gripped Severus's hands.

"You're going? Can I come with you?" He looked hopefully at Severus and the man raised his eyes towards Albus before signing a response.

"I will be going immediately. Speed is of the essence, if I hope to get there before the burning time."

Harry noted that Severus did not refuse him outright, letting it be his decision whether to come along or stay behind. He sensed that this was very important to his lover, this attempt at finding a means to erase Harry's disabilities. If Harry slowed him down, it could cause him to be resentful.

He leaned forward and rested his forehead against Severus's shoulder. The Great Hall at lunchtime was not the best place to show affection for each other, but the other teachers and students were accustomed to the need for them to communicate through touch. He whispered, knowing only Severus would hear him.

"Come back quickly, with no more broken bones. If Draco can't go along to watch out for you, you have to promise to be extra careful."

Severus squeezed Harry's hands. "I will miss you. Even for this short of a time."

Then he was gone and Harry sat there, feeling the emptiness growing. Albus laid his gnarled hand on top of Harry's, patting it gently. Harry smiled a little and tried to finish eating, knowing that he would not enjoy his meals again until Severus returned.

HPHPHPHP 

_**A/N:**__ Special thank you's this time around to Mord-Sith Rahl__ and __excessivelyperky! Reviews and comments from them have led to a new direction (yes, again!) for Black Phoenix! The evidence of their input won't show for another chapter or two, but I really appreciate that they made me think of a new angle! Mord-Sith Rahl also generously sent me a bunch of new quotes that I can use in my headings if I don't find that darn Oxymoronica book at the library!_

_Thank you logicalquirk for the beta on this and the next chapter. I wrote some of it while in the midst of dental pain, terror at the prospect of an extraction, and then while under the influence of pain meds afterwards. Surprisingly, she didn't change too much, but if anyone notes any glaring discrepancies, those are the likely reasons. For that, I thank you all for your patience and continued patronage!_

_My best online friend Kim has also nominated my fic First Prophecy for inclusion in the archives being set up by the AYLNO Yahoo Group. Thank you Kim! That archive looks to be coming along very well and will include a lot of classically great fic's (MANY others better than my own!) Go check it out!_

_Lastly, but not least, I hope everyone has had a Blessed Easter. I spent mine with my family of five, plus my parents! We had a lot of fun and shared a lot of love!_


	24. Chapter 24

**Black Phoenix**

Chapter 24

_The efforts which we make to escape from our destiny only serve to_

_lead us_

_into it._

_-Ralph Waldo Emerson_

Harry immersed himself in the planning and building of the new greenhouse; Harry's Greenhouse, it would be called. Pomona and Albus had to remind him to stop and eat, stop and rest. He worked at a feverish pace, not even opening his NEWT scores when they came.

"I'll wait until Severus is back."

Hermione came with the twins, she and Ron came for dinner, trying to distract the already distracted man. Harry would sit in a rocker with one of the babies, content for as long as they were there to be still. But when they left, he was back outside, building his greenhouse from the plans inside his mind.

Severus sent an owled message after he had been gone two weeks. He had charmed it to read in Braille and Harry smiled as he sat amongst the stones outlining the perimeter of the new building.

_I will be home soon._

_SS_

It was not much, but then Harry could sense what was not said. If Severus had failed, he would have said so. Harry felt that this last attempt had been successful. Severus was bringing the Black Phoenix tears home.

As he continued his labors, he thought about what that would mean to him. For the next few days, he was pensive, quiet. He went to see Draco at the Burrow. The blond regarded the blind man carefully as they played chess. Harry was too quiet. He wrote into the Braille notebook, nudging Harry's hand with it.

"Severus is alright, Harry. He should be back any time. If he had been hurt, we would know."

"I know. That's not what I'm thinking of." He looked in the direction where the other man sat propped against pillows. "How much longer will you be made to stay in bed?"

Draco grimaced. He was sick of being in bed, forbidden to move. "I'm not allowed to place any weight on my leg at all. The healers think that if I stay off it long enough, it might heal strong enough to bear weight again."

"But they don't know?"

"No." He wondered what the dark haired man was thinking. "Harry, why are you asking these questions?"

Harry sat there, feeling the chess board as he contemplated his next move. He moved a pawn, managing to eliminate one of Draco's. "You were injured by Voldemort's wand, like I was… I was wondering if you felt anything inside you… besides the leg, I mean."

Draco scowled darkly, being reminded again that he lay here because of Voldemort, dependent on the mercies of a family he had been taught to loathe. He had grown to love Ginevra Weasley, and he felt that he would never be worthy of it being returned. She acted like she might care for him more than what was ordinary. But he wanted more, and that would never happen. He grabbed the Braille notebook impatiently and scribbled.

"I will overcome this, Potter. I will be back on my feet, even if it's just one of them. The past is just that. You have to move on. When Severus comes back, he may have the tears he's been looking for. But what if they don't reverse the curse? What if you are still blind and deaf? You still have him. You still have a life that's worth living." He knew he was trying to convince himself as much as anything else as Harry ran his fingers over the raised bumps.

Harry put the notebook down, carefully placing it so Draco couldn't reach it just yet. "But what about what's inside? What about the darkness that doesn't come from being blind, or the silence that doesn't come from being deaf?" He stood up and walked to the window where he could feel sunlight streaming in.

"I feel the cold of another kind of darkness inside me, Draco. I'm running all the time to stay ahead of it, but I think it's going to catch up sooner or later. What about that?"

Draco stared at the young man who had been the bane of his existence through most of his time at Hogwarts. He saw the stiffness of Harry's jaw as he asked his question. He could barely get the words past his fears to ask Draco about it.

Wandlessly, Draco summoned the notebook to his hand. It wasn't a difficult thing to do, and he had been practicing while being confined to bed this time. Harry remained silent after looking back over his shoulder towards the bed. He sensed that Draco was working on a response. He wanted to be reassured, but he didn't want useless platitudes.

"Draco—don't just tell me to get over it. Don't tell me it's all in my head. I think this is bigger than what I can deal with and I need to know how to _do_ it, not just ignore it."

Draco wrote for a long while. It was a long note, and it just took him a while to say what he felt needed saying. When he finished, he scribbled one last note at the top of the page and sent the book sailing to thump Harry in the back.

Harry smiled and bent to pick it up. Running his fingers over the top of the page, he turned to Draco. "See you later." He walked out of the Burrow and Apparated to the gates of Hogwarts.

Ginny came into the room and sat down on the bed beside Draco. She brushed the back of her hand over his cheek as he stared out the open window. He captured the hand in his own and looked at her for a long moment. "I don't know what else to say to him."

She adjusted herself so that she was sitting next to him, holding his hand, fingers intertwined. "You know… this time a year ago, if anyone had foreseen this," she gave the hand in hers a squeeze, "I would have thought they were as mad as Trelawney." Scooting down, she laid her head on his shoulder. "Sometimes, the best things just have to happen on their own."

Draco kissed the red haired temple and leaned on the top of Ginny's head with a sigh.

DMGWDMGWDM

Severus wanted to go home. He had been gone for more than two weeks already, and the distance from Harry seemed to grow with each passing moment. He put his hand into a deep pocket of his robes and felt of the stoppered glass vial there. This had been his reason for everything. The tears of the Black Phoenix were his at last. The Chinese Potion Master, Xiao Shaiming, had helped him find the roost and trap the bird before it could finish its cycle prior to burning. The bird had been bedraggled, not looking anything like the magnificent Fawkes, even as bad as that one looked on a burning day, but more like a vulture with mange. Its eyes were fierce with annoyance when it realized that it could not flee the magical field of energy that the two wizards had placed around it. Great pearly tears had gathered in those eyes and then began to fall. Severus had quickly made an opening in the energy field, entered, and knelt beside the huge ebony phoenix. The bird allowed him to hold the vial underneath the tears and capture them. They had hoped for more than the drops that fell, but as soon as the fifth was in the vial, Severus had to step away as the phoenix began to burn. The energy field kept the ashes contained and the men waited to see if the Black Phoenix would be reborn. They swirled madly, a miniature cyclone within the invisible enclosure.

Severus had carefully exited the enclosure while Shaiming maintained the trap they had created. It was easy enough for them to set the enclosure to self-sustain as they waited to see what would become of the ashes. No one had ever captured a Black Phoenix. No one had ever obtained a portion of the bird to use in magic… except for Tom Riddle. Now Shaiming and Snape had proven the existence of the myth. Severus had tears from the legend. Shaiming was one of a dozen Potions Masters all over the world who had aided Severus in his search. The brotherhood of these adept wizards had banded together to help find a way to repair the damage done to the wizard who had saved the world from eventual rule by Voldemort. Severus knew that the fact that the ones to publish these events would garner untold recognition for their works was a very enticing incentive. Shaiming was one of the few of the brotherhood that Severus trusted, so he was very glad that it had been here that the Black Phoenix appeared. One of the others might have tried different methods, neglecting the collection of the necessary tears to further their own needs first.

But only five tears. The damage done by the tail feather core had been severe. How many tears would be necessary to reverse the blindness and the deafness? Severus felt torn between racing back to Harry with the tears in his hand and staying with the other Potions Master, ready to act the moment the mythical avian took form again. If he could get a tail feather, or even some other feather of the phoenix, if it was willingly given, perhaps he could use it to create an even better cure.

The need to make certain that the Black Phoenix was given every chance to rebirth under their control won out. The two of them formed a secure environment around the enclosure, mimicking the places that Severus had known the phoenix had nested in the past as he chased it. It would be as real as they could make it, but the building took time. Severus sent another message to Harry.

SSSSSSSSSS

Harry wiped the sweat from his forehead off on his forearm. Not seeing the sun did not make it any less hot as he worked to lay the foundations of the new greenhouse. Hagrid had gathered the cornerstones and placed them exactly as Harry and Pomona indicated. But with both Pomona and Hagrid having classes to teach, it was left to Harry to lay the line of stones connecting the corners. Hermione had come up with the idea of him using a horizontal plumb line, like ones that Muggles used in construction. Harry was able to feel along the line and know if he was moving along in a straight line.

He had attempted to use his wand, but the results were not what he envisioned they should be. He could feel with his hands that the walls were taking the shape he desired. So laying them by hand, cementing them with magic only after feeling they were set right, took up hours of his time. He toiled in the sun, and then again in the night after he had rested for a while. Albus questioned him about this and Harry laughed.

"It is actually easier at night, Albus. It's cooler, and I don't need the light, do I? Besides, I've been doing a lot of thinking while I work."

Albus knew that Harry was worrying over the darker aspects of the Black Phoenix curse. He had spent no little time worrying about it himself. To have missed such a possibility weighed heavily on him, reminding him that his younger, clearer thinking days were behind him. Now, he was going with the assumption that perhaps something else _had_ been transferred to Harry from the Black Phoenix wand; something potentially dark and overpowering. He had believed that he had foreseen every eventuality, every possible twist and turn of Harry's life and purpose, as he guided him through the years toward the fulfillment of the prophecy. He had felt love for the boy, and it had truly hurt him to have to manipulate events as he had, making certain that Harry was protected, but also given instruction in everything he would need to overcome the Dark Lord that had been Tom Riddle. He had hoped that Harry would survive the final confrontation, but he had not thought past that end while making his war plans. Plans for that would take away the strength he had to have to let Harry face that twisted madman. He had to force himself to let the events unfold as they must, even if it meant that Harry had to die for the whole wizarding world.

Sighing deeply, he wrote on the Braille notebook and tapped Harry's arm with it. Harry took it with a small smile, but he laid it aside and continued to painstakingly lay the stones side by side. If he finished this part of the job soon, he could ask for Pomona to help set the charmed glass for the walls.

Later, when Harry knew that he was alone, he sat down to rest with his back against a completed portion of the low wall. Taking the notebook into his lap, he caressed the cover before opening it. He had not read Draco's response from the week before. Now he had a response from Dumbledore as well. His fingers found the two messages from Severus that he had tucked in between the pages. The first one had come two weeks after Severus had left, saying that he would be home soon. The second message had come yesterday. Harry had not read it, hoping that it was simply a short note telling him that he would be arriving at any moment. But the moment passed and there was no arrival of his lover. The message went unread for the rest of the day and night, Harry unwilling to learn if there had been further delays.

He missed Severus so much. How had he come to depend on that presence so much? He was able to do anything around the castle on his own now. He could easily find his way to any of the teachers' quarters, Albus's office, Hagrid's, the greenhouses, the lake, and even the Quidditch pitch. He could manage any chore, once he had been guided through it by a sighted person. He had only needed sighted guidance to set the outline and the plumb lines for the greenhouse and he was told that he was doing an amazing job of laying the low stone wall of the perimeter.

But he needed that touch, the feel of Severus's breath against his skin as they talked with their hands. He needed the warm hugs and the fingers caressing his back and threading through his hair. He needed to feel Severus's hair in his own fingers, the cool silkiness sliding against his hand, tickling his cheek when he had his head nestled in the crook of Severus's neck.

Taking a deep and steadying breath against those thoughts, he opened the message that had been delivered the day before.

_Dear Harry,_

_I know that I said I would be returning quickly. The circumstances are difficult, as the Black Phoenix ashes are contained, but the bird has not been reborn as yet. Along with another noted Potions Master, Xiao Shaiming, I am attempting to duplicate an environment in which it will arise once again. I do this, not out of strictly a greed for knowledge, but also in hopes that I might acquire more tears and at least some other small token from the phoenix to use in healing you. _

_Please know that the separation from you is quite wearing on me, and I will hasten back to Hogwarts as soon as it is possible. _

_SS_

Harry folded the note carefully and tucked it back into the pages of the notebook. Turning the page back, he found the note that Draco had written back at the Burrow. He had not been ready to hear any platitudes from him and he had been afraid that was all Draco was capable of giving him. He had asked his questions, but he really wanted to know that he wasn't crazy for feeling the darkness inside. He was afraid that Draco would just give him meaningless assurances. But he did want assurances, didn't he? Isn't that what he was looking for? That, and some way of knowing how to deal with those strange feelings, how to get rid of them, or how to live with them.

His fingers swept over the Braille at the top of the page;

_You will not find useless comfort here, so if you are not ready for hard words, stop reading until you are._

Harry chuckled at how well Draco appeared to know him these days. He knew that the rest of the note would be direct and to the point and he was ready for that now.

_You are a Gryffindor prat, Potter. Where is that legendary bravery? Where is that need you had to go charging into a situation at whatever the cost? Did it die with Voldemort? Did you let him take that away from you, too? _

_Hopefully, when you read this, you will have already thought the situation out a bit more and won't stop here. I have a few things that need saying, and I need you to listen carefully._

_First of all, yes, I feel something deep inside me that may not have been there before. Even as the child of a Death Eater and wanting to follow my father's footsteps didn't feel like this. Perhaps it's because I've felt it before that it doesn't distress me as much. But I do not feel as if it will 'take over' me. After all, I grew up with darkness all around me, and was taught that the darkness was power and the light was weakness._

_You are not weak, Potter. Time and again you have proven that. Look what you overcame as just a scared and puling Gryffindor brat. There is darkness in all of us. There was darkness in Dumbledore, or he couldn't have done what he did to you all these years of prepping you to kill Voldemort. Merlin knows that Severus was dark, was immersed in it for decades, walking a fine line between knowing what was right and just giving in to it. If I was almost too tired to care anymore at times, I know that he must have had huge struggles to stay true to the light when he spent days at a time being the ultimate Death Eater._

_What I'm trying to say, Potter, is that if we who have known exactly what it means to be on the side of evil and darkness can pull ourselves out of it and end up alive after all is done, you can do it too. You know the darkness because it was in your head behind that scar for your whole life. You felt it then and it didn't win. How is this new darkness any different? It is simply another facet of your self, one that you will have to subdue at times, and one that may give you scary thoughts and impulses sometimes. _

_But I have no doubt that it is not something that will take over you. It's not some Muggle idea of an alien taking over your brain, is it? No. it does not have a life of its own, if you don't give it one._

_Don't give it one._

Harry closed the notebook. Sitting back, he took a long drink of water from the charmed flask hanging at his side. Emptying it into his mouth, he felt it refill with cold water, ready for his next drink. He took a few more sips as he thought about what Draco had said.

HPHPHPHPHP

The environment was a wooded piece of earth, the trees being varieties found in what had been the known habitats of the Black Phoenix. Hanging mosses or vines draped about the limbs of the trees and several kinds of grasses used for nest building grew all around. A clear, spring-fed pond fed a small brook that gurgled under the trees. Severus surveyed the environment critically. He had seen sites such as this one, but he had also seen sites that were barren trees in the midst of a winter. Which would be the best bet for the phoenix? Was there any particular pattern to where the phoenix ended up each time, or was it magical randomness? Shaiming helped him erect the last of the enlarged security fields around the environment. These would contain the swirling ashes once they released them from the smaller enclosure. They had not ceased the counter clockwise rotation within that enclosure. Not once had they slowed down, nor had they sped up. They simply seemed to be waiting for release, whenever it might come.

Severus had been here for three weeks now. He had grown to appreciate many forms of the far eastern magic culture. During the times when they rested from the constructing of the environment, Severus and Shaiming had shared ideas for research projects using whatever might be gained from this venture with the phoenix. Shaiming did not teach, as Severus did. He had a lucrative business formulating the potions most often used in China. He had an apprentice who was nearing the end of training and would soon go out to extend another branch of the business, still remaining under Shaiming's control. He had six other branches across the country already. He also did research that utilized ideas from the western magic cultures, combined with the eastern. He had found it unprofitable to remain unwilling to mix the two. Severus knew that he was gaining a great deal of knowledge by being with the man. He wished that he had allowed Harry to come along after all, since this turned out to be taking so long.

They drank tea as they rested and Shaiming watched from half-closed eyes as the tall, dark man sat in silence. He used chopsticks to pluck a morsel of fish from the tray that lay between them. After chewing, he asked,

"Who is it that you are missing so much? I did not know that you had a mate."

Severus looked up sharply, quickly shuttering his thoughts away. "I did not know that you had accomplished the art of Legilimency."

"I have not, my friend. But it does not take one who is familiar with the mind to know that you are brooding whenever we have a quiet moment. When you are not working, you are missing someone."

Severus sipped his tea before answering. "Harry."

"Harry Potter? The one you are taking the tears for?"

"Yes. I have asked him to bond with me."

Shaiming stared at the other Potions Master for a long while. "Did he make Phoenix tears a condition of his acceptance?"

Severus looked at Shaiming in surprise. "No. I am the one who has insisted on hunting for them. There is nothing that I would not do for him."

"Yet, you leave him alone while you are on this extended journey. I must wonder if there is a reason besides a simple desire to heal him."

Severus gave the equal master of Legilimency a curt nod of acknowledgment. "He saved our world. The very least he deserves is for someone to care enough to save him from a lifetime of darkness and silence." Standing, he paced thoughtfully. "I have not always been seen in the light, as you well know. I want to be by his side, but I feel that I must prove my right to be there. If I do this thing, accomplish this healing for him, I will feel worthy of that."

"Does he not already see you as worthy?"

Severus knew that Harry did. He knew that if he failed to heal him, Harry would no doubt still love him, because their bond was not based on what Severus could do for him. He needed to do this for his own peace of mind; to show himself that he was no longer one who walked both side of that line between dark and light.

"He does."

Shaiming nodded in satisfaction. "Then you should go to him. All this will be here when you return. If the Black Phoenix is not reborn now, perhaps it will be at another time of its own choosing, and not of ours. We cannot allow ourselves to make the mistake that many Muggles make, when they believe that they can control a thing by capturing it."

"Voldemort did that."

"Yes, and your Harry has shown us that Voldemort was the one who was blind in his beliefs." He stood up and bowed to Severus respectfully. "'Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.' That was a saying by our Confucius. It means that whatever the cause of our failings, if we allow them to keep us down, they will have won. The human spirit is at its best when it rises back up, in spite of the belief that it is impossible." He walked over to the environment and looked down at the smaller enclosure where the phoenix ashes were moving. "This phoenix may never rise again. But your Harry did. He needs your presence much more than this which might only be possible."

Severus felt a mild confusion at the other wizard's words. But he knew what the man meant. This was not his place right now. His place was with Harry. It was time to go home. He drew his wand and pointed it at the environment. "Then let us finish this one last thing together before I leave."

The two of them joined their efforts and completed the environment. With a nod from Shaiming, Severus cast the spell to dissolve the enclosure that rested inside the environment. The phoenix ashes swirled skyward as far as the wards would allow and then scattered. They knew that they were contained, but there was no evidence of them now.

Shaiming turned to Severus. "I will send you word if the phoenix rises again. Go home to your own."

SSSSSSSSSS

_**A/N:**__ Well, there you go! Severus found the Black Phoenix and he is headed home with the tears. This was not the last chapter! I see at least two more coming. Chapter 26 is still on my flash drive at this posting. Logicalquirk has 25, but I was really dissatisfied with it! While I would not consider the problem full-blown writers block, I am having difficulty being satisfied with it, too._

_Keep the happy vibes heading my way and let's hope it sorts itself out soon!_

_I am loving the reviews and everyone who adds the story to alerts and fave's! You people rock! _

_If you are not already part of the Yahoo group for my fics, consider joining, please. The homepage link on my profile should get you there. There is an open poll right now, asking you to help me decide which project I should work on next! Come on! _

_Thank you __**logicalquirk**__, the best beta EVER!_


	25. Chapter 25

**Black Phoenix**

Chapter 25

_A thing long expected takes the form of the unexpected when at last it comes. -Mark Twain_

_I shut my eyes in order to see. –Paul Gaugin_

It was day when Severus prepared to leave China. It was the middle of the night when he Apparated to the Hogwarts boundary and began the long walk to the doors. As he was making his way swiftly through the dark, he heard noises over by the lake shore. Making his way there, he was confronted by the massive glass walls of a new greenhouse. Muttering a _Lumos_, he made his way inside to find Harry in the dark, kneeling in the dirt as he constructed another raised planting bed to match the others already lining the perimeter of the inside walls. Dirt streaked Harry's sweat-covered face and torso as he worked.

Severus drank in the sight of his lover, his heart hammering in his chest at being home. He felt a few seconds of panic that Harry would not be at all helped by what he had worked so hard to bring back. What if it had all been for nothing? Would Harry resent that he had failed?

After a few moments, Harry stopped and sat back, head tilted to the side. Standing slowly, he whispered, "Severus?"

Severus swiftly engulfed the other wizard in a rib-crushing hug that Harry returned. Harry laughed, "I'm covered with dirt, Sev!"

Keeping one arm tightly around Harry, Severus used the other hand to sign rapidly, "I do not care in the least." His nose wrinkled just then and he continued, "However, a bath would not be remiss."

They walked arm in arm to the castle, Severus asking about the greenhouse and how Harry had done it. Harry happily explained his plans as he washed up in his quarters. Severus simply sat and enjoyed listening to the younger man as he talked. He was glad to be back here.

When Harry had changed, he asked Severus about the trip as they walked to the Great Hall. Sitting in the darkened room across from one another, Severus sensed that Harry was trying very hard not to act nervously and ply Severus with all manner of questions.

A single torch lit their table as Severus called for a tray of sandwiches and mugs of hot chocolate. He noted that Harry ate ravenously and was certain that Harry had not eaten while he had been gone. He ignored Harry's question to ask, "Did you eat at all while I was away?"

Harry swallowed loudly and looked away from Severus's stare. Odd how those eyes didn't make the hairs on his neck stand up like most everyone else's did. This stare was warm and full of concern. Harry reached out and covered one of Severus's hands with his own. "Not much, I guess. I'll make up for it now." He picked up another sandwich and happily bit into it as Severus shook his head.

The journey had been wearing, as he had to floo and Apparate many times to finally come back to Britain. He was tired, but just the pleasure of sitting here with Harry had revived him like sleep would not. He felt of the small vial in his pocket with one hand and turned his other hand over to grasp Harry's.

"I have the tears." His fingers spelled out the four words. Harry stopped chewing for a moment and then finished his bite.

"Is there any…anything special we have to do?" he asked tentatively, catching his lip in his teeth to worry it.

"No. Would you prefer to have them placed while you are in the Infirmary—"

"No!" Harry gripped Severus's hand hard in his own. "Just _us_, okay? In case it doesn't work…" He could envision Albus and Poppy hovering over his bed as Severus placed the tears in his eyes. There would be no privacy in which to either rejoice or come to final terms with his blindness. After all he had faced, he didn't believe that he could face more gazes of pity and sorrow bearing down on him.

Severus squeezed his hand in return. "Alright. How about your new greenhouse? When it _does_ work, it will be one of the first things you see."

Harry grinned at Severus's assurances that the tears would work. "What time is it? Will anyone likely be around?"

"It is…" Severus cast a tempus charm, "…almost six in the morning. We won't be disturbed."

They walked back out to the greenhouse, Severus with his arm around Harry's shoulders, Harry's arm around Severus's waist. "I missed you," Harry whispered, leaning his head on Severus as they walked.

Severus stopped and pulled Harry into another tight hug, laying his cheek against the messy black hair. Still holding Harry's hand, he signed, "I missed you more than I can say. I am glad to be back."

He dropped a kiss on the upraised face and they continued to the greenhouse. Severus looked around, amazed at the structure that was becoming evident in the faint light that was colouring the sky. The stone walls were about three feet high before glass panels soared up between oak uprights. The roof was not in place yet, and Severus could see that the wall beside the lake was missing as well. Leading Harry inside, they settled on the area that opened out onto the lake shore. The sky was just turning pink on the horizon over the water.

Severus nudged Harry to sit and he sat down beside him. Signing into his hands he said, "You need to lie back. I will drop one tear in each eye. If it works, the effect may, or may not, be immediate."

"Well, that's pretty imprecise, for you," Harry quipped nervously.

"I have no idea what to expect here. I have only theory and hope." Severus opened the vial and prepared to carefully place the tear drops.

Harry raised a hand and caught his wrist, stopping him. Green eyes turned to gaze up into Severus's face. "Thank you—for doing all that you have to make this happen. Even if it doesn't work, I will always be so grateful that you tried."

Severus gently pressed the hand back down to Harry's side and placed the fingers of one hand on Harry's face to hold his head steady and his eyes open. Harry inhaled sharply as he felt the first tear fall into his right eye and then his left.

Warmth flooded his eye sockets, and for a moment Harry thought it would continue to grow into a heat. But it was simply a warmth that spread throughout the eye and the surrounding flesh and muscles. Severus put the palm of his hand over Harry's face, soothingly motioning for him to close his eyes.

Against the closed eyelids, Harry suddenly saw the lightening flash of blood vessels like one saw when tired eyes were rubbed too hard. The breath he had been holding escaped him in a rush at the first sight of anything besides darkness. He felt Severus clasping his hand, signing.

"Open your eyes very slowly now."

Harry opened them as instructed, gasping again as he saw shadows and shapes emerge into his field of vision. It was still dark, but he could see the outline of Severus above him, looking down. He raised his hand again and laid it against Severus's cheek. The image became clearer, sharper, the black eyes in the chiseled face, the hawk nose, the silk strands of jet hair framing the pale face.

Harry breathed, "I see you!" Severus covered the hand with his own and lowered his head to kiss Harry. Harry kept his eyes open all the while, both hands caressing the face and hair so near to him, marveling at seeing the man, matching all the senses he had only known through touch with the visual feast. The dawn was now breaking and the growing light allowed Harry to drink in the face and form above him, the sight almost robbing him of the ability to breathe.

Suddenly, Severus sat back and pulled Harry up to sit against him. Harry's eyes were glued to Severus's face, unable to tear them away from finally seeing the man who had become his best friend and lover since the last time he had seen him with real vision.

Pulling Harry hard up against his side with one arm, Severus swept the other arm out and pointed to the lake, mouthing the word, "Look."

Harry reluctantly turned his eyes away from Severus and immediately sucked in another breath as he saw the sun rising in a brilliant flare of orange surrounded by the streaks of pink, purple, yellow and gold of the clouds on the horizon. He leaned his head against Severus's shoulder, gripping the arm next to him tightly. His own tears ran down his cheeks.

After a few minutes, Severus looked down at him and turned slightly, cupping his cheek again, this time in concern. Harry looked up at him and he saw Severus speaking, but he didn't understand. He shook his head. Severus took his hand and signed,

"Are you in pain? Do your eyes hurt at all?"

"No… I feel great! I don't think I even need my glasses now!"

Severus nodded in relief. Needing glasses again was not one of the things he had been worried about when looking for the Black Phoenix. He supposed that it stood to reason that when the eyes were healed they would be healed to perfection.

He reached for the vial on the ground and Harry held out his hand for it. He held it up to the light, watching the pearly phoenix tears that remained inside slide slowly against the glass as he tilted it. Severus pointed to the vial and then laid a hand against one of Harry's ears.

"Now for your hearing—" he began to sign. Harry stopped him with a shake of his head.

"No. Not for me, Sev."

Severus looked at him in question. Harry carefully laid the vial between them and shifted around until he sat cross legged in front of Severus.

He spent several moments just staring back into those deep black eyes. Severus gazed back, equally taken by the knowledge that the green eyes before him were seeing him and not just sensing him. Their hands were joined and Harry asked softly, "Talk to me?"

Severus's mind entered Harry's with little effort and the warmth they both felt was translated into the tightening of fingers in fingers.

"I can place the tears in your ears and we will be able to talk without doing this."

Harry smiled at the bass timbre that he loved so much. "But I hear you. I don't need for my ears to actually work to hear you, and that's what's important."

"What are you talking about?" The black eyes narrowed suspiciously. Surely Harry would want to have all his senses returned to him now that the tears were in hand.

Harry began talking and for a very long time after the sun came up, the two of them sat knee to knee, eyes locked as the words flowed from mind to mind.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

The room was in an uproar when Harry Walked into the Great Hall at breakfast unassisted and smiled directly at Albus, Minerva, Pomona , and Poppy, greeting them each in turn by name. Albus's eyes twinkled while the others looked joyfully tearful. Harry's eyes roved over people, the magic ceiling, the tables with their waiting golden plates, and the myriad of lit candles floating above. He couldn't just look at one thing or person when there was so much to see!

Albus nodded to Severus, holding out his gnarled hand in greeting. "Your endeavor was successful, then," he stated. He watched as Harry sat down with the witches at the high table and pulled out his notebook for them to write in.

Minerva glanced at Severus, but then wrote her own greeting down for Harry, where it remained written and did not translate into Braille. Harry read it and then spoke to her.

Albus turned to Severus. "There were not enough tears to heal his hearing?"

Severus heaved a deep sigh before answering. "There are enough. He is not ready for it."

Albus frowned and looked back at Harry. Pomona was so happy that she could hardly hold the pen that Harry kept with the notebook. It all looked very awkward, but none of them seemed to mind. Harry was talking and trying to watch their faces closely and look at what was being written, while the ladies were all reaching for the notebook, hurrying the others along so they could have a turn.

Severus cleared his throat. "Harry…?"

The women all looked up and Harry followed their gazes to Severus. Smiling broadly, he stood back up and went to stand next to him as he looked back over the others.

Severus never showed more than the necessary amount of care in his face when he was in public view, so his stoic and almost blank expression confused Harry when he looked into his face. Severus began to sign, but Harry grabbed his hands, closing his eyes to feel what he was saying.

At first, Severus pulled back from him. Before, touching hands had been necessary, as Harry had to feel the signing and spelling in order to understand him. He had spoken to Harry via Legilimency while they were outside, and being alone, the holding of hands had not bothered him. Now, he felt a flush of discomfiture color his cheeks. Harry was looking up at him again and Severus covered his motion of pulling away by moving to the chairs and pulling Harry's out, indicating they should sit down to eat.

The rest of them had been waiting for whatever Severus had been about to say, and they were now looking at each other while shrugging and shaking their heads. Harry was frowning up at him. He leaned towards him, hand outstretched.

"What is it?"

Severus took Harry's hand, holding it beneath the table. "There are too many eyes here."

Harry smiled crookedly and raised an eyebrow. "You think? I can feel every one of them. It has taken some getting used to." He squeezed Severus's hand.

Severus inclined his head in acknowledgment and slowly withdrew his hands, turning to pick up his eating utensils. Harry watched the carefully blank face at his side for a few moments and then asked quietly,

"Is it so different to touch me when I can see, Sev?"

He was astonished when the older man began to blush before he got himself back in control. Severus signed with his hands but Harry shook his head, "I don't understand."

Severus turned his black eyes to Harry and looked into the green ones. "Later. Right now I need to eat and then rest from the traveling." He withdrew from the Legilimency before Harry could respond and set himself to filling his plate. After a few more moments, Harry did likewise. During the meal, several of the other teachers came up behind them, patting Harry on the shoulder and smiling. He smiled and nodded in return. But he was troubled by what he saw as Severus pushing him away.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

When Harry finished his breakfast, he stood up and quickly avoided being pinned by Albus by heading towards the doors. For once, he was glad that he could not hear, because he knew that they were calling to him to wait. Severus's uncomfortable attitude was disquieting. He needed to be alone and ponder the significance of it.

He headed back out to the greenhouse, where he stood for several minutes, just taking it all in. He found it hard to believe that he had done so well without his sight. The plumb lines were still in place around the perimeter and he could see where more lines were staked to the turf floor inside, in preparation for more beds to be made. He ran his hands over the surfaces of the wooden frames and picked up handfuls of dirt. Closing his eyes, he could feel the intensifying sensation of the magic in his fingers. When he opened them, the magic seemed muted somehow.

Harry moved around the large room, testing himself over and over. Yes, he could still feel the thrum of magic in the dirt, the air, the wood. He could feel it when his eyes were both open and closed, but when they were closed his sense of touch was greater.

He was kneeling at the edge of the lake, a hand in the water, when he felt Severus come to stand behind him. He was not sure that he was ready to question the older man about his reluctance earlier, so he stood up and turned with a bright smile.

Severus had changed after breakfast, preparing to go back to the duties of teaching that day, but Harry could see that he was still exhausted from the trip. Severus stared at him for a long time, just letting their eyes meet. Finally, he stepped forward, arms out in invitation.

Harry found that he could not resist that invitation and he went into the arms quickly, sighing against the warm chest, as long fingers carded through his hair.

Severus took a hand and signed, "I'm sorry about earlier."

Harry stood back and looked up at him. Well, if Severus was going to bring it up, perhaps it was not as bad as Harry had feared. Perhaps they would work out whatever this was before it became so terrible…

Severus looked into those expectant eyes and his heart clutched. He could not allow his overblown sense of decorum ruin what had developed between them. He signed slowly, "You asked if it was so different to touch you, now that you can see…the answer is yes."

Stepping back a little, he said, "Now, you are able to know without a doubt that it is the greasy Potions Master who holds your hand. It is the one who spent so many years tormenting what should have been a reprieve from those idiot relatives. It is the one who used vitriolic words as a weapon to wound and insult. I suppose that while you have not seen me, it has been easier to be someone new, someone better. Now you know it really is just me."

Harry had kept his eyes on Severus's face the whole time he signed and when he finished he shook his head. "I see the man who was all that…" Severus had a brief unchecked cloud of some emotion cross his face before he shuttered it, but then Harry moved on. "…but I also now see the man who spent the last months before the final battle training me to survive it. I see the man who stood over me, defending me when I couldn't fight anymore. I see the man who came to the School for the Deaf and Blind and learned to sign so he could communicate with me. I finally see the man I fell in love with."

He put a hand up to cup the chiseled cheek. "I see the man who has risked so much in search of some myth that might or might not heal me, while still teaching his dunderheads," he grinned knowingly and Severus's mouth gave a telling twitch at the corners. "I see someone who went to the trouble to find out how to help me cope when I was so broken I couldn't have gone on."

Severus started to sign and Harry put his hands on top of his. "I learned to sign by feel. I can't 'hear' what you're saying unless I feel it with my hands."

Severus looked puzzled for a moment and then realization flooded him. Harry would have to learn to visualize hand signs now. He let his hands remain in Harry's and said, "But if you allow me to put the drops in your ears, all that could be past."

"You know I can't."

"I want you to think about your decision. Don't be hasty. You saved our world. If there is a chance for something in it to save you, then it should be so."

"But I don't need saving anymore." Harry laid his head against Severus's chest, putting his arms around the man's middle. "I have you."

Severus felt the unaccustomed prickle of tears in his eyes and he swallowed them back forcefully, still unwilling to show such a weakness. Instead, he crushed the man in his arms to him even more tightly and buried his face in the top of the messy head. They stood there in that embrace, both unwilling to be the first to let go.

Finally, Severus had to break off, as he was due in the Potions classroom in a very short time. He leaned back and smoothed a hand over Harry's head, looking into the upturned face. "I will endeavor not to assign any detentions today. Think over your decision and we will discuss it further over dinner."

Harry nodded, smirking. "No detentions? They'll think you really _are_ going soft."

Severus drew himself back and straightened into the demeanor that Harry remembered from his own school years. The formidable Potions Master whirled around and strode away a few steps before turning back. Harry just grinned and stepped up to him, reaching up to put a kiss on the thinly drawn mouth.

"Sorry. I'm not fooled anymore. Save it for them."

"Brat."

"Bat."

Severus's lips quirked very minutely before he whirled away again and strode towards the castle.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

_**A/N:**__ Well, there it was! But what, you may be asking, will happen next? I am working on it, all be it very slowly (for me, that is!). I would like to say that I will post the next chapter quickly, but it is pretty intense, too, so I am giving it all the attention I can before sending it on to that most excellent beta, logicalquirk!_

_As always, thank you for the reviews and the comments! They make Miss Muse feel all warm and fuzzy!_


	26. Chapter 26

**Black Phoenix**

Chapter 26

_I've noticed your hostility to him…_

_I ought to have guessed you were friends._

_-Malcolm Bradbury, The History Man (1970)_

Severus showed up late for lunch and in a very bad mood. Albus had already explained to Harry that a second year Hufflepuff had caused an explosion during the class directly prior to lunch, and Severus had had to send that student and his partner to the Infirmary after evacuating the classroom. The clean up had to be done by Severus, as the resulting sludge that adorned the room's had been quite toxic.

When Severus sat down, Harry looked at him with sparkling eyes and waited for Severus to look back at him. When Severus did, Harry grinned. "Another up and coming Neville Longbottom?"

Severus grimaced in reply and began to serve himself from the soup and sandwich platters on the table. He had just bitten into his sandwich when an owl soared down from the rafters and landed beside his plate.

Everyone leaned forward to look down the table, knowing that this must be a special delivery to come now instead of with the normal morning post. Severus untied the parchment and scanned it after unrolling it. He tossed it towards Harry without a word and took another bite. Harry picked it up and read it and then burst out laughing. He passed the letter on down to Albus who shared it with Minerva as he read.

_Dear Professor Snape,_

_I have been as patient as is tolerable but I find myself growing weary of waiting for an appointment with you and Mr. Potter. I must believe that it has been your intention to renege on the verbal contract we had, giving me the exclusive to the story of Harry Potter's last stand against He Who Must Not Be Named, and his subsequent injuries._

_I am hereby informing you that if you are, in fact, breaking your word, I will have no choice but to take this to the courts. Please respond immediately, so that we may clear this affair up as soon as possible._

_Respectfully and professionally yours,_

_Rita Skeeter_

Albus turned to peer over his eyeglasses at Severus and Harry. "You agreed to grant her an interview?"

Severus shrugged as he continued to eat. Students were leaving the hall in preparation for their afternoon classes and Potions was one of them. Harry grinned at Albus.

"I forgot all about it. We saw her in Hogsmeade right before Severus left for China." He looked at the Potions Master. "Did you plan what you wanted to do when we do meet her?"

Severus pushed himself back in his seat and wiped his mouth with his napkin before tossing it onto the table. He took Harry's hands and signed while Harry watched the flying fingers even as he felt the words they were spelling out.

"I have no desire to be fodder for that rag of a newspaper. Word of your ability to see has, by now, made its way from students to parents. She is undoubtedly angry that she has missed the chance to write a before and after expose. While I would enjoy the chance to see her in a specimen jar awaiting use in a potion, I leave it up to you to decide how public you wish to be."

Harry looked from the hands up into the black pools gazing down at him. "There's nothing she can really do, is there?"

Severus shook his head. "She has no claim on the story of your life. No one does. You may be content to allow speculation to run rampant, if you wish." He squeezed Harry's fingers gently. "But if you meet with her, do not do so alone. I do not trust that all the Death Eaters are captured, after that fiasco at the Ministry. I stand by my wish that I be at your side if you decide to talk with her."

Harry leaned forward and Severus met him in a kiss, unhesitating, even here in the Great Hall. His lips were gentle and his eyes held deep affection that Harry returned in his own gaze.

Severus stood up and drew Harry with him. After a quick hug he whirled away, back to his dungeon classroom and the next group of potentially lethal students.

Harry sighed and returned to the greenhouse. Laying on the grass floor inside, he stared up through the still open roof at the clouds scudding by in the bright blue sky. Truthfully, the matter of Rita Skeeter was but a small distraction and he easily set it aside for matters that were more important to him.

He had promised Severus to rethink his decision about the remaining Black Phoenix tears. He knew that Severus desired that he be returned to all his senses. Harry knew that would be an easy thing to do with those tears. But if he had all his normal senses intact, would he still have the increased sense of touch, the ability to feel the tingles and surges of magic, no matter how small, from things as small as a tiny seed? Would he be able to sense the feelings and intentions of the people around him? He had grown used to feeling the auras and the magical fields of the people he came in contact with. Before he lost his sight and hearing, he could only depend on the expressions of their face, the inflections in their words, or in extreme cases use his own small ability at Legilimency.

It was surprising to him that now that a healing was available, he hesitated to take advantage of it. If it had been available sooner, no doubt he would not have these conflicting thoughts. He would have wanted his sight and hearing back without reservation. Now, his ability to sense intentions in people, to feel the strength or weakness in their magic and emotions, that felt like a gift that he wanted to keep. That gift would not be his if he chose to regain all his former senses, because these new ones had been honed in their stead. Already, he had to close his eyes to mute that sense, in order to feel the magic of the earth he was laying on. Eyes open, it faded into the background of the sight of greens and blues, and the brightness of the sunlight. Eyes closed, the magic hummed under his fingers, teasing him with a tickling sensation as he identified the grass, the earth underneath, the water from the lake so near, and all the living components that made up each one.

If he regained his hearing, he knew that it would not be a simple matter of closing his eyes to feel the earth magic. He would not be able to simply close his ears too.

Then there was the matter that he felt was even more important. He had not been the only one affected by the Black Phoenix wand who lived to tell the tale. His conscience told him that he could do no less than what he had already determined.

Eyes still closed, he felt another magical signature nearby… but this one was not human. A smile broke out on his face and he pushed himself to standing. He walked out of the greenhouse and headed towards the edge of the forest. As he neared, he could see the shadows back in the shade of the trees. The coolness of the sudden lack of sunlight made him shiver, but he continued on to the small band of thestrals that stood in the trees. He knew immediately which one was Salem and he stopped beside the colt, laying a hand on her head.

"You've grown so much already, girl!" He stroked the nose and then along her back, to scratch gently at the juncture where the wings connected to her shoulders. Salem leaned into the touch, even arching her back into the scratching fingers as Harry chuckled.

"I don't have any scraps for you today… but I'll bring something later, alright?"

He walked around to the front of the thestral and took the skeletal head in between his hands. Laying his forehead against her long nose, he whispered, "I can see you, Salem. He brought the tears back and now I can see you." Salem blew out a puff of cold air in his face and Harry smiled. "I'll still ride you, even though I can see to ride a broom again. You're still my girl, huh?"

Salem nodded her head up and down and Harry laughed. There was another puff of air from over his shoulder and he turned to see that Salem's mother had wandered up close to check on her foal. Harry stroked her down the center of her nose once before she backed away. She stayed near while Harry and Salem enjoyed each other's company for a few more minutes.

With a sigh, Harry said, "I need to get back to work now. I'll bring you something later." One last stroke down the black and red neck and Harry turned to exit the forest.

HPHPHPHP

By late evening, the roof was on the greenhouse. Severus went to look for Harry after he had not shown up for dinner, nor was he anywhere else in the castle. Albus had informed him that Harry had begun the habit of working well into the night while Severus had been gone.

"I suspect that he used work as a distraction from your absence. Perhaps now that he has his sight back, he is using it as a means to have time away to think upon things?"

Severus merely gazed out Albus's window, where he could see the greenhouse, lit up from the inside by flares of magic as pieces of the roof soared into position. He went down to his quarters where he changed into clothes that he could work in and then he joined the younger man in the greenhouse.

Harry felt him enter the structure and he turned with a smile. Then he realized what time it must be and he cast a quick tempus. Seeing the late hour he looked at Severus apologetically.

"Sorry. I get carried away out here. Now that I can see, it seems to go much faster and I just couldn't find a stopping place."

Severus stepped up to him and put his arms around him. He signed where Harry could see his hands, but not touch. It took Harry longer to understand, but when he did, he smiled at Severus.

"It _is_ beautiful. Let me help with the last of the roof."

Harry explained how he wanted the last of the roof panels placed and, together, they lifted them up with their magic and Harry fastened them in place. Once done, Severus lit several of the torches in the wall near the water. He motioned out over the water in question. Harry understood that he wanted to know what his plans were.

He made some large motions with his hands as he spoke, "I am going to build this section of the floor out around a portion of the shore. The water here will be used to grow Gillyweed and Loch Moss. I hope that by not separating the growing water from the lake itself, the magic of it will remain intact so that the environment will be optimal. I even plan to try some Egyptian Lotus after I make sure the temperature can be held stable during the colder months."

Severus nodded. Taking Harry's hands he asked, "What about the opening here? Won't the exposure to the elements interfere with the plants inside?"

"During the summer, it won't. During the colder months, the lake may be too cold for those water plants to grow anyway. By then, I'll have the glass panels separating the two areas in place."

He kept his hand in Severus's and led him to another section of the greenhouse. Here, there was a slanted door that Harry opened, revealing stone steps leading below ground. Harry took one of the torches and led Severus down the steps.

"This will be the place that I will attempt to grow those things that prefer the damp and dark; like yew lichen, and cave truffles."

Back out in the greenhouse, he pointed out the areas where he planned to start beds of the herbs and roots that Severus used most frequently. "I already have some of the seeds that we got in Hogsmeade started in Pomona's greenhouse. As soon as I get the beds ready, I'll be moving them here."

Severus swallowed as he realized that Harry was doing most of his planning around what he believed Severus needed for his work. Turning his eyes back to Harry, he pulled him into a warm embrace. His lips against Harry's ear, he signed as he spoke, "Thank you."

Arm in arm, they went back to the castle and Harry's rooms.

Joan smiled and bowed, making some hand signs to Harry. When he looked at her with a puzzled expression, she explained to Severus, "Mrs. Weasley has been teaching me some signs all along, whenever she came for a visit with the petite babes. Now that Master Harry can see, I thought to try them out. Am I doing them incorrectly?"

Severus shook his head. "You are doing them correctly. Harry is not used to seeing the signs, but rather feeling them. He will take some time getting accustomed to not needing to use his hands to see the language." He turned to Harry to explain what Joan was trying to do.

Harry walked up to the portrait and said, "I thank you for your efforts, Joan. Albus chose well when he made you the guardian of my rooms." Joan gave him a bow and then disappeared back to the outside portrait, leaving the two men with their privacy.

Harry went up on tiptoes to give Severus a deep kiss. "I missed you so much… will you stay here tonight?"

"If I must…" Severus signed briefly as he returned Harry's kiss, deepening it even more.

It was a good thing that the next day was Saturday, and they had all day to catch up on the sleep they missed by staying up all night.

SSHPSSHPSSHP

Severus insisted that Harry think about the decisions he had made for at least a month. "The tears will keep. You may yet change your mind. Do not make impulsive Gryffindor decisions that you may regret later."

"I could never regret them!" Harry exclaimed. "What I would regret is not being generous. I would regret my selfishness and feel guilty. I feel guilty _now_ for waiting so long!"

"You had to wait until I finally found the phoenix. A little longer will not make any difference to those affected."

Harry sighed in agreement and changed the subject to his favorite topic. "How would you feel about having our bonding ceremony in the new greenhouse?"

Severus looked at him in surprise. "It is not a common location for such vows to be spoken." He saw Harry's face begin to fall and he quickly added, "But I am not adverse to the idea. Explain your reasoning."

Harry shook his head at the perceived 'teacher tone' in Severus's request, but he held onto Severus's hands as he spoke.

"The greenhouse is a place where things grow and flourish. The plants are cared for and tended carefully so that they may grow and bear fruit, or seeds or cuttings, whatever is needed from them. I see our relationship as an analogy to it. We are tending it carefully, even bringing it forth against all odds, given our history. We will keep tending it, growing it, maturing it, until it bears fruit or seed, our family." Harry blushed at his own words, ducking his head.

Severus put two fingers under his chin and raised his head so that their eyes met. "It is a wonderful parallel. I agree to your choice of location. As to when…"

"The sooner the better. I'll ask Hermione to help complete the arrangements."

"The day after classes are out then?" Severus asked?

Harry nodded happily, beaming up at the bemused face above his. As Harry basked in the feel of being held against the broad chest, Severus added, "We can take the tears with us when we invite your friends."

Harry hugged him so hard Severus thought that he might have bruised ribs as a result.

Thus far, news of Harry's survival of the final conflict, his subsequent injuries and exile, his return to Hogwarts, and now the rumors that he had regained his sight; all these were but stories that had been passed from student to parent and then tossed about via gossip and speculation. Harry had finally been seen in public when he had taken his NEWT's at the Ministry, and when he had taken that outing with Severus to Hogsmeade. That he was in the company of the Potions Master, and in fact seemed on close terms with that man, only added fuel to the tales. Rita Skeeter had not filed a lawsuit, for what would she base it on? She had fruitlessly hoped to sway them her way with real details that she could further embellish and profit from. Now that the couple had settled on a date for their bonding, Harry wanted to tell his foster family in person.

"They should hear it from us, Severus. I want them there. The Weasleys are the closest thing I've had to what a real family should be. Besides, Draco is there, and he is the closest _you_ have to family, not including Albus."

Harry wanted to ask all the Weasleys at once, so Severus made arrangements for them to all be present at the Burrow. It took a quarter of an hour for Harry to extricate himself from the hugs and petting from all the emotional Weasley women when they noted that he had his sight back. Hermione, Ginny and Molly all tried to claim prominent spaces at his side before Severus firmly strode to him and put a possessive arm around him. Harry leaned into the man gratefully as the hubbub around them continued. More extended Weasleys arrived with spouses and children, and then even Albus, Minerva, Poppy , Hagrid and Pomona stepped out of the fireplace. Molly had the table set to overflowing with food, until it looked like a party or a feast rather than a simple get-together.

"Nonsense," Molly exclaimed when Harry protested. "You haven't been here in ages. This was your home too, and I'll have no argument about my having a small dinner party, no matter what the reason was for your coming over."

Harry looked at Severus and after the older man gave him a nod. Harry looked at all the happy faces crammed into the Burrow's kitchen and smiled. He could hardly speak for the gladness he had of being able to see them again, but he finally managed, "Severus and I are going to be bonded the day after term ends. We would be honored, if you all would come and bear witness."

There were more hugs and happy tears all around at finding that a firm date for the bonding had been set. Harry felt a squeeze of his shoulder and Severus indicated with a tilt of his head that he was going in search of Draco. Harry grabbed onto his hand and followed, Ginny coming along behind. When more of the gathering threatened to follow the line leaving the kitchen, Ginny glared and they fell back.

Severus stepped into the upstairs bedroom to find Draco leaning back against the pillows, staring out the open window. He turned his head, quickly changing a look of surprise at the Potion Master's entrance to one of bored irritation.

"Is this where the Slytherins are meeting, then?" His expression changed again when Harry and Ginny followed Severus in, and Ginny closed the door. He could tell immediately that Harry could see again and he smirked up at him. "So, a secret meeting between Slytherins and the Gryffindors who profess to love them?"

Ginny gave him a punch in the arm as she sat down on the bed beside him. "Profess? I'll profess my feelings, Malfoy, you git! They came up here almost as soon as they arrived!" Her sharp tongue was softened with the look of complete adoration and the hand that she laid against the scarred cheek.

Severus waved chair over to the bedside and sat down, while Harry sat down on the bed. Severus looked at Harry, as if allowing him to take the lead. Harry looked at Draco and said, "It won't be a complete party if you aren't downstairs with us."

Draco shook his head and rolled his eyes. "I can see that you can see now, Potter. Congratulations on getting your senses back. Try to use them now and notice that I am still here, in this bed, until such a time that the mediwizards decide that one step away won't permanently shatter my thigh bone."

Harry cocked his head as Draco spoke and then put a hand into Severus's. Severus spelled out Draco's comments into Harry's fingers while Harry kept his eyes on Draco.

Draco sucked in a breath. "The tears didn't work? They worked on your eyes but not your ears?"

Harry shook his head, waiting for the translation from Severus. Then he took the vial from his pocket and held it up. The pearly white viscous tears inside glinted in the sunlight as Harry tilted the thin tube back and forth. Draco watched it for a moment and then looked back at Harry.

Harry spoke slowly, as if thinking about the words as he said them. "You told me that I wasn't weak. You made me remember all the times when I could have given in to darkness, but I held onto the light. You made me see that others have struggled against darkness as well, and that sometimes the struggle was even greater than mine has been." He squeezed the hand that was still being held by Severus. "Thanks to Severus, and you, for getting the information from your father, I can see again. The tears worked and I have my sight back." He looked at the tears he was holding in his other hand and then back to Draco. "You opened the eyes in my mind, Draco. And now, part of these tears are for you."

Draco's expression would have thrilled Harry if he had caused it back in their days as arch enemies. But Harry just smiled gently as he switched places with Severus and Severus opened the small vial. Draco seemed stunned into the inability to move as well as speak, because he made no effort to stop Severus from lifting the quilt from his legs, exposing the left one held in a magical splint securing it in place. A wave of Severus's wand dissolved the field and Draco let out a hiss of pain as the leg felt the jarring that resulted. It was clear that the leg had not healed any at all during the time he had been confined to bed.

Severus carefully dropped a single tear onto the twisted thigh and replaced the stopper in the vial. Ginny had threaded her fingers into Draco's and he finally found his voice. "What are you doing? Why would you give me anything?"

Harry had not heard him, but he saw the conflicting emotions crossing the blonde's face. Hope battled with fear, relief battled with anger. Confusion turned to more anger. Then the warmth that began to spread throughout the leg forced his attention back to what was happening there.

The four of them watched as the muscles of the leg took on normal form and contour, and the leg straightened out on the bed. Draco tentatively stretched his hand out and touched the top of his thigh and then experimentally flexed the leg.

"It doesn't hurt anymore," he whispered. He looked up at Ginny with his one grey eye and his face was now filled with elation. "It's completely mended…I feel it!"

Severus reopened the vial and ordered softly, "Now lay back on the pillow…remove the eye patch."

Draco gave him a startled look and then looked at Harry. "No. I do not accept." He held up a hand belaying Severus's effort to get him to lay back.

Harry stepped up to the bed and made a motion for him to lay down and Draco batted his hand away.

"No, I said." He glared up at the two men for several moments before looking at Ginny. He brushed a hand over her hair and said softly to her, "Go down to your family. I need to work this out with them alone."

Ginny looked into the grey eyes searchingly before finally nodding. She kissed his forehead above the eye patch and silently left the room, closing the door behind her.

That grey eye was stormy as it glared at Harry and Severus. "Tell him I said no. Tell him I have no desire to feel the wrath of the wizarding world for taking the cure for his hearing for my own use."

Severus said nothing, but signed Draco's words to Harry. Harry, in turn, looked at Draco incredulously.

"You're not taking anything away from me, Draco. I want you to have it."

"I don't understand why, and I don't want to. You healed my leg and that's enough. Now back off," Draco growled.

Severus signed the words Draco spoke, but Harry was beginning to get the gist of words through lip reading. He was responding almost before the signing stopped.

"I _want_ to give this to you, though-"

"For _pity's_ sake, you mean? No thank you." Draco swept his arms out theatrically as he intoned his version of what would show up in the Daily Prophet, "This reporter is sorry to report that Harry Potter, our savior and hero, has recovered his eyesight, but there were no more healing tears for his hearing. It has been discovered that such tears were in fact available, but were used by the spawn of Death Eaters, Draco Malfoy. Mr. Malfoy is now back to his former self, while Potter still suffers the affliction dealt to him by the wand of You Know Who—"

Severus had been signing his words to Harry and Harry stood up abruptly, stepping forward and leaning angrily towards Draco.

"Stop it!" He was breathing hard as he glared at Draco, but Draco just glared back, his arms now crossed over his chest. Harry shook a finger at him. "You just stop it! I _want_ to give the tears to you. You need to be healed more than I do."

"Just how do you figure _that_, Potter?"

Harry turned to Severus for the question and when he had it he took a deep breath. "I've given it a lot of thought, okay? I'm glad to be able to see again, but I know that if I can hear again, some of the abilities I have now will disappear. Seeing has already muted my ability to feel the magic around me like I could while blind. I can close my eyes and it gets sharper, but I can't close my ears."

He sat down again and looked from Draco to Severus. Severus had remained silent, not interfering with the conversation. In truth, he had hoped that Draco would object to Harry giving him more of the tears. He hoped that the argument would persuade Harry to take advantage of the tears after all. Now he just looked at Harry, lifting an eyebrow in question. Harry closed his eyes for a moment and then continued.

"I can hear Severus when we join minds. I can feel the hum of magic in something as small as a herb seed. I can sense people's aura's, and know what they are feeling. If I get my hearing back, I will lose that. I know that I would miss it, now that I have it. All my life, as long as I've known about magic, I've been trained to fulfill a prophecy. Now that's done with. What do I do now? Who am I to be?"

He stood up again, pacing the room before speaking again. "I never thought that Herbology would be my passion, but it is. I _want_ to feel the magic of the earth in my hands. I _want_ to grow the things that Severus needs for potions, the things used in healing and helping others. I'm afraid that if I can hear with my ears, I won't be able to hear with my hands."

Severus stood up and took him in his arms, Harry putting his arms around the other man's waist and laying his head against the taller shoulder. He was glad that he had not given in to his inclination to argue and bully Harry into using the tears for himself. Now he understood why Harry had refused the tears to heal his deafness. Before, Harry had tried to explain, but Severus had not realized what maintaining his current abilities meant to him.

Behind them Draco stood up and tested his leg. The strength was fully restored to the withered muscle and fragile bone. He waved his wand over himself, straightening his clothes, combing his blond hair back from his face. Harry turned from Severus and faced him. He held the vial of tears out in his hand towards Draco. Draco ignored it and adjusted the leather eye patch as he glared first at Severus and then at Harry.

Before walking out the door he stood to his full height to frown down at Harry. "You say you have thought this all out, that this is what you want to do. But there's one thing you haven't mentioned."

Severus signed the words and Harry looked up at Draco in question. Very quietly, Draco asked, "How will you feel when you can't hear the cry of your baby? How will you feel not to hear their voice, hear their laughter? How will you feel about me having used the tears for my eye and face when you can't hear all those things that parents are supposed to hear from their children?"

He waited until Severus had slowly spelled those questions to Harry and Harry looked back at him again. It was clear from his stricken expression that these were things that Harry had not considered when making his determined efforts at giving the tears away to Draco.

Draco left, closing the door behind himself. Harry stood silent, looking at the floor in the wake of Draco's questions. Then he looked up at Severus, tears pooled in the enormous green eyes. They met in an embrace again and Severus held him as he tried desperately not to cry.

DMHPDMHPDMHP

A/N: Well… I thought I would be done with this before now… but a plot bunny has bitten Miss Muse and I have to decide whether to end this as originally planned, or to keep going in the new idea direction. Please bear with me as I take more than the usual time to update while I think on this.

As usual, I owe many thanks for everyone who reads and for those who take the few moments to leave a review. I am especially grateful for those who have sent me PM's and the reviews letting me know how to make the story more believable from the viewpoint of the visually and hearing impaired, and for letting me know when I've gotten it right! You all help me feel good about the writing effort and it encourages me to keep going!

As I write this, there are 27 days left until school is out! 27 days for me to take my own three to school and then face a day aiding the teachers who try to impart the necessary skills and knowledge to Kindergarteners. 27 days of shepherding those Kindergarteners through my part in their day; PE, Music, Library, Computer Lab, lunch, and recess. 27 days of copying, laminating and cutting out stuff for the teachers, getting ready for Kindergarten Graduation ceremonies, taking care of silkworms, baby chicks, and putting bookmarks into the laptop that will be used to project science lessons for the remainder of the year and get ahead for next year.

Then, for the child that will be a senior next year, getting her motivated enough to do her best and keep her GPA up, searching for scholarship money to apply for for college (because I am NOT JK Rowling and this fanfic writing does not put any money into any account!), teaching her to drive so she can get her drivers license next month, and encourage her to get the summer job she wants but also do well with the dual credit course she plans to take in the summer!

For the child who enters Junior High: try to allay his fears of being with the 'big kids', literally because he is one of the smallest ones in his class, encourage (bully, really) him to practice, practice, practice the clarinet so he will be ready for Junior High Band, encourage him to read when he'd rather be playing on the Playstation, get him to Summer Boy Scout Camp, get him to help me teach archery at Cub Scout Day Camp, get him to his first week long church camp, and assure him that it is all fun and it is not a waste of his summer vacation if every waking moment is not spent with a controller in his hands!

For the child who will be a third grader next year: make sure she gets to the library as often as she wants to satisfy her voracious need to read, and make sure that she not only has the ability to read at a sixth grade level, but she understands it as well! Get her to Cub Scout Day Camp with me and her brother because she dearly loves being in the Girls Den there! Get her into swimming lessons. Teach her to ride her bike without training wheels and to skate at the rink without holding onto the walls.

For me? Well, I would love to spend all my time here, with you, reading HP fanfic, and writing it when the muse strikes. But there will be a lawn to mow, a house that really needs painting, a husband who thinks I spend way too much time on here already, plus all the above. So, while I do all these things, please don't think I've forgotten you, and know that I will be here with updates as often as possible! All those other things I do out of love for my family, but I love you all too!

See you soon!


	27. Chapter 27

**Black Phoenix**

Chapter 27

_In efforts to soar above our nature we invariably fall below it._

_-Edgar Allan Poe_

Harry and Severus joined the party a short while later, no sign of Harry's upset visible. Draco was surrounded by redheads, Ginny on his arm, as they celebrated the return of Draco's mobility. Draco looked out over the heads and lifted his glass in Harry's direction, acknowledging his gratitude for the strength he had regained. The Weasleys around him turned and smiled at Harry, drawing him into their midst.

Harry felt Severus move away from his side and he looked back. Severus waved him off and moved towards the side table and the stronger beverages, before joining the other professors where they were standing with Molly and Arthur. Arthur had not really been the same since the battle; he was still the loving father, but he was quieter, more reserved. His boyishness was gone, and the joy of discovering the 'Muggle Magic' in those artifacts he had scavenged his whole life. There were some who held out hope that this new Arthur would one day make a better Minister of Magic. His family was simply glad to have him whole and among them. He greeted Severus by pouring him a drink and Severus accepted it readily.

Harry turned back to Draco and his group, smiling when Hermione handed him one of the babies. He cradled the small girl and was instantly lost in the feel of her magic along with the small weight of her baby softness in his arms. Almost without looking he found his way to a rocking chair, where he sat and enjoyed holding the sleeping child. He was gazing down at the serene features when someone sat down beside him, drawing his attention. He looked up to see Molly smiling down at her granddaughter. Harry raised an eyebrow and made small motion to offer the baby to her, hoping she would refuse. To his relief, she did, simply leaning over to kiss the baby's forehead before rising to go attend to the rest of the dinner preparations.

Harry watched as Severus spoke to her briefly before coming to sit in a chair by his side. Harry looked back down at the baby, rocking slowly. Severus laid a hand on his arm before signing where Harry could see. He signed slowly and deliberately, allowing Harry the time to see the words clearly.

"Draco had a good point. Had you already considered his questions?"

Harry knew that Severus knew that he had not. He had expressed his desire to give two tears to Draco, one for his leg, and the other to heal the left side of his scarred face. He had expressed his reasoning for maintaining his deafness, and his assurance that being able to hear Severus through a Legilimency mind link would be enough. He had not thought about not being able to hear the child or children that he fervently hoped they would have one day.

He rocked, fingering the edge of the blanket. Very quietly he answered, "No. That was something I had not thought of." He looked up at Severus. "Why does everything always have to be so hard?"

Severus drew a hand down Harry's arm before signing, "Harry, it's alright to change your mind about the tears—"

Harry abruptly stood up, feeling the baby tense in his arms in response. "No, it's not, Severus." He glared up at and into the black eyes as Severus stood, too. "I had it all decided. I had it all worked out in my mind, and now, once again, the choice seems like it's not mine anymore."

He gave a jerk of surprise when Hermione appeared at his elbow, reaching for the baby. He looked down at the bundle in his arms and saw that the tiny girl was red-faced and squalling, obviously loudly, though Harry could not hear it. A look around the room told him that everyone else was focused on him. Looking back down at the baby, he had to consciously unclench his tight hold on her, slowly handing her over to Hermione. Hermione soothed her by rocking back and forth as she stood there, but her eyes were on Harry, her expression one of concern for him.

Harry could now feel the distress of the infant as she wailed. She was frightened; had been startled by him, his tight hold on her and his loud voice. He felt himself blushing with embarrassment and before Severus could stop him, he strode to the fireplace and grabbed the container of floo powder. Throwing it, he yelled for his quarters and in a flash of green flame he disappeared.

Everyone was silent for a few moments before Severus spoke calmly, "Please go on and enjoy the meal Molly has graciously prepared. If you will excuse me, I believe I need to follow him." He turned to Molly and gave a brief bow. "My thanks and my apologies, Molly."

Molly put a hand on Severus's arm. "No need, Severus. It's probably the crowd and the excitement. He hasn't been around this whole lot in awhile. It can be overwhelming."

Severus did not try to correct her mistaken belief concerning Harry's abrupt departure. Giving her a nod, he stepped to the floo and tried to follow Harry to his quarters, only to be spat back out when it locked against him. Giving a growl, he threw another handful of floo powder and tersely called for his own quarters.

Everyone stared at the fireplace and then the floor, awkwardly avoiding looking at each other until Draco spoke quietly, "He wanted me to take the last of the tears for my eye and face. I refused."

Now everyone did look up and they all had their eyes on Draco. He continued, "He believes that he wants to remain deaf, some nonsense about it sharpening his ability to feel magic with his hands. I—I don't think he thought through the long term ramifications of not hearing—and I challenged him on it. That's why he's upset. I apologize for ruining the party."

Ginny had taken his arm and now she leaned against his shoulder to prevent him leaving the room. Hermione said softly, "If you hadn't, I probably would have. We'll just have to let Severus sort it out."

The party wasn't as jovial as before, but everyone was happy that Draco had been able to come downstairs on two healthy legs and they were all giving their input about what he should do next. Draco tolerated it with ill-disguised annoyance because he was enjoying being a part of the family his had been so different from.

DMDMDMDM

Severus stepped out of the floo in his own quarters and immediately went to his room, pulling out the Marauder's Map. As he had suspected, Harry had left his own quarters and had headed outside towards his greenhouse. The tiny dot was traveling in a straight line and then suddenly stopped. Severus watched as Harry seemed to hesitate and then head more slowly towards the lake, where he continued to walk away from the castle along its shore. He stopped after a bit, and Severus was certain that he would no longer be visible from the castle. It looked like Harry had stopped where he was. Perhaps he was looking out over the water?

Then Severus's heart nearly stopped. Harry's dot was now going into the lake! Throwing the map down, he tore out of his dungeons and sped towards the doors of the castle. Students out on this weekend day tumbled out of his way as he raced past them, but he ignored the questioning murmurs.

The lake was quiet today, without ripples or waves. Not even the giant squid was lazing on the surface right now. Severus had a sudden fear that the reason the squid was not here in the water close to the castle was because it was close to Harry, maybe even dragging him into the depths. People often mistakenly believed that the squid was some sort of marine mascot of Hogwarts, harmless with its gently waving tentacles splashing the surface of a placid lake as it sunned itself. Severus knew different. He knew the stories of students who had disappeared in centuries past. Students had been warned to stay away from the lake when the squid was near the shore, but there had been those hushed instances where it was known that the missing students had likely been a meal or snack for the giant creature.

Severus kept running until he came to the point where he thought Harry had entered the water. On the shore, he saw Harry's shoes and clothes, neatly folded. He shaded his eyes with his hand as he searched the water for any sign of the other man.

Out on the still water, a ripple appeared and then a waving tentacle. Beside it, Harry surfaced, a bubble around his head indicating the use of a charm to allow him to breathe underwater. Severus exhaled his suspended breath when he saw Harry stroke another tentacle and take an armload of green kelp from the squid. Harry did a graceful sidestroke back to the shore, hesitating only briefly when he caught sight of Severus.

Once on shore, Harry laid the kelp out on the grassy area above the shore before waving his hand over himself to warm and dry his body. He stood straight as he redressed and then looked at Severus. Severus shook his head and signed,

"Did you intend to give me a heart attack?"

Harry looked surprised and raised an eyebrow in question. "Why would my going into the lake upset you? I've spent a lot of time there over the years."

Severus shook his head in annoyance. "You took off from a party in our honor, you warded your floo against me, on my map I saw you appear to head into a lake inhabited by a Giant Squid who has dined on human flesh in the past—"

Harry held up a hand. "You thought that I was trying to kill myself?" At Severus's lack of response, he knew that was exactly what the man had feared. He turned away and bent to gather the kelp into his arms. Then he straightened and looked squarely at Severus. "I just needed to sort it all out, Sev. I'm an adult now, even if sometimes I don't act like it. I know I've been an emotional wreck, but—I don't plan to off myself any time soon. I just can't seem to find my footing about what I want, where I belong, what I can and cannot expect to do…"

He looked at the kelp in his arms and then back at Severus. "I'm going to put this on the beds I've prepared in the greenhouse. I believe that it will be just the right kind of nutrient mix the soil needs. There's no proof yet, of course, but I plan to document the differences in the traditional methods and the change to this…" He stopped when he saw Severus look of confusion at the change in subject.

"I think best when I'm working. I need to do a lot of work right now." He gazed up into the black eyes for a moment and then stepped forward, brushing his lips against a pale cheek. "I'm okay. We can talk later. I just need to be by myself for a bit. Alright?"

Severus placed a palm against Harry's cheek, relieved when Harry leaned into the touch. He didn't sign his answer, instead speaking carefully so that Harry could read his expression and the words on his lips.

"I will be here when you are ready."

Harry smiled and then turned away, heading back around the lake towards the castle and the greenhouse. Severus stood there and watched him until he had disappeared from sight. Looking back out at the lake, he saw the squid wave a large tentacle at him, and for a moment, the bulbous head rose above the surface, the beak-like mouth clicking at him in apparent irritation. Maybe all those stories had been untrue; fabrications to keep students from unsupervised lake visits? One would think that as a teacher all these years Albus would have seen fit to tell him that the squid stories were mere fabrications.

He shook his head and followed the shoreline back to the greenhouse. Through the windows he could see Harry diligently working. Sighing, Severus returned to the castle and his dungeon lab to brew more Calming Draught. He thought that he just might need a fresh supply on hand.

SSHPSSHPSSHP

Harry finished working the kelp into the beds he had chosen to use it in and stood there for a moment, wiping the back of his arm across his forehead. The green house was humid and Harry had worked himself into a sweat with the windows and roof closed. He went to a spigot set over a stone basin and ran the water over his hands and ran them up and down his arms and then his face. He took a long drink of the cold water, cupping it in his hands, glad that he had thought to have this amenity here. The other greenhouses had plain water to be used for irrigating the plantings. Harry had that, but also this water that fed directly from an icy underground spring. If he desired, he could also use another spigot to irrigate with water directly from the lake.

Standing up from the basin, he started when he turned and saw Molly Weasley standing at the door. Harry gave her a sheepish smile. "I'm sorry for ruining the party."

She smiled and shook her head at him before looking around for a place to sit. Harry had placed some stone benches at intervals throughout the greenhouse and she motioned Harry over to one. He sat down next to her, curious about what she would be doing there. He summoned the notebook that helped him talk to so many people who didn't know how to sign. He handed it to Molly. "I think this is the first time you've ever come here just for me."

Molly looked sadly at him before writing onto the page. "You've been like one of my own since you first become Ron's friend. I should have been here more for you after you were so hurt."

Harry read over her shoulder as she wrote, responding to her immediately. "You had the others to be caring for, I know. And I wasn't here for you _to_ see, remember?"

Molly narrowed her eyes at being reminded how Albus had exiled Harry away from everyone he knew. "Yes… but I can be here now, Harry. I think I know what you are struggling with, after listening to Draco and seeing you with Ron and Hermione's daughter." She looked up at him and he avoided her eyes, focusing on her hand as she continued to write.

Molly bent over the notebook and appeared to be deeply considering her words, so Harry got up to give her some time, going over to poke a finger into the dirt of a planting bed. It was several minutes later when she tapped him on the shoulder. She put a hand on his cheek and smiled at him as she handed him the notebook. Harry let her hug him and give him a quick kiss on the cheek. She gave him a small wave and walked quickly away from the greenhouse towards the gates and the apparition boundary. After she was gone, Harry sat down where Molly had been and opened the notebook.

…**seeing you with Ron and Hermione's daughter. Harry, being a parent is so much more than being able to see or hear with your eyes and ears. Merlin knows that I never had enough of either to keep up with all mine as they were growing up. Even now I am certain that I do not want to know about all that I may have missed as it happened right under my nose. But they all turned out fine, and with all their limbs intact, even with all the experimental pranks Fred and George insisted on trying on Ron and Ginny. Somehow, I always knew when something was about to go really wrong and I got there in time to prevent disaster. It was not because I saw or heard what those two were doing, but rather the 'feeling' that a parent gets when their child is hurt, or sick, or in danger. I cannot tell you that I felt instantly at ease with being a parent each time I had another child in my arms. But I can tell you that the love you have for your child or children will always be enough. No one can be there for every single instance of need. But you love them anyway the best that you can and you learn from mistakes so that you can try not to make them again. I would never tell any of my children that I had regrets, but I do regret the times when one needed me more and I had to pay them more mind than their sister or brothers. That is what parents do, though. You make choices that are tough. You discipline, you teach, you love. You do the same for yourself as you go along.**

**What I'm trying to say (and doing a bad job of it!) is that I know you will be a wonderful parent if the day comes for you to be one. None of us has all it takes to be perfect. But if you have the desire and the love, the rest will fall into place. Don't be in a rush to take it on. One thing I regret is that Arthur and I had so little time to be a couple before the babies started coming. Oh we managed to get our alone time, and we cherished each new arrival. But it might have been nice to just have us for a bit first. You do what's right for you and Severus. It is a joint undertaking, no matter what else. The two of you have surprised many of us with the obvious affection and caring you share, and those of us who****have been blessed with that kind of companionship can recognize the same in others. You have brought out the best in each other. You are strong where he is weak and he is strong where you need it most. That's what it takes to make a successful family. **

**Draco told us that you wanted to use the phoenix tears to heal his face, and that he refused. He really believes that you should use them to be able to hear again, and he said that he goaded you with the idea of not being able to hear the voice of whatever child you might have one day… I want you to know that while the voices of my children are very dear to me there are other things that I love even more. I remember the first time I held each of them, caressing their soft baby skin. I remember the smell of them, the sweetness of it. The times when they climbed into my lap to cuddle, when a grubby hand gifted me with a wilted bouquet of wildflowers… things like that were worth more, **_**are**_** worth more, than all the sounds they may have made!**

**There were many times that all the hearing in the world would not have made the difference in me knowing what the twins were up to! Children intent on mischief will find a way to it! Just don't ever think that being deaf will somehow make you a less able parent, or a less loving parent.**

**If you ever need any advice, or help, I will be here for you, just as with any of my other children. You are mine, just as much as they are, and any child of yours will be like another grandchild to me. I love you, Harry. **

**Molly**

Harry felt his chest constrict with emotion as he finished reading Molly's words to him. She had addressed all his insecurities. Her motherly reassurances meant so much as he struggled with coming to grips with his future as a potential parent.

But then he stopped, clutching the notebook hard. This was not about just his life and future. It was about Severus's as well. How could he have been so selfish? With a wave of mental dizziness, Harry was hit with the thought of how patient the Potions Master had been with him. The man had stood there, not sneering, not condescending, not ranting, not towering or even being close to the greasy git of Harry's past acquaintance. He had been everything that was unexpected. He had waited while Harry learned to cope at the school. He had waited for Harry to heal and had searched for him. He had learned to sign so that he could communicate with him. He had let Harry be an immature brat instead of a man who had been strong enough to destroy a dark lord. He had never forced Harry to 'grow up', 'get a grip', or any of the other trite things that a less tolerant friend would have said.

Harry had believed that Severus loved him before. But seeing all this in this brighter light brought it home just how far the older wizard had bent for him, how much he had put his own needs aside as he let Harry work through the mess of his life.

Severus had asked him to bond with him. Severus had not been adverse to the idea of a family, if that was what Harry wanted. Severus had followed him back to Hogwarts, not angry about Harry leaving his own party so abruptly, but afraid for him, worried about his well-being. Thinking back, Harry remembered the effort Severus had tried to make at hiding his fear when he watched Harry emerge from the water. He had tried for cold disdain when he asked if Harry wanted to give him a heart attack, but it had been fleeting and had not covered the actual fear that Harry had been in danger, either from the squid or from himself.

The man had changed so much, and so much of it was for Harry's sake, now that he thought about it. Harry put a hand up to his chest, a futile effort to calm the erratic beating of his heart. How much patience did Severus have? Maybe he had already given up? Harry had pushed him away at the shore, pretty much telling Severus to leave him alone.

HPHPHPHP

When Severus sat down at his place at the head table, he immediately noted the small vase of roses just in front of his plate. They were a vivid yellow, with edges that melted into crimson and dark pinks. A card lay to the side and he slit it open with a thumbnail.

_Thank you for helping me to see the sunrise again, and waiting for me to see it with more than just my eyes. I love you._

_Harry_

Severus pulled one of the roses free of the vase and brought it up to his nose. The fragrance was heady and he just managed to keep himself from closing his eyes and rubbing the flower against his cheek.

Harry sat down next to him and Severus looked into the uncertain green eyes. With a smirk, he signed, "Flowers, Mr. Potter? Surely you are not trying to bribe a teacher?"

Harry relaxed a bit and smiled. "No. I'd rather think of it as the beginning of romancing my fiancé."

Severus's eyes grew dark with passion and he extended the rose to Harry, letting him take it from him. Their fingers brushed as the rose exchanged hands. Severus signed, "I look forward to more… romancing." His familiar smirk appeared, but underneath it there was none of the old animosity. Instead there was the quiet contentment that had replaced it. Harry's eyes held his, his own yearnings very clear in the green orbs.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

_**A/N**__: Thank you all for your patience with my long delay in updating! Things have gotten crazy awful for me the last couple weeks and writing was just too much with my inability to concentrate. I hope this chapter makes sense. We are nearing the end of this tale, I think. You tell me, after you read the next chapter! Should it end or go on? I do have some ideas, but they might be better served in a sequel. That way, you wonderful readers would not be left hanging and waiting for the fic to be complete. The next chapter will have an ending and then another addition at the bottom. If the story continues, it will begin with that scene. If the story ends, you will know where the ending is and the sequel will likely begin with that scene. We will think of it as like a season finale! I will put up a new poll on the group, or maybe on my ff dot net profile page if I can figure out how to do that! Vote in both places if you like! Hopefully, it will be posted in the next few days!_

_Special thank you's and kudo's to __**logicalquirk**__. You keep me steady and thinking. Any problems with the story are my own. I have bounced a few ideas off this wonderful beta and then still stuck with my own original (maybe not so brilliant) plans. For instance, she pointed out that I never named the babies. For awhile I did toy with some ideas, but I could never think of anything that would not sound trite, too sweet, or just plain stupid. So, they remain just the nameless but sweet babies of Ron and Hermione. If the story continues, it may happen that they will have a bigger role and will be named then._

_Happy summer to everyone. Stay cool and be safe!_


	28. Chapter 28

**Black Phoenix**

Chapter 28

_Imagination and fiction make up more than three quarters of our real life._

_-Simone Weil_

_The sweetest joy, the wildest woe is love._

_-P.S. Bailey_

The weeks seemed to fly by as the term wound down. Harry worked in the greenhouses, helping Professor Sprout with the First and Second years, getting a feel for teaching while not being able to hear. He worked out a system for questions and answers after he lectured and demonstrated. The students adapted quickly and easily to looking directly at Harry while speaking and then speaking precisely so that he could read their lips. Whenever possible, Harry allowed them to walk around and show him what they were asking about, so that he was better able to understand their concerns. The students were very receptive to having "Mr. Potter" assist Professor Sprout and teach them about the plants, their uses, and harvesting of them that were in their curriculum.

When Harry wasn't teaching, he was in his own greenhouse. He had banned Severus from coming in, telling him that he and Hermione were working on how to arrange it for the ceremony and he wished for it to be a surprise. Severus reluctantly agreed, quietly worried that the arrangements would be too elaborate for his taste. Harry recognized the concern when he caught Severus trying to peer into the windows one afternoon after he and Hermione had been holed up for several hours.

Harry had cast a fog charm on the windows so that while light still penetrated, no one could see in or out. He came outside and met Severus as he was looking like he would simply walk inside.

"Severus… it really will be alright, you know."

Severus smirked dubiously at that and Harry smiled. "I promise, no pink."

Severus narrowed his eyes. "And no other garish colors either?"

Harry raised an eyebrow. "I didn't think you would mind any of the other colors of the rainbow…just some chartreuse and orange to balance out the house colors."

"Which house colors?" Severus looked decidedly ill.

"All of them, of course. Oh, and Albus insisted on several shades of purple. It will be quite a kaleidoscope."

Severus stiffened and looked about to explode when Harry stepped up and wrapped his arms around the older man's middle. He looked up into the thunderous face and laughed. "I'm joking! Really…it will be alright. I believe I know what you will like."

And Severus had to leave it at that. If he protested further, Harry would question his trust in Harry's ability to pull off the arrangements. Severus held his tongue with effort and made a promise to himself that he would like whatever Harry and Hermione had come up with, even if it killed him to keep a nice face on.

Harry pecked him on the cheek, giving him a squeeze before letting go. He could see another class gathering beside one of the other greenhouses. Changing the subject, he commented, "I've almost finished writing my vows. Have you?"

In truth, Severus had been mulling over what he wished to say, but had not yet committed anything to parchment. He tapped his temple with a long finger as he mouthed, "It is still in here. I will finish on time, never fear."

Harry gave him another smile, one that left Severus a little breathless. "I have no fears where you are concerned."

HPSSHPSSHPSS

The Seventh Years graduated amidst thunderous applause and the party afterwards lasted until the last parent had finally left with their now adult wizard child. The teachers all sat in chairs around the Great Hall, finally relaxing their stern demeanors, taking advantage of the additional ingredients that the house elves snapped into the remaining punch. Harry came up behind the chair where Severus sat and looped his arms around the man's neck.

"Less than 24 hours. I'll see you tomorrow." He gave Severus a fleeting brush of lips against a strong jaw. Letting his hands trail against Severus's chest as he straightened up, he then gave everyone else a wave. "I still need to finalize what I want to say tomorrow. Good night."

Albus followed his exit with twinkling blue eyes and then turned to Severus. "He seems ready to take this big step."

"We both are." He looked at Albus then, an expression of question that was highly unusual on the face of the ex-spy. Quietly, so that only Albus barely heard him, he asked, "How did I ever get to this point? I had long since resigned myself to live and die alone… and now, to have this chance…" Albus could see him swallow thickly and he leaned towards him.

"You are worthy of this, my friend. I know you…that you believe that a life of happiness is not something you deserve. But you do. You have more than paid for any debt you owed to any man or wizard. Let tomorrow be the start of a new life; one filled with joy."

Severus stared at his old friend and then murmured, "I do believe that you have inspired the finish to my vows." He stood up. "Good night, Albus."

He walked out of the Great Hall and Albus smiled after him.

SSSSSSSSSS

Harry's greenhouse had a white pebbled path that led from the walk to the castle to the glass enclosure. Along the edges of the path a dozen stone urns lined both sides, filled with ferns, lilies, and calendulas. The small party of invited guests admired the flowers as they made their way to the greenhouse door.

Molly and Arthur led their twin sons, followed by Ron and Hermione, each carrying a baby. Draco had Ginny on his arm and they walked just in front of Professors McGonagall, Spout and Sinistra. Madame Pomfrey, Madame Hooch, Professor Flitwick and Hagrid brought up the rear. They all entered the green house, stopping and gazing around.

The glass windows and ceiling panels glittered like polished crystal, casting rainbow prisms all around as the sun shone through them. The planting beds had been magicked to the sides of the building, leaving the center length clear for the chairs that had been set up in rows facing the panoramic window looking out to the lake.

Albus stood on a raised platform in front of that window, looking down on those gathered there. He was dressed in a deep purple robe trimmed in silver thread along the cuffs and hems, a silver ascot knotted at his throat. His tall pointed hat was silver, catching even more of the light to send it into a frenzy of reflected lights as he moved.

A trio of enchanted stringed instruments played quietly off to the side as the guests murmured to one another and looked around at their first chance to see the inside of Harry's greenhouse. Aside from Hermione, no one had been allowed to come in, and no one had even seen it before the ceremony arrangements had begun.

Hermione was pointing out certain features while explaining that certain ones were for the sake of the ceremony. Everyone was focused on the profusion of climbing roses that covered the walls of the green house right to the sides of Albus, extending over his head in an arch. The rose vines were heavy with unopened buds, and alive with fairies flitting through the leaves, lending even more dancing light to the scene. It was a place that was filled with the scent of clean earth, savory herbs, and newly growing plants in the beds all along the space under the windows. It was hard to know where to look next, with all of that, and the amazing view of the lake and the mountains beyond, that was framed by the window behind Albus. Having that scene so focused made it seem like it was the first time to ever see the sparkling lake and the snow capped peaks against a brilliant blue sky.

Albus nodded at them all, his eyes alight with happiness to be officiating at the ceremony ahead. For a few moments the music grew louder, signaling the start of the proceedings, then grew softer again. The audience fell silent in their quiet discussion, focusing their attention up front. Through the two outside doors on either side of Albus, Harry and Severus entered.

Severus was elegant in his black silk robes. As he moved, subtle shots of Slytherin green silk threads could be seen to be woven through the cloth. He had on a white silk shirt with a black silk tie at his throat. His hair was tied back at his nape with a black silk ribbon. He faced the audience briefly, bowing his acknowledgement of their presence. Then his eyes turned to rest on Harry.

Harry also was dressed in black silk robes, his threaded with hints of Gryffindor red. Instead of a black tie, he had on white with his white shirt. His own hair was loose, its collar length still as wild as it had ever been as he was growing up. In contrast to Severus 's solemn expression, Harry wore a grin that threatened to outshine the sun pouring through the greenhouse. Severus gazed into the green eyes and his own mouth quirked several times, letting Harry know that he was having great difficulty repressing the same kind of giddy air.

Severus inclined his head toward the audience and Harry remembered to give his own nod of acknowledgment to them.

Albus came forward and rested a hand on each of their shoulders as they faced each other. They looked up at him briefly before looking back at each other.

Albus let his eyes show the gladness and love for the two men in front of him as he spoke clearly, "These two very special wizards gratefully acknowledge the presence of those who have come to bear witness to this most important occasion. As their closest friends, you will all be the reminder that this bonding was accomplished in your presence, an act of public commitment and promise. Would the two who have been chosen to stand by their sides please come forward."

Draco and Ron stood up and they moved up to claim the places of honor behind Severus and Harry. Albus held out his hand and both Severus and Harry placed their wands in it. In turn, Albus handed Severus's wand to Draco and Harry's to Ron.

"If you gentlemen would now please join your right and left hands…" Severus and Harry stepped closer together, their arms crossing in front of them as they followed Albus's instructions. Harry's face was just as serious as Severus's now that the ceremony was beginning. Their eyes were locked on each other's.

Albus gave Harry's shoulder a slight squeeze and Harry looked up at him. Harry understood that it was his signal to speak his vows. Looking back at Severus, he straightened and took a deep breath.

"Severus, I stand before you now, willing to make this promise to become your bondmate. I could have written all sorts of wordy prose, because I know how much you like it…" He smiled innocently at Severus's slightly narrowed eyes. "…but I also know that you'd rather hear what I really want to say, and not sound like one of the essays you have to read."

He squeezed Severus's hands then and swallowed, his face becoming serious again. "You have become the most important thing in my life. I look back and I see that you were always important, just in different ways. You taught me Potions when you thought I was unteachable. You taught me defense when you thought that it might only keep me alive long enough to fulfill a prophecy. You worked ceaselessly in a role that could have led to your own death a thousand times over, to help make sure that the side of light had any possible advantages. Somewhere in all of that, you became a comrade instead of just a teacher. You had your own part in the war to play, one that had forced you to act as if you were my enemy. But in the final hours, your words were the words that carried me through. You touched me and told me that I was not alone…" Harry hesitated, obviously struggling with deep emotion in that moment. Severus tightened his grip on Harry's fingers, well remembering that very instance when he had assured Harry that he was with him as he went out to face Voldemort.

"I fought because it was expected. But I survived because you protected me when I was down. I have learned how you stood over me, keeping those who would have finished me off away when I could no longer fight. You continued to show your care of me as I learned to live in a new world. You even learned what was needed to communicate with me. There were many times in that time when I was probably impossible to bear; immature, selfish in my focus, and not the most attractive wizard one could want. But you have persevered, loving me in spite of my failings, seeing 'Harry' underneath all that was covering me up. You accept me as I am, while not letting me fall into what might be the easy path, but helping me to climb higher, strive harder, to see further to what I can be.

"I owe you my life many times over in a wizard's debt. But on this day I pledge it to you, not as something I can pay back once, but something I want to pay back every day. I want to be by your side, living, working, playing, and above all, loving. My heart is already yours. On this day I give you my life, my body, my soul, and my love."

Severus stared into the huge green eyes of the man before him. He could not sign his words with his hands occupied, and he wanted to be sure that Harry heard every word he had to say. Harry was already watching his lips, but he glanced up into Severus's eyes when the older man squeezed his hands. A whispered "Legilimens!" brought him into Harry's mind, his presence gentle and calming. As he spoke to Harry, he also spoke aloud for the benefit of the witnesses.

"Harry, I stand before you this day, humbled that you would even consider accepting me as your bondmate. The depth of your trust and faith in me continuously astounds me, and it is as if I am in a dream that I never want to awaken from. You were the bane of my existence at one time, but now I realize that I should have viewed it as a challenge rather than a curse." His lips quirked and Harry smiled shyly.

"Your presence in my life has become as necessary as the air I breathe. Your smile is the sun against the darkness my soul has been immersed in. You speak of owing me a wizard's debt, but I cannot even begin to imagine settling the debt that I owe you. I not only owe you the life that was saved when you saved the rest of the wizarding world, but I owe you the return of the soul I sold to the devil when I was but a foolish youth. Because of you, I am not living the remainder of my life alone and embittered. You are the light, and you have illuminated me as none other ever has or ever will. You accept me as I am, helping me to see ways to be better and do more with this life that I have been given back. You are the strength where I am weak. On this day, I give to you officially what has already been yours for some time. I give you my heart, my mind, my soul, and my love."

When he stopped speaking, there were numerous held breaths expelled throughout the greenhouse. Several sniffles and cleared throats gave evidence of the power that the words spoken by Harry and Severus had had on those present.

Severus looked at Albus expectantly when he did not begin his part of the ceremony. To his surprise, the old wizard was having quite a time getting his own emotions under enough control to continue. The blue eyes were wet and the shoulders beneath the purple robe were shaking. Severus looked back at Harry, and the emotions on his face, along with those of Albus, gave Severus a severe test of his control. He clenched his jaw, determined to be the picture of cool collection against the tears flowing all around him.

Harry's hands shook as they held tightly to Severus and Severus gave him a reassuring brush of his thumbs over the back of them. At last, Albus held out his hands to Ron and Draco and they put the wands they were holding into them. Albus crossed them over the heads of Harry and Severus.

"Let it be known that on this day these two have sworn to join together, their hearts, their bodies, their very magic." He looked down at them, the wands still crossed above them.

"Do you each swear to love, honor, and protect each other?"

Harry and Severus each nodded, speaking clearly, "I do."

"Do you each vow to keep faithful, trust in each other, shelter and hold fast to one another?"

"I do."

Albus brought the crossed wands together, and then down to rest the tips atop the clasped left hands. "From this day forward you shall be bonded to one another, two parts of a whole, complete only in each other. May your life together be joyful, happy and fulfilled. May you be the perfection of each other, wanting in nothing, so long as you both shall live. May the magic in each of you find strength in the magic of the other, blending in a harmony that will sing through all the deeds of your days together. May your love grow with each passing moment, for now, and for always."

A swish of the wands then, and then a tap on their hands, and a golden streamer of light shot out and wound around all four of their wrists where they crossed, binding them together.

Albus gave Hermione a nod and she stood up from her seat. She waved her wand at the climbing rose arch. The fairies flitting through the leaves stopped and grew brighter. The unopened buds began to swell gently until they burst into a profusion of white roses. As more began to bud and then open, the already open ones began to drop velvet petals to rain down on Harry and Severus, as well as the audience. More tiny fairies added more tiny lights among the drifting petals.

Harry looked from the petals falling all around up to Severus's face. The man who was now his bondmate was looking back, his eyes unwavering. A burst of light at their hands and the golden streamer sank into their skin before disappearing. Severus lifted a hand and placed it along Harry's jaw, his thumb caressing his cheek. Harry put his hand up against Severus's heart and leaned in towards him. Severus dipped his head down and captured Harry's lips in a soft, sweet kiss. His hand moved to the nape of Harry's neck, holding his head tenderly as he deepened the kiss for a few moments before pulling back.

He turned to their witnesses when he heard the clapping of hands. Harry's eyes followed and he grinned out at all of them when he saw the applause.

Albus had handed their wands back to their honor attendants, and now Draco and Ron handed them back to Harry and Severus.

Albus laid a hand on each of their shoulders again and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you, by virtue of my standing as Supreme Mugwump of the International Confederation of Wizards, that these two wizards are joined and eternally bonded, both in spirit, body and magic."

The fairies began to shake their tiny wings, casting a fine glittering dust to add to the petals still drifting from ceiling to floor. The magical strings began to play louder and faster, heralding the completion of the ceremony. Everyone was on their feet, surging around Harry and Severus, clapping them on the back or shaking their hands, the women hugging and kissing them.

The celebration of this union was scheduled to be announced that evening, in time for the morning edition of the Prophet. Laughter and tears were in abundant supply in the greenhouse as everyone milled about, lifting their hands to the still drifting fairy dust. Harry stopped beside Hermione and Molly, and dropped a kiss on the dust flecked foreheads of each of the babies they held. Both women smiled with tearful eyes, knowing that Harry was at peace with whatever it was fated his family to be. Severus came up and placed an arm around his new husband, giving him a hug and giving the women both a meaningful glance.

Severus led Harry around the room and they thanked everyone for being there to witness their bonding. He drew Harry aside and stole another kiss before they rejoined the celebration. The looks they shared spoke of promise for their future, and an impatience to get on with it!

_**Finis… Finis… Finis… Finis… Finis… Finis… Finis… Finis… Finis… Finis**_

_**A/N: This is the probable end of Black Phoenix, at least the first part! Depending on your input into the polls both on my profile page on ff and on the First Prophecy yahoo group, I will decide whether to begin a sequel, continue the story on into a longer tale, or simply end it here. To pique your interest in what may e planned if the story goes on, here is a peak into the mind of my Miss Muse…**_

_The more I give to thee, the more I have._

_-Shakespear –Romeo and Juliet_

House elves popped in with trays of champagne and tiny sandwiches, passing amongst all the chattering witches and wizards. Harry reached for a crystal flute being held by an elf who was peering at him solemnly.

Harry had a moment to question to himself why the elf suddenly grinned, not in happiness, but with an expression of evil triumph that Harry could feel surge through him. He had that brief moment and then the feeling morphed into the wrenching pull of a portkey when his fingers touched the glass of champagne.

He landed, dropping the glass and reaching for the wand in his robes, but his hands were immediately bound to his sides and he was petrified. His whole body tipped over, dropping like a stone to the ground, as a high-pitched laugh rang out.

In his head, Harry heard Severus's voice, frantic, searching, and then his jaw was forced open and potion was being poured into his mouth. He swallowed reflexively, even as he tried to spit it back out of his paralyzed throat, and was pulled into an instant sleep, the laughter and the voice of his mate silenced.

At the wedding celebration, there was a few moments of stunned silence when Harry disappeared, before Ron leaped at the elf holding the tray. The elf dropped the tray, champagne flutes smashing on the earthen floor, the spray of slivers and liquid seeming to move in slow motion as it exploded outwards. The elf was gone before Ron could get hold of him and then the yelling of Albus for Dobby along with Severus yelling for Harry rose above the alarmed yells of the Weasley's and teachers.

Draco moved to Severus's side. Severus was frantically turning his head in every direction, yelling Harry's name aloud and through the mental link that he had made with him during the ceremony. An unaccustomed panic was blooming in his chest when Draco gripped his arm tightly, the harshness of it bringing him back to himself. He looked into the grey eyes that stared back fiercely.

"More Death Eaters? A cell that has remained hidden away?" Draco questioned quietly.

Severus shook his head, still unable to think past the fact that Harry was gone. Ron stepped up then, having heard Draco's question.

"What else could it be? We know there must still be some out there. There's no way to ever be sure you have them all."

Draco looked at the redhead silently for a few moments. Then he spoke quietly. "There may have been lists, the names of places where Death Eaters might meet… in my father's things."

Ron waved a hand dismissively. "All that is sealed away. It may have been burned by now."

Draco kept his voice low and Ron leaned forward to hear him. "You better hope that it was not. It may be the only chance we have to find a clue as to where he is. If you have to approach the Unspeakables, you better do it and do it fast. Whoever is left may have no other reason to capture Harry than to kill him. They won't play with him for long."

Ron's red face paled and Draco tightened the grip he had on Severus when that man swayed where he stood. Albus had come close then and he laid a hand on Severus's shoulder.

"The bonding is new. You had not yet completed it. If Harry dies, you will still survive. But you may be able to hear him through the bond link, since you had a link with him during the ceremony."

Severus looked into the grave blue eyes and shook his head. "I've been trying. At the very first I felt him, and then it was wrenched away. I feel nothing now." He looked around at the three men and then added, "If he dies, I will have no more reason to live."

HPSSHPSSHPSS

_**A/N:**_ So… interested in this moving on? Let me know! Your reviews and comments and poll responses will mean more to me than ever in the next days, weeks and possibly months. I hope to be back soon, ready to take on whatever task the majority of you set to me!

One last oxymoron for the road…

_War is fear cloaked in courage._

_-William C. Westmoreland_

Have courage for whatever befalls you. Have faith in whatever you believe. Hugs and love to you all!


	29. Chapter 29

**Black Phoenix**

Chapter 29

_**A/N: **__ For all of you who have stayed with me, hang on! I have decided that the polls (and my own thoughts) are pointing towards continuing the tale from here. If you were a reader that preferred for the happily- ever-after to end with the Bonding Ceremony, you should stop reading now. If you are someone who can't stand for Harry to have one more problem or be hurt, stop reading now. There are more angsty moments of trauma, mayhem, and madness coming here. For those who want to go on with me, keep reading. I promise to try and make the ride worthwhile! After all, that's what fanfiction is for; to play out all the possibilities, impossibilities, and improbabilities and still have an entertaining story in the end. Here's to Harry and Severus and a long life together….sooner or later…._

_Passion makes the best observations and draws the most wretched conclusions._

_-Jean Paul Richter_

Albus was bent over speaking to Dobby, and the little creature had a growing expression of wrath on his face before he popped away. Albus came up to where Draco and Severus had been joined by Ron.

"A Death Eater cell? One that has been laying in wait?" Ron was asking, his fingers flexing and unflexing around his wand. He had already contacted his coworkers in the Aurors Corp and he was ready to go after whoever or whatever had his friend.

"Perhaps…" Draco narrowed his eye in thought. "Voldemort had his Inner Circle, and then there were the elite of his army. There could have been even more hidden amongst everyday wizards, just like the ones at the Ministry."

"Dobby is now searching the house elves' quarters and questioning them. It seems that the elf that was carrying the tray may have been a recent arrival, the refugee of a family destroyed by Death Eaters. At least, that was the story Dobby understood to be the case." Albus's face was grave and he was stroking his long beard in thought.

Severus had calmed more while listening to them speak. Albus looked at him and said quietly, "The bonding is new and the two of you had not completed the personal rites. If Harry is killed, you will be able to survive."

Severus glared at him. "If he dies, there will be no reason to live. But I refuse to speak of that yet." He looked at Ron. "The Unspeakables still have possession of Malfoy Manor and anything it contained. There could be notes…"

"All that is likely burned by now," Ron stated dismissively. "Even if it is not, there is no way to get past the Unspeakables. The Aurors went into the Manor a few times and then it was locked down. They have been more secretive in their dealings since the fall of Voldemort. They do not even show their true faces."

Draco stepped up to Ron, his eye blazing. "Then we better figure out how we can get to them and get clearance. If there is anything, any scrap of parchment, any other artifact, it will be in my father's things. I know this as surely as I know that whoever has Potter will not play with him long. They have planned this out carefully. It has all the markings of a secondary or even a tertiary plan to be carried out if the Dark Lord fell. They waited until the opportunity was ripe and they struck when we believed that there was no more danger. That means that there is someone who has control and has been training them."

Severus found himself staggering at Draco's words. He lowered himself into a chair, willing the dizziness away. Ron looked at Albus in question and the old wizard sighed. "Severus will find that the separation from Harry will weaken his powers. The time immediately after a bonding helps to stabilize the sharing of their magic."

Draco nodded. "Whoever it is may have known that and that is why they waited until after the ceremony. Harry will also be weakened."

Ron paled. "We need to get moving, then." He went to Hermione and dropped a kiss on her wet face and then one on each of the babies. Then he turned to Albus. "Lets' go."

ADDMADDMADDM

It took three days to get in to see an Unspeakable, even bringing all of Albus's considerable influence to bear. Severus was waiting beside the floo in Albus's office, waiting to come when they had clearance to Malfoy Manor. He was tiring rapidly from simple everyday exertions. The plan was that they would call him and he would save his energy for the actual entry into the manor.

Three of them stood in a Ministry office with the Unspeakable who finally agreed to at least talk to them. Albus, Draco, and Ron could only see the totally grey-swathed figure. Whether it was male or female was anyone's guess. They had presented their case to its silence and were now waiting for an answer. Finally 'she' spoke.

"What you ask is something we are loathe to permit."

"We seek to save the life of the one who saved our world. Surely that is reason enough," Ron held out a beseeching hand.

"Perhaps this is how it is meant to be… the end of all who might rise again and attempt to rule in darkness."

"Harry is powerful, but he has never been dark," Draco spat angrily.

There was another long silence and the Unspeakable finally extended a hand, holding a pyramid crystal. "This portkey will take you inside the barriers erected around the Manor. You will have a limited time to accomplish your goals. Two hours you will be permitted to conduct your search. Nothing may be removed from the Manor or taken inside. Your wands will be surrendered before you go and you will submit to a Veritaserum examination, as well as other examinations when you return."

When it appeared as if Albus would protest, the pyramid disappeared back inside the grey robes. "Malfoy Manor has been deemed extremely dangerous. There is only so much that we have been able to discover ourselves, but it is clear that there are spells and enchantments still in place that could affect anyone who enters. You must agree to the post entry examinations or permission will be denied."

The three of them nodded and the pyramid appeared back in her hand again.

Albus spoke then, "There is another who will be going with us—"

"The former Death Eater will not be permitted to enter the Manor." The Unspeakable's voice was firm.

"He is bonded with Potter, and he may know more about where the information we seek will be." Draco stared hard at the face of the veil hiding the Unspeakables identity. "I was a child, and sheltered from most of the darkest doings of my father. But Severus was there as a spy, and they believed him to be loyal. He will—"

"No. He will not be permitted. There are spells that we believe could reactivate the darkness that once resided in him. Whether or not he was exonerated from wrong-doing is not our concern. The Manor is a danger to him and he could be made a danger to our world with its influences."

Ron, Draco and Albus all looked at each other before giving the Unspeakable silent nods of agreement. Aurors standing in the room took the wands from their hands and searched them for any other items on their persons. Draco was relieved of a silver knife in his boot and Albus had an odd looking throwing star removed from his belt. Ron had already removed his extra wand and the leather bag containing field potions. He, too, had a silver knife housed in his boot top and he handed it over to the Auror attending him.

When they all stood before the Unspeakable again, she said, "I have given you the parameters of your visit to Malfoy Manor. I will state again that nothing may be removed. You will be searched when the portkey returns you to this room. Failure to act within these parameters, failure to return with the portkey, failure to submit to post entry examinations, any of these will result in a one-way trip to Azkaban. Does everyone understand this?"

They all nodded. She handed the portkey to Albus and then waved her hand over it. "The portkey to Malfoy Manor will activate in… three…two…" Draco and Ron hurriedly placed their hands atop the pyramid."…one…activate."

The jerky ride was swift and precise, dropping them in the middle of the library floor. The pyramid was blinking a soft white light, counting down their time to departure. Albus set it in the floor and they all looked at each other before Draco spoke.

"I believe that any information we need will most likely be in my father's personal study. There is a large room in the dungeons where some of the Death Eater revels were held. There may be something there as well."

He gave Ron and Albus directions to the dungeons and then he headed for his parents' suite of rooms, where the study was located.

The Manor had a heavy silence about it, as if it were laying in expectation of something. The furnishings had not been covered with dust cloths, but everything appeared to be clean. Draco hesitated at the door to his parents' room and then opened it quickly. Another door led to his father's study and he swore under his breath when he found it was locked. He rattled the doorknob angrily and a voice spoke behind him, making him whirl around and reach for a wand that wasn't there.

"Come to visit your home at last, Dragon?" The cool visage of Narcissa Malfoy gazed down at him.

"Mother. I had feared the worst when I never heard from you. I had hoped you found refuge with relatives in France." Draco felt a pang of grief knowing that his Mother was dead, even if she had never been warmly inclined to him.

"I fled when your father was arrested. The constant surveillance was unnerving, and the threats of confiscating everything… I regret not telling you good-bye…"

"Yes. I was difficult to find, confined to St. Mungo's like I was," Draco sneered.

Narcissa sniffed, raising her nose haughtily. "Do not be impudent, or I'll not help you."

"You do not even know why I am here." Draco retorted.

"I can guess. You are trying to enter your father's study. There must be something that you seek, something important… " She gazed out the side of the portrait and whispered, "Hurry, he knows you are here. He will try to stop you. The key is in my jewelry box, there on the dresser."

"Why _are_ you helping, Mother?"

"Because your father's family on the continent killed me when I would not swear allegiance to Voldemort. Contrary to what you may have believed, I never held with that madman's views. Your father knew that. He never made me swear allegiance… but he told me if things went badly to go to his cousins. When I got there I discovered that they were even more fanatical than your father."

Draco narrowed his eyes, "So they were part of a separate circle of followers?"

"Totally separate, but still devoted to the cleansing of anything that might dilute purebloods. They call themselves Mangeurs de Mort."

"That's original," Draco sneered.

"Quite. But I got the impression that they were very proud to be a hidden group. While they tortured me, they boasted that they were the better of the groups, more prepared to fight for their beliefs. I have to agree. Even with Voldemort dead, they are determined to carry on."

The thought that his mother had been tortured before being killed made Draco nauseous, but he swallowed past it, noting that her portrait did not appear to be bothered by it now. "Did they speak about Harry Potter at all?"

Narcissa narrowed her eyes now. "Are you here because of him? He lives?"

"Yes. Someone has abducted him. We fear the worst and we are here looking for any clues." He hoped that his mother would keep talking, because if what she was saying was true, she had a wealth of information that might help them. "I was hoping to find some kind of clue in Father's study. Did he have any records of this Mangeurs de Mort?"

Narcissa shrugged delicately. "I knew nothing about them until I went to France myself. I suppose there might be something…try the bottom drawer of the desk when you go in there. There is a false bottom in the drawer above and it can only be accessed from the bottom one."

At that moment, a raging Lucius Malfoy entered from the side of the portrait, shoving his wife aside to glare down at Draco.

"Stay out of my study! I forbid you to enter it!"

Draco arched an eyebrow and retrieved the key from his mother's jewelry box. Without a word, he unlocked the door and went inside, closing it again on the ranting from the portrait. To his relief, he found that there were no portraits in the study; probably a safety measure when Lucius had been alive, but in death it prevented him from following anyone into his private domain.

The drawer was as his mother had described and Draco pulled a thin leather bound journal from the hidden narrow space. He sat down and began to thumb through it, scanning the pages rapidly. There were so many names, both of people and places… finally, he grabbed a quill and a jar of ink and began to write some of them on his arm. He hoped that the Unspeakables would not consider that as removing anything from the Manor.

He had a feeling that time was running out and he quickly rifled through the other desk drawers. Nothing looked like it was as important as the information in the journal, so he walked quickly back into the other room. Lucius was screaming at Narcissa and she was coolly ignoring him. Now she looked at him.

"You're dead, Luce dear. I am dead. You can't kill me again. The idiotic loyalties you held during life mean nothing now. If our son can use something here—"

"I helped him before I was kissed! I gave him information that would lead him to the Black Phoenix!"

Draco stared up into the portrait crowded with both his parents. "You neglected to tell me there were still Voldemort factions that were waiting to strike."

Lucius stepped back, his mouth snapping shut. "You did not ask."

"If you had really meant to help before your life ended, I would think that you would have given me some indication of what else might be out there and still dangerous."

Lucius stiffened. "Do you think that everything was handed to me? You think that I always had all the information I needed at my disposal? I had to work for everything I accumulated; power, knowledge, money…You know nothing about what it takes to make it as a figure of influence."

Draco headed for the door to the hallway and over his shoulder he said, "If it means ending as you did, I believe I'll pass, thanks." He stopped and looked at his mother. "Good-bye , Mother."

"Good-bye, my Dragon." Her grey eyes were softer as they looked down on her only son. "I, for one, hope that you found what you needed."

Lucius scowled, but he had no parting comment as Draco closed the door behind him. He knew that they could follow him through other portraits in the Manor and he hoped that they would not. It was difficult enough to be here as a grown-up, and try not to feel like the little boy who had been groomed to take over an empire that he didn't want.

DMDMDMDM

Albus and Ron had little success in the dungeons. The place was a grim reminder of what ideals Voldemort had held his followers to. Cells lined the winding hallways, some still with the remains of victims. A couple of house elves tried to stop them from going into the main chamber, but Albus used wandless magic to throw them back against a wall. They growled as if they had turned half feral before disappearing.

They made as thorough a search as they could amongst the papers and books that lay on shelves around the chambers' perimeter. Mostly, it was lists of past victims that Albus and Ron recognized from years past, when the terrorizing of Muggles, and half-bloods had been escalating.

This main room in the dungeons had been set to resemble a theatre of sorts. It was plain that the chair on a raised dais was likely a favored spot for Voldemort to view the torture of victims as entertainment. The stains on the stone floor were testament to the blood that had been spilled here. Ron watched as Albus waved a hand over the floor and murmured under his breath, eyes closed. He felt a small surge of magic waft through the room, several faint shadows swirling into a mass near Albus's outstretched hands.

The shadows writhed for several seconds and Albus continued to murmur. Finally, there was another surge of magic and the shadows slowly faded into nothing. Albus sighed and looked at Ron with tired eyes.

"So many spirits have been trapped here. I can set some of them free, but the Unspeakables need to have the rest set free as well. Many are being held here by spells that prevent their passing into the next place."

Ron swallowed hard and resumed his search around the chair for clues. The massive wooden doors banged open and Draco strode in. He pushed up his sleeve and showed both men what he had scrawled there.

"Try to remember as much as you can, in case there are charms that prevent even this writing on my skin from leaving the manor."

Albus nodded as he read the notes. "There were whispers of a continental faction that Tom was training. I naively assumed that it had fallen apart at his demise. We will need to send spies, try to infiltrate."

Ron asked, "So you believe that this Mangeurs de Mort is who has Harry?"

"That is not certain. But we need a place to begin and time may be short."

They made their way back to the library where the pyramid was blinking more rapidly. Draco picked it up and held it out. In seconds it had turned red, the flashing nearly continuous. Ron and Albus put their hands on it and they were jerked back to the Ministry office where they had started from. The Unspeakable, along with a half dozen Aurors, had wands trained on them when they regained their feet.

Without a word, she began to scan them as they stood silently. A motion from her wand had Draco's arm outstretched and his sleeve ripped open. The inked words on his skin were glowing crimson, as if written in blood. The Unspeakable jabbed the point of her wand into the skin, Draco shouting in pain. The words floated up off of the arm, leaving the skin deeply reddened and burned. A piece of parchment appeared and the words landed on them, the velum smoking as it drifted to the table.

Draco was on his knees, holding his arm close to his body, glaring up at the Unspeakable and the Aurors that surrounded him with their wands leveled at him.

"The instructions and the consequences for disobedience were clear, Malfoy."

"I brought nothing out of the Manor," Draco growled.

"You used ink that had been charmed, and that ink was brought out of the Manor."

"What the hell kind of charm on ink would be dangerous?" came the sneered response.

"The kind a Malfoy would use…the kind to smuggle information to enemies."

"I was not smuggling anything. If you had given us half a minute, I would have shown you my arm before you burned it off of me."

"I did not burn it, you fool. The ink was timed to burn after any message written in it had been read. Have you never seen a self-destructing spell on a letter?" The Unspeakable's voice was cold. "If I had not removed it, you would have gone up like a torch."

"So, you saved me just so you could condemn me."

The Unspeakable stood there silently, the face still unseen under the hood. The Aurors never wavered, waiting for instructions. The Unspeakable changed the direction of her wand and levitated the parchment with the writing on it over to her. She appeared to be reading all the notes that had been transferred from Draco to the paper.

At last, she whispered, "This is what we have been searching for…the name of the French cell group. _Mangeurs de Mort_ _… _it is said to be led by someone as powerful as Voldemort was. He holds the reins of those who are still striking at our world."

There was an even longer silence in the room. Albus, Ron and Draco all looked at each other, each thinking of the words whispered by the Unspeakable.

Suddenly, she lowered the wand and made a motion with her other hand. The Aurors immediately lowered their wands and left the room. Draco slowly stood up, still cradling the burned arm.

The Unspeakable paced a few turns about the room and then spoke. "Your punishment shall be that you will become our spies into the Mangeurs de Mort_._"

Albus stepped forward. "We will need the best spy in the world to lead us. We need Severus Snape."

There was silence for another bit before she spoke. "Agreed. But there will be tracking spells of our choice on each of you. We will require regular reports of your progress. No action against them may be taken until we command it."

The three of them nodded.

Now, they just had to convince Severus not to go to France with wand drawn and blazing.


	30. Chapter 30

**Black Phoenix**

Chapter 30

_A tendency to fly too straight at a goal instead of circling around it, _

_often carries one too far._

_-Lin Yutang_

He became aware of the texture against his face before anything else. It was softness, smoothness, and it was followed by an amazingly relaxing scent, like roses…why was the thought of roses disturbing?

He tried to move and found that his body felt dreadfully heavy. He exerted another effort and then decided that moving was over-rated. The same softness and smoothness was beneath his fingertips. He tried to rub it but could not.

There was an itch on his scalp that needed scratching… wait, it wasn't an itch exactly… rather the impression of fingers ghosting over his hair. He could hear faint whispering and he strained to hear the words. Somehow, that was more disturbing than the scent of roses.

The fingers on his hair stroked more firmly and a voice became clear.

"He is waking. Bring more of his potion." Then in his ear, "Sleep again, _mon cher_. It is not time for you to wake."

He wanted to ask who it was, but the hand lifted his head and he felt smooth, cold glass against his lips and the trickle of liquid into his mouth. The scent of roses grew stronger and the drink was heavy with the taste of the heady smell. The fingers caressed his hair and the voices grew indistinct again. Something in him wanted to protest, but other somethings were stronger and he gave in to the depths of sleep again. As he sank, he fleetingly wondered where he was, how he got there… who was beside him… who he was …

The slender fingers brushing the dark hair stilled and the feminine voice grew harsh. "Contact Shaiming. He must make the potion stronger. My pet must be kept insensate and pliable. His magic must be under control."

"Yes, Madame. I'll contact him at once."

HPHPHPHP

Severus roared, "I will not hold back if I see him and have the opportunity to get him out!"

"If he has been changed-" Albus began.

"He will know me!" Severus hissed.

Draco could see that the wildness in the black eyes was not easing and he laid a calming hand on his godfather's arm. Severus tried to shake it off but Draco gripped the arm firmly.

"Sev… you know that if they have not killed him, their purpose may be to alter his memories and use him somehow."

"Harry is resistant to Imperius."

"They may not be using Imperius. We don't know about this faction. That is why we will be spying…" Draco said for at least the sixth time in the last half hour.

Severus yanked his arm from Draco's grasp and snarled, "Stop talking to me as if I were an idiot student. I heard you the first time."

"Then you stop behaving like a git with his first crush. I know you have impulses because of the bonding, but I know you can master them. Do it, or the whole thing will go pear shaped." His one grey eye pierced Severus unflinchingly until Severus finally jerked his chin in acknowledgment.

When Harry had disappeared from the reception, Severus had been uncharacteristically distraught. It had been unsettling for everyone to be witness to the man's emotional breakdown. Albus and Draco had finally gotten him to the dungeons of the castle where they forced a strong dose of calming draught on him, followed by a hefty tumbler of Firewhisky. Exhausted sleep overcame him, but he tossed and mumbled in his sleep, leaving no doubt as to his state of mind.

He had been livid when Albus, Draco and Ron had gone to the Ministry without him, leaving Minerva and Hermione to explain that they believed his behavior would hinder their request to enter Malfoy Manor. He was, by turns, either stoically silent when they came back to explain what the Unspeakable had ordered them to do, or he was pacing and mumbling under his breath.

Poppy had scanned him and it appeared that the bonding ceremony had affected him more strongly than Albus had thought it would. He had thought that until a physical consummation had taken place, Severus would be under more control. Poppy felt that the prior physical relationship and promise of commitment prior to the ceremony had cemented the bond even before the words had been spoken before witnesses.

Severus's behavior was exactly what it should be, when a mate was ripped away from close proximity this early in a bond. He had scoured Potions texts and journals to look for dampening agents, or other means to control the symptoms of withdrawal. He sent messages to trusted Potions Masters around the world asking for their help.

They were all sitting at the head table in the Great Hall when the owl soared in and landed beside Severus's plate. He had been pacing and not eating, but the moment he saw the massage attached to the owl's leg, he strode to the table and grabbed it. The owl gave him a hard bite at the rough treatment, but Severus ignored it in favor of getting to the note. He sat down with it in his hands.

_**Snape,**_

_**Your request is unusual, but not as unusual as the fact that yours is not the only request I have had for such a dampening draught. Those demanding my help are quite strong and appear determined to take over where the Dark Lord left off. If you are separated from your mate, you should know that he is as in need of my help as you are. I suggest that we collaborate immediately, to make the formulas work in your favor. My owl awaits your reply.**_

_**Xiao Shaiming**_

Severus stood up abruptly, knocking the chair over behind himself. He lunged for a quill and ink pot that lay beside Albus's plate and scrawled a return message on the note. Draco had to nudge his shaking hands aside so that he could attach the note back onto the owls outstretched leg.

Once the owl flew off Severus turned to Albus.

"It seems that Shaiming has been in contact with the Mangeurs de Mort. They are demanding that he perfect a dampening potion that he believes is being used on Harry. I am going to China before I go to France."

Draco nodded. "Weasley and I will get things ready here." He stepped up to Severus and eyed him severely. "Do not go to France without us. Meet back here."

Severus nodded, and without another word he turned and strode from the room, determination in his step.

SSSSSSSSSS

The dark-haired man stirred on the bed, murmuring as he twisted his face against the pillow. Long, tapered fingers hovered over his head, and words were whispered. The man stilled and the owner of the hand smiled in satisfaction. More spells were cast and the image of a loom appeared over the bed. The loom was in motion, threads being woven together into a tapestry of runes and symbols on one end, as individual threads from the other end were being slowly pulled from the other end.

A grey-robed figure entered the room and stood near the bedside. "He will not remember his past?"

"It cannot all be removed without breaking his mind completely. He will know that there are gaps, things he doesn't know or understand. But he will be susceptible to the suggestions you choose to plant as forgotten memories."

"But will he bend to my will, become the weapon that Voldemort wanted but couldn't get? "

"We shall see." The loom continued its weaving over the man's head. The threads removed were now being wound on a spindle, an invisible hand forming a ball of memories that had belonged to Harry Potter.

HPHPHPHP

Severus stood in the laboratory of the Chinese Potions master, watching the brewing of the draught intently. They had worked on numerous versions before refining the brew to the one presently being stirred by Shaiming.

Severus murmured, "You feel certain that this will appear to give the witch what she wants?"

"She wants to preserve his magical power while dampening his desire to think independently. This should make him appear confused, while helping to subtly allow him to question what he thinks is the truth. After a time, he should be aware of enough to realize the gaps in his memory are too large."

"You said she has other magics at work. Can we be certain that this will be effective against what she is using?"

"Unfortunately, no. You will have to play along until you see what it is she is doing. I myself have no experience in what she is using. The Mangeurs de Mort are very secretive. I cannot give you any other help there."

"Will you bring it to her personally?"

Shaiming turned to Severus and dark eyes stared into dark almond-shaped eyes. "I have no choice. She has one of my apprentices. If I do not produce a viable potion, she will kill her."

Severus nodded. "My partners and I will be attempting to infiltrate the cell as soon as I return."

Shaiming looked more closely at Severus. "Has the dampening potion I prepared for you helped?"

Severus hesitated, looking inward to his deeper emotional state. He had to be honest with his colleague so that he would be in the best position to help Harry. "I feel less unsettled now. I feel in better control. But I am concerned that if I am in Harry's presence, I will become less so. I still need a higher energy level, as well."

Shaiming finished the stirring of the draught and removed the silver cauldron from the flame to cool. He went over to another cauldron that stood in stasis and removed the spell holding it in readiness. He adjusted the flame before setting out several prepared ingredients.

"I will increase the agents that will calm you, as well as increase the ones that will lessen the drain the bond has on you during separation from Harry."

Severus nodded his thanks as he observed the other Potions Master's actions. He was grateful that Shaiming was on their side in this. The man had contacted them immediately when the Mangeurs de Mort had demanded his participation in their efforts. While Severus had been able to offer much needed expertise in the development and brewing process, he was distracted and agitated easily with the bond being tested to its limit by the forced separation from Harry. If he had tried to accomplish the brewing himself it would have ended in failure. Shaiming had the cunning of a Slytherin and the focused ability to study and learn of a Ravenclaw. His Hufflepuff loyalty to his fellow Potions Master, and the Gryffindor bravery he was displaying by taking sides in this battle made Severus wonder just what house he would have been sorted into if he had attended Hogwarts. When he voiced this question Shaiming looked at him over his work table.

"I attended a school in Tibet. There was only one house and we were taught the aspects of all of the houses you describe. It is illogical to think that a person can have only one of those attributes that each of the Hogwarts houses prize."

Severus stared off into space. "Harry says that he would have been sorted into Slytherin, but he argued with the hat until it placed him in Gryffindor."

"So the wise hat _does_ recognize that a wizard might be more than one quality," Shaiming nodded in satisfaction.

Shaiming finished the potion and drew up a vial, offering it to Severus. Severus sipped it down and after a few moments he held the vial out to the other man. "That feels right. I'll need a supply."

Shaiming began to draw up more potion into individual vial after he refilled the one Severus had emptied." I will leave instructions for my other apprentices to follow in the preparation of more."

Severus carefully placed the filled vials into a deep robe pocket before bowing respectfully at Shaiming. They would not be able to acknowledge each other when they met again in the courts of the new dark threat.

SSSSSSSSSS

Ron and Draco stared at each other. Ron was the first to speak.

"It's definitely an improvement, Malfoy."

"Shut up, Weasel. Nothing could improve _you_," Draco returned venomously.

Draco was now a short, stocky brunette, his limp still pronounced, his left eye socket still covered with a leather eye patch. Ron was still tall, but even more muscular, his hair long and a brown that was blond-streaked. His skin was tan, the freckles completely missing.

Draco looked at Albus. His displeasure was clear. "I still believe that I should go as myself."

"Your allegiances will be in question. Your life would be in danger."

"It should be a simple matter for me to swear that I have been a spy for the Dark Lord. I will congratulate them on my dear mother's death and tell them that my father intended to send me to them before I had been injured in cross-fired curses. I am only now able to make the trip to France."

Albus looked at him over his half-moon glasses and shook his head sadly. "I am sorry that your family has ended so badly, my boy.

Draco stoically shook his head. "No, sir. Your sorrow is not necessary. I will redeem my family's name. I would prefer that I live to see that redemption, but if it means my death to have it done, so be it."

Ron strode forward, fists clenched. "My sister would prefer that you live, also. So you better get through this, you ferret, or I'll curse your soul to hell."

Draco rolled his eyes. "Too late, Weasley. That's where I'll end up anyway, unless we pull this off. Now, if you don't mind, I believe that our focus should be on what our story will be. If the Mangeurs de Mort have anyone skilled in Legilimency, and I am certain they do, we will need to have our story meshed and re-meshed with each other and with Severus. You must make yourself believe it with every fiber of your being. Anything less will mean your death, mine, Severus's and Harry's."

Ron visibly reined in his anger, knowing that Draco was correct in his demands. There was no room for the childhood rivalry and pettiness if they were to rescue their friend. He worked his thoughts around that and it made it slightly easier to see Malfoy as an ally. Merlin knew he had had a hard enough time coming to terms with Snape being Harry's lover and Ginny being in love with the one person he would rather hex than shake hands with. Hermione had spent many hours pleading with him to look at the reality of things and not let them be colored by the past. The past should have been laid to rest when Voldemort was destroyed. Ron thought that it was the worst possible luck that Harry had not only survived the encounter with the physical losses he suffered, but now he was apparently the object of even more dark magical forces. His best friend never seemed to catch a break. Over the years, Ron's jealousy of Harry's fame had been tempered by the realization that the notoriety would have long since killed a lesser wizard.

With a deep breath he held out a hand to Draco. "You're right. It's time we got on with what's important." He turned to Albus. "If Draco believes that his true identity is the best way to go, then I say let him do it. I'll have to be in disguise, as I'm sure my red hair would be a beacon telling them I was a plant from the side of the light. Draco and Severus are much more likely to be believed, that they have turned again to something that can give them power."

Albus stared at Ron for several long contemplative moments before nodding. "Your brilliance at strategizing once again does you proud, Ronald. It is more likely that Draco and Severus in their true forms could be a better plan. By not hiding their identity, they will be all the more convincing. After all, if they come forward as themselves, their motives will be less suspect."

He turned to Draco. "While you wait for the Polyjuice to wear off, I suggest that you take some time to give Ronald an intensive course of Occlumency. Never mind all the theory and the grace; simply show him how to raise strong shields, no matter how crude they might turn out. That too will be a part of his disguise."

The younger men set to work. Albus was putting all their plans down in outline form when a black owl tapped at his window. It was not an owl that he recognized, nor was it a normal mail delivery time. He let the bird inside and untied the rolled note from the offered leg.

_**It has been determined that the journal in Malfoy Manor is clear of any dark curses, hexes, or other spells. It has been determined that the information it contains may be helpful in the mission that has been given to you. Use it well and wisely.**_

Albus recognized the seal that indicated the note came from the Ministry offices of the Unspeakables. He took the small rectangle that had been rolled into the scroll and set it on the desk, where it immediately enlarged into the full-sized leather journal that Draco had found in the Manor. Draco stood up when he saw the book regain its true dimensions.

"Is that—"

"It is your father's journal." He looked at Draco. "If you don't mind, I will peruse it for further information while you work with Ronald."

Draco nodded, although he really wanted to snatch the journal away and read it for himself. No doubt he would get his opportunity later on.

RWDMRWDMRWDM

Severus made his way through the continental floo system towards the apparition point to England. The struggle to keep from going directly to the French province where the castle said to house the Mangeurs de Mort was was great, and in fact, it seemed as if he could feel the pull of the bond with Harry as he passed through the French floos. It was only the thought of making the situation worse, of not knowing what other information the others may have had that made him keep the promise he made to Draco to return to Hogwarts.

The others looked up in surprise when he threw open the door to Albus's office, the wood shuddering under the force of it. Draco went to him, noting the more pale than normal pale face and the shaking hands.

"Do you have potion to take?"

Severus pulled out a tiny vial and thumbed off the cap before letting the amber liquid slide onto his tongue. He looked into Draco's face and whispered, "He's in France…I could feel him…I almost…"

Draco steadied him with a firm grip on his forearm. Albus and Ron joined them. Albus touched the black-clad shoulder. "But you came back here first, just as you knew you should. Your will power and the potion will be enough to let you do what you must."

Ron and Draco locked eyes over the slumped shoulders of Harry's mate. This would take a lot more than will power and potion.

After Severus had eaten and rested, Albus had them gather around. For the next few hours, he read to them from the journal. Surprised faces turned grim and then even more determined. The journal of Lucius Malfoy told of the beginnings of Mangeurs de Mort, formed while Voldemort was regaining his strength after Harry had beaten Tom Riddle in the Chamber of Secrets. Lucius and Narcissa had gone to visit his cousins on the continent, allowing Wormtail to bring along the abomination that was now Voldemort's form. Lucretia Malfoy- Dupree seemed to be as mad as Bellatrix Lestrange on Narcissa's side of the family. She doted on the bundle held by Wormtail and took to carrying him about, whispering with him, crooning to him in obscene parodies of lullabies. Lucius and Narcissa had been glad to return home, leaving Voldemort behind. Over the years, Lucretia kept in touch, claiming a partnership with Voldemort, almost a consort role of sorts. Lucius had discounted it, using it to antagonize Bellatrix whenever she got too uppity with him. He never dreamed that there was anything serious there, until after the Dark Lord was resurrected in whole in the graveyard of his ancestral home. Then Lucius gradually became aware that there was this other whole group of Death Eaters, no, Mangeurs de Mort, serving Voldemort from the continent. He maintained his ties with his cousin, as it was the best thing to do, politically. Who knew when it might be necessary to flee Britain and need a safe place to hide?

Some of the last writings in the journal lamented that he had thought to send Narcissa there after his imprisonment following the events in the Department of Mysteries. He had not told her the whole story of how fanatical his cousin had been in her support of the Dark Lord. In retrospect, he knew that he should have told her at least to keep her pretty mouth shut about her less than avid following of the Dark Lord's beliefs. Lucretia had gleefully written to Lucius, her letter folded between the pages of the journal, telling Lucius how he ought to glad to be rid of the empty-headed twit of a spouse. The letter detailed the days of torture when Lucretia thought she might make a better wife for her cousin, and then the prolonged death when it was obvious that Narcissa refused to comply and behave as a proper Malfoy should.

Albus carefully avoided reading the details out loud, skirting them enough to impart knowledge to Draco and Severus, but not enough to do more than sicken them at the thought of what Narcissa had endured.

Draco was livid with rage over what his mother had suffered. He wanted to avenge her death, no matter if it had been at the hands of his own paternal cousin.

There was silence for a long while, broken only by the crackle of the fire and then by the murmur of Albus as he ordered tea and bottles of brandy to lace it with.

After they had sat there, each contemplating what might lay ahead, Draco spoke. "Severus and I will go as ourselves. We can say that the journal has come to light once certain holdings of my fathers were released to me. We came at once, anxious to be a part of those who continue to serve the memory of Voldemort and still mean to finish what he started. Ron will be a trusted ally of ours. Once we get into their circle, we will see what they have done or mean to do with Harry. From there, we will make further plans."

The men looked at him, weighing his words and the intent of his plan. Albus finally sighed.

"It seems that I should to remain here then, as an outside contact. I will go back to the Manor, if the Unspeakables will allow it, and see if I can glean anything further from the portraits of Lucius or Narcissa. I will contact Beaxbatons and set up an emergency portkey to their infirmary. It will be closer, if the need arises. Perhaps I could even make my own station there, and better be a mediator between you and the Unspeakables."

Ron questioned, "If they know that Harry bonded, don't they know who he bonded with?" He glanced at Severus cautiously. "If they know it was Severus, won't they be suspicious of his motives for turning up?"

Draco's grey eye stared at Ron for a moment before swinging over to Severus. "He's right. You'll have to be somebody else, too. It's too much a risk that they won't execute you first and ask questions later."

They all silently agreed with the tentative plan and went their separate ways to pack their necessities and get what rest they were able before embarking on the mission to get to Harry.

Ron spared a moment to think, 'Did I just do something to try and protect Snape? Did Malfoy actually agree with me without sniping back or argument? Has hell really frozen over?'

HPSSHPSSHPSS

_Mangeurs de Mort – French; literally meaning 'eaters of death'_

_**A/N:**__ So, here we go. If you are sticking with the story—Thank you!! I know you have questions about lots of little details (and perhaps some of the bigger details, too!) Be patient and I believe that all of them will be answered in some form or fashion._

_Thank you __**logical-quirk**__, for staying with me. Thank you for the better French translation of this new Death Eater faction. It's ever so much better than the one I had on my own!_

_Thank you for the continued reviews and comments. My Muse devours them eagerly with much delight and satisfaction! Yummy!_


	31. Chapter 31

**Black Phoenix**

Chapter 31

_When men are ruled by fear, _

_they strive to prevent the very changes that will abate it._

_-Alan Paton_

The Unspeakable had called them back to the Ministry early the next day, demanding to know the details of their plans to infiltrate the Mangeurs de Mort and to spell them all with tracking charms.

She spelled Ron last, and as she worked he asked quietly, "What if these are detected? We'll be executed immediately."

She stepped back and addressed all three of the men who would be going to France. "These tracking charms are ones developed especially to blend in with the body's immune system. If it is detected at all, it will simply look as if you have acquired immunity to Dragon Pox, or Wizard Influenza."

Draco narrowed his eyes and asked, "When we return, you'll deactivate them?"

The grey swathed figure seemed to be staring at him through her concealing veil. Finally, she answered. "The charm is permanently ingrained in your body. It is indestructible. Even if you are killed, the residual will lead us to your body, and hopefully allow others to get a fix on the location of the cell group."

Draco cursed under his breath while Severus and Ron looked mutinous. Albus held up his hands in a gesture of keeping the peace. "I am certain that once the mission is successfully completed, the Ministry will give reassurances not to abuse the presence of the charms." He looked at the Unspeakable with a hard glare. "As Supreme Mugwump of the Wizengamot, I will expect their privacy to be inviolate."

The Unspeakable stood still for a moment before giving an acknowledging bow. Then she smoothly went on to detail how they were to transfer any intelligence to them through Albus. "Remember, our goal is to take out the entire cell group. You are not to take any offensive action until approval is given."

Severus stepped forward and growled, "_My_ goal is to get my mate back, whatever the cost. It is not to accomplish _your_ goals, unless by fortuitous circumstances that occurs as a result."

The Unspeakable stepped up toe to toe with the tall man, uncowed by the threatening demeanor. "You will do well to heed our instruction, _Professor Snape_. It will not take much to retract the decisions made to pardon your Death Eater activities."

Draco roared, "He was a spy for the Light, you stupid woman! He defended Harry Potter over and over-"

Severus put a hand on Draco's shoulder, silencing him. Albus stepped in between them all, separating the Unspeakable from the men. "Please, everyone… emotions are understandably high at the moment. We will do our best to bring down the Mangeurs de Mort while also getting Harry away from them. Both goals can be accomplished if the plans are adhered to."

The men backed away from the Unspeakable, barely restraining the hands that itched towards drawing wands. At last, she gave them all a silent bow and swept from the room.

Draco and Ron muttered together in the corner as Albus stood near Severus. The black-haired man ran a hand over his face and then back over his neck tiredly.

"Come Severus. Let's get you home to bed. You need all the rest you can get before tomorrow."

Severus allowed the old wizard to draw him out of the office and to the bank of public floos in the atrium. Draco and Ron followed behind, knowing that it was not likely that any of them would actually be able to rest.

SSSSSSSSSS

Green eyes looked around blearily until the room swam into focus. The sudden need to jump into a defensive stance had him up from the bed, searching for a wand that was not there. He froze when a soft voice sounded from near the bed where he had been.

"It's alright, my darling. You have been out for some time and you will be disoriented for a while longer. The Healer assures that it will all pass in time."

He turned to look at a striking woman who was now standing and holding out a hand towards him. He narrowed his eyes, frantically searching for a name to put with the face… she seemed familiar… but her voice was not one he had heard before… he heard her… he _heard_ her… why was that a disturbing thought?

"I- I'm sorry… do I know you?" he asked quietly, stilling the hand that was still searching fruitlessly for a wand in his pockets.

The woman laughed and tossed back a mane of silvery blond hair. "The healer said that you might have amnesia. It's a side effect of the curse you were struck with."

"Curse? Someone cursed me?" He searched his mind for any shred of memory; the remembrance of an altercation, a battle, but nothing was there to grasp hold of. "What happened?"

The woman moved forward and slowly took his hand in hers. "Come, darling. Sit down and we will see if I can help you remember what happened."

He allowed her to draw him back to sit on the edge of the bed, not seeing the smile that seemed a little too satisfied, a little too malicious. She reached over to the bedside and picked up a vial of red potion. Handing it to him, she said, "This will help. It will make it easier to focus."

He hesitated and she gave his hand a gentle nudge until he obediently tipped the vial into his mouth. He closed his eyes on a wave of dizziness and the room seemed to tilt before it righted itself. She soothingly rubbed his shoulder until he looked up at her with question in his eyes.

She smiled, "I am Lucretia Dupree, your mother. That makes you my son."

He stared at her for a long moment before speaking softly and slowly. "I don't remember you. I don't remember having a mother at all. Why don't I remember something as basic as that?" He studied the - white-blond hair, the grey eyes, the aristocratic features. There was a niggling memory there. Maybe he did remember her. But how could he have forgotten someone as beautiful as this? How could he forget that he had a mother?

"The curse wiped your short and long-term memory."

"I don't—I don't remember my name—"

"Harrison Dupree. You are a very powerful wizard. You were in a battle that killed your patron. He was training you to be his heir." Her smile was gentle, her words soft, even as her hand soothingly caressed his as it lay on the bed between them.

He looked at her, trying to find the memories that her words should spark. The void was frightening, but it seemed familiar at the same time. Vague images that were shrouded in darkness and silence flashed passed before disappearing from his mind.

"When did this happen?"

"Almost two years ago, now. You have times of very clear memory and then you have episodes like this." She sighed delicately. "We have had this conversation, reviewed these same questions, many times, dear. Shall I simply tell you what you always ask and save you the trouble?"

He looked down at the floor, then at his hands, turning them over to gaze first at the backs and then the palms before flexing them into fists.

"I can feel my magic…I know that I have magic… but it seems—disconnected somehow…"

She patted his hand with hers and leaned towards him. Softly, she said, "It is like this every time. But it grows better, too. It takes less and less for you to remember who and what you are."

He looked into her eyes then. "What am I?"

"You are the greatest dark wizard of our time. You will be the one to cleanse the world of all its unclean bloodlines. You are meant to rule the wizarding world." Her gaze was intent on his, judging how he was accepting her words.

He stood then and paced a few turns before shaking his head. "That doesn't feel right… If one were to cleanse bloodlines…people would have to die…"

She stood and grasped hold of his arm, pulling him around to face her. "Only those who stand in the way of your greatness. You have a faithful following here. I am here to help you. I will not let you fail."

He looked at her with sorrow and then with another expression of question. She pulled another vial out of her robes. "Here. This will help."

He drank the small amount of liquid, the scent of roses filling his nostrils. Closing his eyes, he wrapped his arms around himself, images of what he thought might be memories flitting behind his eyelids. Dark eyes bore into his for a split second and he felt a flash of longing that made his heart lurch in his chest.

"There was someone… someone important that I am missing."

She put sympathetic arms around him. "Yes, Harrison. There was your intended. She was killed by the side of the light. Her name is not important now. You will not remember it. The grief is fresh for you during this … episode. But it was a long time ago. Let go of her so you can focus on your duties now. You have always been faithful to your duties, to your beliefs, to the beliefs of those you lead."

Her words seemed to weave a layer of comfort over the doubts that tried to rise up in the fog of his deeper thoughts. It hurt to try and separate them out, so he let the comfort lay over the pain, hiding it away.

"Tell me what I must do, mother."

She smiled, and again he missed the triumph in it, seeing only her compassion and her support. "Come. Let's walk and talk. You can become reacquainted with your friends and those who are close to you. Mother will help you through it all, never fear."

He smiled at her, green eyes shining in adoration at this beautiful blond woman at his side. Yes. She would help him. The discomfort of old memories was fading. She would tell him what to do and that was alright. He had a duty to perform. He had a purpose and she was his guide. He trusted his mother.

She led him to a large room where a number of people waited. They all stood when he and his mother entered and they bowed as she guided him around the room, introducing him to the Inner Circle, or as she called it, _Le__Cercle Intime_. Some of them reached out and took his hand, leaning over it and kissing his knuckles, whispering words of welcome and devotion to him and to the woman at his side. He looked at her in question the first time it happened, and she smiled.

"Your people love you. They expect you to lead them to victory and to a place of leadership in the regime you set up. They know your abilities. They know that if they fail you or betray you it means death."

He looked shocked at this and she caressed his arm comfortingly. He asked, "Have I killed for these reasons?"

She nodded and he stumbled before she caught his arm. She leaned in to whisper in his ear, "Show no weakness, my love. They respect your power. Punishment of the kind we deal in is expected."

He looked around at all the faces, and he saw the respect there, and in some degree, fear. He did not know how he should feel about people fearing him. She completed the circuit of the room and led him back to his room, to his bed. He laid back with a sigh and she brushed a hand through his hair. He leaned into the touch, her fingers calming a headache that had begun to pound in his temples and behind his eyes.

"Rest, Harrison. The Healer promises a better potion will be ready soon. You will feel like your true self soon enough."

He pushed back at the mental confusion. Was his normal self a murderer of people who did not do his bidding? Was he some kind of ruler who expected such worshipful devotion and obedience? It didn't seem right.

"It doesn't seem right, Mother, that I would do these things you say to people who are to follow me. Wouldn't it be better for them to follow someone they knew wouldn't kill them for a little mistake?"

Lucretia frowned at him, her mouth forming a tight line on her face. "_Listen_ to me. You are the leader. You will be the ruler over _all _wizardkind. You will have _me_ at your side to see that this is done. You will _not_ be weak and shirk this opportunity at greatness. The path may be paved with the bones of those you crush before you, but it makes the path that much wider for you to walk." She brushed a hand through his hair again, shushing his next question and then murmuring a quiet charm to cause him to sleep.

Movement at her side brought her face up to see that the elite of _Le_ _Cercle Intime_ had followed them in. They stood around the bed, watching their new Master sleep. Lucretia spoke in a hard voice, all traces of comfort gone from it.

"He will be ready soon. Even though he questions himself, I am certain that I can convince him fully of his role. The new potion that Shaiming is bringing will further dampen his ability to question. His instincts to act impulsively and aggressively should be heightened. We will still be the victors of the war. Afterwards…Harrison will suffer an unfortunate accident…" she caressed the troubled brow of the man in the bed. "I'm afraid that he will have to rule through his mother. I will, of course, be a dutiful mother and see that my _son_ gets the best of care…"

The followers nodded and smiled. They knew the power that they had available to meet their goals was in this bed. They knew that Lucretia Dupree was as ruthless as she was beautiful. There was no room to feel remorse for what would happen to the man who used to be Harry Potter. They needed him and what he could accomplish for them. It was as simple as that. Once they were the rightful rulers of the wizarding world, they would be happy to be rid of him. Someone of his power might take it from them, usurp their place. Yes, Harry Potter would be a useful tool and then no more.

HPHPHPHPHP

The men all looked at each other one last time. Draco was going in, making first contact. His reception would be the indicator of their probabilities of success, or of their doom. They had secured quarters at Beaxbatons; the headmistress reluctant to allow the touch of war to taint her institution, but in the end Albus had convinced her that this had to be stopped now, and not allowed to fester, as had the threat of Tom Riddle. This had to be decisively ended, with those who craved the power to rule over a terrorized people neutralized.

Secret floo connections would allow Draco, Severus, and Ron to travel from a hidden cottage near the chateau where the Mangeurs de Mort was said to be headquartered. They could only hope that this faction did not move around as much as the Death Eaters in Britain had.

They were all quiet as the minutes ticked down to Draco leaving. He stood next to Severus where that man stood restlessly staring into the flames of the fireplace. Being in France, so close, and still so removed from Harry was very tiring. But he was using the opportunity to make new barriers in his mind, to shore up any holes where an Occlumency might detect anything other than the desire to be a part of the Mangeurs de Mort. He was role-playing in his mind circumstances in which he would come face-to-face with Harry. He was working out what he would do, how he would react, what he would say or not say.

Ron sat quietly in a corner, his head bowed over elbows propped on knees as he did his own kind of preparation. Hermione had reminded him of how the two of them, with Harry, always tried to plan for all contingencies. Once again, he was grateful for the girl who had kept them so focused, and not let them go off half ready to face a battle. He sent up a silent prayer to whoever was listening that his wife and children would be safe, no matter what the outcome of this ordeal. He prayed that they would all be together again. To his surprise, he even included Malfoy in that prayer for all their safety. He made himself feel a little better when he reminded himself that he did it for his sister, and not just for the one-eyed ferret.

After one last check, a last look into the black eyes of the Potions Master to see that his Occlumency skills were adequate, Draco flooed to the cottage. Severus and Ron made unnecessary shows of checking their own bags again, avoiding speaking.

It was six hours before the floo flared and Draco stepped out.

"We're in. Don't expect a welcoming feast, but I believe that my cousin is delighted to have us."

Severus narrowed his eyes. "Cousin?"

"Yes. Lucretia Malfoy-Dupree; she is my father's cousin. You can't mistake it, as we all favor each other. She seems sane enough, but with what my father's journal said, I'm not counting on that."

Severus gave him a look of deep aggravation for having to ask, "Well? Did you see him?"

Draco shook his head. "No. But I heard some talk while I was being interrogated in one corner. There is a 'new' master, someone called Harrison. Apparently, he is very powerful and will be the driving force behind the fresh drive to conquer."

Albus waved Draco to a chair. "Tell us what happened and what we can expect to come."

Draco spent the next hour detailing the questions he had been asked and the information he had managed to acquire in the short time he had been there. The information he had gleaned about Harrison was very sketchy and far from sufficient to determine if Harry was this person, and if he was, if he was acting on his own or as a pawn.

"So we won't be suspect when we come back with you?"

Draco shook his head. "Quite the contrary; Lucretia is thrilled that we have come and hopes that it means more of the Dark Lord's followers will be making their way to her. Her army will grow without effort if all the Death Eaters still at large in Britain find a way to come here."

Albus sighed heavily. "I will contact the Unspeakables as soon as you've left then. Let me know when you have an idea of their numbers. The Ministry will undoubtedly wish to have enough Aurors, and perhaps form some sort of cooperative with the French Ministry of Magic as well."

DMDMDMDM

Draco had been given the Fidelius code for the chateau, Lucretia seeming to trust him on sight, with the knowledge that he was obviously the son of her cousin. The three men walked in the front doors of the small castle, passing between numerous sets of guards who remained silent but nodded tensely at them.

A woman met them inside and after bowing to Draco, she led them to a receiving room that was bright and airy. It was a combination sitting room and music room, and another woman sat at a piano, her hands hovering over the keys as a soft concerto played. Lucretia sat in one corner seating area and beckoned them to her with a smile. She rose as Draco approached and offered her cheek for him to kiss. He did so easily, the manners of his upbringing not failing to recognize her test for proper etiquette on his part.

"Draco…I see you brought the men you spoke if, the other followers of the late Dark Lord?"

"Yes, cousin. This is Crabbe and Goyle. Their fathers were loyal Inner Circle followers. I went to school with these men and they had every intention of following their father's into service of the Dark Lord. Unfortunately, the last battle took the lives of the fathers and the sons have been caught up in settling family business dealings. But they have helped me search the leads we found and are ready to serve the new leader…whoever it is."

Lucretia observed the men in front of her with a practiced eye. Draco was standing tall and straight, exuding the confidence of his beliefs. The other two were not as confident, but seemed rather in awe of their surroundings. She smiled benevolently and waved a hand to conjure tea.

"Please be seated. I would hear about your experiences, and whether or not you know of others who are searching for the new Dark Lord as well."

The men sat down in the offered chairs and Draco spoke for them all. "I'm afraid that our experience is somewhat limited, Cousin. Our fathers were protective, and as the war came closer to its end, they were determined that our formal education would be a priority. They believed, and I feel certain that the Dark Lord agreed, that we would be better able to serve if we were prepared to follow our families into the businesses they are part of."

Some time was spent detailing what the Crabbe and Goyle family empires consisted of and then Lucretia turned to stare at Draco. "And the injuries to your face? How did that come about, Draco? Surely there are procedures that could have spared you the disfigurement you suffer."

Draco took a deep breath. "These were caused by the wand of the Dark Lord himself. I—I was anxious to follow my father into the battle, even though he had warned me to stay back. I acted rashly, and as a result I was caught in cross-fire. There seems to be nothing that will cure the injuries caused by the wand with a Black Phoenix core."

Lucretia smiled again. "But I can cure you. I have the necessary tears. Before Lord Voldemort returned to Britain, he stored up a number of vials of tears. The old wand maker crafted the wand and the phoenix gave us the tears before it burned for the last time."

Severus, in his guise as Crabbe, sat forward, eyes intense. "How do you know they will work?"

She looked at him solemnly for a long moment before he remembered his disguise as the inept Crabbe and lowered his eyes. He let a blush of embarrassment steal over his face and neck and this seemed to pacify her suspicions. Waving her hand dismissively, she turned back to Draco.

"You could be as handsome as your father again. Don't you want that?"

Draco stood up, unconsciously rubbing his left thigh, even though it no longer pained him. With his back to her he answered, "I have grown used to the way I look. It can be a convenient deterrent to unwanted conversation, as well as a tool for instilling fear. I'd like to think about your generous offer, if that is acceptable to you."

He looked back at Lucretia and she smiled and nodded. "Spoken like a true Malfoy, little cousin. You inherited your father's shrewdness, I see."

Draco was about to answer when there was a disturbance from down the hall. Voices were raised and the men recognized Harry's voice amongst them. A serving woman rushed in and bent to Lucretia's ear, whispering urgently. Lucretia stood up just as Severus stood up and started towards the door. Draco and Ron each grasped an arm and held on to him, stopping him.

Lucretia glared at Severus until Draco spoke quickly, "Forgive him, cousin. Ever since he lost his family to Aurors, he cannot bear the sounds of someone being in distress without going to their aid. He means no harm." To Severus he hissed harshly, "Stand down, _Crabbe_! This is no concern of ours."

Severus made a motion as if to jerk himself out of their tightening hold, and then he relaxed back into his chair. He lowered his head again, but Draco could see that his eyes were still trained on the door to the hall.

Lucretia spoke, "Excuse me. My son has not been well. It sounds as if he needs me for a moment. If he is able, I will introduce him to you later." She gave them a smile that may have been slightly maniacal. "He is the new Dark Lord, after all. You will recognize him, I'm sure, and you should know who it is who you are pledging your allegiance to."

She swept from the room and the door closed behind her. There was an abrupt silence from outside the door, indicating that privacy wards had been cast.

Draco grabbed Severus's arm again, "What are you doing?! You almost blew the whole thing!"

Severus yanked his arm away and hissed back, "It's Harry!"

Draco ran a hand through his hair and stood back. Taking a few moments to get himself under control he then turned to Severus. Ron was standing just behind Severus's chair, his whole bearing sending a message of readiness to keep Severus from bolting while remaining out of his line of sight. He caught Draco's eye and they exchanged brief looks of concern.

Kneeling beside Severus he laid a hand on his godfather's arm. "I know this is hard for you. But I know that it would be harder if you were forced to remain at Beaxbatons, or even back at Hogwarts. You cannot go charging in before we know what the situation is. We know he's alive now. That has to be enough for you." He bent his head and captured Severus's eyes with his. "Tell me you have yourself under control, Sev. Tell me you can wait until we know exactly what we need to do."

Severus slumped forward, elbows on knees, head in hands. "I'm trying. Hearing him—being in the next room—"

Draco let a note of harshness into his voice, "You are stronger than this. Get hold of all your experiences as a spy. Wrap it around you. Guard your mind and let's get this done the right way. Now snap out of it, for Merlin's sake."

Severus looked at Draco for a long time before nodding. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes. He seemed to relax, and then as they watched, his shoulders straightened and his head came up. The Polyjuice disguise could not hide the fierceness of his glare, or the determination that suddenly seemed to radiate from him. Draco gave a nod of approval and clapped him on the back. He stood up as the door opened again and Lucretia returned.

Harry was beside her, his arm linked with hers as he looked at their guests expectantly.

SSDMRWSSDMRR

Harrison awakened to the touch of hands on his body, gently stripping him of his clothes. He bolted to his feet, again reaching for a wand that was not there. Where was his wand? Where was he? Instantly awake and alert, he threw out his hands in a defensive gesture, magic crackling from his fingertips. A woman stood trembling beside the bed, hunched as if waiting for him to strike.

"Forgive me master. I was only doing my duty. I meant no disrespect."

He tilted his head, hands coming down a fraction. "Your duty? I don't understand."

"I am to serve your needs until you choose a valet, master. I was only preparing you for your morning ablutions.'

"My morning—what?" The word ablutions meant nothing to him, but in a corner of his mind, he heard a mocking laugh. '_Of course, you would not have known such a sophisticated word_.'

He tilted his head more. Who was that? The voice was one he felt he should know, but sensed that he had not heard it in a long time. He lowered his hands to his side. The woman stood a little straighter and gestured as if to come closer. He backed up a step.

"I don't know what you're talking about, but I think I can undress myself."

"But Master, I have orders from your mother that you are to be prepared—"

"For what? And couldn't it wait until I woke up?"

The woman looked confused for a moment and then she wrung her hands. "Please, Master. I'll be punished if my task is not done. Let me help you!"

He shook his head. "No one is going to undress me unless I'm unconscious and in the hospital wing." He frowned even as the words left his mouth. Why did the 'hospital wing' seem like it should have been a familiar place?

He felt a buzzing noise start in his ears, vibrating in increasing volume until he was looking at the woman, seeing her lips move, but not hearing what she was saying. He knew he was yelling then, but he couldn't hear himself either. The woman had her hands out as if to hold back the torrent of his words, her face fearful. He spent a fleeting moment feeling guilty that it looked like she feared him, and then behind her he saw Lucretia come in, swiftly closing the door behind her and waving her own wand over it.

Lucretia hurried to him, placing her hands on his shoulders, smoothing them to sooth him. He watched her mouth move without sound, but he saw her words.

"Harrison, calm yourself. It is temporary. You will hear again. Stop yelling."

He halted in surprise. How did he understand what she was saying when he couldn't hear her? The words were plain as he read her lips. She reached into a pocket of her robes and withdrew a vial. Holding it out to him, she pulled the stopper. The scent of roses filled the air as he accepted the vial from her hand.

She smiled as he sipped the potion down. In moments he felt the room tilt and then right itself. Noise began to surge back as the buzzing reappeared and gradually made itself into understandable sounds.

He looked at her in amazement.

"Is that better?"

"What just happened?" he asked quietly.

"Your hearing was damaged and we have only recently healed it. There are moments when it seems that you need another potion to keep the cure intact."

"But how was it that I knew what you were saying? It was so easy to read your lips, like I had had lots of practice at it."

She smoothed the shirt over his shoulder again. "You learned it before you were healed. It's really nothing to be so concerned over, darling. I will tell you when you need to be worried, alright?"

Harrison looked into the grey eyes of his mother and felt remorse sweep over him. "I'm sorry. I should trust you…it's just so hard when my memory seems so fragmented."

She leaned towards him and accepted the kiss he placed on her cheek. "It's understandable, dear. It will get better. Mother promises you." She placed a palm against his cheek and he leaned into it.

He whispered, "It seems like I can't get enough of this—" he closed his eyes, "enough of you being here…It seems like I've been missing you all my life."

She narrowed her eyes at him while his were closed, but her voice remained gentle. "You have me now, my darling. Mother will guide you." She withdrew her hand and he opened his eyes. Giving him a smile, she said briskly, "Now let the servant do her duty and help you. We have guests, although they could more aptly be called allies. At any rate, off you go. I'll wait here and take you in."

Harrison reluctantly allowed the servant woman to help him disrobe, bathe, and change into fresh clothes. It didn't seem natural, letting someone assist him with such personal chores, but he supposed he would remember soon and it would be alright. His hearing troubled him; that it was coming and going, and according to Lucretia, it had been doing that often. He worried about what he was forgetting, what pieces of the puzzle were missing. She said she would remind him of what he needed to know, but how often had she had to do that?

When he finished getting ready, or rather when the servant was satisfied that he looked 'as fine as befit his grand station', he went back into his bedroom. Lucretia was waiting and greeted him with a smile.

She looked him over, brushing imaginary lint from his shoulders. "You look royal, my love. No one will doubt who and what you are. Don't forget, don't be afraid to use your power if someone displeases you. It's expected for you to discipline when necessary."

He looked at her with worried eyes. "Discipline? I can't—besides, I can't find my wand."

"She chuckled lightly. "Of course you can discipline. Don't be silly. You are more adept at the Crucio than your patron was. And you don't need a wand, darling. You are more than able to cast whatever spell or curse you wish with your hands." She observed his reluctant expression and pressed on. "You will remember, Harrison. And the more you use your magic, the more comfortable it will become, more familiar."

"I don't know if I want it if I'm the kind of person you describe."

Lucretia's face turned ugly for a few seconds before her brow smoothed out again and a calm smile graced her lips. "You are what you are, and that's the Dark Lord. Our people follow you because they know that you can achieve the power your patron could not."

Harrison stared at her, trying not to let his mouth gape. Dark Lord? He shivered slightly at the words. He asked quietly, "Who was my patron?"

She gave a tinkling laugh and linked her arm through his. "Come. The guests are waiting. They will know you, even if you don't know them. Whatever their reaction, let me assure you that it will be because they know of your power. They will know that they have correctly chosen to follow you in the previous Dark Lord's stead. They have come to bow at our feet, darling, as all should do."

He began walking at her gentle tug on his arm. Mother had not answered his question. Who was his patron? Why was he now the Dark Lord? What had happened to make this come about? Perhaps these guests ('_they will know you, even if you don't know them'_) would have the answers he was searching his memory for.

Lucretia led him through the doors to her receiving room, his arm still firmly linked to hers. He looked at the three men who came rapidly to attention at their entrance.

Before anyone could say anything, he asked expectantly, "Who are you and how do you know of me?"

A/N:

Le Cercle Intime- french; literally The Inner Circle


	32. Chapter 32

**Black Phoenix**

Chapter 32

_Liberty is being free from the things we don't like_

_in order to be slaves of the things we do like._

_-Ernest Benn_

Lucretia led Harrison through the doors to her receiving room, his arm still firmly linked to hers. He looked at the three men who came rapidly to attention at their entrance.

Before anyone could say anything, he asked expectantly, "Who are you and how do you know of me?"

Draco and Ron immediately moved to stand almost shoulder to shoulder in front of Severus. His harsh breathing in their ears told them that he was struggling to stay back and not rush at the green-eyed man on Lucretia's arm.

Their actions were not lost on the pair as they stood there. Lucretia murmured softly, an edge of command in her voice, "Is this the way you properly greet the new Dark Lord?"

Draco dropped to a knee, bowing his head, simultaneously pulling Severus down with him. Ron followed his lead moments later.

Draco spoke with apology in his voice, "Forgive us, cousin. You have taken us by surprise. The news in England was that this one had been kidnapped from his bonding ceremony."

She laughed in amusement. "Not kidnapped, Draco. I rescued him from a life of common drudgery. He is too powerful to be the mate of a traitor."

Draco looked up at her at that and she continued, "Yes, I know that he intended to bond with Severus Snape. That one had been trusted by the Dark Lord, despite my ill feelings about it. I was unable to convince him of the man's betrayal. You see where that got him, don't you?"

She waved a hand and they were allowed to stand. Leading Harrison to a seat beside her, she indicated that he should sit and then motioned the three men that they could be reseated. Harrison was looking at her in question. He was learning more in these few seconds than he had in the last few days. The name Severus Snape seemed to strike some sort of chord in him, but then it drifted away and he thought that he must have imagined that he recognized it.

Draco looked as if he was rapidly thinking. The look of being disconcerted seemed very foreign to his face, even if Harrison had not met him before to know it. Harrison leaned forward and stared at the blond, one-eyed man. His hair was the same color as his mother's. His eye was the same shade of grey. He looked from the man to his mother and back again.

"He looks like you, Mother."

All three men started at his words and Lucretia smiled. "Yes, my son. Draco is the son of my cousin Lucius. I suppose that makes him a cousin of sorts to you as well."

Draco drew back. "You call him your _son_? How is that so? He is not—"

"Silence!" she hissed, eyes flashing a warning. "He is my son, if not of my womb, then of my heart! How can he not be? He is the very source of power that will create all I hold dear in my beliefs and in my soul!" She realized that she was practically shrieking at the end and that Harrison was staring at her, aghast.

She took a deep calming breath and turned to him, taking one of his hands in hers. "I see that you are having difficulty sorting this out, darling. Let me explain it simply; while I consider you my son, you were not born of my body. You were adopted by me to be the heir to your patron. I love you as I loved him. I stand by your side to see that your greatest goals may be achieved."

There was silence in the room. Harrison stared at Lucretia and then at Draco. His eyes moved to the other men. Between trying to absorb what Lucretia had said, realizing that he was not a true son, he also wondered about these other men, whom she said might know him, even if he did not recognize them.

They were staring back at him, their eyes intense, their faces with jaws tightened, as if working very hard to remain silent.

He murmured, "Are you cousins, too?"

Lucretia let out a breath and the others expelled their own as the relief in the room pushed back the tension that had been there a moment before.

"No, Harrison. They are allies, people who went to school with Draco and lost their families in the war your patron fought."

Harrison remembered that he had wanted to ask her that very pressing question that kept coming up in his mind.

"Who was this patron you keep mentioning? Was he my father?" He glanced back at the men when his question elicited sharp intakes of breath again. Looking at his mother, he said softly, "You haven't yet told me his name. Perhaps you have told me before and I have forgotten again?"

She patted his hand and had opened her mouth to respond when the door opened and another servant hurried in to whisper in her ear. She looked aggravated at first and then her face cleared and she looked happier. She turned to Harrison and grasped his hands, ignoring the men.

"The Potions Master has finally come with the draught I commissioned of him. Let's go and let him have a look at you and get started with the administration of it."

He looked confused and shook his head. "Why do I need another potion? Haven't I been recovering better? You said that I was improving…"

She caressed his cheek. "Of course you are, darling. But this new potion will help even more. In fact," she glanced at the three men who were still sitting there, "You go on to your room with the servant and I shall bid a goodnight to these gentlemen."

Harrison hesitated and she looked at him sternly. "_Now_, Harrison. Mother knows best, remember. I'll be right there."

He wanted to refuse, he really did. Part of him even wanted to sneer at her and laugh at the way she was obviously manipulating him. His face paled as a stab of pain surged through his head and chest. His hands went to his head and he bent over in response to the chest pain. Four pairs of feet came to stand close to him until Lucretia motioned the others back and snapped her fingers.

The doors opened at her summons and guards with drawn wands and swords at their sides rushed into the room. They forced the other men back to their seats where they stood over them silently, eyes never leaving them.

Lucretia spared a glance at them before turning back to Harrison, who was moaning in pain, now insensible to those around him. While she petted him, she spoke to them quietly.

"You see, don't you? The potion makes him amenable, and gives pain when he thinks to cross me. The new potion should last longer, and leave less room for him to doubt me."

She looked back at Draco, taking in the astonished looks of them all. "See that you do not leave the chateau. We will speak again. Think on this; the future of the wizarding world is in my hands here. Your allegiance will be to me through him." She petted the writhing man at her side. "In time, I will rule as Regent, as, unfortunately, the medical potion he must take will make him unable to rule himself." She smiled sweetly enough, but there was a calculating gleam in her eye carding fingers through the black hair. "The perfect weapon… too bad Tom wasted the opportunity, isn't it?"

She helped Harrison to his feet, crooning to him softly. "It's alright , darling…Mother will make it better… let's go see the nice Potions Master with your new potion…"

When they had made their way out of the room, the guards put their wands away and one said, "We will escort you to your rooms. Follow us."

The men exchanged looks and then rose to follow the guards. There was no chance of taking any side routes or even having a closer look around, as they were not only led by two guards, but flanked and followed by four more.

The quarters they were given seemed to be quite far from the area where Harry had been, as the corridors were endless before they finally arrived at a set of doors. A small sitting room led to three bedrooms and a small bathroom. The fireplace was cold.

The same guard spoke again. "Your dinner will be sent here and you will take all meals here until the Mistress Dupree give orders that you be allowed to dine with the rest of Le Cercle Intime. The floo is not connected."

They were left alone and Severus signaled that they should not speak yet. He withdrew a familiar notebook from a robe pocket and sat down to write in it. Ron and Draco could see that it was the notebook that Harry had used for translating words into Braille when he was blind, and then voices into words when he was still deaf. Severus handed the notebook over to them and they sat down to silently confer about what had happened.

**1. He appears to have amnesia; spell or potion induced?**

**2. He can hear; they must have used the phoenix tears on him.**

**3. She is using him to replace the Dark Lord and take over where he left off.**

**4. If the new potion is the one I believe it is, it will not do as she believes, but will make it easier for him to resist and help him be aware of the blanks in his memory.**

**Do you concur?**

Draco and Ron nodded and Draco took over the writing:

**Did you notice that she seemed to think he **_**intended**_** to bond with you, not that the ceremony had actually occurred? This could turn out to be an advantage.**

**We need to determine when most, if not all, the Mangeurs De Mort will be here, especially Le Cercle Intime.**

**Then we need to inform the Albus.**

_**You**_** need to make sure you are under control. You almost lost it in there.**

When Severus read the last line he raised his head to glare at Draco. Grabbing the notebook, he almost stabbed a hole through the pages as he scrawled:

**He was in agony!**

Draco's expression softened minutely and he wrote back:

**I know. I know it was extremely hard for you to see him like that and not help. Just be patient. We have to do this correctly and carefully if we hope to win.**

Severus finally nodded and the three of them continued to write back and forth, planning strategies, wondering if they should attempt to determine whether or not there were eavesdropping charms actually in place. In the end, they decide that it was better to remain silent and use the notebook, since it would automatically erase any of their writings as soon as it was closed. Harry was the only one who could use it and read previous entries after closing it. For them, they would simply continue to use it for their silent discussions.

HPHPHPHPHP

Shaiming stood at the bedside of the man who was in obvious pain. Lucretia stood on the other side and she was looking at him with contempt.

"What do you mean, you are uncertain if the potion will do as I asked? I gave you explicit instructions, did I not?"

Shaiming bowed respectfully. "Yes Madame, your instructions for what you desired were very clear. However, Potions development is a science that requires trial and error. I have prepared a potion that will be close to the one you desire. But I will need to adjust its finer aspects now that I am able to administer it and observe the effect it has on him." He stared at her calmly, no trace of discomfort at her aggravation evident as he waited for her to respond to his explanation.

She finally seemed to relax, the need to have his expertise outweighing the need to rant at the delay. "Very well then. I expect the process will go rapidly, now that you are here with him. Do not disappoint me, Shaiming. Your apprentice will not appreciate being further punished. As it is, this annoyance will cause her great pain on your behalf." She waved a hand and one of the guards hurried to do her bidding.

Shaiming hid the shudder that coursed through him, hoping that his apprentice was not hurt too badly.

Lucretia went to the door and stopped with her hand on it. "Tell the servants what you need and a small laboratory will be set up for you across the hall. I will be looking in frequently to check on your progress."

He gave her another bow, hands folded serenely in the sleeves of his robe. He waited for some minutes after she left before going to the bed to look down at Harry. Placing a hand on the fevered forehead, he murmured a calming spell, and then whispered in Mandarin, knowing that even eavesdropping charms would not be able to understand what he was saying.

"Be at rest, tortured man. All will soon be as it should. May you have the strength and courage that has been told of you in the past. You will need it again."

HPHPHPHP

Le Cercle Intime lined the walls directly behind the chair where Lucretia sat. The chair itself was reminiscent of the one the former Dark Lord had sat in the Malfoy Manor dungeons. As they waited, Draco felt that she resembled his father far too much; her nose lifted and the Malfoy sneer on her beautiful face, as if it were beneath her to be in the presence of these people, but she was deigning to do so as their leader. More followers were filing into the large room, standing in rows when there were more than could stand single file.

Severus had maneuvered himself to be standing next to Shaiming, where, after a few moments of reciprocal Legilimency, they nodded to each other in recognition. It had been a week since they had arrived and they had not seen Harry since that first day. Ron and Draco were careful to flank Severus. Despite his assuring them that he had his emotions back under control, Draco could see that it was by a thin degree, if the tense set of his jaw and the snarling tone of voice was any indication.

The room was silent after the men and women were assembled. Not even the shuffle of restless feet or the clearing of throats dared to break it. Lucretia gazed around the room, taking her time to let them see her and know that she alone was in charge. When she stood up, every knee bent to the ground in respect. She smiled down at them for a while longer before seating herself again with a smile.

"My Cercle Intime…how lovely it is to have you all together at last. The time has come to tell you of my plans for domination of our world…first of France, and then the rest of the continent and Britain. My dear Dark Lord may have failed to secure Britain, as had been his fondest dream, but we will carry out his wishes now, follow in his footsteps, conquer the wizarding world and cleanse it of impurities." She looked around as if waiting for anyone to protest. No one dared to speak and she continued, "How you may ask, are we to do this, when the Dark Lord is no longer with us? I call on you to remember how we have worked to prepare ourselves, how we have trained ourselves to be even more adept at darkness than the English Death Eaters. We have had more time and the luxury of not having been distracted by the need to prove our strength in raids of terror. We have a weapon, one that he did not take, but tried instead to destroy. We have The Boy Who Lived; he who destroyed the Dark Lord."

Now there were murmurings amongst them as everyone took that bit of information in. She waited until they settled back into obedient silence before going on. "I have brought him under my control. I have harnessed his power to mine. His mind has been molded to my will and he will obey me as he would his natural mother. We will conquer. We will destroy that which needs to die and purify that which needs to be made clean. The wizarding world will be at my feet and you, my dear ones, will be at my side as the new ruling class. Together we will dominate and control the future of magic."

A smattering of applause began and then soon thundered through the room as they saw that it pleased her to have her words received so well. After several minutes it died down and a man in the common ranks stepped forward.

"Mistress, if you please, can you tell us how it is that The Boy Who Lived was able to destroy the Dark Lord? How are you so certain that he will not do the same to you…to us?"

The silence at his questions was more deafening than the applause had been. Lucretia stared down at him until he sank to his knees, head lowered, muttering apologies.

"You dare to question…dare to doubt that which you've pledged yourself to?" She looked thoughtful for another moment before turning to her guard. "Bring Harrison in. It's time he proved what he is worth to us."

Severus tensed, but the action went unnoticed because almost everyone else had done the same. He exchanged a look with Shaiming, but the oriental wizard only gave an unknowing shrug. He had been working hard to develop a potion that was to do what Lucretia Malfoy-Dupree desired, while also making it one that Harry could break through. The base potion that he and Severus had made had not been strong enough in its ability to help Harry both remember and be attuned enough to realize the situation they were in. Lucretia had wanted him to be powerful but docile. She wanted him to obey her unquestioningly. Shaiming hoped that he had achieved enough of her desires while not showing their hand at helping Harry 'wake up' from the induced amnesia.

Lucretia smiled when the guard led Harrison into the room. His green eyes lit up at the sight of her and he hurried to greet her.

"Mother! I was hoping to see you today!" Then he seemed to become aware of all the people in the room. He frowned and asked, "What's going on? Who are these people?"

She put an arm around his shoulders, pulling him against her side. "These are your people, Harrison. These are the people you will help raise to a new way of life. You've been practicing your casting and incanting like I asked, correct?"

"Of course. I'm very good at it already, but I know you wanted me to be perfect, Mother." He looked at her adoringly. "I can cast any dark spell you need… just like you asked."

There was an undercurrent of unrest in the crowd as some of the wizards tried to slowly move to positions farther from that of being on the front row.

Lucretia looked back at the man who waited, still trembling on his knees in front of her.

"This man has expressed doubt as to how strong you are, Harrison. In fact I think that many in this room are questioning whether you are powerful enough to bring about our domination of the wizarding world. I believe that they deserve a demonstration of your power, don't you? I believe that this one deserves to be an example of what happens to those who have sworn allegiance and then express doubt in their Masters."

She looked into his eyes, grey flashing as she gazed intently into the green. He wavered for a moment and then his face split into a joyful grin.

"This is just like the practice, yes? Only this time I get to have people see me?"

"Yes, just like that darling. Show them what you are capable of. Show them your power and your ruthlessness at delivering it." Her voice was velvety soft. "Do it now."

Harrison turned and looked out over the sea of faces. For a moment, his eyes met those of the man disguised as Vincent Crabbe and he frowned at the stab of magic that seemed to flash out at him. For a moment he wondered why he was even thinking about doing this… it wasn't right to cast dark magic against people… There was as sharp pain in his temple, causing those thoughts to vanish. Then his orders became clear again and he held out a hand to the man on the floor.

The man held up his arms in supplication. "Please…I—I meant no disrespect…p-please…"

Harrison tilted his head at him and then a ball of smooth orange flame appeared in the palm he held out. With a slight, almost off-handed gesture, he flung the ball at the man and murmured "_Crucio Inflamare!"_

The flame hit the man's hands and then began to coat the hands and then the arms and then the body, until he was entirely engulfed in the smooth play of flame. His screams were ear-shattering and people gasped as they moved quickly away from him. There was no heat from the human torch, but through the transparent film of orange it was clear that he was burning. It was a slow death, and it seemed like an eternity before the screams stopped and then even longer before there was nothing left but a blackened smudge on the floor. Harrison observed it dispassionately for a moment and then with another wave of his hand he murmured, "Evanesco!"

Now the only sounds were those of harsh breathing around the room as people fought to be silent and avoid drawing attention to themselves.

Lucretia stepped up next to Harrison and he frowned at her. "Did I do it right, Mother? No one seems to be pleased with me."

She touched his shoulder gently. "You did magnificently, dear." She began to clap and everyone quickly followed suit until the room was filled with the sound. Harrison smiled in delight.

The four men were clapping along with everyone else, but they were each battling the disbelief they felt at seeing Harry willfully using dark magic and killing with it. Severus glared at Shaiming and the Chinese Potions Master used the cover of applause to whisper urgently,

"He should have been able to resist the impulse of doing that! Her hold on him is greater than I believed. He will require the touch of your magic to force the hold on his mind to break."

Severus had no response to that. He knew that even if they were able to get Harry out of here, that now he would carry this new guilt when he realized what he had done. It would make little difference to him that his conscience had been erased and he had been molded into the killing machine that had been his lifelong nightmare. He stared up at the young man in front of them all, inwardly wincing at the child-like look of delight he wore at the applause. He would not be so delighted when they…_if_ they… managed to turn this tide.

The British Ministry of Magic, the Unspeakables, they wanted to stop the drive to take over and leave only those considered pure blood in charge. They would be likely to see Harry as the next Dark Lord and want to destroy him, if they heard of this development of his power and his use of it today. This was exactly what Harry had feared, that there was some part inside him that was dark and evil.

Severus set his jaw and drew in a deep breath. He made a silent pledge to the green-eyed wizard; '_I'll die alongside you and take you with me, before I let you live like this, Harry. I swear it.'_

Eventually the applause died down and Lucretia stood beside Harrison.

"You have had the proof that the unfortunate doubter requested. Is there anyone else who wishes to question the power you see before you?"

Eyes were lowered all over the room so as to not catch the attention of the blonde mistress before them. She smiled benignly and waved a hand. "Everyone except Le Cercle Intimemayleave us."

The majority of the room cleared. Draco looked at his cousin expectantly and she laughed. "Oh, alright. You may stay, Draco. If I cannot trust my cousin, who would I trust?"

Draco gave her the typical Malfoy smirk and then waved at his two friends. "I can assure you of the loyalties of these men, as well, cousin."

She looked less certain that she wanted to include them in her approval, but then Harrison stepped forward to stand in front of Severus. For a long moment he stared into the brown eyes of Vincent Crabbe, who stood there clenching his fists at his side to keep himself from taking the other man into an embrace. The green eyes seemed to delve into Severus's mind, searching…

"I feel that I know you. Do I?"

Severus came to an instantaneous decision and he knelt at Harrisons feet before grasping his hand. Bowing his head over the hand in a show of servitude, he said, "No, you do not know the man before you. Please allow me to personally pledge myself to you."

Into the hand he held tightly he signed rapidly and then let go to back away and stand up. Harrison was looking at his hand quizzically. He looked at Severus and then looked at Lucretia. He balled his hand up into a fist and then turned away from them all. Severus held his breath, waiting for Harry make some comment that would tip Lucretia off to his attempt at communication.

Lucretia moved to touch Harrison's arm. "What is it, my son? Has this one displeased you by his display? You may punish him—"

"No…I am not displeased, Mother…" he gave Severus a searching look before continuing, " His pledge pleases me but I believe that I am tired. Do you need me to stay here?"

Lucretia smiled at him. "No. I'll take care of the annoying details. You go and rest and let Mother attend to these plans."

Harrison nodded and gave a last bemused look at Severus before disappearing through the door he had entered the room from.

Behind him, Lucretia was enjoying the opportunity to boast of her successful abduction, mind-alteration, and seduction to the dark of one Harry Potter. She was particularly pleased that he had progressed to the point that they had witnessed today, following her orders to exterminate. Her inspired use of the Black Phoenix tears that had been left from Voldemort's work was something that she gloated over. She mocked the efforts that Severus Snapehad made to find the Black Phoenix, calling him a traitorous fool for going to so much trouble over the Man Who Had Destroyed The Dark Lord. Draco kept a very carefully attentive expression on his face and engaged his cousin in a long-winded discussion of future plans, whether or not all of her followers were in place, if she had chosen who would be her second in command when the new order of rule took over.

It was fortunate for them that she was enthralled with the discussion and that she did not possess the supreme Legilimency skills that Voldemort had. She relied on instinct and intuition and the ability to observe subtle nuances of expression or posture, and the tone of voice people used when she was speaking with them. It was easy for them all, even Ron, to easily hide the disturbance they felt at what they had seen and heard.

Severus remained silent, replaying the way Harry's hand had felt in his as he had held it while swearing his allegiance. His green eyes had been searching and Severus had Occluded his own thoughts while trying to see what exactly lay beneath the calm exterior Harry was projecting. He had felt the befuddlement, the confusion that the touching of their hands caused. The surge of magic between them had not been uncomfortable, but oddly unfulfilling, as if their fingers had awakened the need for more contact. Severus had done only what he felt that would escape closer analysis by Lucretia. Shaiming had said Harry needed the contact to force the potion to work properly and he had instinctively used the opportunity when it arose. Lost in these introspections, he almost missed it when Lucretia began addressing him.

"…and you, Vincent Crabbe… you pledged yourself to Harrison a short while ago."

He nodded that he had done so. She was looking at him speculatively, drawing a manicured nail across her red lips. "It was foolish of you. It confuses those who do not know better among the ranks. I would have you pledge yourself to me, in the presence of the audience, to make it clear just where your loyalties rightfully lie."

Severus nodded again and lowered his own eyes before quietly replying, "Forgive me, Madame Dupree. I was caught up in the afterglow of the display of power. I meant no disrespect for you."

She nodded thoughtfully. "You do understand that I intend to rule when this is all said and done? Harrison will be a mere figurehead to pull out and place on view when the people get restless. Of course, I would much prefer to rule plainly, but being Regent will have its advantages. There will always be someone else to blame when things go badly. Perhaps, there may one day even be an heir through Harrison. A babe raised rightly from the beginning could be an even better asset. Then we can allow some … accident… to befall the poor bed-ridden Harrison Dupree."

It was extremely difficult not to leap to his feet and whip out an avenging wand right then and there. The loathsome woman was planning Harry's death! Severus kept an iron grip on his emotions and it was some time later before the three men were dismissed with the rest of Le Cercle Intime**.**

Once in their rooms, he was beaten to the inevitable explosion of anger and outrage by both Draco and Ron. The two men wordlessly shouted and gestured, their feelings adequately expressed, even though silent. They all finally sat down with the notebook between them and furthered their own understanding and collaboration of plans, based on what had just transpired.

SSDMRWSSDMRW

In his room Harrison lay on his back, gently snoring, the potion vial empty on the bedside table. He had dutifully taken it, as it was pressed into his hands by the Chinese Potions Master. Shaiming stood there, watching him intently, and Harrison was just about to rant about not being able to sleep while being so watched, when he felt his eyes slide out of focus and unconsciousness claimed him in a white cloud. The Potions Master placed his hand on the brow under the dark fringe of hair and closed his eyes in concentration. He had known that Severus would make every effort at making some kind of contact. Had it been successful?

The young man's dreams were less chaotic than before, at least at the moment. Perhaps with the deep sleep he would begin to have stirrings of memory… Shaiming sensed the touch of Severus's magic and he smiled in relief. Watching over the sleeping man for a short while longer, he knew that Harry would soon begin to dream accurate memories. He went across the hallway, bowing to the guards who stood outside the door. After making another adjustment in the simmering potion, he drew up a several vial and pocketed them. Outside Harry's door he stopped and spoke to the guards.

"The Master is having a difficult sleep time. If you hear him, be assured that I am at his side and will take care of him." He gave another short bow before moving rapidly through the door and closing it against any questions they might think to ask.

Harry was just beginning to grow restless. Shaiming waved his hand to put up a silencing ward and settled down to wait for Harry to wake up. If things went according to his plan, Harry would need some explanations when he next awakened.

HPHPHPHPHP

_**A/N:**__ Thank you everyone for the wonderful reviews and for all the additions to Story Alert. I love the reviews, but seeing the fic added to alerts is almost as satisfying for Miss Muse!_

_Thank you __**Logicalquirk **__for your every wonderful beta work! You rock!_

_I am having a little trouble with this next bit, so please be patient and keep your fingers crossed for inspiration to hit!_

_It's so-o hot here in Texas! Here's ice cold lemonade or Dublin Dr. Pepper (in the glass bottles, of course)for everyone who leaves a review!_


	33. Chapter 33

**Black Phoenix**

Chapter 33

_Courage is almost a contradiction in terms._

_It means a strong desire to live taking the form of a readiness to die._

_G.K. Chesterton_

Harry knew that he was asleep. He wanted to wake up, he really did. But he wanted to see more, too, of what he had been dreaming. He knew that this was true, what he was seeing. He felt a confusing mixture of sorrow and elation, liberally laced with fear. Scenes of what he knew were the past mixed into ones of a muddled present. Faces he felt he should know spoke soundlessly to him, their words lost as the droning buzz in his head grew louder. He shouldn't be able to hear anything, but he could. The blonde witch had given him his hearing back. But she had also given him much more than that; she had become the mother he had never had, and he wanted desperately to hang onto that! But she had also drawn his evil nature to the surface. He remembered burning the man in front of him, in view of all those people. The bile rising up his throat forced him to wake completely then, and he sat up coughing. He opened his eyes and the room was dark. For a moment he hoped that he was blind again so that he would not have to ever see that horror again, outside the memory planted in his mind. Maybe it was a nightmare…

But his eyes adjusted and he saw that the room was merely darkened. A shadow beside the bed caught his attention and he fired a wandless Expelliarmus in that direction. It was blocked and the torches in the room flared up to illuminate his surroundings.

Harry tensely crouched beside the bed, staring at the small oriental man who sat calmly in his chair. There was so much he wanted to say, to ask… he settled for, "Who are you?"

The man returned Harry's stare, his eyes seeming to pierce easily through Harry's disordered thoughts. "I am Shaiming."

Harry shook his head in confusion. "Do I know you?"

"No, Harry. You do not know me. You know _of_ me. Search your mind."

"Harrison. My name is Harrison."

"Your name is Harry Potter." The voice was soft and calm, but Harry fought the words with a snarl.

"No! I am not! _I_ am the Dark Lord and _you_ will pay for your insolence."

Something in him was angry and it whispered, '_He speaks blasphemy…kill him where he sits… it is your right…_' The rapid change from merely questioning to being in a towering rage over the man's answers was simultaneously frightening and invigorating. He wanted to strike out, to hurt, to destroy, and yet the thought of doing so filled him with a sorrow he didn't understand.

Without conscious thought, a magical ball of flame formed in Harry's outstretched hand, laying on his palm, at once cool to his touch but burning with suspended heat, waiting to wrap itself around his enemy. The dark Asian eyes observed him unflinchingly and Harry found himself drawn into that gaze.

…_thoughts of another man… one with black eyes…his face twisted in fear, and then in resolve, before moving back into familiar expressionless lines… brewing a potion, gaze intent on the stirring of it…the black pools showing him how much he loved him… a passion that no one else had ever seen…_

Harry broke his eyes away from the other man's. "Who was that? Why are you showing him to me?"

The accented voice was quiet. "Search deep within yourself," he said again. "Search within your mind for what is true."

The ball of flame died back a bit as Harry closed his eyes, and his brows drew together in concentration.

A tendril of pain stabbed at his temple as he grasped for thin memories.

…_the dark man… holding him…making some kind of signs into his hands… a silence laying over them that didn't matter because they were together…_

He let the ball of flame go and it evaporated as it fell to the floor. Clutching his head in his now empty hands, Harry groaned as the pain sharpened.

'_Push it away… leave the past and take up your future as the new Dark Lord…'_ the voice of his Mother murmured inside his head and he wanted to listen because when he did the pain left him. He could be pain-free and comfortable if he listened to her. The image of a golden loom rose up and somehow he knew that it was as if the fabric on the loom was his mind and the threads were being pulled from one end even as more were woven into it at the other end. Mother was fixing it…Mother knows what is best, after all. Mother will lead him to do what is right, what is greatest. The pain did diminish as he let those thoughts wash over him. The loom was steadily moving and he felt it forming his destiny as the New Dark Lord. He sighed in relief and then was jerked back to reality when the other man touched his shoulder.

"Do not let yourself drift back into the web of deceit. Let your heart lead you, if your head is not yet ready to accept what is right." Harry opened his eyes, trying to focus on the man. The sharp eyes were delving into Harry's again and Harry saw more flashes of the same tall, black-haired man, arms crossed over a chest and mouth set in a tight line. He wanted to know who that was. He must be important if he kept coming into his thoughts.

"Who _is_ that? Why does he seem familiar?"

The other man stared at him so intently now that Harry tore his eyes away and waved a tired hand. "Go away."

"You do not want me to go away. You want to know who you are. You want to know who the man is. I can help you remember."

"Mother will help me remember. Go get her. She will come and then—"

"No. She will only pour more deceit into your mind. She will poison you with her serpent's tongue."

"Don't say that! She loves me! She told me so!" Harry wanted to believe that. He had a mother now, a beautiful woman who cared for him, who wanted what was best. He clutched at his head again when the pain stabbed at him in the fraction of time he allowed a sliver of doubt to enter in.

Shaiming could see that Harry was fighting within himself. Part of him wanted to learn the truth while the part that was stronger still wanted to hold onto the lies that he had been told. Harry needed more time.

He reached for a vial of potion in his pocket. Whispering softly, he spelled Harry back into a stupor. When he fell onto his back on the bed, Shaiming quickly and carefully poured the potion between his lips.

He was straightening the covers over him when Lucretia walked into the room. She stopped just inside, sensing the silencing spells that came down as she entered.

"What are you doing?" she asked coldly.

The Chinese Potions Master bowed deeply to her. "He was having a difficult and broken sleep. I have administered another dose of potion and he is resting better now."

She stared down at the sleeping man with distaste. "Is your new potion doing what I asked? Is it making him stronger?"

He bowed again and answered her from that position. "Yes, he is getting stronger."

She seemed satisfied with that answer, and turned back to the door. She faced him again with her hand on the doorknob. "The time is almost upon us, Shaiming. The man must be ready within the week. That is when I expect to launch my attack."

"Will you have enough wizards at your disposal, Mistress?" he asked quietly.

She looked at him closely. "It is not your concern how many I have at the ready. With this man," she gestured with an elegant hand dismissively at the man on the bed, "I have the magic force that is required. I need only enough others to be human shields." Her grey eyes pierced him again. "You have only to be concerned with getting me the results I asked for. Do not forget that your apprentice's life is at stake."

Shaiming stared at the closed door long after Lucretia had left. He had to find a way to reach Severus and his partners without her knowing. He already knew that the apprentice was dead. One of the guards had been overheard in his bragging of it. She had likely been killed even before Shaiming had returned to the chateau. When it came time for the blonde witch to meet her death, he would rejoice and his only regret would be that he might not be the one to actually do the killing. Chinese magic was ever so much more inventive than any of these western magical tortures. He was glad that Lucretia Dupree had never asked him about them.

XSXSXSXSXS

His chance came that very evening. Lucretia had decided to host an elaborate dinner party for Le Cercle Intime. She sat in elegant repose at the high table, overlooking the witches and wizards seated before her. Harrison was at her side. Shaiming noticed that the man toyed with his food, not eating. He would look out over the crowd and then look sideways at Lucretia. When she addressed him he would smile dutifully and then fall back into a thoughtful silence. Whatever his responses were to her queries, they must have satisfied her, because she looked smugly at him from the corner of her eye.

Shaiming had managed to seat himself next to Draco. During the meal he quietly told him what Lucretia had planned. Draco's only response was a brief nod.

"How is Harry?" Draco asked as the conversation level increased with the serving of dessert.

"He is confused. I have tried to intervene as much as possible without arousing suspicions. Tonight I will press harder for him to remember more. He is fighting it because it causes him great pain to go against her conditioning."

"Can you give him something—" Draco began, only to be interrupted by Lucretia as she leaned towards him from the other side.

"Cousin, dear, what are you so intently discussing with my Potions Master?" The question seemed innocent enough, but a light of uncertainty was in her eyes.

Draco easily answered, "Why, Potions, of course, Lucretia. It was my best subject in school. At one time I fancied myself following the example of my head of house and becoming a Potions Master."

She sneered, "Wasn't your head of house Severus Snape? The traitor? Why would you follow his example?"

Draco continued his smooth reply, even as he noted that Harry had frozen in the act of taking a bite, face drained of color. "Yes, Severus Snape was the Slytherin head of house. He was also one of my father's closest friends at one time, before he was known to all as being on the side of The Boy Who Lived."

Harry put his fork down, and he looked up at Draco. There was a light of recognition in his eyes and for a moment, Draco feared that he would give himself away. Then the light faded into resolve and Harry's jaw set. Hearing Draco say Severus's name had seemed to snap something in his mind and Draco hoped it was for the good.

Draco kept Lucretia's attention away from Harry by going on about why he would have made a good Potions Master. She listened politely for a few more moments until she grew bored with the conversation. He asked for and received permission to go outside the chateau and obtain potion ingredients that Shaiming needed to continue his brewing.

"Of course, Cousin. I trust you will make quick work of it?"She looked sharply at Shaiming. "Do these ingredients affect the potion you are making for my son?"

Shaiming nodded. "Yes, Madame. I am making even better adjustments to the potion, to meet our needs."

She gave a smirk of satisfaction, feeling satisfied that his work was still under her control.

Beside her, Harry was now rubbing at his head and she took notice. It was all to the better for her, as she intended to expound on her plans to Le Cercle Intime as an after-dinner treat. Harrison would only be in the way. She leaned in to him.

"Sweetheart, the rest of the evening will only bore you. You still look tired. Why don't you go on back to your room? I'll send Shaiming to bring your potion."

Harry found himself staring into the grey eyes, searching for what he wanted to find there: acceptance…love… truth…

He did not see any of those things. Instead he sensed deceit. Now that he sensed that, he could see that she was not really beautiful at all, not on the inside where it counted. He felt no love in her, only cold calculation. Shaking himself back to awareness, he saw that she had her eyes narrowed in her appraisal of him. He did not fully remember why or how, but he automatically pulled up shields in his mind against her, even if she wasn't as skilled at Legilimency as Severus…

_Severus… He was a master Legillimens… he was…_ why couldn't he remember? Why did it hurt so much to try? Rubbing a hand over his face, he looked at Lucretia and smiled weakly, falling back into the malleable man she had created.

"You're right, as always, Mother. I'll leave it to you, then." He stood up and took her hand, kissing the back of it before walking away from the table. He felt multiple sets of eyes on his back and he turned to peruse the tables. His mother was watching, of course, as was Shaiming.

There were others who were just curious, but he passed them over and came to one of the friends who had come with Lucretia's cousin, Draco. It was the man who had come forward to personally give his loyalty to Harrison. What was his name? He couldn't remember. The man had held onto his hand when he pledged himself to Harrison, and then he had made some sort of curious gesture into his hand before he let go of it. The man was looking at him in a way that should have made him uneasy. But he found it made him feel curiously safe instead.

Harrison pondered that feeling for a moment before turning and leaving the room. It was most likely that the feeling of safety stemmed from the fact that all these people had sworn to follow him and protect him.

At a signal from Lucretia, Shaiming rose from the table and excused himself to attend to Harrison's potion administration.

Harry was sitting on the side of his bed when Shaiming entered the room. He looked up and snarled, "Ever think about knocking before just barging into a room?"

"Your Mother sent me to see to your needs." Shaiming saw the anger dissipate on the other man's face and be replaced with confusion.

"Why am I so angry? I apologize… my head hurts like a bloody bastard… make it stop…please…" He curled up on the bed with his hands over his head.

Shaiming pulled some vials from his pocket quickly and made Harry take them one after another. He sat down in front of Harry and peered at him intently.

"Harry Potter. Your name is Harry Potter. Do you remember that?"

Harry looked through eyes slitted against the pain. "Yes. Bloody hell, it seems like it hurts more to say that!"

Shaiming nodded. "Yes, it does. It is Madame Dupree's conditioning spell. She has been unraveling your memories and replacing them with ones that allow you to be under her control. The pain is reinforcement for you to move in her direction and away from the true memories. You must press on and through the pain. I have given you a potion to lessen it, but I fear that it will become worse before this is over."

"Before what is over? Why is she doing this to me?"

"Listen very carefully, Harry Potter. Ask no questions now, but think on what I say. You will know it is the truth because it will cause you pain to go against her."

"Maybe it will cause pain because I need to do as she says. She is my mother—"

"No, she is not. She was the consort of Voldemort. She has run the French side of his followers since the beginning of his terror and now that he is gone she is seizing her chance at dark glory." Shaiming bent to more fully peer into Harry's face. "Men are out there ready to fight for you, for the light. She is evil. Search inside yourself and know what is truth."

Harry shuddered as the pain in his head spiked again, driving the need to think on these 'truths' to the back of his mind. Shaiming saw him wavering and he reached out and grabbed him by the shoulders, shaking him harshly and snarling softly into his face. "Reach for the bond you have with your mate. It will help strengthen you!"

"Stop it! My mate is dead! My mother told me—"

"She lies! Now reach for it!"

Harry felt the strength of the magic in the hands that dug into his flesh and he used it to ground his thoughts and calm himself in the wake of the pain. "My mate lives?"

"Yes. He lives and he is here."

Harry fell silent and knew immediately who it was. "Crabbe? The man who swore himself to me last week?"

"He is not who he appears to be."

Harry squeezed his eyes shut, thinking back on the moment of contact between them, how it had made him feel safe instead of threatened, how he had held onto his hands so tightly for that brief moment, making those peculiar motions with his fingers…

His eyes flew open and he looked at Shaiming in astonishment. "He was signing to me. I knew sign language and he was reminding me…" He thought hard about the finger movements until he gave a small smile. "He says I am not alone. He's told me that before, hasn't he?"

Shaiming relaxed marginally. "I would not know his exact words to you, but I suspect that the memory of such is accurate."

Harry winced again as the pain in his head sharpened. Shaiming spoke hurriedly, knowing their time alone was limited. "Keep the pain from showing or she will know that you are trying to resist her. Her plans to overtake the French Ministry of Magic have been set for tomorrow. I can give you only a little more potion to help the pain before then."

Harry was about to ask Shaiming what he was supposed to do when the door opened abruptly and Lucretia swept in. Shaiming had stepped back from Harry and Harry hastily schooled his features into a blank expression. She looked down at him laying there in the bed for a moment before turning to Shaiming.

"Well?" she demanded. "Will he be ready tomorrow?"

Shaiming bowed low to her, hiding his face and its serene smile. "Yes, Madame. He will be ready. I only need the ingredients that your cousin is fetching to complete the process to perfection."

She brushed a hand over Harry's head and he gave her a small smile. "Rest well, darling. Tomorrow will be a very big day for us. I want your magic at its peak. We will destroy anyone who stands against us and we will soon be the supreme magical force in France. After that, well, things will fall into place rapidly."

Harry gazed up at her raptly and he couldn't help but ask, "But I don't know if I want to be the supreme magical force… I just want to be…me. Can't I do that? Even though I can't remember my past, it seems like I never have been able to be just myself…mother?"

She looked down at him with barely concealed fury, her hand now tightened into a clenched fist over Harry. He held himself relaxed, as if he did not notice her infuriated state. Her voice was a whispered hiss when she spoke.

"Do not dare to cross me on this Harrison. I have made you what you are. I rescued you from falling into a non- existence with that traitor. You _will_ obey me. We will take over the French Ministry and from there begin the bigger campaign to take over the rest of the continent. Britain will fall into line when they see that resistance is useless."

She whirled to face Shaiming. "Give him another dose of potion now, while I watch. I want no doubts as to his abilities to follow my direction."

Shaiming hesitantly pulled out a vial and murmured, "Please, my lady, I have already dosed him. More may be dangerous—"

"I care not if it's dangerous! Just do it!"

Shaiming handed the vial to Harry and gave him a brief nod of encouragement. Harry sipped it down and Lucretia finally relaxed enough to give a grimacing smile down at him. She gripped his face in her fingers, gentle once again.

"There's a good boy. I know you won't let me down will you? Sleep…" She murmured a spell and had him closing his eyes in seconds. "Mother's little weapon must rest and be ready to do her bidding…"

When she left, Shaiming sighed heavily. The counter potion was across the hallway. He would have to wait for everyone to be in bed before he could retrieve it without arousing suspicions.

He sat down to wait, only to jump when Harry opened his eyes and looked over at him. After spitting the potion into the pillow under his head, he sat up. He shook his head as he said quietly, "I seem to remember being able to throw off some curses and spells. It hurts to do it, but I don't think she can spell me to sleep anymore now."

Shaiming slowly smiled his approval. He sat forward and quietly answered Harry's questions about What Lucretia had planned and how she had manipulated his mind to her will over the last weeks. Answers about his past were more difficult. Shaiming knew Severus, but he did not know anyone else in the European Wizarding society, aside from the Potions Masters Guild of which he was a part. Harry kept asking about Severus, needing something more to hang onto, feeling the pull of the bond he didn't yet remember making. Shaiming postulated that the next contact Harry and Severus had would be more successful in restoring Harry's memories.

The more they talked the more certain that Harry was that he was not the next Dark Lord. He could remember flashes of a red-eyed man, hissing at him in anger. Once he even caught a flash of memory that may have been when he destroyed the monster, although he wasn't sure whether it was imagination or reality that he remembered streams of meeting magic and a concussive explosion. That memory was followed by an oppressive darkness and silence that made it hard for Harry to breathe.

Shaiming calmed Harry as best he could, assuring him that he had survived the ordeal admirably, learning to sign, learning to live with the challenges of being deaf and blind. Harry felt a sense of loss somehow, as he came to terms with the blindness and deafness that had been a part of him, but were now gone.

"Why would I miss it?" he asked Shaiming softly. "Why does it seem like something I want back, when it was such an awful thing to live with?"

"In some of our correspondence, Severus explained that you could feel magic better with your sense of hearing gone. He lamented that you had refused to use the Black Phoenix tears to regain your hearing after you had regained your sight. But he knew that you had made the challenge a part of your new life, that you had come to use it in a way he had not foreseen as possible."

Harry looked at his hands, experimentally making signs, forming words with his fingers. His fingers seemed to have better memory of that language and he soon found it flowing gracefully and smoothly. He looked back at Shaiming. "He let me be me. He wasn't trying to make me into anyone else, make me a weapon or a pawn." He said this with an assurance that he knew must be real.

It was several hours later before the two men felt ready to let themselves rest. Harry had remembered enough sign that he thought he could communicate with Severus using it. They hoped that they would have an opportunity to let him know that Harry was no longer under the total control of Lucretia.

Shaiming cautioned him, "We cannot be certain that you can completely resist the conditioning she has done. The reweaving spells were intensive. For every moment that you cannot yet remember, there has been alternative suggestions placed. It is likely that you will be ordered to use your considerable skills to attack her opponents as you did to one of the followers earlier."

Harry froze at that and appeared to be thinking back . When he came to that moment in the gathering when he had cast the burning Crucio curse he gave a shudder. Shaiming offered him another calming draught but Harry refused. Instead, he pulled the memory of the act into himself, using it to stoke his anger at Lucretia and fuel his resolve at getting his life back while making sure that her bid for ruling the wizarding world failed.

HPHPHPHPHP

Draco left the chateau with his list of potions ingredients. Once outside the warded boundary he Apparated to Beauxbatons. He quickly informed Albus of the next day's plans and then had the necessary ingredients brought to him by the Potions Professor there. Albus assured him that he would immediately contact the Unspeakables. They would coordinate the British and French Ministries' Aurors.

Draco made one last statement before leaving to return to the Dupree Chateau. "Make sure they know we're in there. I think Harry is starting to come around, but … I don't know what the actual fighting will do to him. I'm sure that Severus will make a grab for him at the earliest opportunity."

Albus nodded, remaining silent. His communications with the Unspeakables had not been at all reassuring. They had refused to guarantee either Harry's safety or that of the spies they had put in harm's way. Their focus was the annihilation of the threat, whatever the incidental casualties might result. The losses would be acceptable if it meant the threat of another dark lord was neutralized.

ADDMADDMADDM

_**A/N:**__ I know it's been a longer bit since I've updated. My muse has not been fully cooperative and when she was she seemed to want to go off in another direction or add details that I was unsure of. I have skimmed back over the story and I hope that I do not contradict anything that has gone on before. If you see some minor discrepancies I hope you will forgive. Biggies should be brought to my attention and I will try to revise them later on._

_FYI, the next chapter will have some material that may not be for everyone. I have a warning in place, so please heed it. I will try to have it edited and posted in the next few days. In addition to the muse issues, a migraine has decided to take up residence in my skull, hence the further delay! _

_I invite any readers who have not done so to join my yahoo group. It came about with the help of my faithful reader Kim, when so many seemed to enjoy The First Prophecy series. You can find the link on my profile. Click on homepage. I have begun a recommended fic section in the links. I am hoping to add some fics that are good and don't seem to get the recognition they should. If you have some rec's, let me know. There are plenty of rec archives, but I want to avoid having the same ones here. As a wanna-be author, I know how much it means to have your work recommended by someone else! _

_As always, thank you to my marvelous beta, __**logicalquirk**__, without whom this would be a mess!_

_Stay cool in the heat! We are having a heat wave here in Texas with temps over 100 every day. Stay inside and read fanfic while sitting under a fan, drinking iced tea…that's my advice!_


	34. Chapter 34

**Black Phoenix**

Chapter 34

**A/N:** Warning…this chapter may have imagery that some will find disturbing. Please don't ding me for them if you continue reading this after being duly warned!

Lucretia came to Harrison's room at dawn. He calmly stood there as she had him dressed in the clothing and robes she had chosen for this day.

"You must look the part…powerful…unstoppable… _terrifying_." She walked around him as the servants laced him into dragon hide trousers. Next came the white silk shirt that was overlaid with goblin-wrought silver mesh armour. Dragon hide gauntlets and boots were followed by a cloak of the softest and lightest leather Harry had ever seen. He looked at his mother in question as he ran his hands over it.

Lucretia gave him a small smile and murmured, "My special gift to you, my son. The cloak is made from the skins of our enemies. I developed the process myself. It would have been a gift for your patron, if he had lived. But now it comes to you. It is endowed with the magic that they had within in them at the time of their demise, bound to the skin by a very special incantation. Can you feel it surrounding you?"

Harry swallowed thickly, struggling to keep his face from showing the revulsion he was feeling. He could, in fact, feel the magical signatures of many witches and wizards as it surrounded him in the folds of the cloak. It was as if tiny fingers moved in coordinated stroking to cause the cloak to caress his shoulders and back. Lucretia was looking at him expectantly and he finally made himself say, "Thank you, Mother. It's quite… unique. I _can_ feel all of their magic in it."

She gave him a brilliant smile. "It is one of a kind, darling. Just think of the fear it will instill once they understand what it means."

He waited, not quite sure what she meant by that, not sure at all that he wanted to know. The magic in the cloak seemed to tingle his skin, even through the silver armour and the silk shirt. It was a living thing with subtle fingers. He fought not to claw it off and fling it away.

"It will show them that nothing will stand in our way, because we will do anything to break them, to rule them, to utterly _crush_ them."

She turned away before she noticed that Harry's smile had become a grimace. Resisting her, even this nauseating development and the proof of her insanity, was making the pain level in his head explosive. Bits and pieces of the past had been steadily coming back. He remembered that 'the patron' as she called him, was Voldemort. He remembered snatches of the final battle, how the streams of magic met from their opposing wands and how black silence had come after a tremendous explosion of power when his had forced Voldemort's back until it surged through his body. His eyes hurt with the pain of remembering, until he wanted nothing more than to close them and press the heels of his hands into them . He squeezed his eyes shut and could feel the pressure inside his head pressing ever more sharply into the backs of them.

He mourned the loss of 'mother' most of all. While he knew intellectually that she had manipulated him ruthlessly, he still felt the warmth and feelings of love that she had woven in the conditioning spell. He knew it was a lie, but wasn't it a very nice lie? To have at last the mother that he had never had…to have her soothing his brow when he was falling asleep… yes, the pull towards surrendering to her will was still very strong. It was very difficult to consider that his next actions might nullify all that he had gained when she took him away from…who was it? _Who_ had he been taken from? Maybe there was no one at all. Maybe Shaiming was lying so he could get Harry to help him gain control. _Maybe_ he was wrong to think that his mother was a cruel and insane woman bent on destruction. Maybe _Shaiming_ had planted these doubts against his mother in a bid to take over Harry's (Harrison's!) magic himself.

The more he thought along those lines the better his head felt and he sighed in relief at the ebbing of the pain. Lucretia was smiling knowingly at him, seeming to know what was winning in his internal struggle. She stroked a hand over the human skin cloaked shoulder. She was pleased to see that his eyes were becoming red, the whites showing signs of blood vessel rupture due to the struggle he was having in his mind. It would add to the visual effect she wanted from him. She _would_ have the magic and the power at her disposal. His fearsome appearance would not hurt the cause at all.

"Listen carefully, Harrison. When we are in position inside the Ministry, you will let your _Crucio_ _Inflamare_ loose at the targets I designate. We will move very rapidly. Only those who actively stand in our way will be destroyed right now. The others who might become foolishly brave later will become examples of how we deal with resistance and disloyalty."

"Like I did before? Like I burned that man—"

"Do not think of them as men or women, if it makes you hesitate," she interrupted him with a hiss. "Think of them as mere annoyances that must be handled quickly and cleanly. Think of them as _vermin,_ to be destroyed before they can destroy us."

Harrison looked into the piercing grey eyes for a long moment before nodding his understanding. Yes. This felt much better. It was much easier to follow Mother's instructions. Mother knew best. It was ingrained in his mind. How could he doubt her? She had his best interests at heart, didn't she?

HPHPHPHPHP

Severus, Ron, and Draco were in a large preparation room with the others in the chateau. Everyone was to be wearing the exact same robes so that it would be clear who was who in the battle. Lucretia had moved beyond the black Death Eater robes that Voldemort had favored. These were a deep smoke grey, almost exactly the color of Lucretia and Draco's eyes when either of them were angry. Ron observed Draco, biting back any acid comments that he wanted to make. He still had trouble reconciling that Draco was on their side. He wanted to suspect him still, but the git had proven himself to be loyal to Harry, to the Light, and to his sister. He was no longer the self-centered Slytherin ice prince who got his jollies from baiting and torturing first years and Gryffindors.

He turned his attention to Severus. The man under the guise of Vincent Crabbe was tensely silent, Strapping his wand into place, he looked at Ron and then Draco. In a very quiet voice he said, "I intend to focus only on Harry. Whatever it takes, I will not allow him to have any more blood on his hands."

Draco stepped closer. "Sev, we will need to make sure that both Ministry Auror Corps are in place before you make any moves—"

Severus turned to Draco fully and glared at him darkly. "I think I know how this will go, Draco. I've considered all the possibilities and in the end, it will come down to the fact that dark powers have been unleashed in him. Our own Ministry will not likely hesitate to remove him from any future equations."

Ron sputtered, his red-headed temper apparent even through his polyjuiced disguise, "_He's_ the one who killed Vol—he killed that bastard and lost a year of his life being in a Muggle institution! They wouldn't just… just…" His ire had him at a loss for words to describe what he believed the Ministry of Magic would, could or could not, do.

Draco remained silent, looking around the room to make sure that they were being ignored. Everyone was huddled in tight little groups, whispering together, anticipating or dreading the coming fight. Draco watched faces and decided that many of them looked a little sick with apprehension. He hoped that boded well for them, as it would make things go faster and in their favor if some of them balked when death stared at them down the end of a wand. But he had seen Albus's face. He read in the tired eyes the truth of what was going to happen. He looked at Ron steadily.

"He's right. If they know what he's capable of now, no matter that he's literally been brainwashed into it, they will feel better if he's neutralized. It's exactly because he _did_ kill Voldemort that they will prefer him to be destroyed as well. He will be a continuing threat to the security of our world. He could decide that he _likes_ the power, _likes_ to control people, and use it to eliminate those who oppose him."

"He wouldn't do that! You only say that because you don't know him like I do! Harry wouldn't ever hurt anyone if he can help it!"

"That's just it, Weasley!" Draco hissed in his face. "He _can't_ help it!"

A couple of men looked over at them, curious about their dispute. Draco straightened up and turned his back to Ron and Severus and made a show of getting his robes fastened and straight. When he glared at the curious, they quickly went back to their own discussion. No one really wanted to cross Lucretia's cousin. She seemed to trust him, but he was an unknown wizard to them. Some of them remembered his father when he had accompanied Voldemort to France years ago. The man had been coolly cruel and just as haughty as the Dark Lord had been.

They also remembered Draco's mother, Narcissa Malfoy. She had shown up at the chateau after Lucius had been arrested and faced the Dementor's Kiss. She had thought to find sanctuary here, but had refused to pledge any allegiance to the cause, to the Dark Lord's memory, or to the ideals of moving forward with the plans that had been set in motion. They had all been present when she had been tortured in the main chambers. They remembered the shrieks that had finally been drawn from her and had finally faded when her voice broke from it. Lucretia had seemed particularly bent on exacting some kind of revenge on her, and no one really understood exactly why that was. Some had quietly whispered that Lucretia may have been jealous of the blonde beauty that was so near to her own. They whispered that perhaps she had wanted Lucius for herself and had felt cheated out of having him when he chose Narcissa. She looked to have taken great pleasure at the slow destruction of Narcissa's beautiful face.

Now the son was here, looking so much like his father, cousin and mother. Was he as loyal as Lucius had been? Was he to be a second-in-command in the new regime? They were uncertain how much to fear him, how much to let him into their cliques, or how much to hide from him in case he was at such a higher level than them in the end. He could easily make or break them when that time came.

After finishing his preparations, Draco stepped close to Severus again. "I'll have your back as much as I can. Get him away from the battle as quickly as possible. Albus should come with portkeys for us, unless they wouldn't let him bring them. We'll just have to hope he brought some illegal ones, in that case."

DMSSRWDMSSRW

Lucretia swept into the room, followed by Harrison. There was a sharp intake of breaths throughout the room as Harrison faced them all. He looked out at them with eyes that were blood red. They didn't have the glowing quality that Voldemort had had, but they were eerily chilling none the less. The dark circles under his eyes only highlighted the redness in the pale face. The green irises were almost covered with the haze and Severus wondered how he was seeing at all. While he too was stunned by Harry's appearance, he knew that the redness was actually the broken blood vessels on the scleras of his eyes from the severe headache he must be suffering from. To him, it was an indication that Harry was not completely giving in to the conditioning of Lucretia. It gave him hope that Harry was fighting back and that he was still in there, waiting for help to keep fighting it.

The blonde's voice was commanding as she addressed them.

"We will be Apparating directly into the Ministry. Harrison will be behind the lines you will set up. There is to be no mercy to anyone or anything that stands in our way. Harrison will quickly provide the display of our superiority and we will take over the main offices. Some of you have already prepared for the roles in those upper departments. You are to kill the ministry official who is your counterpart if they attempt to stop you. If they are willing to submit, you may let them live long enough to explain how they operate their departments. It may give you an insight that will help as you replace them."

She gazed out at their rapt faces and continued, "Harrison is to be protected at all costs."

The majority of them understood that this meant that she needed him, they needed him, to stay alive long enough for their revolution of the wizarding world to be accomplished.

Severus, Draco, and Ron maneuvered stealthily to be standing very near to Lucretia and Harrison. If she or Harry noticed their actions, they gave no indication.

A portkey in the shape of a golden mesh ball appeared in Lucretia's hands. "Draw your wands and ready yourselves," she ordered. Holding it aloft she murmured a spell, enlarging the ball. A brilliant flare flashed from the orb to light up the entire room, connecting them all within the brightness. When it abruptly faded, they were inside the Ministry, an army of grey-clothed Manguers de Mort, wands already firing spells and curses.

The three men turned towards Lucretia and Harry to see her grasping his arm and leaning in to speak in his ear. Harry held up his hands and a ball of the liquid fire appeared in his palms. Spell lights flashed towards them and they saw that the French and English Aurors had been ready for their invasion. Draco saw Albus near a far wall, too far away to trade any words with.

Severus had shoved his way through the wizards who stood between himself and Harry and he leapt at him, knocking him away from Lucretia.

Lucretia had been staring around the huge atrium in disbelief, realizing that they had been expected. Now, she gave a screech of outrage as Severus grasped Harry by the shoulders. Harry still held the Crucio Inflamare ball up over his head and it was growing larger as he prepared to throw it. He did not appear to notice that a man had grabbed him until Severus shouted in his face.

"Harry! No!"

Lucretia gave a rapid twirl of her wand and had Severus on the floor at their feet, writhing with her Crucio. His polyjuice disguise melted from him under the assault, leaving him in his true form. Lucretia stopped in surprise.

"_The traitor_? You've been here all this time?" Her face twisted in rage and she applied the Crucio again, with more fervor.

Harry was gazing down at him, head tilted to the side as he watched Severus curl in on himself, screaming in agony.

Lucretia shrieked at Harry, "_Throw it_! Show them your power so they will know _I_ am a force unstoppable!"

Harry looked at her, the ball in his upraised hands growing a bit, and then shrinking again when he looked down at Severus. Severus looked up at Harry and managed to hold out a shaking hand. Behind them, two spell lights converged and hit Lucretia in the chest, halting the Crucio as she fell to the floor, stunned. Severus gasped with the sudden ability to breathe, but struggled immediately to his feet, clutching at Harry's robe front. He put himself right in Harry's face again.

"Harry! Don't do this! I'm here and you are not alone in fighting her anymore!"

Harry's arms dropped slightly as he focused on the face in front of him. Without Lucretia urging him to attack he had hesitated. A crimson tint had covered his vision so he didn't know if he was merely wishing for someone to stop him or if it was real. Deep down inside himself he remembered burning the man back at the chateau. He had pushed the regret away when it made his head hurt to think anything other than that it had been necessary. Now he remembered how awful it had been to see the man melting away under the film of liquid Cruciatus. He had killed a person.

He looked into the black eyes in front of him, squeezing his eyes and blinking rapidly to try and clear the red film away. "Severus?"

Severus nodded and slowly moved his hands up Harry's arms to his wrists, holding them tightly. "Don't throw it. Pull it back in."

The ball in Harry's hands was spinning rapidly, the magical energy needing a release. Severus lowered his forehead to Harry's. "I know you don't want to hurt anyone. She can't make you do it. You can resist her!"

Severus could feel Harry leaning into him, his arms shaking with the effects of the magic surging upwards into his hands. He kept his eyes locked with the blood-stained green ones and just stood there, pushing his presence at Harry's mind, looking for the bond so that they could connect.

A red streak suddenly struck Severus in the back and he jerked at the impact. His breath hitched as he struggled to keep standing, even though he could feel his grip on Harry loosen as he began to fall. He slid down the front of Harry's body, hands unable to catch another hold. Harry's eyes remained on his, his mouth open in question as the man fell slowly to the ground. Severus looked up at him and before he lost consciousness he whispered, "I – I love—"

Harry felt a welling fury rise up as he watched the black eyes close. Lucretia had pushed herself up on one elbow and her wand was still pointed at Severus. Now she looked up at Harry.

"Kill them _all_! Throw it and show them that _I_ have the ultimate power!"

The room was filled with witches and wizards who had been trading spell fire, hurling hexes and curses, the red robes of the Auror Corps standing out against the grey of the Manguers de Mort. Now the room grew silent as everyone turned towards the man holding the flaming curse over his head. It was growing again, spinning faster and glowing brighter. Harry's face was twisted in pain and now his eyes were bleeding, the pressure having ruptured so many blood vessels that they were now actually leaking in bloody tears down his cheeks.

Draco had seen Severus fall and he now had his wand trained on Harry. Albus had made his way to their position and he had thrown up a shimmering shield to stand between Harry and the crowd before him. Ron was next to Draco, his jaw clenched as he too had his wand on Harry. They could see the veiled Unspeakables at the back of the room, their own wands at the ready. If Harry threw the Crucio Inflamare, they would take him down. Draco and Ron glanced at each other, in unspoken agreement that if Harry had to be put down, it would be by his friends and not by his enemies. It would be done out of love and not out of malice or fear.

Harry stood there in the silence, chest heaving as he tried to think clearly. Draco spoke to him then.

"Harry, Severus is alive. Look…he's breathing. But he needs help, so you need to stop the curse and pull it back like he said, so he can be helped. You can help him if you stop the curse and don't let it fly."

Harry looked towards him, turning his head slowly. His voice was hoarse. "Draco? I can't see you. I can't see anything but red. She killed him, didn't she? She killed Sev…"

"No, Harry. He is _alive_. I wouldn't lie to you. Ron's here. He'll tell you that I'm telling the truth."

Ron spoke up, "I'm here with you, too, mate. We've been waiting for the right time to get you out. This is it, Harry. Severus needs help and you have to pull the curse back in so he can get it."

"_NO_!" Lucretia screamed. "Harrison! I _order_ you to throw it now! Burn them! Burn them _all_ so we may take our place as ruler!"

Albus strengthened his shield as the Unspeakables moved restlessly and the Aurors became focused on Harry. The Manguers de Mort had mostly put their wands down on the floor when they saw that they were outnumbered and that Harrison was hesitating to follow Lucretia's orders. A few of the Aurors were moving among them and collecting the wands before binding them to prevent them Disapparating.

Albus spoke so that only Draco and Ron could hear him. "I've got portkeys for you. Where is Shaiming? They will take you to China."

"I am here." Shaiming had moved from his fighting position to stand near Albus. Lucretia saw him and she had now risen to her feet, her wand moving back and forth between all the men she saw before her that had been spies in the Manguers de Mort.

"You all betrayed me…even my _dear_ cousin Draco!" She glared at him. "Your father would be _so_ disappointed at how like your _mother_ you became." She waved her other hand at Harry. "Do you see his magnificent cloak? Most of it is your mother. See how pale and soft it is… your skin will make an excellent beginning to a new cloak…one that will be made of the skins of traitors!" She looked at each one of them in turn, leaving no doubt that she intended to include all of them.

Turning her cold grey eyes on Shaiming, she hissed, "And _you_! I should have known that you couldn't be trusted. Now your apprentice will die a very slow death because of your short-sightedness."

"My apprentice is likely part of your abomination of a cloak. I hold no illusions that your show of any mercy at all was not simply more manipulation and coercion. You disgust me and any wizard in the world with your twisting of the power that has been entrusted to us. I do not regret wanting to get closer to you in order to make sure of your eventual destruction."

Shaiming had said more at one time than anyone had ever heard, but his words spoke for what they all felt in this moment. Lucretia stepped towards Harry and the wands pointed at him were gripped even tighter. Albus redoubled his shields, no more simply preventing Harry from unleashing his lethal magic on the crowd, but also preventing the casting of multiple disabling curses that were being aimed at Harry. The Aurors did not seem to understand that if they tried to destroy him the Cruciatus Inflamare would likely fly wild and even more would die as a result. Too, he did not want to see Harry destroyed like this. He had not chosen this path for himself. If he could be brought back somehow, he deserved the chance to heal again.

The bleeding tears were streaming thickly down his cheeks now and his arms shook with the effort to keep the ball raised over his head. The skin cloak waved around him in a floating sort of way, cringing and jerking when drops of his blood landed on it as they dripped. Draco had stared at it in horror, realizing the truth of what Lucretia said, feeling, even from this distance, the magical signature of his mother. The journal had spoken of her torture, how she had been separated from her skin meticulously while still alive. But it had not spoken of her skin being fashioned into this gruesome artifact. He tore his eyes away from it when Lucretia addressed Harry.

"Throw it, Harrison! Mother knows what's right and best, my son." Her voice was modulated in cajoling tones and Harry's face relaxed minutely, testament that her words and conditioning hurt less to listen to than all of theirs.

Ron stepped forward then, heedless of the wands, the danger. "Harry, listen, mate! She is _using_ you! Just like you had always feared when you were growing up known as The Boy Who Lived. She only wants what you can do for her and everything she says otherwise is a lie. You know it inside. You can feel the truth, if you can't remember it. I'm your best friend and I will _not_ lie to you. If you do this, the Aurors out here will try to destroy you. They don't know you like I do, though. You don't want to be the next Voldemort. Don't give them a reason to believe that you do."

Lucretia shrieked in rage and began the words of the killing curse, aimed at Ron's heart.

"Avada Ke—" then it was lost in her shrieks of terror and agony when the Cruciatus Inflamare left Harry's hands and engulfed her fully.

The crowd surged backwards in reflex but no spell lights came from the Auror or Unspeakables.

"_Mother_! I'm sorry!" Harry had fallen to his knees and was crawling sightlessly towards where she was burning in a twisting, macabre dance of death. Draco and Ron both leaped the remaining distance and covered him, Draco grasping his hands as Ron caught him around the waist.

"Let me go! I have to save her! _Mother_!" He fought wildly to be released, magic forgotten in his bid for freedom. The men held on, Draco whispering into Harry's ear as he held him close between them. No one knew what he was saying, but Harry finally slumped in their grasp, letting his head fall over to Ron's shoulder; his own shaking with broken sobs.

Shaiming moved to Albus and reached into his robe pocket, removing the portkey. Albus whispered the password to him and Shaiming quickly went to the men on the floor.

While Albus maintained his shields, Shaiming took hold of Severus's arm and held out the portkey to Ron and Draco. They immediately tightened their hold on Harry and each laid a hand on the portkey.

"Black Phoenix!" Shaiming uttered, and they were gone.

The crowd of Manguers de Mort, Auror from both Britain and France, and the Unspeakables stood in several seconds of silence before voices were raised in confusion. The Manguers de Mort was quickly brought under arrest and the ones who had not already surrendered their wands did so.

The Unspeakables moved towards Albus as he lowered the magical shield with an exhausted sigh. They knelt around the blackened smudge that was the spot where Lucretia Dupree had died, a few of them waving wands and murmuring spells to record the evidence and also to analyze the strength of the curse that had killed her. The lead Unspeakable turned to Albus and regarded him silently through her veil for a long moment before speaking.

"We can still track them, you realize."

Albus turned to her and leveled a thunderous expression on her. "You will do well to leave them to their healing."

"Harry Potter is a very dangerous wizard. There will be others who will try to harness his magic and use him the same as Lucretia Dupree did."

"For that you would execute him? He deserves so much more than to be treated as if he were the evil one. He is not."

"What he might have been has obviously been twisted by whatever Lucretia Dupree did to him. It is through no fault of his own, of course, but he still cannot be allowed to be free."

Albus regarded her silently for a long time before he spoke at last, his voice filled with regret and pain. "Then let him be with his mate for now. Let him try to heal the wounds on his soul. Let them prove that Harry is not a danger. If he should be unable to let go of this darkness… I will be the one to tell him of your decision. But if he is able to control it, I want him to be left alone."

"I will make no promises, old man. The safety of the world lies in our hands and we cannot allow feelings or emotional attachments to get in the way of that."

"Just leave him alone for now. Perhaps they will come up with a solution that is agreeable for all concerned."

The Unspeakable moved back into a circle of the others, where they conferred for some time. Finally, they moved back through the room towards the doors, leaving the one in front of Albus.

"You have great faith in their abilities. You are a wizard of great power yourself, and one with too much compassion, it seems. We will wait. But if there appears any glimmer, any suspicion, that Harry Potter is a threat, we will move without hesitation."

She turned and joined her group and they immediately Disapparated back to wherever they had come from in the first place. Presumably, they would head for the chateau to confiscate and seal the evil magic within it, much as they had done with Malfoy Manor.

Albus heaved a heavy sigh, and breathed a prayer to Merlin to protect his boys, and give them whatever time and resources they needed to heal Harry.

HPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHP

**A/N:** Thank you for bearing with me through this chapter, if you did. It is more violently graphic than my usual style, so I felt the need to warn anyone sensitive to that sort of thing. With the real life problems I am experiencing, it was very cathartic to have Lucretia meet her end in the way she did. Even in the midst of darkness there is hope for overcoming it. Harry has hope now, even if he doesn't realize it himself. 'The Boys', as Albus called them, have the space and at least a little time to try and mend what has been broken.

As for my real life issues, I cannot say more about it here, only assure you that it has no resemblance to the events here in this fic. Nothing so dramatic or gruesome, just plain old 'caught me by surprise' and a real eye-opener to what a mess real life can turn into. I have to admit that spending much of my time in HP fanfic, writing and reading, has been a very welcome hideaway!

As always, _**Thank You**_ very much for the reviews, the alerts, the additions to fave's, and all your well wishes and prayers. I appreciate every single word!


	35. Chapter 35

**Black Phoenix**

Chapter 35

_Fire is a natural symbol of life and passion, _

_though it is the one element in which nothing can actually live._

_-Susanne K. Langer_

When Severus opened his eyes, it took a few moments to remember why he would feel the level of anxiety the welled up inside him. The ceiling over his head was not the one he had in his dungeons. It was not the one in the Hogwarts Infirmary. It was made of bamboo and shot through with greenery, and there were fresh breezes, and it should have been soothing, but it was not. He sat up quickly, biting back a growl of pain that stabbed his back. His wand was on the bedside table, and he noted that it was low to the ground to better serve the low cushioned bed he was on.

A whisper of sliding noise had a paper curtained partition moving aside and Shaiming was there.

"You are safe, my friend." Before Severus could ask he added, "Your mate sleeps over here. I will help you there."

Severus hated the weakness that had his thighs shaking when he stood up, but he was grateful for the supportive shoulder of the Chinese Potions Master as they moved beyond the screen.

Harry was on another low bed, Draco on one side and Ron on the other. Both men showed exhaustion in their slumped shoulders and the shadowy smudges under their eyes. They looked up at Severus and Draco stood up to let Severus have the floor cushion he was sitting on. Severus silently took the hand that lay atop the light quilt covering Harry, stroking his thumb across the top of it.

A magical blindfold was across Harry's eyes and he lay as still as if he were dead; barely seeming to breathe. Severus looked at Shaiming and the Chinese Potions Master immediately began giving the explanations he knew Severus wanted.

"I have him in a resting and healing coma. He needs the time to replenish his reserves, and it gives us time to talk about a plan for his recovery. It will not likely be an easy one."

Ron muttered, "It's never been easy for Harry."

Severus asked quietly, "Who threw the curse that hit me?"

"Lucretia," Draco answered. "Harry let the Crucio Inflamare go on her when she began the killing curse aimed at Ron." He grimaced in remembrance. "Then he tried to go to her while she was burning. It really tore him up. He'll have nightmares about it for sure."

Severus cursed softly and brought the hand he held up to his lips. "His eyes were bleeding. How bad was the damage?"

"It will be a while before we know." He laid a hand on Severus's shoulder. "You should get back in your bed. You took a near fatal hit. You, too, will take time to heal."

Severus shook his head. "I'm not leaving. Make this bed bigger."

Shaiming did not argue. The bed was enlarged and Severus carefully climbed in beside Harry. He gingerly arranged himself so that he could lay on his side next to Harry and then put an arm around his waist. Shaiming pulled the quilt up.

"It's too bright in here," Severus muttered. Shaiming waved a hand and shutters came down over the windows, darkening the airy room. It was still a great deal brighter than anything at Hogwarts and Severus maneuvered a corner of the quilt over his face before quickly falling back to sleep.

SSHPSSHPSSHP

Draco and Ron watched over them for a while longer before looking at each other. Ron spoke in a quiet voice. "We have to go back. If only to keep them from coming here."

Draco nodded reluctantly. "Albus will have held them off for a while, but with the tracking spells… they saw what Harry can do now. They will be anxious to contain it."

Ron shook his head. "He saved our world… and now it just seems wrong that he is what they feared most. He grew up with one goal always being the most important: kill Voldemort. And now that he has, they're upset that the power he had to amass is showing itself. I understand, but I don't get it. It's not fair."

"Life is not fair, Weasley. I thought you knew that by now," Draco scathed.

Instead of the typical Weasley explosion at the snide remark, Ron just sat back in dejection. "So what can we do? Obliviate him? Hasn't he already lost enough?"

Draco didn't respond and Ron looked up to see him with a calculating gleam in his eyes. He quickly held out a hand to stop Draco's line of thought. "No! I didn't really mean we should Obliviate him!"

Draco stood and paced for a bit. "But maybe that's partially an answer. He has lost a lot. But he has also gained a lot that shouldn't be in his head. That needs to be countered, the conditioning spells Lucretia used undone. What if his memory of being able to do such dark magic was softened, or at least buried deeper in his subconscious…"

Shaiming had been standing there so still and silent that they had forgotten he was present until he spoke, startling them. "The potions I have been using on him could be further modified… I made them act in such a way that he could sense that there were memories missing, so that he would feel a compulsion to question the things he was being ordered to do. Now that Lucretia Dupree is no longer here to influence his thinking, he should be able to question those things without the pain from before. Much has been lost, the way she unraveled the fabric of his memories and wove in her own, but perhaps with the positive influences he will be able to do as you suggest and bury the darkness. A lot of his own memories were wound onto magic spindles as they were removed."

He looked at the two men. "We need those spindles. If we are to replace the darkness in him, try to turn it back, he needs those memories. His wand is there, also. Lucretia Dupree conditioned his ability to manipulate magic wandlessly, but he will need his wand if we successfully reverse his thought processes."

Ron sighed. "Maybe they will let me have them if I explain it to them from our viewpoint. Maybe Albus can convince them that we need to try."

Draco looked down at his godfather as the man unconsciously tightened his embrace of Harry. He knew the man was devoted to the younger wizard. He gave a sigh, recalling the years of enmity that had been between all of them during Harry, Draco and Ron's school days. They had come an impossible distance since then, forged unlikely relationships, forgiven past mistakes in deed and judgment. He hoped that the luck that had allowed them to do this kept holding. He hoped that this next impossible distance could be successfully crossed.

The floo network didn't function over distances half a world away, so they were unable to immediately contact Albus to see what was happening back home. Instead, they used the much slower method of relay owl post to let the Headmaster know that Harry and Severus were being attended to and that Ron and Draco would return soon. Shaiming described the spindles that he had seen during Harry's conditioning and asked that he attempt to retrieve both those and Harry's wand.

The three men continued to watch over Severus and Harry, discussing possibilities and the possible reactions those possibilities would create.

Shaiming assured Draco and Ron that both Harry and Severus would sleep through the night and most of the next day and finally they all went to their own beds in complete and utter exhaustion.

RWDMRWDMRWDM

The shaking of the bed awakened him. Severus sat up as quickly as he was able, briefly feeling relief that the discomfort was significantly less that before, and leaned over the huddled body next to him. Harry had curled in on himself, silently sobbing, the heal of one hand caught between his teeth to keep himself quiet.

He jumped when Severus touched his shoulder, flinching away from him. Severus reluctantly drew his hand back and whispered soothingly, "Harry, you're safe now. We are far away from anyone who can hurt you."

There was silence for a long while as Harry held himself tensely and as far to the edge of the bed as he could. Then the words spilled out in a jumble, clearly indicating the confusion and anxiety inside the man.

"But what if _I_ hurt someone? Where is Mother? Why can't I see? I feel you there, your magic, and it feels like it should be right, but it can't be because I don't really remember that feeling from before… " and still even more incoherent babble, "it feels clean here… not like the other place… but I can't be here because I am not clean… dark wizard… dark lord…oh gods… I killed her!... I killed that other man!... I need… I need…"

He bit down on his hand again to stifle the torrent and Severus didn't hesitate then to gather him up into his arms. Harry struggled against him but Severus held on, rocking him slowly until he slumped back into sleep again. Severus continued to hold him then, needing the contact with his mate, needing to feel like he might be giving him some kind of strength through their bond. He knew that he would be unable to return to sleep, wanting only to continue holding and rocking Harry. His mind raced with all that had happened…

He was glad that Lucretia Dupree was dead. Oh, he had known about the cousin on the continent. Way back in their school days, Lucius had spoken of the beautiful cousin that he spent summers as a child with. He was in love with that cousin, her beauty a twin to his own. As naive children they had pledged themselves to one another and it was not until later that they were told to 'grow up' and do what was right by the family. Malfoys were all about increasing the wealth while maintaining the bloodline. If there had not been other pureblood possibilities for their children, their parents may have consented to the close familial intermarriage. But there were other fortunes to amass and Lucretia was betrothed to Lord Viscount Michel Dupree. Lucius had raved over the injustice and Lucretia had begged her parents for weeks, refusing to eat unless they let her marry her cousin. The wishes of the heads of the European Malfoys and the British Malfoys had been adamant and the marriage took place, securing the greatest marriage of wealth the French wizarding society had ever seen.

Lucius was betrothed to Andromeda Black, the families agreeing to blend the Malfoy and Black fortunes. Lucius hated Andromeda and he spent many evenings lamenting his cursed father to Severus. Then he noticed Narcissa, the younger sister of Andromeda. Her beauty had been so like that of Lucretia that Lucius was immediately attracted to her. In her, he saw a way of keeping the fantasy of having Lucretia and still pleasing his family. Andromeda made a show of objection at his rejection of her, but her heart was already with someone else. If her sister was made to join the Black family with the Malfoy's she would be free to pursue her romance with her forbidden Muggle, Ted Tonks.

The families of Malfoy and Black agreed and the union took place. Narcissa was a cold wife, but that may have been because she was forced into a marriage with a man who saw her as a substitute for another woman. Yes, Narcissa was well aware that she was a shadow of the great love Lucius held for his cousin. She held her head up and did her duty by producing a male heir. She was always the perfect wife, adopting the sneering countenance of her husband in order to cope with the gossip of her arranged marriage. Over time, they grew to be closer, confidents, and at least friends. Lucius had his Death Eater activities and Narcissa had her social activities and they supported each other's goals. Lucius told Severus that he had maintained his contacts with his French cousin, but he never divulged that she was involved in anything to do with Voldemort.

Now, Severus could only surmise that the woman had held onto her jealousy all these years. Lucius would have trusted her with the safety of his family, not realizing the intense hatred Lucretia had harbored for Narcissa. It was a wonder that she had not latched onto Draco as a substitute son, but that was likely due to her larger need for power. If she saw any of Lucius in the son, she wanted to impress him with the power she wielded. Harry had been the focus and having him meant that she would have what her Tom Riddle had not gained, what her wealthy husband Michel Dupree had not been able to give her, and what Lucius Malfoy had denied her when he married another.

Severus shifted in his musings, and Harry murmured in his sleep. Severus gently shifted a bit more, so that Harry was laying against him, cheek against his chest. It had been a favorite position when Harry was deaf; he could feel the beat of Severus's heart and feel the rumble of his voice, even when he could not hear the words spoken.

Harry wrapped unconscious arms around the waist of the man holding him and quieted again. Severus stroked the messy hair, threading his fingers through it, noting that there were numerous silver strands amongst the black now. So young to bear enough stress to turn his hair silver so early.

He pressed his lips into the softness and closed his eyes. "I want you back, Harry. I want you back."

SSHPSSHPSSHP

The potion to induce the magical coma had obviously not been strong enough to do it for as long as Shaiming had wanted. Severus could have told Shaiming that things like that always happened with Harry. Draco or Ron could have too. But Severus had been unconscious himself at the time, and Draco and Ron simply forgot that Harry never responded 'normally' to normal situations.

So the quaking of the building and the accompanying screams were at first thought to be the result of a small earthquake. It was not until Shaiming had made his way to the room where Severus and Harry had been sleeping that he realized that the quake was being caused by a very awake and a very stressed Harry.

Severus was crouched in front of the man who in turn was crouched with his back in a corner, hands outstretched to ward off perceived attack. The room shook enough so that bamboo splinters drifted down from the ceiling and water was sloshing over in the cups and basins set around the room. Shaiming moved to safeguard the potions that teetered precariously on trembling shelves and tables.

Draco and Ron ran into the room, drawing robes over hastily pulled on pants. When Shaiming would have approached Harry, Ron caught his arm.

"Severus has done this before. Better leave it to him."

Shaiming watched as Severus kept up the stream of murmured words of calming to Harry. He could not make them out from where he stood, but it appeared that Harry was listening. The trembling gradually stopped in the outstretched hands and that was followed by a cessation of the earth tremor. The face under the medical blindfold was still tensed into the grimace of a cornered animal and Severus treated the situation very much like he had when Harry had regained consciousness following the destruction of Voldemort.

The other men watched in silence as Harry calmed and then put a hesitant hand on the Severus's knee as the man knelt in front of him. Severus eased his hand onto Harry's, still talking softly to him. When he began to sign into Harry's hand, there was a look of question and then one of astonishment on Harry's face.

They could all hear him. "I know what you're saying to me…I don't know how I know, but I do…"

"Yes. You know sign, both to give and to understand. Listen to what I'm saying, Harry. Listen to my hands and my words."

Severus kept on signing into Harry's hands, at times holding them tightly to keep him from pulling away while shaking his head. From the expressions that crossed Harry's face, the other men knew that Severus was telling him what had happened. They could see that he was having a great deal of difficulty reconciling Severus's explanation with what he remembered.

It was a long time before Harry finally spoke out loud.

"What if… what if _this_ is all the lie? I can't remember past the last month while I was with my mother. She told me my memory had been affected by the war where my patron was killed and that I had these episodes… maybe _you're_ the ones who are lying."

Severus 's usual stoic face was tense with suppressed anger that Harry had been made to forget so completely his past, and especially his past with him. He continued to spell into Harry's hands and talked aloud at the same time.

"How is it that we can communicate like this, if we are lying? We have shared so much like this, Harry. You may not remember it, but listen to your heart tell you that it's right. The proof of the truth is that I will never ask you to hurt someone else. I will never demand that you use either magic or any other means to hurt, destroy, or manipulate."

Harry looked in Severus's direction for a long time. "Why can't I see? I could see Mother and I could see when I…" His face crumpled and he struggled to remove his hands from Severus's. "I _did_ kill her, didn't I?"

Severus tugged him forward and held him tightly. "Yes," he whispered. "But she was not your mother. She wanted you to believe that she was so that she could control you. She placed those ideas in your mind. You did what you had to do to keep from hurting many more people. She wanted you to destroy and kill so that she could have power. Do you remember that?"

Harry was silent for so long that Severus thought he must have gone back to sleep. Then he spoke quietly, "I remember it hurt to go against her. But I didn't want to lose her… I thought she loved me."

"Your mother was Lily. _She_ did love you. Lucretia was not even a poor substitute. She was using you."

"I know. I don't want to, but I know. Why does it hurt so much?"

"She wanted it to hurt so that you would not easily resist her." He addressed Harry's earlier question about his sight then. "Shaiming says that the blindness should gradually get better. Many blood vessels ruptured in your eyes when you continued to resist her conditioning. It will resolve over time."

Another long period of silence was broken when Harry whispered to a stunned Severus, "Who was my mate? Mother…" Harry seemed to be unable to call Lucretia anything else,"… said she died and I haven't gotten over it yet…I want to remember her…tell me about her please…"

Severus stilled the hands that had been smoothing up and down on Harry's back, and then carefully removed them, retreating slowly to leave Harry leaning against the wall he had huddled next to. The blind face tilted as it followed the sound and feel of Severus standing up and moving away.

Severus stopped at the doorway, without looking at any of the other men. His voice was strangled when he finally said, "I can't do this right now."

He moved away quickly, needing to get out of the bright and airy space that suddenly seemed so dim and closed.

The other men watched him walk out of the room, out of the building. Shaiming gave Draco and Ron a brief glance before following him.

Ron took a deep breath and walked over to Harry. "Let me help you get back to your bed, mate. You're probably hungry and thirsty, yeah?"

Harry frowned, even as he readily extended a hand for Ron to grasp. As Ron pulled him up he asked, "Where did Severus go?"

Ron led him the short distance to the low bed and Harry felt his way down to sit. Ron stared down at him for a moment. "You know who that was, then? You know it was Severus?"

Harry was still frowning and he opened his mouth to answer before closing it again. He ran a hand over his forehead, rubbing absently at the scar there. "Yeah… his name is Severus…he makes me feel…"

"Feel what?" Ron pressed, as he dropped to sit beside him.

"Like I can say anything to him and it won't matter. Like I can just be me and he'll let me." He flexed the fingers that had been signing along with Severus's moments before. "Safe. I feel safe." He turned his face in Ron's direction. "Does that make sense?"

"Yes, Harry. It makes a lot of sense. We're working on a way to get your memories back. Maybe you should just relax about it for now. Like Severus said, none of us will let anything hurt you here."

Harry gave an exhausted sigh as he laid back on the bed. "Am I such a weakling then, that I need so much protection?"

Ron shook his head before remembering that Harry couldn't see him. "No, you're not weak, mate. Not at all. You're scary strong, in fact. But you've been through it lately and we are making sure no one takes advantage of your memory problems."

Harry turned his face towards the sound of Ron's voice. "Are you going to tell me what I've forgotten?"

Ron hesitated before answering carefully. "We would do that, but we aren't sure yet how to do it so you won't be hurt even more. Your memories were removed and new ones implanted." He reached over and laid a hand on Harry's shoulder. "I'm not the expert, though. Shaiming, Severus, and Albus will figure it out. Try not to worry for now."

Harry nodded and remained in thoughtful silence. If these men wanted to control him, wouldn't they be trying to tell him things, make him do things? They were being very careful, though, as if what he heard and what he felt really mattered; as if he mattered.

He thought of the woman they were saying wasn't really his mother. She had been so beautiful… but she had ordered him to learn wandless magic. She had ordered him to practice spells on people who had been in small rooms in the dungeons of the chateau. Most of those spells had hurt, and maimed, and she had repeatedly told him that these were criminals or traitors who needed punishing and that it was the two needs handily combined; his need for practice and theirs for disciplinary action.

Now he could look back and it was as if there had been a haze in his mind, a voice on the inside telling him that his own actions were totally justified. Now he could see that he had been cruel and heartless. Burning that man in the meeting room in front of all the other followers had not been the first of his horrible acts, but it had been the worst, a culmination of everything that his mother had been drilling into him. She had spent countless hours with him and then when he slept it was as if her voice was continually in his head, shaping his thoughts.

He swallowed and his throat felt dry against the choking sensation of the nausea suddenly boiling in his gut. How would he ever make those actions right again? Behind the blindfold he could feel the itchy heat of tears being held back. Turning on his side, he felt Ron's hand slide off his shoulder and he instantly missed the feel of it.

"Are you—" he started. "Are you someone I've known before?"

The hand came back briefly to pat his shoulder. "I'm your best friend, Harry. We've known each other since we were eleven and in our first year at Hogwarts. We've had our ups and downs, but we've always come through it. You'll come through this, you'll see."

"What about the others? The man that was here when I woke up…he seemed like … I don't know exactly, but he seemed like he was my best friend, too."

Ron stayed silent for a long moment and then very quietly agreed, "That, he most definitely is, mate."

The man on the bed gave another shuddering sigh as sleep began to pull at him again.

The red haired man stared down at his friend, watching the face relax as he went back to sleep.

HPHPHPHPHPHP

Harry woke to a room in shadows, the torchlight low, and the sound of cricket song outside the dark windows. It wasn't cold, but he felt chilled, as if he was waking from a nightmare that he couldn't remember. Turning his head to the side, he saw that the man Severus was also awake, on another bed to the side of his own. Black eyes gazed at him from where he lay on his pillow. For a moment, he put a hand up to his eyes, realizing that he could see again. The blindfold was gone. So he really was awake now, and not in a continuation of the nightmare. He looked at Severus, seeing the searching question in those dark eyes.

Harry whispered, "Did I wake you up? I think I had a bad dream…"

"I was already awake, " Severus answered softly.

Harry nodded and turned his face to peer up at the ceiling again. He laid there silently for long moments, trying to grasp the remnants of the dream so he could dispel it. Instead of being awake helping, it seemed that he grew more uneasy. A strong gust of wind rattled a shutter at the window and he gasped, sitting up.

Severus sat up in his bed and Harry looked over at him, his breath coming hard as the panic continued to rise. Severus held out a hand to him, silently expressing his willingness to help, and Harry crossed the gap between the beds quickly. Strong arms came around him and hands soothed the trembling muscles in his back. Harry buried his face in the other man's neck and inhaled deeply. A sense of peace, a sense of belonging, gradually took the place of the nameless terror of the dream.

Severus wordlessly lay down with Harry in his arms, holding the younger man securely. "Go back to sleep now. I'm here."

And Harry knew, without being able to remember, that Severus would always be there.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

_**A/N:**__ Thank you to everyone reading and reviewing. It's like having a giant bar of chocolate without the calories! _

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	36. Chapter 36

**Black Phoenix**

Chapter 36

Birdsong had replaced the sound of crickets when Harry opened his eyes again. He remembered being able to see when he had been awakened by the bad dream during the night and now he could see the room he was in as he let his eyes move around. He felt arms around him and for a moment he stiffened. Then he remembered that it was to Severus that he had gone in the middle of the night. Turning his face, he could rest his cheek against a warm chest, inhale the scent of musk and sandlewood next to him. He felt the rumble in the chest as Severus spoke quietly,

"Shaiming said that the magical blindfold would fall from your eyes when they had healed enough. How clear is your vision this morning?"

Harry reluctantly pulled away to sit up and it seemed that Severus was just as reluctant to let go. He looked around the room, taking in the openness, the distinctly far eastern furnishings and décor.

"I don't think I've ever been here before. It seems… too bright, somehow. But everything seems to be pretty clear."

"You are correct. You have not been here before now."

Harry continued to look around, taking in the rooms details before letting his eyes fall on the man beside him. The black eyes gazed back at him calmly and Harry felt a pull in those eyes that he couldn't explain.

"I wish… I wish I understood what I'm feeling. You seem familiar and yet not familiar at all. I think that I should be reluctant to trust you, but I do. It seemed so right to go to you after a bad dream, but now… in the daylight, I feel stupid for needing to go to you at all."

Severus remained silent, not wishing to interrupt the stream of thinking Harry was doing. Harry turned his head and stared at the man next to him more intently. "I feel safe with you. I'm afraid of how safe I feel because it might go away."

Severus rolled onto his side and raised his hand to brush some hair back from Harry's jaw. "I promise that I will not go away. I plan to be here beside you, however long it takes to recover your memories."

Harry leaned slightly into the touch on his jaw. "Ron told me that you're a very good friend. He was right."

Severus almost reached out to kiss him then, wanting to prove that he was more than a friend, but he heaved a deep breath instead and rolled over to stand up beside the low bed. He winced as muscles stretched and joints popped when he stretched out long limbs. Looking down at Harry, he saw the younger man quickly look away from staring up at him.

Shaiming came into the room then. "Ah good. You are both awake." He came forward and peered intently into Harry's eyes before nodding in satisfaction. "You both need to get out of these rooms today. The compound is open for your exploration. Classes are being held and you are welcome to watch as you wish. Breakfast is in the arbor pavilion."

He swept a brief bow to them before exiting and leaving them alone again. They both dressed in the loose cotton pants and tunics that Shaiming had provided, tying them with long scarlet sashes. They joined Shaiming and a large group of apprentice wizards at a breakfast that was simple but filling. They listened to the Mandarin tongue flow around them. Shaiming sat on Severus's other side and he explained,

"This is a wizarding compound. The studies here are exclusively healing and medicinal potions. The Chinese way is focused more inwardly, and a great deal of our day is spent in reflection and meditation. This helps us obtain a higher level of empathetic healing through touch magic. You will also see physical exercise classes that help us towards strength and endurance. It is all quite different from your western methods of magical education and training."

Harry frowned as he thought that he didn't remember much about any previous training, so he really had nothing to compare to. He looked at Shaiming in question. "Are we allowed to participate?"

"If you wish," he nodded. "It would most certainly help with your healing processes, both mentally and physically. Your friends, Mr. Malfoy and Mr. Weasley left this morning, to go back and retrieve the memory spindles from the chateau."

Severus asked, "And if they are nor given access to them?"

Shaiming smiled a knowing smile. "I daresay, that between the cunning and the strategic efforts of those two, they will be successful. Albus will undoubtedly assist them as well."

He turned to Severus. " You may wish to examine the enclosure of our phoenix. There have been a few unusual spikes of magic over the last few weeks, according to the records. Perhaps our friend will wear down and settle into a rebirth soon."

Harry looked between the men, a questioning frown between his eyes. Severus began walking, beckoning Harry to come with him. "I'll explain as much as I can. However, until your memories return, it may not make much sense."

Harry nodded and they followed a path leading away from the pavilion. Beyond an ornate stand of bamboo, a gently curved bridge crossed a river that flowed through the compound. They were at the top of a rise and they stood looking out over the fields and buildings. Groups of men and women were attired as they were, and they were gathered under trees, sitting on the ground, or they were standing in precise formations, following fluid exercise patterns.

The two wizards stopped by the group under the trees and listened while an instructor gave a lecture and gestured to a board he was standing in front of. The students were paying strict attention, not allowing themselves to be distracted by the visitors. The instructor gave them a small bow as he continued his lesson. Severus bowed in return, Harry copying him, before they turned to walk towards one of the exercise groups.

Harry said, "It's a little difficult to follow when you don't speak the language."

Severus shrugged and made a noncommittal hum. Harry stopped. "You speak Chinese?"

Severus took his elbow and they continued to walk as he answered, "I understand it much better than I speak it. Shaiming and I have been comrades for many years, since he did some of his Potions Mastery in Britain. I would not be able to accurately speak it enough to hold a conversation with someone I'm not acquainted with."

Harry moved to walk closer to Severus, liking the gentle guiding hand on his elbow. Severus noted the acceptance of his touch and smiled inwardly. Perhaps, even if Harry never got his original memories back, there was a chance for them to have what they had before. His own magic craved being near Harry; touching was bliss, and now that he was in close contact with him, the bond had settled down, giving him a sense of peace that he had not had since Harry was taken from their reception. He and Shaiming had discussed whether or not to tell Harry they were bonded and had decided that it could make Harry mistrustful, and make him think they were manipulating him as Lucretia had done. Having Harry accept him as a friend had to be enough for now.

They stopped at a class of wizards to watch the graceful dance of hands, feet, and body moving in slow precise rhythm. Harry watched avidly for a few moments before falling into a place in the back, where he mirrored the movements. Severus watched him for several minutes before joining. An hour later, they both bowed to the instructor and the smiling students before moving on.

Harry led them back to the river, where he sat on the bank. The grass was soft and lush and he flopped backwards to stare up at the clouds that dotted the blue sky.

Severus sat down a few feet away after he realized he had been staring at the supine form of his husband. Dragging his gaze away, he pulled up a few blades of the grass and immersed himself in the study of it.

After a bit, Harry turned his head to look at him, propping his head on a folded arm. "That felt good. But it feels like I'm out of shape. Didn't I do anything before?"

"You played quidditch in school. Most recently, you enjoyed working with your hands, building, and enjoying herbology. You have a natural talent for growing things."

Harry looked at his hands before plunging them into the grass beside him and pushing his face into the green velvet. Severus watched as he inhaled deeply, eyes closed in concentration. Harry raised his head and smiled. "I think I can feel the magic of the earth."

Severus nodded, "You were very much attuned to earth magic. You could feel what plants needed for proper growth. You often described it as the earth singing to you through your hands."

Harry sat in thought before saying softly, "I don't feel anything like singing. Did Lucretia take that away as well?" He raised questioning eyes to gaze at Severus.

Severus looked out over the scene before them for a long moment as he formulated a response. "I believe that the ability is within you still. However, the sense may not be as sharp as it was before." He glanced over at Harry briefly as he weighed the next words.

"You could sense the earth magic more easily through touch because you were deaf. It appeared to have sharpened the ability to feel, much like it does in muggles who lose one of their five senses."

Harry frowned in thought. "I was deaf? How did she change that?"

"You were severely injured in battle with the Dark Lord a little over two years ago now. You lost both your sight and your hearing. The wand that Voldemort used had a core of Black Phoenix tail feather. The only way to reverse the damage was by finding the Black Phoenix and securing its tears. The phoenix is quite elusive and was thought to be only a myth prior to this. Voldemort apparently had hold of it for a period long enough to gain the feather for the wand and also a supply of tears. Lucretia still had those tears and when she captured you she healed your ears."

"What about my eyes, then? Did she heal those as well?"

Severus shook his head. "No. I had vowed to find the Black Phoenix to get the tears needed. After a long time, it was found here. I was able to acquire five tears before it burned. Shaiming helped to construct a special enclosure so that we could get more when it is reborn. So far it remains as a whirlwind of ashes, refusing to settle for a rebirth. I brought the tears back to you and you would only allow your sight to be healed. You gave another tear to Draco to heal his leg, which had also been irreparably damaged by Voldemort."

Harry looked confused. "Why did I not want my hearing healed?"

"Because you felt the earth singing to you through your fingers and you did not want to lose that."

"Didn't I want to hear people and other things? Why would I not want that?"

"You had learned to speak in sign language, and to read lips when people spoke. You had a magical notebook that helped you quickly know what people who could not sign were saying."

Harry looked at him gravely. "I can't imagine that I would give up hearing your voice. I quite like it." He blushed with that admission and looked away.

Severus reached over and touched his shoulder and Harry looked back at him. "You could still hear me, Harry." He whispered, "Legillimens!"

'_You always said you liked my voice and I was able to speak to you this way.'_

Harry felt the brush of Severus's voice as it whispered in his mind and he reached up to touch Severus' cheek. There was a vague shadow of memory that this was true and then it was gone. But it was enough that Harry could believe that it was the truth.

'_Yes, I believe you.'_

'_Would you like to see the enclosure of the phoenix? Shaiming seemed to think that something may be happening to the bird.'_

'_Yes. Take me there.'_

Severus withdrew from Harry's mind before standing and offering a hand to help Harry up. They walked shoulder to shoulder over to a building that seemed to be made of glass, surrounding a stand of trees. An apprentice sat on a bench under a small pavilion, a table of parchment in front of him. He stood when Severus and Harry approached.

His English was halting, "Master Shaiming- informed me that- you might wish to- inspect the progress here."

Severus responded in equally halting Mandarin and the man smiled broadly. He paged through the parchment and handed Severus several sheets. They discussed the graphs that had been drawn there while Harry waited patiently.

Severus joined Harry as he peered through the glass. Inside, there was a self-contained environment that offered all the settings that the Black Phoenix had ever been found in. Magical fields supported the differing temperatures that kept the diverse plant and tree life alive. It looked odd to see desert and cactus next to rain forest with ivy-draped trees. There was a snow-covered tree in an area next to a palm tree.

"We tried to make it possible for the phoenix to choose an environment that would be familiar from its past experiences. We know that it is still in there, but thus far it has not chosen , or perhaps is unable to choose one of these."

As they stood there, Severus went on to explain, "This is not actually glass that you see here, but barriers made solely from magic. Fortunately, the Chinese have developed this ability to create massive enclosures from magic, because it is needed in the northern areas where winters can be very harsh and existence is difficult."

Harry went nearer to the barrier, taking in the enclosure. Severus stepped up behind him. "The logs state that although they have not seen any hint of the ashes, there have been spikes of magical activity. The most recent ones have been in the last few days and have been the strongest yet."

Harry nodded absently, lifting his hands to place them against the barrier. He thought that it might feel like glass, but instead it felt like he was touching warm water. It bent under his palm as he pressed gently. Severus sucked in a breath behind him and the apprentice muttered a string of mandarin before running away.

Severus laid a hand on Harry's shoulder. "You should not touch the barrier. It drains your magic—"

"No… it's not draining me. It feels like it's welcoming me… it's happy… it's calling me." He had a smile on his face that was child-like in its awe.

Severus watched in amazement as Harry's hands pressed through the barrier to the inside. When Harry seemed as if he would follow, Severus tightened his grip and restrained him. Shaiming came running up, followed by the apprentice who had summoned him.

Harry turned his hands palm up and a flurry of ashes carried by a small whirlwind was suddenly dancing just over them. Shaiming had drawn his wand, as had the apprentice. Severus stiffened as he caught sight of this, but as he glanced over at them, he saw that they were not attacking, but running scans. He returned his gaze to Harry's hands, his jaw dropping when he saw the ashes begin to solidify and take shape.

Harry cupped his hands together, a look of rapture on his face as the shape became a large dark grey egg. Once completely solid, Harry slowly drew it out through the barrier. The barrier collapsed as Harry pulled the egg to his chest to cradle it. There was a huge wave of air, cold, warm and hot, from all the different environments, flowing quickly over them all as the walls fell, releasing them.

Shaiming and the apprentice busily scanned the egg with their wands, conversing excitedly all the while. Harry instinctively opened his tunic and placed the egg next to the bare skin of his chest, wrapping the tunic closed again. Then he looked up at Severus, still smiling.

"I could hear it. It called me to take it from inside its prison."

Severus had put an arm around Harry's shoulders, glaring at the apprentice as he tried to open Harry's tunic to get another peek at the egg. Shaiming put a hand on the apprentice's arm and the man reluctantly fell back and lowered his wand.

Harry began to walk back to their quarters, flanked by Shaiming and the still protective Severus. Once inside, Harry laid the egg on his bed and gently built up a mound of blankets to act as a snug nest around it. Then he looked at Severus and Shaiming.

"It told me it had been waiting for me. It had been searching for me when it was captured here and imprisoned."

"Why?" Shaiming asked. "Why was the phoenix searching for you?"

Harry shook his head. "I'm not certain. The messages aren't very clear. But I do know that once it hatches again, I will understand more." He caressed the egg gently, a small smile playing about his lips.

Severus and Shaiming looked at one another and Shaiming gave a motion with his head to tell Severus to join him outside. They left Harry, he had sat down on the bed, still smoothing his hand over the egg, or rather letting his hand hover above it, almost in a caress.

Shaiming led Severus out to the eating pavilion and they sat down.

"Did you sense any danger in your scan of the egg?" Severus asked at once.

Shaiming shook his head. "No. I know of no other phoenixes who have not simply always been here… they have always been bird to ashes to rebirth as a bird again. There is no record of an egg beginning to them. However, the magic seems benign."

"_Seems_ benign? I believe that I need more reassurance than that—"

"There is no darkness detectable, despite that it is a Black Phoenix with fabled dark powers."

Severus looked back at the building where Harry was inside, his face tight with tension. "He says it called to him. Is that possible?"

Shaiming nodded. "If we think about what we know of the Fiery Phoenix, it chooses whom it will be loyal to. Fawkes, Dumbledore's phoenix, is loyal only to him, all its powers freely given only to him to command. The Fiery Phoenix is a light magic animal, so theoretically, if Albus ever turned dark, Fawkes would leave him."

"Is the Black Phoenix an animal of dark magic? Could this claiming of Harry indicate that—"

Shaiming held up a hand to stop Severus's train of thought. "We cannot assume such thing yet. You have told me of Harry's power. He could not have defeated Voldemort if he was not very powerful."

"But he has not since displayed such power… except while he was with Lucretia." Severus looked thoughtful for a few moments before turning concerned eyes back to his friend. "What if whatever Lucretia did to him has turned him away from the light? She took away his memories of all that was good in his life. She was building up dark powers in him, bringing it to the fore. What if the Black Phoenix has been attracted to him and has attached itself to him because he is now fundamentally dark?"

Shaiming looked grave at that thought. "That could mean that Lucretia was successful in bringing about the next Dark Lord, if we go with those ideas."

Severus paled, his grimness mirroring Shaiming's. They both sat silently for a long time. The Shaiming finally spoke again. "It is fortunate that we have the opportunity to be here for whatever is about to happen. Your bond with Harry will most certainly play a role in how things develop. You may be the influence that keeps him from turning.

Severus made a concerted effort to school his concern before he went back inside. Perhaps Harry would allow him to use Legilimency to ascertain any details he might not understand. He would not allow Harry to turn dark, not after all he had been through, after what they all had been through.

Harry hardly left the bed where the egg rested, seeming to need to be near it. It gave an occasional twitch when Harry caressed it, otherwise nothing changed over the next few days.

Severus and Shaiming ran scans almost continuously and Harry didn't seem to mind them touching the egg. At night, he slept in the same bed, curled around it protectively.

"When do you think it will hatch?" Severus asked Harry one morning.

Harry shrugged one shoulder. "It's gotten quiet inside."

"What do you mean?"

Harry caressed the egg gently. "I was feeling that it was getting stronger, that it was growing inside, anxious to get out. This morning, it's quiet, like it's waiting for something to happen."

Severus held his voice steady, in spite of a spike of anxiety at that. "Harry, when it hatches, will that be a good thing or…"

Harry looked at Severus in surprise at the question, and at the implications that it raised. "You're asking if it could be a bad thing, if I can't feel that it's good. Do you think it will be a bad thing?"

Severus shook his head quickly at the panic in Harry's voice. He put a hand on Harry's shoulder and Harry immediately stepped closer to him. Severus welcomed him into the circle of his arms, offering his warmth. Harry's arms went around his waist, clutching at his tunic. His voice was shaking.

"If it's a dark creature, and it was waiting for me to come here, and take it out of the enclosure, maybe I'm dark after all. That's why you and Shaiming have been scanning it so much, asking me so many questions—"

Severus hugged him tightly. "We are concerned, of course. But it does not have to mean that you are dark, if this is a dark creature. We do not detect any dark magic here."

"But is it _light_ magic?" Harry asked anxiously, tipping his head back to look at Severus.

"It is more of a neutral magic. It has a signature that is neither dark nor light. I have not ever scanned Albus's phoenix, so perhaps Fawkes has a similar signature. Shaiming is sending a message to ask about it."

A commotion in the other room caught their attention and Harry stepped back from Severus. He followed Severus out the door and they found Ron and Draco had returned. Ron came forward to Harry and smiled.

"Alright there Harry?"

"Better if you tell me you got the spindles of my memories." Harry looked at them anxiously.

Ron stopped smiling at once and behind him Draco gave a disgusted growl. "Those idiots had burned the chateau to the ground with everything inside."

Harry lowered his head and sighed before turning and going back into his room, closing the door. Severus glowered at Draco and Ron threw up his hands in annoyance.

"Very good, Draco," he spit sarcastically. "That was a very nice way to let him know that he won't ever have his memories back."

Draco had the grace to look embarrassed before he muttered, "He had to find out sooner or later. What would be the point in drawing out the agony? Do you want him to know the truth of it or not?"

"It could still have been told in a more sensitive way," Severus said.

Ron gave a barked laugh before stopping at Severus's glare. "Sorry. It's just kind of funny that you would be concerned about being sensitive, after all you put us through back in school."

Severus ignored the jibe and gave a concerned look at the closed door before signaling Ron with a sweep of his hand. "He's missed you. Why don't you see if you can smooth things over a bit. I need to speak to Shaiming about this development."

Draco stepped towards him and said quietly, "You should also know that we went to the Ministries before coming back here. Both the French and the British Ministries are very wary of allowing Harry to come back unmonitored. Some small groups have banded together to raise awareness of him and his potential to become the next Voldemort."

Severus cursed softly under his breath. "Go on , Weasley. Draco, come with me. Let's see what Shaiming may have to say about what you found out."

Ron nodded and watched Severus and Draco head out towards Shaiming's teaching pavilion before turning to the door Harry had closed. He knocked softly and then went in, closing it again behind him.

Harry was on the bed, sitting crossed legged, gazing intently at a large grey egg in a nest of blankets. He looked up at Ron, acknowledging his entrance silently and then bent back to peer at the egg. Ron sat on the other end of the bed, looking at the egg curiously. Harry spoke quietly.

"It's the Black Phoenix."

Ron didn't have time to react in surprise before Harry added, "It's about to hatch."

The egg swayed slightly and Ron heard the tap-tapping from inside as a crack appeared. Harry looked up at him. "You should go get Shaiming and Severus. They've been worried that the reason the egg came to me is because I'm trying to turn dark."

If his green eyes had not been so serious when he said it, Ron would have thought Harry must have been joking. But he could see that his friend was very serious. He stood up and said, "You're not dark, Harry. You're one of the best people I know. There's no way you would ever turn, no matter what's been done to you. It's not in you to be evil."

Harry looked up at him intently for a few moments before whispering, "Thanks for that."

Ron gave him an encouraging grin and then sprinted out the door in search of the other men. He found them in an intense discussion and interrupted. "The egg is hatching."

Severus and Shaiming stood up at once and Draco frowned. "What egg?"

"The Black Phoenix," all three men answered him simultaneously.

They headed back to Harry's room with Draco grumbling about being out of the loop. Ron hastily told him what little he knew as they followed the older men.

In the room, they halted when confronted with a gently smiling Harry cradling a very wet, ugly and softly squawking baby phoenix. They watched as Harry gently dried the tiny bird with the edge of the blanket. He murmured softly in return to it, seeming to know what noises were comforting.

Severus sat down beside Harry and Harry carefully extended his hands with the phoenix held still now. Severus slowly raised his wand and scanned the creature. After a few moments, he exhaled a long held breath and his features seemed to relax. Harry looked up and searched the chiseled features for a moment.

"Is it dark?" His rapt gaze told Severus that he would accept nothing but truth.

"I sense no darkness at this time."

"But-"

"But…we will be cautious."

"And you'll tell me if you or Shaiming sense anything bad?"

Severus cupped a hand around the ones holding the now grey fuzzy chick. "I will tell you at once."

Harry expelled a long shuddering sigh and nodded. He looked around the room at the four other men and then back at the baby phoenix. "Just in case… if something happens and things go wonky…I'm trusting all of you to do whatever it takes to stop it. Even if it means killing me—"

"Harry!" Ron shouted in alarm. "I could never kill you, mate!"

Harry caught Ron's upset eyes and said softly, "Then you'd just let the darkness take over? Let it consume me and in turn consume everything you hold dear? If you are my friend, Ron, you won't allow it. Know right here and now, it is not my desire to be the next Dark Lord. If something happens to change that, then it won't really be me that wants it. I don't know everything that happened before, except what I've pieced together from my time with Lucretia. But the guilt I feel for what I did then is almost unbearable… Don't let me become that monster everyone fears. Please swear you won't hesitate if you need to – to keep that from happening."

There was silence in the room, even the baby phoenix cocking its head to look up at Harry with its gold eyes.

Draco finally stepped forward. "I'll swear, Potter. I've had enough of dark lords and evil maniacal women to last me a lifetime. I won't have a problem separating you from your head if you start spouting another brand of insane rhetoric about taking over the known world."

Harry grinned in relief. "I think we may have gotten along pretty well in the past."

Ron snorted and Severus arched a disbelieving eyebrow. Draco merely shrugged and walked out of the room, followed closely by Ron.

Shaiming waited for Harry to look at him and then he solemnly bowed before drawing his wand in one hand, and a long curved sword in the other. Crossing them in front of his chest he bent to one knee.

"I, Xiao Shaiming, give my word that I will do my best to prevent another uprising of darkness, if it should come to pass that you are the instrument of its coming." He turned to Severus and finished, "I swear that as a brother Potions Master, that I will use all my skills and knowledge to aid my brother in a fight against that darkness."

He stood then and bowed again, before backing out of the room and leaving Harry and Severus alone. The baby phoenix resumed its crooning as Harry caressed its head. The silence stretched until Harry couldn't bear it any longer. He lifted troubled eyes to Severus and whispered,

"Please don't let me—"

Severus quieted him with a finger on his lips. "Sh-sh-sh. I swear to you… if you begin to show signs of darkness, I will do everything I can to turn you back. But you are the light, Harry. You are strong, powerful, a force to be reckoned with. We will make sure that the light is the thing you concentrate on. We will make sure."

Harry leaned against his shoulder and Severus put an arm around him. In his hands, the phoenix settled down and tucked its head under a wing with a sigh.

_**A/N:**__ I apologize for the extremely long time since the last update. I will not belabor the why's and how's of real life issues, but I can continue to promise that I will never abandon a fic. This one will be finished! I don't know when, and I don't know when the next update will be. I am planning for it to be sooner rather than later, but the best laid plans seem to go awry…_

_Anyhow, This chapter has not been beta'd, so I hope that I caught all the glaring mistakes. I will fix the others when I can. I hope that my lovely beta logicalquirk will still be willing to polish my writing after this long absence. I really, really wanted to give you all a New Years gift and take the opportunity to wish you all the best of everything in the coming year! _

_Love to you all! _

_Annie _


	37. Chapter 37

**Black Phoenix**

Chapter 37

Over the next week, the tiny phoenix swiftly turned from a grey awkward chick to a sleek feathered and graceful black bird that was very near to Fawkes' size when that phoenix was fully grown. Before, when Severus and Shaiming had been pursuing it, the bird had appeared bedraggled and vulture-like. Now, it was as regal and graceful as the fiery phoenix counterpart. Shaiming postulated that it was now with its chosen wizard, Harry, and would now follow the pattern that Fawkes followed with Dumbledore; maturing for a brief life span before burning and being reborn from ashes. It would remain to be seen if this was in fact true, as they watched and waited on a daily basis, observing the interaction between Harry and the phoenix he had named Caruso.

At first, Harry had been hesitant with the phoenix, and then it was clear that a strong connection existed between the wizard and the rare familiar. Caruso followed Harry, soaring above their heads as he and Severus roamed the compound each day. The apprentices were finally able to keep their attention on their lessons after the first few times the enormous wing span cast shadows over their groups under the trees as he flew overhead.

Severus watched Harry, knowing that Ron, Draco and Shaiming were also watching, waiting with barely held breath to see how the relationship developed between the man and bird. It didn't help that Harry knew they were watching. He was watching too, watching himself and wondering each morning if this was the morning he would turn dark. He wished he knew his past, wished he knew what had been in his heart before, so that he would have a clue as to how he was supposed to handle this. They had told him he was powerful, that he had destroyed the last dark lord. He remembered with painful clarity destroying Lucretia.

He forced himself to examine those moments closely. Had he destroyed her in order to take over her role as master? Had he destroyed her in order to seize the opportunity at hand?

He was sitting beside the stream, Caruso on a branch in the tree he leaned against, when Severus walked up. The phoenix cocked an eye in his direction, a shiver running through his iridescent feathers. Severus hesitated at the intense glare the phoenix was casting, before he turned his attention back to Harry and noted that he had not heard him approach. His face was filled with the thoughts that raced through his mind. It was almost possible to follow the anxiety and question there, even without Legilimense. In the sunlight, Severus was startled to see that even more silver threads had appeared in Harry's black hair. He had surpassed the amount Severus had on his own head. Unconsciously, he rubbed a hand over his own chest at the pang that realization caused.

Harry seemed to catch the motion out of the corner of his eye and he looked up. For a moment, their eyes met and Severus saw the pain in the green eyes. He sat down beside Harry, silently lending his presence as support to whatever the young man was attempting to work through. He knew they had made an error in how they had tried to help with his memory recovery when Harry said quietly,

"There's so much you're not telling me. No one is telling me anything _real_ and I can't fill in the blanks without some kind of—of – " He sighed deeply and threw himself back in the grass to stare up through the tree branches. "Without even knowing anything it feels like I've been lied to all my life about one thing or another. It must have been pretty bad if not one of you will break the silence."

Caruso flew down and cuddled into Harry's side, leaning his head on Harry's chest. Harry stroked his hand over the raven head, letting the phoenix calm his turmoil so he could collect his thoughts.

"I wish I understood about our relationship." He looked at Severus sharply. "When I was under Lucretia's control and she was ordering me to do those awful things, it was your voice that stopped me. There was nothing else that would have made me even consider that what I was doing was wrong. I can't even remember the words you were saying, but it was your intent that I felt. It seemed like if I didn't stop… you would be so disappointed and I couldn't face that for some reason."

Severus remained silent, but he reached out his hand to brush the hair from Harry's face, cupping his jaw. Harry covered the hand with his own and closed his eyes.

"I just wish I had the memories back so I could make sense of everything. I wish it, no matter how bad it may have been… at least I'd understand why it seems like I couldn't possibly have had a wife and forgotten her so completely. I'd understand maybe why I can't stand to be apart from you, even for a little while. I'd know why you all looked so disbelieving when I thought that Draco and I used to get along well. I'd be in on the joke, instead of being the joke."

That got Severus moving and he laid back on the grass, pulling Harry to lay against his chest, dislodging Caruso, who flew back into the tree with an irritated squawk. Harry pushed against him for a brief moment and then gave in to the emotion that had been building in him over the last weeks. Severus held him firmly until he became limp against him.

Then he whispered, "You are never a joke to us, Harry. Never that. Perhaps we have made a mistake in not helping you fill in the blanks. But you know we have not done so out of malice. Rather, we felt that you would feel manipulated if we fed you our own versions of the memories. We had hoped that your own would be restored and then we could help you deal with those. Now that the spindles have been destroyed, we are uncertain of the best way to proceed."

He raised up to look at Severus. "Would your versions be so much different from mine? Wouldn't they be better than nothing at all?" Severus put a hand on his jaw, caressing the frown line of his brow with a thumb.

"They would be from our points of view. The things that were most important to us were not the most important to you. The way we reacted, the things we said and did as a result, those things are ours, not yours."

Harry laid his head against the other mans chest, listening to his heart beat in a steady rhythm beneath his ear. "Then how will I ever know what this is? What is this that I feel for you and should I feel guilty for not feeling the same way about a woman I don't remember…"

Severus sat back up, pulling Harry up with him. Taking his hands tightly, he looked into Harry's eyes. "I will tell you this, for it is not a lie, and there is no way to manipulate you with it if you truly feel for me what I believe you do… there _was_ no wife for you. Lucretia made that up to suit her whims. She told you that your mate had been killed by those she wanted to turn you against. _Your_ mate still lives."

Harry gasped as the meaning of Severus's words took hold and he stared at him for a long moment. "I don't understand how she could make me forget you so completely."

"But she didn't." Severus shook his head. "How else could it explain how you responded to my voice? How else could it explain how you feel drawn to me? Because I know you feel that."

Harry nodded. "I've been fighting it because I thought it was wrong. If you had told me—"

"You would have thought that I was trying to use your memory loss to get you to trust me. You had to learn that you could trust me on your own." Severus caressed his cheek again. "You do trust me now, don't you?"

Harry nodded. "I trust that you are telling me the truth and that the attraction I feel for you is alright."

Severus hesitantly leaned towards him then, cautious in case Harry wasn't ready, and then their lips met in a kiss that shut everything around them out.

Severus was not at all ready for it to end, but he realized that it had to. Now that Harry was aware of their bond and he accepted it, the rest could develop slowly. He reluctantly pulled back from their intense kiss, pulling Harry into a close embrace. Harry wrapped his own arms tightly around Severus's waist and tucked his head into the hollow of his shoulder.

"It feels like coming home. I still want my memories back, but if I can only have this, it will be enough."

Severus stood up then and pulled Harry to his feet. They walked back towards their rooms, Caruso flying over their heads, circling when they were slow in making their way. Harry looked up at Severus and then came to a stop, pulling on his hands. Severus looked puzzled until he saw that Harry was examining the plain gold band that was on his left hand. Harry looked at his own hand and rubbed at his left ring finger.

"Did I have a ring too? Did she take it away?"

"I'll replace it. We'll choose it together," Severus assured him.

Harry nodded and laced his fingers with Severus's. The other men were in the shade of Shaiming's pavilion and they all had various reactions to the joined hands when Harry and Severus approached.

Shaiming nodded happily, while Ron muttered unclear curses while shaking his head and Draco smirked behind his hand.

"So, I see you've reached at least one goal," Draco said cheerily. "What are we going to do about the rest of Potter's memories?"

Shaiming stepped forward and held up a hand to point at the circling Caruso. "I have been having thoughts that he is the key. Have any of you considered that the tears, willingly given to his master, might heal the memories?"

Harry stood up straighter and Severus gently pulled him back to rest against his hip. "I have also been thinking about this. We've been waiting for Caruso to mature, to observe what his normal cycle will be. If it follows Fawkes, then I think we should make plans to attempt a cure."

Harry looked up at him in consternation. "You never told me this, either."

"It is all speculation. I have been reluctant to raise your hopes in this. It could very well be a waste of time." He squeezed the fingers in his reassuringly.

"Or it could cause more damage. Have you forgotten Olivander?" Ron asked. " He'll be in St. Mungo's forever after Voldemort used the Black Phoenix against him. Harry and Draco are lucky to have escaped that fate."

Harry pulled away from Severus and asked, "What happened to this other man you're talking about?"

Severus answered, knowing that they could no longer protect Harry from all of what he couldn't remember. "He is a wandmaker. Voldemort used him to fashion the wand that he used in the final battle. That wand is what caused the damage done to you, to Draco. Apparently, Ollivander was the first victim of the wand. He is in a mental ward, unable to function enough to be on his own any longer."

"How did he make this wand? Why was it so special?"

They all stared at him before Severus finally gazed up at the still circling Caruso. "Voldemort obtained a tail feather from the black phoenix to use as the wand core. It was very powerful and he expected to be able to defeat you with it. Your wand, and his original wand, held the tail feathers of Fawkes. They were brother wands and could not be used against one another in a duel. The old fables and stories say that the black phoenix was a dark creature and Voldemort wanted that power—the advantage of the phoenix magic, but one that could be used against you."

Ron added, "The only way to reverse the damage done by his wand was with black phoenix tears. Severus searched for that thing," he pointed up at Caruso, "until he was able to get enough tears to give you your sight back. You gave some to Draco so he could walk again."

Harry turned away from them all as he thought about what was being said. "Why didn't you use some for this man Olivander?"

Severus sighed, holding out his hand to Harry. "Honestly? I searched for the tears only for you. I never thought of Draco or Olivander while I was looking, and I never considered using the tears for either of them." He met Harry's eyes and then let his hand drop to his side. "That makes me an unfeeling bastard, I know, but I could only think of _you_ while I searched, Harry."

Harry nodded and gave him a small smile to show he understood. "But if we have Caruso now, we can have more tears for Olivander, right?"

Shaiming moved closer and spoke, "My understanding is that Olivander's injuries were mental. There is not a physical location upon which to place the tears."

Ron asked, "Can't you just put them on his head or something?"

Draco snorted and Ron glared at him.

Severus and Shaiming were looking at each other and at the same time they both said, "In a potion!"

They immediately went to the table under the pavilion and each were grabbing quills up and scribbling madly on parchment. Draco joined them and leaned over, pointing out his own additions that they dashed into the margins.

Harry and Ron looked at each other and Ron shrugged. "Not my forte. How about we find some brooms and I remind you how much you used to love flying."

Harry gave a longing glance at Severus and saw that his attention was firmly on the development of a curative potion. He looked back at Ron and nodded.

It was awhile later that the three men stood up straight from the table and stretched, looking around. Severus gave a chagrined grimace and Draco said, "Harry would have to get used to learning about your obsession with potions sometime. Better now than later."

Severus gave him an irritated twitch of the lips as he scanned their surroundings. Laughter from above brought all their eyes to the skies and they saw Harry, Ron and Caruso soaring together. It was awhile before the three of them settled back to earth, Harry flushed and grinning at the feelings that flying had awakened.

"You were right, Ron! That was brilliant!"

Ron grinned back, ecstatic over Harry realizing how much he loved flying. They looked up as the others joined them, Draco remarking, "Of course, I was the better Seeker, Potter. 

Ron smirked, "You wish, you ferret."

The bantering was lighthearted and they all felt the mood shifting from what had been oppressive. Mealtimes were a more vocal event, now that Harry had realized his true relationship with Severus. The two of them sat side-by-side, legs touching under the table, Harry with shy smiles and Severus with eyebrows raised in question when he caught the younger man looking at him.

During the next week, Harry continued joining the classes he had developed a liking for as Severus and Shaiming worked over the plans for the phoenix tears potion. Ron and Draco flew with Harry when he wanted to be up in the air with Caruso.

It was during a silent moment at dinner time that Harry asked, "Why are we still here in China? Aren't there people who are missing all of you back home?" He looked around curiously at Draco and Ron.

The blond and the redhead both gave similar looks of disgust as they laid their utensils down on the table. It seemed as if a silent conference took place amongst all the glances around the table before Severus took a deep breath.

"When you were taken by Lucretia, the Ministry of Magic would only allow us to try and find you if we had tracking charms placed on us. _They_ were afraid there would be a possibility of you becoming the next dark lord. They wanted to be able to follow us to you."

Harry looked around at all of them for a few moments. "But none of you think that…"

"No. We don't," Severus hastened to reassure him. "But they still do. Here, we are far enough away that they are not pursuing it. If we go back, they would follow us here. Draco and Ron went as far as France to try and retrieve the spindles. Even that short a journey triggered the tracking charms. They could feel them activate before they hurried back here."

"Can they be removed?" Harry asked quietly. Knowing they were here because they had to be made something tighten inside him.

"The charms were permanent," Ron admitted. "They said they would remain active even if we were to be killed."

"But your families… do you have families? Back in England?"

From the silence around the table, Harry knew that they did. These men were here because they didn't want to endanger their own families. If they went back, the people who had placed the charms would know and would use whatever means they had to get them to divulge Harry's location.

A rage he was unfamiliar with began to rise within him and he felt a tremor start in his body and move into his arms and legs and then his hands and feet. Severus had moved to put a hand on his shoulder and then bent towards him in concern. The sudden rush of wind had papers blowing across the pavilion and hands were raised to shield eyes from the force of it. Harry stood up, his eyes closed, and he reached to grip Severus's arm with both hands.

Severus jerked back as shock after shock entered his arm through Harry's hands. The men reached out to him and they too were suddenly hit by a stream of magic that flowed from Harry to Severus and out the ends of Severus's fingers to them. For an endless moment they stood connected by the streams, unable to move.

Then the wind died back suddenly and they all dropped bonelessly to the ground. Harry slowly turned his head to survey them. The anger was gone. Holding out a now steady hand, he searched over the group, instinctively feeling with his magic.

The men stirred and began to sit up, Draco moving the fastest, drawing his wand and training it on Harry. Silver grey eyes narrowed as they met green and he snarled, "What did you do, Potter?"

Harry shook his head and whispered, "The charms are gone now. They can't track you anymore."

Shaiming drew his own wand and scanned the men carefully before nodding at Severus. "He's correct. The tracking charms have been obliterated from your systems."

Ron frowned, "But they said they couldn't be removed, not even if we died."

Harry whispered again, not looking at any of them, his gaze on the ground. "I just want you all to be free… free to do what you want."

He stumbled as he turned to look at Severus. There was fear in his eyes and he reached out to touch the older man. "I'm sorry. I was just so angry that you are all stuck here, away from family, and I just wanted you to be free…"

Severus caught him as he slumped, glaring at Draco's wand tip that was still trained on Harry's chest. Draco lowered the wand as Severus slung one of Harry's arms over his shoulders and his arm around Harry's waist. "I've got you. You need to rest now."

They were all silent until Severus returned from presumably tucking Harry into his bed. Draco waited until Severus had settled into a chair before speaking.

"I have to say this because we're all thinking it. He's powerful enough to cancel charms that the Unspeakables said could not be undone even in death. If they find this out, and I don't see how it can be avoided, they will not stop until he's neutralized."

Ron stormed to his feet. "You say that so easily, Malfoy. Maybe you'll be the one to tell them-"

Shaiming interrupted his rant. "No one will have to tell them. If whatever tenuous connection they had has been severed, they will go to Albus. He has a tracking charm, too, remember. They will want to see that he is still at Hogwarts."

Severus leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees, running his hands through his hair before dropping his head into them. "Surely… surely he isn't powerful enough to have disabled Albus's charm from this distance…" He felt the reality that his mate was in danger rising with each passing moment, and he felt helpless to stop it.

At that moment, a blinding flash of light heralded the fluttering of a bright orange phoenix feather onto the table. Severus knew from his years as an Order member that it was a signal to be on the alert.

He stood, drawing his wand and headed back to Harry as he growled, "They're coming."

_**A/N**__: One more chapter to go!_


	38. Chapter 38

**Black Phoenix**

38 Chapter

Severus kept his wand in his hand as he hurried into Harry's room. He went to the bed and sat down.

"Harry! Wake up!" He shook the young man's shoulder urgently.

Harry jerked awake, sitting up quickly before reeling with dizziness. "Severus?"

He noted the wand in Severus's hand and he looked up into the grim face. "What is it?"

"People are coming. People who believe that you are _too_ strong." Severus gave him a moment to process that before adding, "I hope that you are strong enough to bury the magic deep inside. If they can't sense it, or scan it, they may leave you alone." He had no idea where that thought had come from, only that it had suddenly came into his mind that if Harry was powerful enough to do the things he had done, he could surely do this.

Harry shook his head. "I didn't even know I could do stuff like taking those charms away. I was just upset that they were on you all. I don't know how I did it!" The green eyes were wild with alarm and he clutched at Severus' sleeve.

Severus turned to sit directly in front of him, gripping his shoulders firmly. "Calm yourself." He shook his head when Harry would speak again and gently squeezed the shoulders in his hands. "Sh-sh-sh. Just calm yourself. You can do this."

Working on instinct alone, Severus pulled Harry to him and held his head against his chest. "Listen to my heartbeat and focus on it." He forced himself to a calm he did not feel so he could pass it on to Harry. Harry's arms had gone around his waist, now gripping the back of his shirt tightly.

Harry focused on the heart beat under his ear, closing his eyes. He slowed his breathing, making himself take slow measured inhalations. He knew that Severus was extremely anxious about this, in spite of how he outwardly tried to present a calm façade. He had just recently learned that this was his life mate, his bonded. They had not gone beyond the simple act of just being with one another, sharing brief kisses, learning all over what it meant to have a close connection.

Harry could sense how Severus was forcing himself to show a quiet calm while underneath he was readying himself to fight for Harry. This gave Harry an added incentive to do what Severus had bid. He couldn't let his mate down. He couldn't let these friends down. They had stood beside him all this time, had followed him to Lucretia's chateau, had sworn to keep him from turning dark. He had to do the rest. He had to find the inner strength to do what Severus said… hide the magic from those who were coming. If these people were determined to destroy him, what would stop them from destroying his friends? Maybe they would think they had to die as well, for being witness to it…

He sat up and away from Severus, reluctantly leaving the warmth of the embrace. He looked into the dark eyes of his mate and said quietly, "Go back outside. I'll be ready."

Severus caressed his cheek, smoothing his thumb across it again as he leaned in and claimed a fierce kiss. "Whatever happens… I will be right here beside you…"

"I know." He grabbed Severus's hand as it left his cheek and squeezed. "After this is over… can we go home?"

Severus kissed him again and then stood up. "We will go wherever you want, love." Another hard hug and he was back out the door to stand with the others in wait.

The tension was palpable as the wait grew from minutes into hours. Severus would have been in a high rage at Albus for the long interval, except that it meant more time for Harry to prepare himself. Several times he had to stop himself from going back inside. He could sense the tension in Harry through their bond as he struggled to find a way to do what he needed to do.

When the link of the bond was suddenly gone, he paled and ran to the room. Harry sat on the edge of the bed. He was pale and sweating. At the window, Caruso was taking flight. Severus was astonished to see Fawkes exit right behind him. They had not known that Fawkes had even come. When Severus entered the room, Harry stood up. Green eyes were dulled by stress as he gazed up at Severus. He held out a shaking hand and Severus grasped it firmly.

They walked outside to the sound of multiple apparations. Albus stood in the center front of a group of veiled Unspeakables. They held their wands on him, and most of them moved their wands to train them on Harry as soon as they saw him approaching.

No one spoke for a long time. Overhead, Caruso and Fawkes let out loud trills before soaring away over the hills.

The lead Unspeakable finally stepped forward. By the voice, all the men except Harry and Shaiming knew this was the woman that they had dealt with before.

"Harry Potter. We are here to give final determination of your status."

Harry let go of Severus's hand and stepped forward one step. "Is that your way of saying you're here to execute me?"

The Unspeakable started to step back and then stood firm. "Execution is a term used for prisoners."

"I am a prisoner. I have been since… I'm not sure really… only it seems that I've always been constrained by others. My memories were stolen, but these few friends have told me some of my life's events."

"But you do know that you were the one to destroy Voldemort?"

Harry nodded. "Yes. They explained that to me. I don't fully understand it, but I believe it."

"And you know that you were the one to destroy Lucretia Dupree," she added.

A pained expression crossed Harry's face and he nodded. "She pretended to be my mother. She wanted me to be her weapon."

The head under the veil cocked to the side. "You _are_ a weapon of destruction Harry Potter. Perhaps not by your own choosing, but you are extremely powerful. The spells you have been taught are the darkest of dark."

Harry lowered his gaze and they saw a shiver go through him before he straightened again. "I don't feel dark. I don't think I'm evil like Voldemort or Lucretia."

"But the potential is undeniable. The possibility that you have been twisted into the next Dark Lord is too great for us to allow you to be free."

"Then you plan to imprison me? Or will you kill me?" he asked, a tremor in the quiet voice. Severus took a step towards him and stopped at the advance of the other Unspeakables.

The woman was silent for a moment before answering. "We need to examine you. We must determine the extent of the threat before the final determination can be made."

"Alright." Harry moved up two steps and Severus had to force himself not to follow and stand right beside him.

The woman still had her head cocked, as if observing Harry curiously, wondering at his compliance.

"Where is your wand?" she asked first of all.

"I don't know. The last I heard, it may have been burned in the chateau when you destroyed it. I don't have one now."

"How are you doing magic?"

Harry shrugged with a small frown. "I haven't had to do any here. I haven't needed a wand. Everything is provided."

"Are you saying that you haven't performed any spells at all?" Her voice was incredulous.

"I told you, I haven't had to…I haven't even thought about it. My friends are taking care of me. I go to some of the classes here and they don't seem to do much spellwork."

She turned and faced Shaiming. "Is this true? Your classes don't do spellwork?"

He bowed to her and spoke softly, "Our ways are different from your western ways. We focus on the inner magic of a person, not so much what they do outwardly."

"Have you observed Mr. Potter's 'inner magic'?"

"Harry is still healing from all he has endured. But it is the opinion of our healers and myself that his core has been irreparably changed by his experiences."

Harry and Severus both gave inward starts at that. Would Shaiming support Harry or somehow give him away? Or was he deliberately steering the Unspeakable towards different view of the situation?

"Explain, please," the Unspeakable ordered.

"I do not know Harry from before, but everyone has heard his story. He faced the Dark Lord many times and received many injuries, the last of which was almost fatal. This alone should have been enough to crack his magical core in two. Then he was faced with a madwoman who wanted to mold him into her own weapon of destruction. She brainwashed him, removed most of his memories, trained him in dark magic."

Severus had to step forward then, had to interrupt Shaiming before he caused them to kill Harry where he stood. The other Unspeakables had him surrounded immediately and he found himself silenced and frozen in place.

Shaiming looked at him sadly. "Forgive me my friend, but you must face those facts. Your mate was hurt by that evil woman, altered by her in ways that will impact you both." He turned back to the woman and finished. "They do not want to face that Harry's magic is so weak that he will likely never be more than low level wizard."

The woman beneath the veil drew herself up and argued sharply, "That is impossible. We felt the pull of his magic all the way to England when he removed the tracking spells."

Shaiming raised his eyebrows and held out his hands. "Something _did_ happen here several hours ago. These men," he indicated Severus, Ron, and Draco, "Were incapacitated for a time by some surge through their bodies. They recovered quickly, though." He looked at the Unspeakable curiously. "You say that the tracking charms you placed on them were removed? It was my understanding that they were permanent."

"That is precisely why we are here. Mr. Potter removed them and no one should have been able to do that."

Shaiming smiled benignly. "I'm afraid your assumptions must be mistaken. Our Harry could no more have removed those charms than he could summon a stone to his hand. It is an impossibility."

The Unspeakable turned back to Harry. "We will judge that for ourselves."

Harry raised his arms out straight to his sides, his face openly inviting her examination. Severus felt his gut clench. Foolish boy! What if veritaserum is part if the examination?

The Unspeakable began a slow methodical sweep of her wand, first over Harry's hands, moving to his arms, and then over the rest of his body. She spent long moments over his torso. A carefully cast spell caused a mirror image of Harry to appear, a shadowy form next to him. On the form there were lines of silver and gold, like veins and arteries, running throughout his body. At the center there was a dully glowing red orb, pulsing in time to Harry's heart. His magical core.

Severus had heard of this ability to see within a wizard, but he had thought it was reserved for the healers at St. Mungo's for use with the seriously injured. He could not help but wonder how the Unspeakable was interpreting it. Were the lines too defined? Was the pulsing orb the wrong color, too bright, too large? What did it mean? Harry simply stood there, quiet and still, his head bowed to his chest, arms outstretched in submission.

After what seemed an eternity, the Unspeakable waved away the image. Her veiled face came close to Harry's and they could see that she was peering intently into his eyes.

At last she turned back to face the rest of them. A subtle motion had Severus released from being frozen in place and he strode to Harry, pulling him into an embrace as he scowled at the Unspeakable. Harry leaned into him, a sheen of perspiration glazing his face.

The Unspeakable moved into a circle of the others with her and they conversed behind a silencing field.

Severus made eye-contact with Shaiming, Draco, Ron, and Albus. In his arms, Harry shivered and grew still, as if he was trying not to shake.

When the Unspeakables turned to face them all, Severus tightened his hold on Harry and felt the younger man twist his fingers into the fabric of his shirt.

"Our examination of Harry Potter is inconclusive at this time. His core is drained to a very weakened state, showing signs of fracture, but we are not reassured that it will not return in greater strength and force. Therefore, we will demand that Harry Potter submit to regular examinations until we are assured that he is not a threat. In the event that he regains his strength, the exams will increase in frequency until we are assured that he will not grow beyond what we deem safe.

In the matter of the tracking charms being inactivated, we cannot determine the cause. It is unlikely that they would spontaneously fail, but we cannot detect any magic that would account for them being inactivated by Harry Potter. Therefore, at this time, we will allow him to have the freedom of traveling into and out of Great Britain. His status as a war hero and the destroyer of the Dark Lord Voldemort and Lucretia Dupree will be rewarded appropriately by the Ministry of Magic.

Likewise, you are all free to travel to and from Great Britain, without reservation."

Draco and Ron were heard muttering about their 'generosity' and Severus snarled at the wording of the Unspeakable's declaration.

The Unspeakable cast a long glance back at Harry as he stood wavering beside Severus. In a softer voice, she said, "I do hope that Merlin will grace you with peace. It has not been a pleasure to hold you in such disregard. We are charged with the welfare of our world, and we take that very seriously."

They moved into a tight ring as she held out a sphere portkey. "Goodbye Harry Potter… for now." They blinked away silently.

Severus gripped Harry tighter as he began to fall, bearing him gently to the ground where he held him up against his chest.

Overhead, Caruso gave a loud trill that brought Harry's head up and he weakly held up his hand. The black phoenix landed lightly at Harry's side and placed his head against Harry's hand.

Another loud trill from overhead and they all looked up again to see Fawkes, in all his brilliant plumage, soaring. He circled once and then landed on the other side of Harry, facing Caruso. The two birds eyed each other with cocked heads and there was a softly trilled 'conversation' between them.

In amazement, the men gathered around as the two birds bent their heads over Harry's face. Tears, large and iridescent, gathered on the ends of their beaks and then dropped into Harry's open mouth. Harry swallowed and opened for more, and again a half dozen times, until the two phoenixes's stepped back and took off for the air again.

The men on the ground watched as the birds circled each other, flew in tandem side-by-side and even intertwined their legs and wings in a spectacular dive before flying off over the hills, wing-tips touching.

When their attention came back to Harry, Severus was alarmed that his eyes were rolled back in his head and a series of convulsions had begun to wrack his body. He gathered him up tightly and rocked him gently, hoping that the phoenix familiars had known what they were doing. His eyes met Albus's and he saw the same uncertainty there.

The convulsions grew stronger until Severus was forced to lay Harry down on his side and hold him against the ground to protect him. He felt a surge of magic in the body he held tightly and it flashed over into him like the shock of stunning spell. The surge rolled into him again and again until his own body was numb with it. With his head against Harry's, he could hear the rambled murmurings from Harry's lips and he recognized some of the words as they related to memories Harry had been stripped of. He realized that the combined phoenix tears were working to restore Harry's memories as well as his magical core.

When he glanced up at the other men he noted that they had moved back while still remaining fixed on them. Another surge of magic and he saw that it moved not only across him but outward to the surrounding area as well. The grass and the trees literally shook with it and the men had to stretch out their arms to keep their balance on the shifting earth. Beyond them he heard the calls of the apprentices and a few of them ran into his field of vision to see what was at the center of the disturbance.

Albus called out, "Severus, his magic is getting stronger! The wash is getting more intense! Take his hands and hold them into the ground!"

Severus struggled to get his own body positioned so that he was over Harry and could grasp both his hands in his own. With his fingers laced into Harry's, he grabbed hold of the grass beneath them. On the next shuddering convulsion, Harry's fingers closed in a vise-like grip on both Severus and the earth beneath the grass.

The shuddering of the ground had been nothing compared to the next shockwaves to hit. A fissure appeared in the ground and over at the stream water leaped into the air as if it was stirred with the force of magic roaring all around.

The quiet when all movement ceased was eerie in its completeness. It took Severus several moments to realize that Harry had grown still beneath him and he quickly sat up, turning him over. Green eyes opened and peered up at him intently.

Harry placed a hand up to his cheek. "Severus?"

Severus returned the action. "My Harry…" and then he was silenced as Harry pulled him down into a kiss. He kissed Severus like a drowning man needing air and Severus returned it with equal enthusiasm.

The clearing of several throats broke them apart and while Severus snarled at the interruption, Harry smiled shyly. Hands reached down to help them both stand. Harry looked at Ron and immediately pulled him into a fierce hug. Draco was astounded to be treated the same way, as Harry worked his way around the circle of men. He looked at them all, eyes clear and bright.

"Thank you all… you've stood by me, even when it was so dangerous to do so. I understand now what was at stake. Hermione…Ginny… you left them there so you could be here, so you wouldn't endanger them."

"We would've figured out something, mate," Ron said quickly. "We wanted you to be safe as well, not just our families."

"Ron, I know what the Unspeakables would've done. They had watch on everyone close back home, so they would know it if one of you showed up. They would've used them as leverage if the opportunity looked good."

Albus asked, "How do you know that?"

"I saw it in her mind while she was scanning me."

Severus looked startled. "You would've been caught using legilimency—"

"No. Caruso and Fawkes helped me shield it from them. They took the bulk of my magic while I was still back in our room. I admit, I wasn't sure what they were doing, only that I trusted them both when I asked them what I was going to do. They had both come in through the window and were on either side of me. I don't remember what they did exactly… only that the magic felt drained by the time I walked out here."

"That's one memory loss that seems worthwhile," Draco commented. "What about the rest of your memories? You seem more aware of who we all are."

"I think I remember everything. At least it seems I do." He turned troubled eyes at Severus and the older man couldn't help pulling him into another embrace. He did not think he would ever be able to get enough of Harry in his arms to make up for the time they had been apart.

"Right now you need rest. Let's go back inside where Shaiming and I can do our own examination and determine the state of your core."

He started to lead harry away when Ron and Draco stepped forward, stopping them. Ron looked at Draco briefly before saying apologetically, "We think we'll head back home, if it's alright with you, mate. I miss 'Mione and the babes…"

"A certain redhead may think I've forgotten about her," Draco added. "I need to correct her misunderstanding."

Harry looked at them both and smiled tiredly. "Yeah, you should probably do that. I think you'll be safe enough from the Unspeakables."

He leaned on Severus as they continued back into the house. Albus stayed outside long enough to conjure a portkey for the two of them. Then he, too, went inside.

The three older wizards performed their scans silently over Harry after he laid down on the bed. He was asleep before they were finished, turning onto his side and tucking his folded hands under his cheek. Albus and Shaiming retreated back outside and left Severus sitting on the bed.

Once the others were gone, Severus lay down behind Harry and gently tugged him back into an embrace against his chest. Harry murmured in his sleep and put his own arms over the arms that surrounded him.

Severus was soon asleep with his face pressed into the back of Harry's head, a sigh of relief on his lips.

Albus and Shaiming sat in the gathering dusk in silence, each lost in the thoughts about what they had discovered on the scans and what it would mean for the future of the couple inside.

"It will not be easy for them."

"No. But it has never been easy for either one of them. They will find a way."

"Will they remain safe?"

"I have every confidence that Harry will see to it that they do. And Severus is not likely to let his guard down where Harry's safety is concerned."

After another long silence, Shaiming asked the most important question of all… "What if he loses control of it?"

_**Finis**_

_**A/N:**__ That's it for now. I apologize for the long time before the actual completion of this fic. I had several scenarios running through my mind for the ending and this is the one I chose, partly because it seemed best to end it here, and partly because it has dragged out for so long. I do have another brief follow-up that I may post later on. If I had added it here it would have been totally out of place and an obvious add on. By posting it separately, it will be better, I believe._

_In addition, I apologize for the last two chapters not being beta'd. Because I had been out of touch with logicalquirk, I was embarrassed to ask for her help for this last part. I take full responsibility for any goofs and HP canon misspellings that are not caught by spellcheck!_

_As always, all this has been for fun and never for profit. All original characters are the property of the ever amazing JK Rowling and companies._


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